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Wedding Forum - Will I regret not invitng my sister???...

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  1.  
    • KR84
      CommentAuthorKR84
      Posted: Jun 9th 2014
     
    My sister caused a lot of friction in my mothers side of the family to the point where no one is talking to her.Things got really serious & there were a lot of lies told.She was fond of the drink & went off the rails quite a lot & her child was neglected because of this.I have not spoken to her in nearly 2 years & seen her briefly up untill about a year ago.She is seeing my biological fathers side,a man who I had got in contact with then decided it was a bad idea......twice!!

    Anyway,My mum & step-father said to me recently that I will regret not inviting her to my wedding which I don't understand because they are not talking to her either & don't wish to as she hasn't apologized & is still seeing her father.I don't feel that I will regret it as I haven't had an apology either but my parents still insist I will.

    I don't know what to do.We did have a bad childhood & i've been depressed for years over it,so this may be the case for her too.My eldest child has contacted her through book face & the rest have asked if she's coming to the wedding.My children are fond of her daughter & wish to see them both.I know there's being the better person but I don't want to seem like I'm running to her.....yet again.

    Any advice???
  2.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 9th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I don't think anyone can ultimately say what they think you should do, other than go with what you feel, and don't feel guilt tripped. I haven't invited my Dad. I have days where it hurts, as a part of me would have liked him to be there, but as much as it hurts, I'm just inviting people who care and are a part of our lives. I tell myself I shouldn't feel sad or guilty, as I have made every effort over the years, and it has been 1 sided.
  3.  
    • KR84
      CommentAuthorKR84
      Posted: Jun 9th 2014
     
    Thanks for your reply.I completely understand where your coming from.My situation is slightly different.I think my biological father is controlling my sister as he tried this with me & my sister actually wasn't speaking to him when I was.She contacted him when she knew that no one wanted to speak to her on my mums side.I now think she may be afraid to contact me knowing that she did wrong & feels like she has to stick with her dad if she wants any sort of family at all.
  4.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 9th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    From your first post I would have said don't invite her, as it didn't seem you had any interest in her or her being there.... but from your second I wonder if that is the case.

    How long do you have until the wedding?

    Could you make contact with her without inviting her first to see how things go and then invite her if you decide to later on?

    I do not think making contact by inviting her to the wedding is a good idea at all though, if you do invite her then you should be talking before that point.




  5.  
    • JennK
      CommentAuthorJennK
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 9th 2014
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    How long is it until the wedding? Maybe you can make a decision nearer the time?
    I am currently on bad terms with my Dad so he is not the provisional guest list, but I don't have to make any final decisions for a while so things may change.

    Members signature icon
    Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3


  6.  
    • leasa
      CommentAuthorleasa
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 9th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I hope you find your answer, the only one who can make that decision is you!

    Others can offer advice, but it's how you feel.

    I had a big bust up with my sister last October and for 2 months we weren't talking...I couldn't figure out why, she wouldn't tell me what I'd done wrong just flew off at me and sent me a text saying she wouldn't be attending the wedding, let alone be part of it (she's my moh).

    By Christmas she still wasn't returning my calls so I removed her from my guest list.
    I was devastated. We've not always seen eye to eye, and she's always the one to throw a hissy fit if she doesn't get her own way.

    She turned up at my house on Christmas Day all apologetic, turns out she thought my wedding was 30th April (the day our mum died) but it's the 30th May.

    (Sorry long story) she's made comments on my choice of shoes , hideous was the way she described them! But it wouldn't be the same without her.. I've got a thick enough skin to just let her fly and know she'll try to be the centre of attention.

    I want my sister to be there, no matter what, but do you???

    Members signature icon
    Met 30th May 2005
    Proposed in Monte Carlo August 25th 2013
    Became Mrs K on 30th May 2015
    Married my Gorgeous Greek God
  7.  
    • CharlieBe-Cool
      CommentAuthorCharlieBe-Cool
      Posted: Jun 9th 2014
      Ticker backgroundTicker foreground
     
    I know how you feel. My sister is very similar. She drinks too much and becomes vile when she's had a few - hence my reluctance to have her and her husband at ours. However, my family would never let me forget it if we didn't invite them, and to be honest she managed to hold it together at her wedding so figured maybe she'll do same at mine. Either way, I've told her in no uncertain terms that if she, her partner or my mum get drunk and make a scene they WILL be asked to leave.

    Only you know how you feel and how she is likely to react when in attendance or if she doesn't get an invite an all. All I'd say is don't let a shared childhood and pity cloud your judgement - if your reluctant there must be a pretty good reason why. I've let my sister get away with ALOT due to misplaced loyalty and feeling sorry for her.

    Members signature icon
    Met my prince charming - May 2002
    Finally tying the knot - July 2015
    Where there is love there is life - Muhatma Ghandi
  8.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 9th 2014
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    One side of my family aren't coming to mine by choice, but right now I wouldn't want them there for how they've behaved. Although, if a few months closer to the weddi g we were speaking again I don't know if I would change my mind or not.

    It depends on whether you can forgive her and enjoy your day without thinking 'I wish my sister was here'. If you can they crack on without her, otherwise sit and have a good think about it. It may well be that she comes around by then and apologises to you all. I would personally wait until closer to the time.

    Members signature icon
    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  9.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 9th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    ahh, I understand now. I think I wouldn't invite her. For just 1 day I would put my own (and fiance's) happiness first. Sounds like she's had plenty of time to make up for it, but it hasn't materialised. I wouldn't chance using my wedding as handing her an olive branch, incase it didn't work out.
  10.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 9th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think it's ultimately your choice. Me and my sister weren't talking when I got engaged so if we weren't talking now I wouldn't have invited her as I only want ppl there that I'm comfortable with having there and want to feel great on my wedding day. Don't be pressured into it if you decide not is the best plan x

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  11.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2014
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    If things aren't great between you, then you've got nothing to lose by talking to her and explaining your hesitancy in inviting her - lay your cards on the table and if she says she doesn't want to come, then no loss. If she decides to pull her act together, come and be amicable, then that's good, surely?




  12.  
    • Halebob85
      CommentAuthorHalebob85
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I agree with Donna, meet up beforehand to have a chat and see how it goes. If it goes well then invite her.
    Your mum was probably saying you should invite her as she won't want you to have any regrets. Despite the tension there is. She is still your sister and you are the only one who knows how you feel about her and the situation.
    My SIL is not coming to our wedding. She fell out with my MIL last year and ultimately my H2B. She has alienated herself from the whole family and said some hurtful things to everyone so she wouldn't be welcome. Our spy on FB said that she posted that she was hurt that she hadn't received an invite to her own brothers wedding. Errr what planet is she on. It is all for FB benefit and her 'friends' on there to pander to her sob story about her horrible family.

    Met August 2003
    Started planning 2012
    Getting married 29th June 2014
  13.  
    • SianP10
      CommentAuthorSianP10
      Posted: Jun 10th 2014
     
    I can absolutely relate to most things alcohol, having dealt with an alcoholic mother for most of my 23 years! It's your choice - I have family members on both sides of the fence but reassurance from the same side as me does not affect the mental battles I have with myself. Do what you feel is right, change your mind over and over. Only you will know what you truly want, even if you seem unsure right now. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks - I find the ones who voice their negative opinions the loudest in my bloodline do the very least to help. It is up to you. Your day. I am inviting my mum but will have someone designated to sort her out if she gets out of hand. I will not be interested on the day if she plays up! In my heart of hearts, I believe she will be on her best behavior. OH does not agree.

    Follow your heart.

    Members signature icon



  14.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2014
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    Perhaps you could use your children's wish to see her daughter as a catalyst to restart contact. If you talk then while the children play you might be able to talk openly and calmly. Take it from there and see how you feel.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  15.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 10th 2014
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    by the sounds of it, your will regret it if you do inviter her. Im not inviting my dad.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  16.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2014
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    If your father is controlling her, she may need a way out, and you might be it. It really depends though on how she treats you if you make contact. When will you be sending the invites out?

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  17.  
    • mrs Burton2b
      CommentAuthormrs Burton2b
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2014
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    Only you can decide hun , like Donna said meet up and see how you feel

    Members signature icon
    follow your heart and you're dreams will come true


  18.  
    • GemmaS890
      CommentAuthorGemmaS890
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 11th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Im not inviting my sister as shes totally 'me me me' no matter the situation. Im also not inviting my 'birth' mother as shes to fond of the drink
 
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