Wedding Forum - Guest list nightmare...

Hi all,

I really need an outside perspective on this situation as apposed to asking family members who are biased, so I really hope it's ok to post this here and that you do not mind me coming here for some advice!

I am getting married in August and currently writing my guest list. It is going to be a very small wedding with only 25-30 guests. OH has a small family so they add up to his allocated 15 people, I however, have a MASSIVE family. I have a brother and sister, both with partners. Mum has 9 brothers and sisters, all of which are married, all of which have children, some of which have children, my Dad has one sister and is married. So I have to try and decide which 6 Aunties and Uncles I would like to invite (Grandparents are coming no questions asked).

But this is where my dilemma comes in.. my best friend (the only true friend I ever had) passed away when she was only 20 and I was very close to her Grandparents and her Mum, I saw them and still see them as my own family. They have been there for me (sometimes more than my own family) and were so distraught (as you can imagine) when she was taken from them so young, and so suddenly. They said I was there rock (goodness knows how, I felt I was a mess but won't go into that!) and I just know that if I was to invite them, they'd be so over the moon and it would mean the world to them. She was an only child to her Mum and the apple of her Grandparents eye.

Would it be wrong to invite my best friends family over my own family? Wouldn't it be better not to invite any Aunties and Uncles to avoid upset, but would people be more upset inviting people not related to me?

My sister is getting married in April (next week!) and the whole family are going, so it makes me think they've got to go to that?

My best friends family is small, and have missed out on their Granddaughter/Daughters wedding, so surely I could be the next best thing?

This is really getting me down, and I just need advice!

Thanks in advance.

It's your wedding so you can invite whomever you wish. Are there any aunts or uncles that you hardly see? Or even though its a small wedding, could you accommodate for the extra three guests?m

I agree. Invite those you really want there. Whatever you choose to do, you can explain your decision and I am sure people will understand. If you want an honest opinion, from what you have written I would lean towards inviting your best friends family if you are closer them than your aunts or uncles. But ultimately you need to do what you want to do.

Could you invite the grandparents and not invite any aunts/uncles? Then you don't have to make a decision as to who to cut from the list and just explain to them that your numbers don't allow for you to accommodate some and not others. They're likely to understand that more. Just remember that you're never going to please everyone but the only person who matters is you - and H2B obviously!

Hope you get the list sorted.

It is really difficult but you need to invite the people who mean the most to you. Is there a possibility of a separate celebration later on that you could invite other family members to? I think unless there is an obvious cut-off between some aunts and uncles and others, it might be better not to invite any of them, but if there are some that are significantly closer than others you could be selective. I didn't invite any of my cousins but did invite a lot of friends, so I wouldn't feel obliged to put family before friends.

Hi everyone,

Thank you all so much for the replies! I am so grateful and feel so much better now, and do not feel bad about whom I choose to invite :)

I am having for sure my parents, brother, sister and their partners and my grandparents. Ever since I can remember, I have always told everyone I want a small wedding and when the day came, and was always the view i'd have just my immediate family there and my best friend and her family, however, as you can see from my original post, she isn't here anymore :( that is why I am now in the dilemma of having my family or hers.

I think my main worry is upsetting people, but after reading all your replies, it is my day and I should choose who I really want there. I think as SophieS9864 had said, it is more leaning towards my best friends Grandparents and Mum.

I shall sit down and have a long think about it (not much time left), but I think my minds now made up :)

We are not planning on having an evening reception, however I like the idea of from Elinor Claire of a seperate celebration later on with everyone there :)

Thank you all so much xx

As you wouldn't be able to invite all of your aunts and uncles in any case it would probably be better to invite none of them - then there is no picking between them. I think it would be wonderful to invite your friend's mum and grandparents as it would mean so much to them and you.

Having a simple family celebration a few days/weeks after would be simple to do and fun to plan once the big day is over :) Good luck putting your guest list together x

really agree with wundattiga