Wedding Forum - Secret Marriage???...

Okay so whats everyones thoughts on this.... My partner is in the army and has been for the entire length of our relationship (thats where we met) we have a 21month old little boy and second one is on the way... now at the moment he is currently changing trades and training to become a pilot so we only see each other on a weekend, this isn't a massive deal to me as thats the way its been for 7 years but its taking his toll on him not seeing our son and with another one coming i think he's nervous about missing out on everything... we can't get living quarters until we are officially married so my partner has suggested we get married on his next leave (in march) but not tell anyone just take a couple of witnesses and go to the registry office no party or big white dress or anything so we can live together as a proper family... he says i can still have my big day on our original date as its already booked anyway and then start our proper married life (as in start counting anniversaries etc) from June 2016... now do people think this is taking the romance out of it or is it just a practical solution???

I don't think it's taking the romance out of it at all :) I think it would be lovely and like you say, you will still have your big day when you've planned it as well.

It must be very hard for him not being able to see little one all the time.

I quite like the idea of just having a blessing on the big day anyway, as it means you can do what you want-you aren't tied to the legal side of a ceremony. I helped my sister photograph a wedding where the bride and groom had gone to the registry office in the morning with their parents to officially get married, then they went back, got ready and met at the reception where they had the ceremony with all the guests there. It meant they didn't have all the expensive fee's for having a registrar come out to the venue and they could do what they liked in the ceremony as it was just a blessing of their marriage.

We are doing the civil, legal 'bit' in the morning with close family and then having the full blessing in the afternoon with all the trimmings including reception, band, dancing etc. etc. so it will work :) Ask a celebrant to perform your blessing, go to a church, humanist whatever at June wedding and have the big party! You can literally do what you like at a blessing so it's your own blessing without being tied up in the legalities x

thanks guys i feel a lot better about it now H2B just wants to keep the marriage a secret though until our proper wedding not sure how that will work cos as soon as we move it'll be obvious we're married lol... I'm not sure how blessings work I've never been to one and don't know anyone who has had one... can anyone do them and do you still vows? xxx

Blessings can have vows if you want, or not if you don't.... you can literally do what you want


You can always have it just unspoken, so people may know you have got married-but they will also know you are planning your wedding ;) if when you move anyone asks about it, just say, we have the legal bit done so that he can be with his children... but our wedding day is still going to be when we planned.

I think it's a lovely idea x

That sounds like a fantastic idea x

Sounds like a fab idea :)

Yeah, you still want to make this wedding special as well :)

Congratulations.


You can get some lovely maternity dresses-how much are you wanting to spend?

I think it's a lovely idea x

wanting to spend as little as possible no photos, flowers or anything like that especially with me still getting my big day :) xxx

I think it's a lovely idea. At the end of the day, you have to do what works for you and your family. Your blessing next year will still be magical and equally as special as its about you and your family. How exciting

tbh i think its the best solution ... after all this will be the legal bit and enable you to all be together

I would also be tempted to say make sure you get a few photos taken.. it would be a shame not to have any photos of the day you legally got married and became husband and wife. You don't need a photographer for very long, only an hour or so to get some good snaps, maybe even less than that! You could even just ask someone random to take a couple of pics if you take a small camera with you. I think no pictures would be a shame xx

That's good, at least you will have a few snaps :)

Would his parents be there as well? It would be nice if you just had both your parents. x

I'm sure they would still make the effort to come. I think it would be nice to at least let them know.. if I had a child and they got married without me knowing I would be a little bit miffed haha. If they can't make it then they can't make it, but I think parents ought to know.

Do you want to wear a dress? There are lots of lovely pastel colours about at the mo and you could just wear a flowy maxi dress so there would be plenty of room for bump x

i do luv mint green at the moment and its the colour of my wedding scheme so that would be quite a nice touch if i wore a mint green dress xx

ok so been talking to my partner and it turns out he wants to do this because he thinks he's going to be posted to northern ireland shortly now I'm all for going with him but my dad has made it clear he would not be happy with a quickie wedding and then a big wedding next year he thinks its a waste of money... is he right? also my partner wants our witnesses to be his friend from work and his partner because they will also be getting married that day too now i know this quick wedding is all about the legalities of being able to live together but the thought of having a secret double wedding really does not appeal to me it just takes out the specialness of what will already be a strange day would i be wrong in saying to him i will happily go ahead and secretly marry him but not do a double wedding?? xx

Tell him you are not sharing your day if that is what you want, also why should he dictate both witnesses? Surely you should have someone special there for you too? As for your dad tell hi. You would rather waste some money than have your children in a broken home as the strain of your h2b not seeing the kids is putting a huge strain on you both. Ask your dad to be supportive, if he can't be then you understand if he can't be at your wedding. If you must share your day with h2b colleagues insist that your ceremony is first if you can. Or tell him it will need to be the next weekend that he is home you will do things xx

my dad would never not come to the big wedding he just doesn't understand why a big wedding is important to me (my parents have been married for 30 years but only married due to pregnancy and my mum always regretted not having a big wedding) OH is adamant he doesn't want his parents knowing (i disagree strongly with him on this one but if I told them he'd be very mad at me) although I do fear they will find out and it would cause so much upset I think i'm definitely going to put my foot down about the whole double wedding thing I should have a say in at least that I think xxx

well we are booked in to give notice next week 23rd to be exact and I've managed to convince him to at least tell his parents woohoo... then it dawned on me I'm going to planning a wedding 240 miles away from the venue this is going to be difficult lol xx

Great news, enjoy giving notice. I thought it was exciting, as it all became so real xx

fabby to hear xx

Aww lovely news princess pixie x