Wedding Forum - Mother in Law dilemma...

I have not seen or spoken to my MIL to be now for several weeks following an incident when my OH and I stayed with her and his Nan at a caravan for the weekend. My own Mum had suggested a few times that I invite MIL to my dress shopping appts as it would be a nice thing to do espec as she only has 2 sons. When I asked her early on the first day of the weekend if she would like to come to an appt I had the following weekend she didn't react at all. I thought she would be excited to come. She actually changed the subject to avoid answering and I had to ask her 10mins later if she would in fact be coming at which point she said "I'll be babysitting, I will come to the next appt." (OH brother has a young daughter.) Felt like she stalled to come up with an excuse. Her reaction left me deflated and wishing I hadn't asked.
Later that evening completely out of nowhere she says "Will we be meeting all your family at the wedding?" I laughed as it was a daft question. When I said well yes ofcourse she said "Are they all like you?" Confused I was asked what she meant to which she replied "Posh!" Myself and OH laughed though I was a bit miffed. She has met my Mum and Dad on a couple of occasions and although brief I couldn't see why she had come to that conclusion. For the record my family and me are not posh. I swear like a sailor and we are just normal working class people. She then went on to mention several times that a long time previously my OH Grandad had encountered my Mum in the village where they both live. I wasn't sure what exactly she was getting at then she basically said my Mum 'ignored' him and his take on that was to say "She thinks her sh*t don't stink." MIL and Nan both laughed at this when telling me like I am going to find it funny?! Firstly I asked my Mum had she seen him that day to which she said she hadn't and there was no way she would blank him when I am marrying his Grandson and secondly he clearly made no effort to say hello to her either. He's a rude man anyway and he barely acknowledges me when we are in the same room.
Basically I was furious that she felt the need to tell me this had been said about my own Mother. My Mum has been nothing but generous about her by encouraging me to get her more involved. Even suggesting both families get together before the wedding so everyone has a chance to get to know each other. All they have done it seems is make rude remarks and conclude that we are stuck up when they barely know my family.
We left early the next morning with me barely speaking to her. She knew I was p*ssed off but she hasn't made any attempt to apologise. I am very protective of my Mum and anyone who says bad things about her is on shaky ground with me. Am I over reacting? I really don't want this to cause a rift but I do feel like I need to say something just so she knows she crossed the line. What would you do?

You're definitely not over-reacting, I would be miffed too. As far as I can see you have two choices. One is to confront the issue, maybe meet your MIL for a drink, potentially with your OH and/or your mum, and talk the issue out, explaining how hurtful their comments were. Otherwise you let it go, remembering as Stephanie says that it's only your OH that you're marrying, not his whole family, and as long as the two families are civil to each other it doesn't matter what his family think of you. They may well come to see the truth for themselves anyway.

Thank you for all your advice and support. Would you believe that yesterday MIL and Nan turned up unannounced on our doorstep? They popped round just to say hello after taking OH neice to the park because they "hadn't seen us for ages." In a way it was a good thing because the longer it went not seeing her the more awkward it was going to be. Obviously the topic of the wedding came up and she mentioned she had found her dress. Apparently it's white! Now I didn't react to this at all because personally I don't care what she wears. It was OH Nan that jumped in and said you can't wear white. I did say that I wouldn't want her standing next to me in photos because her white dress will make my ivory gown look dirty and Nan backed me up on that point. Honestly I can't work out whether she is plain ignorant or purposely trying to get a rise out of me. Maybe she thought announcing she was wearing white would send me into a flat spin. I really hope it's just thoughtlessness on her part but either way it seems like I might have more issues with her before the big day. I just hope none of them are major.

Well done Nan!!!
Maybe you should get OH involved, take her dress shopping or something??
Sounds like shes jealous to me, dont take her bait and stay cool xx

I was engaged before and had a future MIL and SIL that were exactly like that, but it never let up. Snide comments about me at every dinner - a long involved conversation in a restaurant about how I was the village bike (I was 19 and categorically NOT a bike) where it got so embarrassing future SIL's husband stepped in and told them to stop it... Which is why that did not continue. OH quite happily let the harpies rip me, and my family, to pieces.

The best thing you can do is hold your head high really (which will probably make her call you posh all the more, but f**k her, eh?) and just ignore what she's trying to do. I think she's probably looking to get some sort of outburst or reaction, which is usually (in my experience) to then turn round to her son and say "Look how awful she is!!" or some such rubbish.

Apparently my nan was also a bit like this to my mum, and my mum and dad have been married 30 years next year and she is very much OVER doing that so, it will stop eventually my mother says :) x