I am being reduced to tears atm due to the fact that she just isnt happy about anything ever!
We finally got a date for the wedding and she found a reason for us to change it. Fair enough, its during exam season, but we dont even know if our siblings will have exams on the day of the wedding! It's a year and a half away!!
Secondly, now we have a venue booked, we have to focus all our money and effort on buying a house. The wedding has to go on the back burner apparently because we arent allowed to think about the wedding until we have a house.
My h2b isnt helping either. He wont do anything to upset her, ever. He hasnt even told her about our dog who we have for six months! He thinks Im being unreasonable, and Im not.
I always wanted a June wedding and finally had it, now I have had to change it because of her!
I dont know what to do! She's a lovely woman and I know her heart is in the right place, but I want to kill her!
CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
Don't change it; I'm sure she has her reasons but this is your and your h2b's big day and you should have it when you want :)
Met in 2009
Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
Fight for what you believe in!
CommentAuthorAlmostMrsHouse
We've already had to, Jade. H2b was adamant about it as he cant upset her. x
CommentAuthorMrsA-J
O dear. Mummys boy. I have one of those, all though he has become more independent since planning the wedding. Just sit down and talk to him, have you moved the date far from june?
CommentAuthorAlmostMrsHouse
We talked and he understand where I am coming from now. He has said he will stick up to his mum more, though I'll believe it when I see it. We moved it to May instead which isnt too bad x
boys and there mums, my oh does not like standing up to his either. but has slowly over the years I have brought him around more to my way of seeing, and has a few times been like "mum , its our day, its up to us"
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorsarah
Yuck. Any way you can stop telling her so much information?
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
may 29th will fall in Half term week so there will be no exams then !
hun i know your mad with her but can i say i`d sort of swap places ...... i haven't spoken to mine for nearly 2 years now ..its a very long story but comes down to the fact the we wouldn't have Mr lala`s nieces as bridesmaids ....she once told me that my children would be better off if i was dead !
You tell her about the dog .... sorry but your h2b needs to realise that his priorities have now changed .... took Mr lala a long time to do the same thing but boy when he did he did it in style , he has been home for a couple of weeks to look after me following an op and he hasn't been in contact with her and has no intention of going round !
Oh wow... that is awful! Im so sorry to hear that!
We sat down and had a long chat last night and he is going to sit down with her next week and have a chat, which is good. It helped talking to my mum last night, she just helped me realise I need to put my foot down a bit.
x
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
I tried for a long time to get things back , not as they were but at least so we could be civil for mr lala's sake ,but she didn't want to know and I was starting to make myself I'll with it all.... At the end of the day if mr lala wants a relationship with her then that is entirely up to him but I won't have anything to do with her till I get an apology.
It's annoying but just think, by not having it in June, you probably will have better bargaining power if you go for an "out of season" month potentially saving Loads!
And we lived happily ever after!
CommentAuthorMrsRusty2B
@lala: I can't believe your MIL made that comment about your kids being better off if you were dead. What a disrespectful and downright horrid thing to say!
@AlmostMrsHouse: I can understand why you're upset *hugs* Some people just can't stand up to their parents/family members - I know I find it hard with my own parents.
CommentAuthorBrionyG
@AlmostMrsHouse I can sympathise, me & hubby were planning to go abroad just the two of us to marry as it's dead cheap! But MIL kicked up a huge fuss, my parents wouldn't be able to afford it & I said it wouldn't be fair for only one set of parents & her reply to my H2B was 'why are we being punished for something they can't afford' to say I was disgusted is an understatement!!
We're now getting married in England at a stately home & I'm keeping everything close to my chest. Not really vocal on my ideas xx
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
Mrs rusty ..... there had been other things said previously that bc mr lala was away i could only report the words and he did try to defend his mum but the last time i was able to talk to him via a video link so he could actually see how it had affected me ... then she also said stuff to him about me face to face ... i think that was the last straw
Aw hun sorry to hear you're having problems. Your H2B definitely needs to stick up to her more! I know it's difficult but it's your day not hers. Unfortunately it's impossible to keep everyone happy so you need to focus on making it perfect for you and your H2B.
If you don't think you can trust your MIL2B to be happy with decisions you make then I'd stop telling her things and just say that you want it to be a surprise! Xxx
29/09/2008 - The Day we met
12/11/2008 - When we decided to be more than friends
04/11/2012 - A proposal in Central Park NYC
08/11/2014 - The day we say I do!
CommentAuthorbarbie86
Can you not have it on the weekend?
I have to say I do actually agree with your MIL2B on this one; if we're talking GCSEs/A Levels those are BIG exams, and a weekday wedding is just not going to work; I would not even have considered attending a wedding during my exams unless it was on a Friday (and I didn't have an exam that day) or a weekend. I revised every day and would not have attended a wedding if I had an exam the following day. So, if you want those people there, then yes, I think you should either reschedule for the May half term, or for July, or else have a Saturday wedding. Sorry.
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
From a school point of view a student who is not there for an exam gets an automatic fail .... Exams can be resat but this is then done at the students expense unless thee are exceptional circumstances eg in hospital and unable to do exam ( in hospital they can go to a room and still do exam at the same time as others. A wedding is not an exceptional circumstance.
^^Yup; my mum is an exam's officer and I'm an invigilator and missing an exam is a big deal. It is not something I would have done for anyone's wedding, and, more to the point, my parents would never have allowed it either. So I see where she's coming from TBH.
CommentAuthorMichelleNearlymrsD
Sometimes I think in laws mean well but just don't do it the right way ifykwim x
Eternity isn't long enough
CommentAuthorbeximo86
It is a tough one around exams, I can definately see MiL's point on this one - however MAKING you change it is pretty darned wrong - it should have been something that you as a couple considered and altered.
As for buying a house - is that the only option for you? And whose decision is that? Given the financial strains of planning a wedding and having spent 3 years as a student our parents have both suggested we share our time between both houses, concentrate on paying off the wedding and then moving out when the majority of the wedding is paid off. Because of the wedding we are going to rent - we really don't want to overstretch ourselves or overstress ourselves. Is this not something you could consider initially? I know we are fortunate in that my mum and his MiL are offering this situation to us, but it's their way of contributing to the wedding as they can't afford to give us the cash towards things. Obviously getting on the property ladder is huge and a great step and I can't wait to be doing so myself, but obviously situations differ.
@Lala - what a horrific thing that his MiL said to you! Unfortunately that's something that she can never take back and will impact on her relationships with both you and her son.
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
It has impacted Bex ...... We don't have anything to do with her although I have spent along time trying ...sending letters ,making phone calls to try and at least sort things so mr lala can have a relationship but it came to nothing ..... I even worked hard on mr lala for him to get in contact which he did by sending an email which printed out n put in with a Father's Day card... His mum sent a note back to him in Jamaica ( was 6 lines written on a page pulled from a notebook) ... But he says she owes me an apology and until that happens things can't start to be put back .
Aw poor you, she seems to have a case of the "her way or the highway!"
I see her points about exam time and buying a house (we've just bought instead of having the wedding sooner) but IMO she should have raised them as discussion points for you and your h2b to talk about and decide on, not just ordered you to do as she says! Hopefully your h2b can get chat to her and get her to be a bit more constructive in her approach :)
PS - May is a lovely month I'm sure your wedding will be great regardless :)
CommentAuthorAmyG398
@lala - That's so funny (and soooo rude of her!!!)
CommentAuthorAlmostMrsHouse
It does feel like her way or the high way sometimes. We are looking forward to the wedding though! She just needs to back off and Ryan is going to talk to her and set her straight. We are focusing on the wedding at the time being and maybe looking to rent somewhere for a while xx
CommentAuthorLauraK7
Wow I must be really lucky listening to some stories here, I get on quite well with mil2b and even if she did object I wouldn't listen anyway it's my day.
Hope you get things sorted and out your foot down a bit like your mum said - it's your and h2bs day not hers
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
I suspect if she was in other ways a wonderful MIL and the exam season was the only issue you wouldn't have minded so much. It is a fair point; unless you're going for a Saturday wedding there's no guarantee it won't clash with exams, and the exam boards won't care. However it sounds like this was the final straw in a whole catalogue of difficult behaviour. It's not up to her whether or not you buy a house. My twin brother and his wife have been renting since they married nearly 2 and a half years ago, and are only now looking into buying. My younger brother and his fiancée are marrying in May and they will also be renting. I'm lucky in that my H2B has owned his home for the last ten years, so we don't have that pressure; I can simply move in. It is very small so we will want to move in a year or so, because we can't really think about family until we have a bigger place, but we can worry about that once the wedding is done.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorFuturemrsclayton
@lala I have had similar horrible situations with my MIL2B which you just can't come back from. I think at the end of the day she is ruining it for herself because we could have had a lovely relationship and I could have involved her in all the wedding stuff but she has cut her nose off to spite her face. I will never speak to mine again and I don't feel bad for it because she has behaved disgustingly. An apology wouldn't even cut it.
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
If mine apologised I would be civil to her for mr lalas sake ......but that would be all!!
i know exactly how you feel, my h2b will not do a thing to upset his mother but is fine about making me so upset im reduced to tears, we have certainly had words!!! put your foot down, do what YOU want not what SHE wants. xx
CommentAuthorAshleigh:)
omg. I'd have to tell my OH its me or her, i couldnt stand that no matter what. I couldn't be second best!!!
CommentAuthorAlmostMrsHouse
To be honest, we have actually managed to sort everything out now so it's alot nicer in some respects. Just having some issues with my mum and sister now -rubs temples- I didn't realise that wedding stress included family lol x
CommentAuthorAshleigh:)
Lmao. Yeah, i keep saying to my OH that its our day etc, but i still worry about family to aha!
CommentAuthorkatielea100
Tell him to grow a back bone! When me and oh got engaged we had a party and she took over everything!!! She even invited her friends we had never met and replaced her engagement ring n went round showing it off!! Obviously this made me worry a ivy what she'll be like with the wedding but we just don't mention it to her now lol and oh will tell her if she starts to get on my nerves lol xx
CommentAuthorSandyG83
wow im really lucky, Ive let my MIL know how far we have got and she has said that all sounds great cant wait! when we first got engaged she gave us advice and told us what ever you want do it its no one else day but ours enjoy it the way we want to. xx
