Wedding Forum - Trying to bite my lip and keep my sanity!...

I feel like I am going crazy! Sorry this is a long rant

H2B family are driving me nuts, I am trying my best to bite my lip but I'm seriously getting close to telling them to jog on.

So some of you saw my previous post about my dress fiasco with his sisters. Well I wish that was all of what happened. His sisters are telling him not to invite his friends or family as none of them will travel to come over to the UK. To which I told him to invite them all as the worst they can do is say no....to which he has started to and so far all of them have said yes and booked there tickets!

Then his mum keeps calling saying which are we inviting so many people (150) that we should cut it down to 50. Which I explained my immediate family is 49 alone so this would not be an option. Yet she still calls everyday telling us the samething. (Me&H2B are paying for everything)

H2B wanted us to mix our cultures food wise (Jamaican & Romanian) on the day, to which his sister basically disrespected me by running down the food and our culture. So we are having simple British food now.

In Romania it is tradition for the guests to give money to the bride and groom towards the start of there new lives together instead of presents. We are doing this tradition but in a different way, we have a wishing well and have written a nice passage offering people a chance to part take in the tradition. We'll his sisters have made this big issue, apparently we should be telling people that they have to give a minimum about of 200! As it's rude and disrespectful to give less than this. This made me angry as asking people to give money is touchy enough without trying to make it worse. We're not getting married for money we're getting married to begin the rest our lives. I would take it out completely if it wasn't for if I did it would be seen as a disrespect to his parents. When we spoke to his parents they liked our idea and agreed its a nice way to do it. But his sister will not let it drop and is causing a headache.

Then the final straw was today, both his sisters were due to come visit tomorrow as they didn't see us at Xmas or New Years and couldn't be bothered to come see him on his 30th a few weeks ago. Now I planned with my bestie, mum and sister to make our wedding invites this weekend and both my mum n bestie have taken the time off work to come stay over n help H2B and me. This has been planned since 2nd Jan. His sisters called tues and said they were going to come up. Now today when he called to see what time, they said they are not coming as they need to be alone with us. If we want to cancel our plans with the others then they will come. To which we obviously said no we can't do that. She then went on a rant to my H2B about is he sure he wants to marry me, how they are happy he enjoyed his adventure (meaning me) but he needs to really think about what he is doing. Has he thought about what his kids would look like! How people will look at him with a brown baby!

I have managed over the last 8 months since we have been talking about the wedding to tolerate and be polite and not be rude to anyone. But now I feel like I want to burst. He has been so good through this, but just feel so angry at them.

How blooming dare they be so disrespectful!!!!??? Doll, that is a disgrace and they should be ashamed of themselves. I think you and your H2B need to sit down and perhaps consider telling them that if they dont shut up with their insensitive, selfish, and quite frankly blatantly racist remarks, then they should not have any involvement and shouldnt come to the wedding. Personally, after that last comment, I wouldnt have them anywhere NEAR our wedding day if they were my H2B's sisters.

Has your H2B told them off for their comments?

Hugs! x

Holy ****! Well at least we know what they wanted to talk to you alone about.
I agree that a wedding is not about the money/gifts and think it would be extremely rude to impose a minimum amount. £200 is a lot of money to most people. The wishing well is a lovely idea and his sister is more than welcome to give that much money if she wants to, but she can't force you to do anything you don't want to and she isn't exactly likely to stand next to the wishing well asking people to hand over their wallets so she can pull £200+ out before they're allowed into the ceremony.
I would seriously consider telling his sister not to come to the wedding if she isn't willing to support her brother and if she doesn't like the idea of having a brown niece or nephew then it may be best if she wasn't a part of your family's life going forward.
I can see why you're angry and had very similar feelings with my Mum trying to take over my wedding and my manager being a total ***** so I quit my job and started ignoring my Mum. In the meantime though I discovered the punch bag at the gym... so cathartic, I highly recommend it!!

Omg what total bitches, what the hell. are they supposed to be part of your bridal party?
You are right weddings are not about gifts, if you get them "thank you' but if not then fine, I mean expesialy with your familys having to travel and spending money on flights and accommodation to come. and does you FMIL not want her family to come, if your paying its up to you who comes, and I mean why does she want such a small wedding?

If it were me I would be saying if you can say tho's dirty disrespectful, blatantly racist comments you can consider yourself uninvited and don't worry about being part of our kids lives.

Oh my god, how dare they say that about your future childrem, it's disgusting!!!!
You know what hun, you should just do whatever the hell you want and not tell anyone about your plans for the big day unless theyre youre family/can trust them. His family sound awful, sorry to say hun, this is yours and H2B's wedding, no one elses!

Have a word with H2B and let him know how his family are making you feel, maybe he can have a word and tell them that theyre being really out of order.

I hope it gets better for you babe xxx

The first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club
...just let it happen!

IF it comes down to him not seeing his family because of their behaviour, don't ever feel guilty and think its because of you. It's because of them not you.

You sound like such a lovely person, the things you've put up with and you still worry about him not seeing them. They should be so happy to be welcoming you into their family.

Just carry on how you are, let him make the decision if and when it gets to the point where it gets too much and he doesn't want to see them. But don't put up with them treating you like rubbish or making any racist comments, stick up for yourself. It sounds like you have a fab relationship and he understands its not you :(

I'm so sorry you're going through this, I thought I had in law problems. Just stay strong and don't let them come between you and your fiancé

I don't think that's harsh at all hun, you do right.

I don't think it's harsh you shouldn't have to tolerate bigotry, discrimination and ignorance. Do what you think is right xxx

Yeah back to the food point, could you change it back to your original idea's as I think it's a lovely idea. The food would be delicious and also something different for people but I also love what it represents as well (the two of you coming together)

if you have a combination of foods .....CAN I COME ?

as for your hubby choosing between you sometime he will need to stand up to them .... Mr lala did this as his mother was vile to me it was then his mother choice as to whether she had anything to do with US or not .....

Wow, just wow! I would expect H2B to stand up for me and tell them where to go.

You need to tell them to stick thir foul mouth where the sun don't shine and kick them well and truly out of the wedding I also think your h2b needs to stand up to them and tell them to shove off if this was me they would be long gone you don't need any negative people or vibes around you only people who want to be their and share your wedding day with you truly I would B**** slap them in to orbit and make sure they don't ever come back £200 is too much these days everyone trying to rub two pennies together to survive let alone everyone should at least give the minimum of £200 quid Jog on ladies wake up ad realize the world and economic climate we are living in I'm sorry you are having to go through this but ignore them as far as they are concerned you will never be good enough for their brother But your H2B knows what he wants and that is you or he would never of put that ring on your finger ans ask you to be his wife want to start a family together Ignore them and concentrate on planning your wedding together without their input your paying for your wedding what you say goes Remember that X

Oh dear, well maybe your H2B will have to teach you some basic Romanian to help things along , and will make his mum happy to show your making a effort. x