Finding my OH's Mum rather frustrating already, I'm trying to budget my wedding but I'm not willing to compromise on my day at the same time, she was telling me how she feels we're spending quite a lot and shouldn't we be putting more towards our future like a deposit on a house and kids (I'm 20- kids are rather a long way off!). I already have a fair amount saved for a deposit on a house, and she is aware of this. Herself and her husband (my OH's Dad) haven't volunteered to contribute anything to the wedding, we wouldn't want thousands but even paying a little bit towards invites or something would be great. BUT she has implied she is expecting us to buy her an outfit for the wedding (I'm not buying my Mum one so why would we do this? I wasn't aware this was normal?!) because when her other son got married (all paid for by his now wife's VERY rich family) they brought her an outfit! She has also implied that she expects us to invite all of her side of the family, even though my OH hasn't seen a lot of them in absolutely years, nor met some of them, this is another thing I wanted to be really strict on but she seems to be expecting all this!
Its just so frustrating, she expects xyz from us but she doesn't seem to be willing to contribute in return!
CommentAuthorDonnaH39
Maybe wait until next time she talks about how you should be budgeting better and saving for your future and point out that you are and that is why you are not buying either mothers an outfit (as this isn't tradition anyway) and why you are not inviting everyone and only having people who you feel are an important part of your lives who you want to share your big day with?
I know this may cause arguments but I can't see how else you can address both issues.... I don't see how she can say you need to be spending your money on other things but then also adding a lot of costs to your wedding with her expectations.
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
you need to tell her now before she gets any more out of hand. She has plenty of time to save for an outfit if you tell her its not in your budget.
Also tell her you are inviting people you have seen in the year up to the wedding, including family. we did this as my dad's family is massive and the only way for us to keep the numbers in check was to invite those who have actually made the effort to see us in the year up to the wedding.
It may cause some arguments but you have to keep the wedding under control and also do it the way you want to do it. If you set the ground rules now then it will save a lot arguments and falling out closer to the wedding
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorAprilS61
Budget or not, I wouldn't pay for a mothers outfit either way, I've never heard of that. Our dads are having suits but that's because theyre in the bridal party?
As for the guests, tell her you're more than happy to have them if she's willing to pay (which looks like she won't). Why should you pay so much money extra on people you're not bothered about being there? If they don't send Christmas cards don't invite them, seems the easiest and most logical way to explain the guest list lol
Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15
CommentAuthorllewis233
This is exactly what I thought- I've never heard of paying for Mum's outfits! I'm paying for my Dad's as he'll be walking me down the aisle and is so obviously playing a big role. Unsure about OH's Dad as technically not part of wedding party but don't want them to feel left out? I don't know what other people did for Grooms Dad? As for guests myself and Ryan are pretty much on the page length if we haven't met them/don't speak regularly/don't send or receive cards then I have no intention of having them at my wedding! And I think we will be speaking to her next time we see- it's just so aggravating!
We're paying for both dads, and OHs brother, my stepbrother (which was a surprise when he decided), as ushers, and he has two best men, then my two bridesmaids and that's our total bridal party.
If your OH agrees with you then definitely put your foot down, get him to put his serious face on and say.. look mam, no lol!x
Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15
CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
Talk about double standards! One minute she says that you are spending too much money and then the next says that you have to pay for her outfit???? Like DonnaH39 said, I would wait until the conversation of budgeting comes up again and tell her straight.
Met 18/09/03
Engaged 06/09/08
Getting married 05/09/17
CommentAuthorAmyK
Paying for her outfit? No way! Plus think of all the hassle that would ensue - matching shoes, bag, hat, jewellery - ridiculous! Tell to wear that outfit again from his brothers wedding if she can't afford her own - you've got enough to fork out for!!
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
We're not paying for parents outfits either. There's no obligation to do that. You'll just have to be firm and explain that you have to prioritise costs. I'm sure if she's not paying anything else she can afford her own outfit.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorVelcro
edited
ive got a pushy mil as well, she expects everything to be done a certain way - so now im just not telling her anything. she moaned about not being involved, but hated all my ideas and then wonders why ive stopped bothering
Just do your own thing your own way, invite who you want or it will spiral out of control, like ours has numbers wise and we've told them they can make up the costs as theres no way we are!!!!
and tell her to buy her own bloody outfit, how rude can you get!!!
my mum would be embarrassed if his family bought her outfit for her
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorAH86
I agree with AprilS61 - she should pay for her outfit and additional guests otherwise not on your list!
Friday 10th April 2015
Marrying my best friend
Not long now :D
CommentAuthorLyndsey M
so she wants you to spend less on the wedding than you are but is also trying to force you to spend more by buying her an outfit and inviting a bunch of people you dont want which will of course put the price up? Contradicting or what!
Someone (OH?) needs to point out how this makes no bloody sense! Good luck x