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Wedding Forum - Do I postpone our wedding again or not?...

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  1.  
    • vicki
      CommentAuthorvicki
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I have just under 100 days to go to our wedding and I really don't feel like I can go ahead with it at the moment but I know that my OH would go mad if I postponed it again. We had to postpone last time as my ex husband was being unhelpful and wouldn't sign the divorce papers but this time is different, it's not that I don't want to marry him, I adore him and can't imagine my life without him but my Nan who I'm very close to had a stroke about 12 weeks ago and is now in a coma, she hasn't been able to eat or drink for weeks and up to a couple of days ago they were feeding her through a tube into her stomach but since there is no longer any chance that she is going to recover at all the doctors along with my dad and aunts and uncles have made the decision to stop all her nutrients and medication (they say that she's not in any pain) so now it's just time until we lose her and I really don't know if any of the family will be up to my wedding so soon after her death. I'm fairly sure knowing her the way that I do that she would want me to go ahead I just am not sure if I can. Sorry it's been such a long post but I really needed to get it off my chest and there's no one else that I can really talk to about it.
  2.  
    • Mrs henderson 2B :)
      CommentAuthorMrs henderson 2B :)
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I am so sorry to here this Vicki. A month a go my grandad had a stroke too and was in cricitial care for ten days but without upsetting you he is doing ok, still not properly my grandad but he doing ok. So I do feel for you and no exactly where you are with your emotions and a wedding to plan. If I was you I would see how you feel when that time comes Hun, people will understand as to why you post pone it again, it is down to you and your oh.

    Hope you are ok sending hugs your way
    Xx
  3.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
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    Hun your wedding will be thing that they focus on ... The thing that help them more than you will realise

  4.  
    • vicki
      CommentAuthorvicki
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I'm going down to visit her and the family tomorrow, it's so hard being so far away from everybody ( they live in Birmingham and I'm in Edinburgh) so I guess I'll see how I feel after I've seen the family and talked to my Mom and Dad about what they think that I should do. The problem is that I'm going to need to know who if any of them are coming up but I don't want to push it with the way things are so I guess for the moment it's just a case of waiting and seeing and I'm not good at that I like to know exactly what's going on and if I'm honest I feel completely out of control of things at the moment. Hope this all makes sense and that I'm not rambling too much
  5.  
    • *The NewMrsMalin*
      CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
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    So sorry to hear that Vicki :( I think your wedding would give everyone and you something to focus on and look forward to. It is 3 months away so in that time you and them may feel a bit better about going ahead with the wedding; I'm not saying when she passes you will all 'get over it' in a couple of months but having something to look forward to may help you focus on something other then grief. I lost my granddad in January this year; his funeral was on valentines day...and I still miss him and grieve occasionally and it has been nearly 6 months. You will miss her during the wedding as I missed my Grandad being absent from our engagement parties but with the joyful atmosphere and business of the day; it might be good for everyone :S

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  6.  
    • almost a year wife!!
      CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
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    Ah sorry to hear this hun, however your wedding will probably be the thing tht everyone will need... Also she probly wouldn't want you to postpone again x

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  7.  
    • brilly
      CommentAuthorbrilly
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    So sorry to hear about your nan Vicki, its going to be tough but you said yourself your nan wouldnt want you to postpone and like the ladies have said it will most likely give the family something to focus on xx

    31st August 2013 I became Mrs Carrick
    Cant wait to do it all over again in 2018

  8.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
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    You could turn it into part of the wedding celebrations; make sure she is remembered in some way.

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  9.  
    • vicki
      CommentAuthorvicki
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I am going to have a picture of all my grandparents in a locket attached to my bouquet so that they're close to me on the day. I don't want to make too big a deal of it as I don't want to upset my family on what is meant to be a happy day. I hope that you don't think that I'm heartless but if we do go ahead I want the day to be about me, OH and our children becoming a family
  10.  
    • FernP61
      CommentAuthorFernP61
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Aw that's so sad I know it's easily said but if your man does pass she would still want you to go ahead with your wedding, a family event brings people together and reminds them of how precious life is x
  11.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
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    Ow sweety im so sorry to hear about your gran, i lost mine a couple weeks ago :(. I would wait till after the fact to make your desicion. Just know shes always going to be there with you and may be sad the idea that you had to postpone due to this! <3

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  12.  
    • CommentAuthorkrissy905
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    so sorry to hear about your nan I would speak to your family about it when you see them see what they think but from personal experience I think a wedding could be just what everyone needs to lift their sprits a little. It will be hard for you on the day I'm sure but I think it doesn't matter how near or far from her passing your wedding is it will effect you just the same. My mum died 24 years ago this year and I know I will be missing her on my wedding day and will have a little cry about it on the morning x
  13.  
    • Ana40
      CommentAuthorAna40
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    This is sad news to hear, I do hope your nan is as comfortable as possible and that your family are all able to support each other. Personally if it were me I would keep the date as it is 3 months away. Plus as cliché as it sounds your nan probably wouldn't want you to cancel. X

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  14.  
    • vicki
      CommentAuthorvicki
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Yes the family are very close and are always there for each other which is great and I know that if my Nan knew that I was even considering postponing my wedding because of her that she would give me the telling off of my life, it just seems horrible that this time when I'm getting married I'm going to lose her and when I married my ex husband I lost my Grandad in the May as I got married in the October life really isn't fair
  15.  
    • Officially Mrs M
      CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
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    the wedding could be the uplift they all need after your nan and also the uplift you might need hun

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  16.  
    • FionaR41
      CommentAuthorFionaR41
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    i would agree with the others that the wedding will give something for everyone to look forward to. Yes it will be hard when the day comes but you could always do something special on the day for your nan.
    They say people can still hear, so you can still talk to her about the wedding.

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  17.  
    • Rennie1989
      CommentAuthorRennie1989
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I am so sorry to hear about your Nan. I am very close to my Nan too so I understand your pain. My thoughts go out to you and your family.

    I agree with the others that you should go ahead with the wedding. It'll give the family something to look forward to and I'm sure your Nan wouldn't want you to delay the wedding any longer.
  18.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
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    Hun if ever you need to chat please feel free to contact me ..... I'm a qualified grief n bereavement counsellor

  19.  
    • vicki
      CommentAuthorvicki
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks for that Lala. My Nan was aware of the wedding before she had her second stroke (she had her first 12 years ago) and had decided that she wasn't well enough to make the trip up for my wedding. We are getting married where we live in Edinburgh as my MIL wouldn't have been able to make it if we got married in my home town of Dudley as she had a stroke 5 years ago. Does anyone know if and where I can get a charity pin for the stroke association as I would love to give something like this s our favours .
  20.  
    • Mrs Cartwright
      CommentAuthorMrs Cartwright
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    i have posted a link on your wall which may be useful it's a celebration fund used for weddings etc.. to give money to them. Hope it helps x
  21.  
    • VintageChic
      CommentAuthorVintageChic
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    Vicki there's a chest heart and stroke charity shop in D'Mains and I'm pretty sure they sell the charity pins at their counter. Though I've only ever walked past never been in.

    Also huge hugs on your sad news can only imagine how difficult it must be but have to agree that you might be best waiting to see how you feel.

    You know where I am if you need to offload x

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  22.  
    • carnally
      CommentAuthorcarnally
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    So sorry to hear of your news. We are in a similar situation at the minute. My dips dad died 2 weeks ago and my own granda took ill 4 days after dps dad was buried and is not expected to see tonight. It's a very difficult time but we have decided to continue with our wedding in 68 days time. They would both want us to go ahead with it and they were looking forward to it.

    Do what feels right for you and your family. You will have a good day and you can remember her in some special way. I'm going to have a candle burning throughout the day for them.

    Remember to look after yourself too at this difficult time.
  23.  
    • KATG
      CommentAuthorKATG
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    Sorry to hear your news hun. We have had a tough couple of months, H2Bs best man passed away and his sister has been diagnosed with breast cancer and is having a mastectomy on monday. We thought seriously about postponing but after a good chat with MIL2B we decided not to. she said that things always happen in life and if we postponed when something bad happened we would never be married. On your day people will be glad of something to celebrate hun, so dont feel bad about getting married. We are mentioning people who have passed or cant be there in our ceremony just to acknowledge them, but we intend to enjoy ourselfs and have our special day regardless.

    So I guess im saying speak to your family and make a decision that is right for you xxx

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  24.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
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    So sorry to hear that hun...
    Remember that being happy and having a reason to celebrate is by no means disrespectful to the feelings of sadness you may also have at the same time. Some people feel guilty that they feel happy about something/enjoying a celebration when they perhaps feel as though they 'should' be feeling sad about something else...
    If you think she'd want you to go ahead, then don't feel guilty about enjoying such a happy occasion. Doesn't mean you'll miss her any less. Doesn't mean you love her any less.
    On your day enjoy it for you - and enjoy it on her behalf too.
    My best friends dad passed away in January and she's torn that he not be there for her big day, but his passing has reminded her that life is too short to not celebrate the good things in life whenever you can, and to do it with your loved ones in your heart & mind xx




  25.  
    • vicki
      CommentAuthorvicki
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Update
    Nan died at 2:15pm this afternoon. Right at the moment as you can imagine she is all that I am thinking about but I am grateful for all of your support and also the fact that I got to see her and say my goodbyes yesterday before we came home. So right now I am just taking one day at a time and will think about what we are going to do about the wedding after her funeral which I haven't got a date for yet but I think we will go ahead and just get the stroke association pins for everyone in her memory
  26.  
    • almost a year wife!!
      CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
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      edited
     
    O hunny I'm so so so so sorry to read this massive hugs to you and yours, will be thinking of you
    Lots of love xxxx

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  27.  
    • Joanna
      CommentAuthorJoanna
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    So sorry to read this :( huge hugs to you and your family!

    The greatest thing you'll ever learn
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  28.  
    • Mrs Cartwright
      CommentAuthorMrs Cartwright
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    So sorry to hear your news Vicki. Thoughts go out to you and your family. If you need to talk you know where we all are xx
  29.  
    • MrsMoran
      CommentAuthorMrsMoran
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    Awww am so so so sorry to read this hun :-( my thoughts are with you and your family xx definitely take one day at a time and we're all here if you need to talk xxx




  30.  
    • SamanthaB46
      CommentAuthorSamanthaB46
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I am so sorry to hear this, I think that your idea with the stroke association pin is a brilliant idea. All the best to you and your family. xxx
  31.  
    • Mrs henderson 2B :)
      CommentAuthorMrs henderson 2B :)
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I am so sorry to hear this Vicki. My thoughts are with you and your family. You know where we all are if you need to talk.

    Sending hugs your way

    Xxxx
  32.  
    • LynD
      CommentAuthorLynD
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    so sad to hear this.. as with all the others my thoughts are with you all xxx




  33.  
    • Karen22
      CommentAuthorKaren22
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    So sorry to hear your sad news. Thinking of you. Xxx

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    Mrs Gill
    24th August 2013

  34.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
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    Sweetie she is at peace now and watching over you

  35.  
    • Sonya
      CommentAuthorSonya
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    Hugs to you and your family x

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  36.  
    • vicki
      CommentAuthorvicki
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Update
    Things really have gone from bad to worse with planning our wedding. I lost both my aunt and my Nan earlier this year and now just 5 weeks before we're due to get married my MIL2B has had a major stroke and is definitely not going to make it to the wedding if she survives that long. My OH wants to go ahead with the wedding and MIL's sister has said it is what she would want but this really feels like deja vu at the moment
  37.  
    • Becky1608
      CommentAuthorBecky1608
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    Oh hun, I'm so so sorry to hear this. I've just been reading and feel so emotional for you.

    I wish I knew what to suggest but I think unless you've been in a similar position, it's difficult to advise what to do for the best! Maybe take each day as it comes at the minute and make a final decision in a week or 2?

    Sending you lots of love and best wishes xxxxx

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  38.  
    • *The NewMrsMalin*
      CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
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    Oh no you're having a really hard time at the moment; I think as I said before that you should go ahead with the wedding as you all need something to focus on.

    If she can't make it then maybe you could arrange a live video link so she could watch you get married from home; by using a webcam or something like that. I really hope it doesn't get any worse for you and your oh. I hope your mil2b is in better health soon :(

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  39.  
    • sarah
      CommentAuthorsarah
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    I'm so sorry to hear your news. I definitely think you should go on with your day. You and your family need some happiness in your lives right now x




  40.  
    • FernP61
      CommentAuthorFernP61
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    So sorry Hun atleast she's at rest now and will be watching over you it wS the second anniversary of my mum passing thurs and it was really hard it will also be her 50th next June so I'm dreading that we had plans to go to Egypt :( take done time out for yourself and have a think, xx
  41.  
    • LauraM9144
      CommentAuthorLauraM9144
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    :/ sad :/ to be perfectly honest i read your firs post then skipped the answers as i cry at everything ad this seemed wrong to cry at when the pain is not mine. the only advice i would give is too ask yourself what would she want? you can have something special inyour day to remember her by and im sure that a wedding and a celebration of life i something welcome after something so painful . spea too a family member and see what they say but i reckon it may be just the celebration people would be hoping for . stay strong and plan as usual but with a bit of her spirit in your heart . wishing you the best. xx

    One BIG day will lead to lots of little happy days !!


  42.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
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    Can I just say how sorry I am Hun .... But cancelling your wedding won't change anything...(I am a qualified grieve n bereavement counsellor )

  43.  
    • vicki
      CommentAuthorvicki
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I guess that at the moment my main concern is my H2B as he's back and forward to the hospital twice a day at the moment to see his mom, but on the other hand I know that you're all right unless a miracle happens his mom is never going to be able to be at the wedding whether we postpone or not and he wants to go ahead as planned so I think that it has to be his decision to a certain extent
  44.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
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    Yep it allows him to have control over something when he is feeling helpless regarding his mum .... Take his lead on this

  45.  
    • FernP61
      CommentAuthorFernP61
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hopefully she will have the strength to hang on, my mum got diagnosed with cancer August 2011 booked wedding for four weeks after she deteriorated but hung on and died eagle hours I think she wanted that wedding so much it kept her mind going thinking of the wedding xx
 

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