Wedding Forum - Mental meltdown :/...

just need to vent and theres no-one i can do this too without causing more hassle than its worth but if i dont get it out i will explode!. me and my h2b have a chequered history he is not great at being faithful and this has led me to have painful insecurities. we have been together about six years in the first 2 years i caught him sexting his ex , sending /receiving naked images from a mutual friend, and worst of all right at the time i was bringing our beautiful little girl into the world and i discovered he had been sending receiving graphic images with my sister (not the first time my sister betrayed me ;( ) even though i knew about it i was still forced to go on holiday with my sis and her then partner with my h2b and spent a week watching them making eyes at each other thinking i didnt know about them until i exploded and told them what i had found. there was an occasion my sister alledgedly visiting me (odd cuz she never does) i went off to do the school run came back and they were in the back garden front door locked she was soaking one of the messages refered to sex in a garden shed but i nevre know to this day if they actually did. anyway for the last 4 years we have gone on and battled through and been ok but today he tells me theres a darts tournament tonight normally he would invite me to come along and thats what i was expecting but no he just said so you have the kids , any way through the powers that be i have since discovered one of the people going tonight is the other girl he was sending pictures too . he promised me he wuld stay away from her but clearly not. we are a few weeks from getting married and its all bubbled to the surface and i just dont know what to do. if i talk to him he will sulk like a girl and he believes my jealousy is just stupid. he justifies what he did with the fact i was pregnant/just given birth and was no fun because i was tired or always with the baby so he doesnt see my issues as real. urrggghhh am i making a huge mistake has he changed? or am i just setting myself up for a fall after all if bearing someones child isnt enough to make them faithful marriage certainly isnt. gutted because ithought we were really strong these days

these days i thought i did the last few years have been great and thought we had gotten past all that stuff and maybe we have but i hate the fact he didnt tell me about going or ask me to go like he normally does because it means for some reason he didnt want me there! he has just been on his stag do for the weekend and i was fine despite knowing there was bound to be girls there but this just feels different and now he is huffing and puffing round the house like ive done something wrong! e could solve it by asking if i would like to come but he hasnt so feeling super suspicious and if i find out im right and she is there i am very likely to do something i may end up regretting! why can en be so flaming insensitive soooo angry which isnt helping i know.

since we had sky after i told him everything i knew about what he had been up too as far as i know everything has been fine we struggled like hell when i finally let it out i moved home with my mum and we started almost again it wasnt a decision i made lightly although sometimes it still surprises me i ever let him back especially time like now when it feels like it happening all over again.As for my sister well i had one boyfriend out of 9 in my lifetime that she didnt sleep with and that guy left me for his ex :( i have real bad luck ust just have an eye for idiots!. i know other half is leaving shortly so im not going to start a conversation with him now as it will end with him walking out and me left feeling gutted. i am well aware of his excuses and using my insecurities against me but if i find out he has lied to me and she was there then i guess i have just wasted £3k and a years planning but i am no doormat ! he cannot use the excuse he wanted to be with just the boys as hes just been away for a weekend and as this the first night we have had off work together since he should have put me first! really didnt think i wuld be dealing with this with so close and maybe thats why its harder as we are getting married and i want tobe sure its right for me and our children urggghhhh i need a drink this diet may just get flung out of the window !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just wanted to add, what advice would you give a friend if they were in a similar situation? Would you be happy if they were dealing with a partner like this?
Find the answer and apply it to yourself. You are worth it.

Oh dear you don't need this. He needs to understand that there is never any excuse for infidelity, and that it causes a lot of pain. He shouldn't expect you to just forget about it. I hope it all works out for the two of you, but if it doesn't, it's better to lose your wedding fund than to spend your life being miserable.

it sound so bad when written like this ! me and the other half have been together 4 years more after all this happened and maybhe has a goo reason maybe he knew she was going to be there and knew i would flip if put in the same room as her (im not violent but that might have been a stretch to far) but why didnt he tell me would have stopped all this!! just sat here like a lemon waiting for him to come in :( i do love him and right up until now everything has been great we seemed tohave got even closer lately but the paranoid part of me is now wondering if he thought that by being extra nice i wouldnt be suspicious? our little family bumps along nicely the kids are all hapy and me and the other alf seldom argue but what i fear is this may be an argument that will end badly. so difficult i love him and his family are an integral part of my life and losing them all is quite frankly terrifying (not that he knows i feel like that) only one thing for it a calm heart to heart and see where i end up :/ would love to know why this keeps happening to me!

erm......WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM????????????????? youre being the perfect pushover and he will never stop doing this and esp with your SISTER!

I would not be marrying him. Or speaking to my sister.

Wow.. I fully believe in second chance EXCEPT when It comes to cheating in anyway whatsoever.. If my H2B ever cheated on me I would never go back, no matter how heartbroken I was or how sorry he was..
You should've left the first time.. You've given him a free pass to do what the heck he likes by forgiving him more than once cause he knows you'll forgive him no matter how many times..
If I were you and you do find out she was there then it'd be over for me.. There's obviously a reason he didn't want you there if usually you go with xxx

i know where you are all coming from and a part of me agrees but i have not been a push over its taken a lot of work on both parts to get this far and the last few years we have been really strong. i know relationshis take work from both sides and right now i dont even know he has actually done anything wrong although that said he isnt home yet :/ but darts can go on i should know i normally play which is why it got my back up that i wasnt invited this time :/ when its good we are really good work together and bump along nicely and for the most part after the drama had settled we have been good. i have never proven he physically cheated although to e the texts were cheating enough what he forgets is when i was pregnant with sky i was working 14 hours a day right up til the day she was born and the very next morning (she was born at 8pm we were let out of hospital at 11pm) i was back in work at 9am as i have my own business and it could afford to pay for cover so yea i was very unattentive to him (baby was with me all day too) . but like i said since we had it out and i moved back to my mums we kind of started again and in the last 4 years he has not stepped outof line so now im wondering am i over stressing because of the wedding is it making remember then or is there actually something wrong. very weird as we were collecting conkers in the park with the little one this afternoon for some old school entertainment at the reception and everything seemed great . just cant get my head in a place to deal with this :/

believe me if i dont get the answers i want im out of here :/ cannot put myself through all this again! just wish he would get home so i can find out what the hell is going on!

i so would of lol but got 3 little people in bed no way am i go to turn up there 3 kids in tow to play the psycho girlfriend but i have my spies and he knows very well i will find out!!!

You just need to be absolutely honest with him about your feelings. He has to know. My FIL2B had a good point when H2B started talking about proposing. He said that it's not a case of asking if you can see yourself spending your whole life with him and the answer being yes, you have to ask if you can see yourself spending your life without him and the answer has to be no.

Sorry to hear your having to go through this right now Laura, so close to your big day its the last thing you need. I hope you managed to get some answers since last night. If I could just play devils advocate a bit though because I understand where you are coming from regarding the past, as he didn't technically have an affair but despite being unfaithful on some level, everyone does deserve a 2nd chance (not a 3rd or 4th though, that never works). So assuming he has been good since then, by the sounds of it the only thing he did wrong last night was to go to the pub without asking you if you wanted to go along. Now, I appreciate I could be wrong here but theres a chance that it could have been innocent enough. You mentioned he had just been on his stag, well perhaps he had such a good night with his friends that he wanted to do it again. That doesn't means hes being unfaithful, just that he had missed some quality friend time and wanted to spend more time with his friends, theres nothing wrong with that. Like I say I could be wrong but I think this close to the wedding you need to be focusing on trust and communication. So by all means tell him (calmly) about how you felt and that you need his reassurance and possibly a bit more notice of his nights out in future. If he has nothing to hide he should respond reasonably to your reasonable requests. Just out of interest, how is he on the wedding front, is he involved with the planning, excited etc? I really hope things look a lot better for the 2 of you this morning x

I agree with other comments! WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM? LEAVE HIM! Sounds like a total twat tard, who does not deserve you !

well i spoke to him this morning i didnt want to do it last night when he got in mainly because we had both been drinking. he wwas horrified that it had even crossed my mind he acknowledges the past was bad but we had agreed four years ago that if we were ever going to work we had to leave it in the past and as far as he was concerned he thought we ad. he didnt invite me to the darts competition apparently because i had told him i wouldnt be able to play in the league any more due to babysitters so he assumed i wouldnt want to go to the competition either plus he was getting a lift with his best man and didnt want to assume that would include me . I dont know if the girl was there but he says she is married now with a baby and both acknowledge the picture messages were wrong but he cant take them back. he is now concerned that i am having second thoughts and says he thins it was bound to happen with the wedding so close that i would begin to evaluate everything and panic but he assures me he has not done anything since and has not wanted too. he wants us too be married but he wants to now that its what i want. i do totally love him and could never imagine not having him here everyday and the way he is with me is perfect (well apart from watching bloody football) i didnt sense that he was hiding anything from me and he seemed liek he meant what he was saying but we are still talking i have always had severe jealousy problems from a lifetime of cheats !

Well that does sound positive. If you do struggle to trust him still then it may be that counselling would help, but perhaps after this incident you will be able to trust him more, especially if he can see how things might look.