is anybody else alone in the wedding planning? i feel like i may aswell be marrying myself! my hubby to be doesnt seem interested at all. he doesnt care about the planning. ive only asked him to do 2 things and ive had to do it myself. i cant do everything myself. he wont even practise the dance with me so how are we supposed to do the proper first dance that i want when he wont even practise with me so he wont know what hes doing? i hope this changes as i need to help me plan things! i need to know what gifts to buy his family. its supposed to be our day, it should be what he wants too but how can it be what he wants when hes not doing anything? is this what all men are like with wedding planning?
CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
My OH is pretty much the same as yours. He says it's your day you have whatever you like. I tell him it's 'our' day but he just says I'll just turn up and pay for it, you plan it.
If I ask his opinion on something then he will tell me if he does like it or not but that's about as far as I get.
Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Oh dear. You 2 need to chat.
Mine wasn't too bad. To be honest I did organise and plan the majority of the day but there were a few things he had a lot of input on and made some decisions. He decided what our table centers would be, the car (him and my dad vetoed my choice), the cake design (mainly his choice on trim and shape), joint effort on reception venue and food choices and the outfits for him and the groomsmen and dad's. He also helped shortlist and meet all the photographers and select the one plus drove me around to meet DJs and helped decide on that. He's also the one who wanted to go to a wedding fayre. He also chose gifts for his groomsmen and his dad. You get the picture. He did not actual planning or organising though, but to be fair to him he handled the majority of our house buying and move as and then renovation - we were planning and organising both at the same time and moved 5 weeks before the wedding.
Yes it's nice to have some input and interest but at the same time it made life easier being able to do what I wanted.
Just sit him down and tell him you need some help with things and ask him what he can seriously help with and commit to.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
I planned the wedding more or less on my own. Each time I asked hubby his thoughts on things he said oh whatever. Then if I took things into my own hands, he would say oh don't I get a say in this? I could not win, I even got stuff for his last minute stag night.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
My OH picked the date, he's chosen our cake design, we both chose the church, reception and car but I've done everything else so far x
Defo have a chat with him you can't do it all alone, I would hate if h2b wasn't interested he's been a part of all the planning and I think if I didn't run my ideas last him he would be disappointed and vice versa hope he gets the finger out and gets more involved xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
As the others have said have a chat to him. OH leaves me to come up with ideas but he always wants to know what I have come up with and when I buy things he takes a big interest. I run everything past him too and I know he really likes that because he is just as excited as I am about the wedding. I hope you can talk to him and he starts taking an interest xx
Got together on 14th March 2010
Got engaged on 25th December 2013
Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
CommentAuthorEmily17
I am doing all the planning except for a few things which I have given to him but I run each and every one of my ideas past him and we discuss and change if we need to. Sometimes he will say I don't like it but I f its something I really like then he's happy with it. Other things we will say ok lets start from the beginning again.
It's difficult sometimes because he has an input in it and I wouldn't have it any other way but at the same time, he doesn't come up with any ideas.
I would find it impossible doing it on my own full as I know I would and up planning a day he doesn't like and its not about that. I would have a chat with him and say that you need some input into things. He didn't ask you to marry him so that you could plan it. Its something that, in my opinion, you should do together as a couple.
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
Sometimes it is easier to just get on and do it yourself. I found it easier, hubby would leave everything until the last week, whereas I like to be organised.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
I agree GF! I have found and booked all suppliers and sorted them already because I know if I left it to him he would try and do it a month before the wedding, however I did show him everything I had found and we decided together whether we should book them. The only thing that I am leaving 100% up to him is getting his suit xx
Got together on 14th March 2010
Got engaged on 25th December 2013
Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
CommentAuthorFlossie
I'm really lucky in that my OH shows an interest in everything and wants to be involved the whole way - the way he sees it is that it's his special day too, not just mine! I do most of the researching and organising but I am in a job that allows me to search the web whenever I get bored whereas he doesn't get the opportunity to do that, so I come up with more ideas etc. than him, but I run everything past him and we then decide on it together.
I appreciate weddings are often seen as a woman's thing but it is your OH's big day too and I think he should be showing an interest in it. Have a chat with him and let him know how it's making you feel - he might not realise you want him to be so involved as a lot of brides like to do all the planning themselves (or that's probably a thought some guys have anyway as they think we're all bridezillas!) xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
Emma, I said that it was his job to sort out the suits for himself and the other groomsmen. As it was, we were in town by the shop so he went in to look, ended up trying one on, paid the deposits and I helped choose. The girls wore purple but I wanted no purple on the men, hence why we chose the green, he was tempted to get a waistcoat with purple in it, so I am glad I was there.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
I've got a while yet but I looked at some invites online and I said they were quite nice and got told off for going on and on about it!!! You can't win sometimes!
Like I said I have ages, but I think you need to have a word as you guys haven't got that much time to go. If we were at 9 months, I would've told my oh off and tell him to get his a**e into gear! ;) x
Met 18/09/03
Engaged 06/09/08
Getting married 05/09/17
CommentAuthorInDreamland
A few times I joked he was a bit groomzilla but it was nice he took an interest in some things. I did enjoy having control over most of the day though for piece of mind whilst I fully trusted him to deal with most of the house move and renovation stuff even though I was very involved in a lot of the decision making he did all the running around for that.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorJennK
My now husband was super involved in everything except my dress. hair, shoes etc. All the suppliers were quite surprised about how involved he was, but it really helped on the day as I could concentrate on getting ready while he made sure everything was as excepted at the venue, and then I didn't have to look at the time or nag anyone at all throughout the day as he knew what had been chosen and what the plan was. Early choices the boys don't need to be too involved if they don't want to be, but it really helps nearer the time. As others have said, have a chat with him and see how he can be more involved, maybe ask him if there is anything specific he wants to be in charge of?
Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3
CommentAuthorCarolH81
My H2B has left most things up to me, I have put every decision to him and he has said it is your day whatever you want to have! Keep telling him it is our days. We both picked the rings he paid for them, I paid for my dress so far stuck it on credit card haha so he will probably help me pay of that. We have gone halfs with everything to do with the wedding, I have done all the e mailing and arranging though. H2B is dyslexic so finds it hard to do e mails so quicker and easier for me to do them. We did get into half an argument last night though as we were going to have flowers on the end of every pew, I got that frustrated with my wedding planner I just said just 8 pews which works out one on every other pew, J was not happy as not quite what I wanted, Still got time to sort it though!.
CommentAuthorLornaB75
I'm just fed up! It's quite upsetting I just feel like he should want to be involved or at least pay an interest when I talk about. Whenever I tell him something I've done or ask him to do something I just get yeye whatever or huffing and puffing. He absolutely realises I want him to help with planning he knows I don't want to do it on my own I've told him enough times and tbh it's getting me down that he just doesn't seem to care about the wedding a lot of things won't get done because I don't know what to do with some things that only he can decide x
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
Just tell him that he has certain jobs you have no control over, they are down to him, then you do the rest, then when everyone is having fun on your day you can sit back and say yep, I've made this happen,
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorclairenina
I've heard a few people saying they feel alone with wedding planning. Ours was pretty much 50/50.
CommentAuthorPinky Pie
I no the feeling,my h2b only agreed on a date I said as it made sense,lol he did seem suprised when I said I was going looking at a venue with my mum tho. Men aren't like us women at all. He said he's just going to pay for it ha ha ha
Known him since 2009,got together in 2011
Got engaged June 7th 2015
Getting married 10/6/17
CommentAuthorInDreamland
I do feel lucky with mine.
Ladies if you need help just tell him. Many men see it as a day for the W2B and they just want a stag do and big party in the evening. They generally more relaxed about the details of the day. Also get help from the bridal party and family, mine were a huge help, I couldn't have done it without my sister and best mate. My dad helped stuff envelopes for sending out invitations.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorMrs Jones
My OH has been instrumental with sorting out the church and came to see all of the short-listed venues, but is leaving the detail stuff up to me - like wedding stationary designs, colour scheme etc. TBH we kind of had an agreement that he would sort the church out and I would have free reign with the reception. I wasn't too bothered about the church side of things and would have been happy with a civil ceremony, but he wanted a Catholic Church wedding, so has sorted the date and the conversations with the Priest etc. I have a Pin page and put all of my ideas on there and he looks at it and tells me if he is in agreement - he'd soon tell me if he wasnt happy!!
First Date 26 April 2014
Proposed 27 June 2015
Happily Married 18 June 2016
CommentAuthorMyranny
This was me 6 months ago. I was kind of offended at first that he seemed like he didn't care, but it turns out he just wants me to have what I want and he knows I freaking love to plan so he didn't want to take that away from me. No one has helped me with anything, because I don't want them to yet.
I think sometimes guys can just assume that all women are like this, and want to do the whole planning thing and go nuts on the wedding by themselves. Just tell him how you feel, and how important it is to you that he be involved and see what he says. xx
CommentAuthorKirstyR386
My OH has been quite helpful when he wants to be and I always run through ideas and show things I've bought so we make decisions together. I found the best thing to do to get him interested was talk about the things he cares about. My OH loves music so we wrote a list of songs we would like played at the evening and that got him excited. He does tell me I talk about it too much so I try to keep it shorter now so I don't pee him off with constant wedding talk. X
CommentAuthorVelcro
mine wasnt that interested til about 5 or so months to go, i ran everything by him and we agreed on the bigger stuff, but then suddenly, a few months to go and hes all like 'i dont like those table names' i just told him straight. I asked you if you liked these before i bought them and you were fine, you cant go muscling in now you are finally interested and start taking over lol. he had a bit of a grumble, but he knew he didnt have a leg to stand on as i checked and double checked eeeeverything with him lmao
also. re. your partners family. i just wouldnt worry about it. id just tell him to sort it, you obviously have enough on your plate
if it were me and his lack of involvement was really doing my head in i would just get him telt
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorSam G 2b May 2016
My OH is involved in everything, but we have very similar tastes so he's very rarely said "no" to something I want or like. He is just as excited about the way the venue will look when it is styled and had an input into bm dresses, flowers, music. Saying that, he just lets me sort and book everything as he knows I have more time and am more organised.
CommentAuthorCarolH81
Just told my H2B that it is tradition the groom gets something for the bride, I have got him a pocket watch to give him on the day and know he will feel like cr@p if he doesn't get me something and I have gotten him something! haha x
CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
Mine was like that at the start, I gave him a few things to deal with which I knew he felt were important such as picking cake flavours, the photographer and the band. Everything else I have asked him what he thinks and he says that all that he cares about is that I am happy....except when I ask for my string quartet at £700 for 4 hours then its no lol. Ask him what the most important aspects of the day are to him and then ask him to take charge but not make a decision until he consults with you also xx
CommentAuthorFutureMrsW
edited
I am very lucky because my OH loves weddings and always dreamed about getting married so he is very enthusiastic about the whole thing.
That being said, when it comes to all the little tiny ideas I keep getting about this thing or that thing, he can quickly become bored if I try to run them *all* past him. He's very interested about the potential colour and general style of the BM dresses, for example, but he really loses interest if it gets down to 'this pattern or this pattern with this trim or this trim?'
I'd say he's more of a general planner at this point, especially as we have a long way to go and yet to finalise the venue etc. He helps out lots with the logistical nitty-gritty like guest lists and the church and the budget, but the tiny details here and there he's less hands-on about. I do still run by my ideas with him when I've narrowed it down to one or two options, he likes to help me compare them and make a joint decision.
I have a feeling he'll just get even more into it and excited the nearer the time comes.
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
I couldn't even ask Mr lala to do anything during the planning for our weddings as he was working in Sudan.
For any bloke 9mths is a lifetime away .... Tbh I don't understand why you need to practise your first dance at the moment , I note you say " proper first dance that I want " maybe he doesn't want to do it so not practising is an ideal way to avoid it
I thought I'd feel alone planning but oh quite good reLly, he does leave me to get on with things but if I ask or mention things then he usually gives me his opinion and helps. He choose the date as I was stressing about it and some times I have to say I want your opinion as its your day too! And I have allowed him to select his own attire ( with me there of course! Haha) as my oh been married before and wasn't aloud any voice in it I have made sure he has a lot of say and most things he isn't bothered about but I like him to be included. Maybe talk to your oh and explain how important it is for you that he is included in the planning of both your wedding. As I think men think it's a girls thing and forget it's as much their day as yours :) xx
CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
Now it's less than a year to go my OH has got involved more. If I ask his opinion on something then he will give me his opinion and he asks what we need to do next etc
Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016
CommentAuthorNaomiD23
My other half has been quite involved which has been good and meant we have chosen majority of things together. He said to pick whatever colour scheme I wanted. we have kept both of our outfits a secret. I know traditionally he doesn't see the bride but I wont see his suit until big day which I am looking forward to. He has also chosen cars. I have enjoyed choosing everything together. Only thing he wasn't fussed on was wedding favours so I am doing them myself.
