Will you be promising to 'honour and obey' your husbands?
Prince William and Kate Middleton chose to leave the 'obey' part out - H2B and I have decided to replace it with 'honour and respect'
What are your opinions? Should wives still obey their husbands?x
CommentAuthorLittle Kettle
Our were honour and respect. Given the choice, I wouldn't have said obey. I wouldn't have liked and Dave wouldn't feel comfortable with it - why start our marriage on a lie LOL!
Vegas baby!
Moderator
CommentAuthorEmbbem-MrsW
i think we'll be changing it too. my mum had that line taken out when she got married the second time. including the honour part which i find quite ironic now really
I must be crazy giving myself only 6 months!
Engaged 17th Octobr 2011
Wedding 21st April 2012
CommentAuthorOct12bride86
I dont agree with it either. Do civil ceremoney say that too, if so it will be changed!!
Kirsty xxx
Was 14 st now 11st 10lb
CommentAuthorMel D
We had a civil ceremony and we had a list of vows to choose from ... I can't remember which we chose but there were no promises on either side to obey the other!
Got married Sat 28/05/2011
Renewing vows Sat 29/05/2021
We're planning WELL in advance!!
Our was a civil ceremony Oct12...but it was in the USA, so could well be different.
Vegas baby!
Moderator
CommentAuthorEmbbem-MrsW
yeah you can have those for civil.
I must be crazy giving myself only 6 months!
Engaged 17th Octobr 2011
Wedding 21st April 2012
CommentAuthorjennywren
I think it's nice to have some of the old vows but I can understand why some if not most people would like to change a few words here and there. When some of these vows were originally written it may sound corny or whatever but it was a different world back then.
I like to think that hubby to be and have a few oldfashioned values and I still feel my place would have been at home looking after the house ect if my health hdn't got in the way.
CommentAuthorNavyBaby
Well marrying into the military...my H2B is more tidy and houseproud than I am. Sometimes, I just fancy leaving the washing up til the next morning!! So I definitely wont be 'obeying' him, we're thinking of writing our own vows which I think could be quite nice.
One of my best friends step-mums is a registrar and she'll be marrying us :) x
CommentAuthorbridalmiss
edited
I'm keeping it. Marriage started off as a Christian union joining two people together for the rest of their lives - the vows come from a context where each partner promises to love, honour and obey each other as they would do for their Lord - ie. love unconditionally and give respect to each other - and holding the other up with such importance as they would do the head of their faith. I think this is such an important part of the wedding promises to each other as there really is no greater promise to make to another person, and I find it hard that people these days are diluting the message and purpose of marriage by not necessarily realising what an important process it is, and feeling they have the right to substitute these meaningful vows with words of their own.
Just my two penneth on the situation, my viewpoint only, please don't turn this into a Christian/atheist debate...
CommentAuthorNavyBaby
I love that your keeping in with tradition bridalmiss, its really sweet.
H2B and I just felt that although we've both been christened, neither of us are religious and we felt it'd be very hypocritical to get married in church. Neither of us 'worship' or 'honour' a 'Lord' and neither of us have a massive understanding of the religious context behind marriage. We've never needed to understand it. This is why we've decided on a civil service.
If H2B promised to Obey me, maybe it wouldnt be as bad.x
CommentAuthorbridalmiss
That's fine Navy, in our service we are making the same promises to each other, word for word, so I agree that's fair! :-)
CommentAuthormummy2Olivia_Lisa
we kept very traditional with our vows........... i wanted to say my vows as id always imagined them my whole live from films n other weddings as a kid... i felt it romantic to stick with tradition just a little as tradition gets lost a bit sometimes with a wedding day which isn a bad thing but dunno i always watch the fairytalehappy ending in films when the couple finally got together and wed thats just how i imagined it..
i have never in my life said a more important set of words than my wedding vows and iv never meant anything more in my life, although everything hasnt worked out how i wanted i still believe in that happy ever after 1 day and i still verymuch believe in marriage, i think if i ever re married which id love to think i will 1 day that i will still stick to traditional old fashioned vows....
oops rambled a bit there lol! x
6 n a half weeks scan!!!!!! x x x
CommentAuthorKimmie.Bride.to.be
Not actually thought about this. We have not long had our pack with the vows in, and so havent chosen any yet. But I will bare this in mind, I dont like the sound of obey either.
Haha, NavyBaby, I know exactly what you mean, h2b is like that too. Likes to get everything done there and then. Annoying sometimes lol xx
CommentAuthorAtaraxia
I am not sure of our wording yet but whatever the vows are, I wont be obeying anyone unless he has to promise to obey me too hehehe.
I think that what bridalmiss said about vows being important is true but we are writing our own vows because we arent religious and so to have a religious ceremony would probably be hypocritical, we have to have a register office ceremony to be legal and then we have our blessing so we can make the vows to each other that we feel marriage is about. I don't think it dilutes the message to rewrite your vows so they are more meaningful to you and your h2b... A promise made to honour your husband as you would honour a god you don't believe in isnt much of a promise haha but whatever works for you as a couple. Marriage can be a vow before god, a vow before your family or even just a vow before just the two of you. As long as you mean the words you say, thats all that is important!
Got married 27th June and blessed on July 5th 2012
Finally Mrs M :3
Love, love... Here we are.
CommentAuthorLegoWife
I think if you both promise to obey each other and it's not a one sided thing it's fine. I'd see it as less of a "do what I tell you to do" thing and more of a "don't refuse me when I ask you of something"
We'll probably be having vows that are specific and meaningful to us though, and wouldn't get married in a church- like what navybaby said, we're not religious at all either and I feel like it'd be an insult for us to get married in a church when we don't believe a word of it.
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthorSweetchilli
I prefer honour and respect but I've just looked at my suggested vows and honour and obey aren't there anyway lol
CommentAuthorbridalmiss
I totally agree that you can make up your own vows for a civil ceremony, which is just the legal side of marriage - but if having a church wedding in the sight of God I think you should make the 'religious' vows - I'm surprised the honour and obey vow is used in civil ceremonies due to the meaning behind it...!
CommentAuthorxnikki86x
H2B and I have recently been joking about this. He keeps joking that I have to obey him and me being the 'trouser wearer' told him it's his duty to obey me lol but we have decided to leave that part out as we think it's too old fashioned and wanted to replace with respect as we would rather have the utmost respect for each other and talk things through rather then just do as the other person says. But in saying that, we received the marriage service walkthrough and obey is nowhere to be seen so I don't know if all registrars/churches etc are choosing to leave that part out these days? x
CommentAuthorMrsCaitiClarke
nikki I'm changing ours to obey as well. Asked h2b what he wanted and he said he wants to change me saying obey to me saying "worship and revere". I don't think so darling ;).
I can't wait to marry the love of my life - 28/04/2012
OCD Bride - it's all in the details!
CommentAuthorloustew2012
i dont think we will be using obey in ours sounds too old fashioned.
our minister is coming down in february to sort ours out as i wont see him till our wedding in november next year (hes ma cousin husband and hes based in inverness!!)
will wait to see what he brings down
xx
All the ways of my life id rather be with you.
Theres no way without you.
10.11.12
CommentAuthorxnikki86x
Lmao that is tooo funny MrsClarke2Be, never heard that one before! x
CommentAuthoremmaaa
The thought of saying obey makes me cringe, to me it just screams of a time when the woman was "owned" by her husband. Spoke to h2b about it a few days ago, he was quite bemused at the idea that I'd even consider it, and was adamant he didn't want it. Whatever floats your boat I guess!
CommentAuthorMrsCaitiClarke
We're definitely going to change obey to respect - we already love and respect each other but we don't like the idea that I've got to promise to be his posession and 'do as I'm told' for our married lives! I suppose it's similar to being 'given away'...women were traded like commodities. Just a nice tradition now I guess as I'm still being given away by my Dad! x
I can't wait to marry the love of my life - 28/04/2012
OCD Bride - it's all in the details!
CommentAuthorNavyBaby
I'm still being given away and I'm wearing a veil over my face which is supposed to represent your Dad 'presenting' his daughter to her new husband (back in the olden days, bride and groom may not have met and they wanted to keep the brides looks secret in case the groom didnt like her! how horrid!)
will not be sayin those words he can if he chooses to but i will NOT say obey to anyone!!!!! x
met him 25/8/97
he proposed 4/3/98
get married 21/4/12 then i will become mrs johnson
3 beautiful children together
CommentAuthorstressed to max b2b
ps he will obey me weather he says it in his vows or not LOL x
met him 25/8/97
he proposed 4/3/98
get married 21/4/12 then i will become mrs johnson
3 beautiful children together
CommentAuthorMrsCaitiClarke
LOL stressed to max that's a good idea!!! I need to whip mine into shape - he said himself he's getting lazy cos I do everything for him! Dad wants to do the whole "who gives this woman to be married?" line as well - think he wants to make sure he's getting rid of me ;) Xx
I can't wait to marry the love of my life - 28/04/2012
OCD Bride - it's all in the details!
CommentAuthor♥Future Mrs Midgley♥
I think as long as both people say it -and both mean it - it is ok. I don't really get it though tbh. Obey what? A small request like asking him to put the bins out? Or a big request like asking him to be faithful? Seeing as I don't really understand the proper meaning, I doubt we will be having it. x
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
not sure what we will be doing ...... have to discuss that when we get to america next year
I'd only say obey if he said the same vows. we live in the 21st century women are not owned by their husbands no more!!
CommentAuthormrs m
I will not be saying Obey, he can if he likes. I won't mean it so am not saying it. Neither of us are religious either so not much point.
Happily in love and can't wait to be married! xx
CommentAuthorJane
leaving it all out as writtin our own just gonna say the legal words at the beging think it's D2 the registrar form not even gonna do the ring bit as we've wrote our own as well x
yay soon 2 be Lady Jane Bradbury
CommentAuthorOWB
edited
My reverend has said that she won't use obey. She also won't say the words "who gives this girl to be married", as it has links with slavery. She instead asks "who will be representing the family in giving blessing for the marriage".
If only life could be one long tea break
CommentAuthorpennieb-MrsRiley
Our vicar told us that obey is no longer the standard wording in weddings these days anyway - and nor is the "giving away" part unless it is requested. We didn't obey - but Steve does still owe my dad 30 camels for giving me to him ;)
Now, finally, Mrs Riley
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
I have the greatest husband!
CommentAuthor~feebee~
Ha ha, bit hard to get hold of camels in this country :D
I need to see the vows, I need to memorise them incase I can't hear properly. I did that when I first got married. I didn't obey the first time and I'm not this time. I like 'respect' much better :)
