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  1.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
      edited
     
    Hi ladies!
    Before I start with my discussion, please be aware before I say all this, that I KNOW how bratty this sounds, I really do, but even almost two years on it's still upsetting me!

    Basically, I had a long break from Wedding planning as we've now decided on a destination wedding but now that it's all back up and running, the same thoughts are still playing on my mind, but are now becoming more prominent thoughts as I'm surrounded by wedding stories, and every girl I know seems to be getting proposed to in the most fabulous way, and showing off their rocks!

    So, there's two things. Number 1: I was so disappointed with my proposal that I cried about it for days afterwards at night. And two, I really don't like my ring that much.

    BACK STORY:
    It's actually so hard to talk about, without sounding like a stupid, little ungrateful girl, and my close friends just don't understand, and think I'm just being a massive spoilt brat, but it's honestly not about wanting to be lavished upon.
    Ever since I was a little girl, I have dreamt of getting Married. I'm like the stereotypical little girl you see at the beginning of 'Bride wars', and I always imagined the most romantic proposal in a little secluded private place, with a big bunch of flowers , maybe some candles, and for him to get down on one knee and propose to me with the most perfect, unique ring. That's it. No fireworks, or flash mob, or big expensive gesture, no animals delivering my ring, no £10,000 giant rock that takes up half my hand. But the only thing I knew I didn't want, and said many a time, was for it to be on Christmas Day, and at home.
    Can you guess how my proposal went down?
    It was our first Christmas in the new house, with a new baby, and a few months before we had been talking about Marriages or some reason, and he decided to tell me after 5 years of being together, that he never saw the point in getting Married!!!! Honestly, we've spoken about it before, and he's never expressed any opinion like that before, it's always been positive vibes. So I obviously kicked off about it and said that considering his parents have been happily married for over 25 years I don't understand where he was coming from, etc? And he basically just said that it doesn't make him anymore committed to me, we have a house and a baby, what more else could he give me? So I obviously voiced my opinions on the subject and I started saying that if he had told me this at the beginning, I wouldn't have even dated him at all! So I was royally **** off with this development, but he said that if it meant that much to ME, then he could come round to the idea?!
    Anyways, a few weeks later, he asked me what type of ring I liked (even though I had shown him months earlier when we were in London a few styles I liked) and I was still a bit annoyed with him, and thought that what was the point in going into detail and just getting upset about it, so I was just like, 'Urgh, I don't know, classic, glamourous, timeless I guess? Not yellow gold?' And if at this moment I thought for a second that he would actually start looking, I would have just found the ring I liked and sent him a picture, or shown him!
    And then on Christmas Day, he gave me my presents, I was still in my PJ's and he told me that he had another present he had forgotten upstairs. He came back down and was sort of hanging around the doorway,and said something about how 'he and our daughter needed to get me an extra present and couldn't think of what to buy me, so thought the best thing they could get would be an Engagement ring' and then he got down on one knee and asked me to Marry him...
    I was so overwhelmed that I obviously said yes, and put on the ring and called my mum and friends to tell them. But secretly, I was SO upset with how crap the proposal was, and so disappointed in how boring the ring was.
    Now, before people say that was a nice proposal, it wasn't. I basically did all of the work.
    The house was decorated immaculately because I spent about 8 hours decorating it, because on that day we had an Arguement about him not helping and so I did it all myself. We had his family and mine coming over for Christmas dinner and it was the first one I had ever cooked, so I had to rush around like a mad woman to get ready as I was too busy telling my Mum and friends about the Engagement, then had to start dinner with wet hair and trackies on as I didn't have time to get dressed properly as they arrived, so didn't get any photos with me in them for the Engagement or our first Christmas together as a family. And I had to pretend to love the ring and proposal all why trying not to cry because I was so stressed out, and gutted that it took all of the attention away from our daughter's first Christmas, whilst still not allowing me to actually enjoy our Engagement. It was honestly the worst Christmas/Proposal.
    So a few days later I finally plucked up the courage to tell him what was wrong as he kept asking if he had done something to upset me, as I kept leaving the ring on the side, and I wasn't talking to him much, and I started crying and telling him how upset I was with everything, and he said that he was really sorry that it wasn't what I'd hoped for, but he would be really upset if I changed the ring, as apparently he had looked really hard for the perfect ring, (but I really still don't believe him about that at all), and asked me how he could make it better. So obviously I said that apart from proposing all over again with a different ring, he couldn't really, but they was a silly idea anyways, so what would be the point. He said that he originally wanted to do it at a Winter Womderland in the wheel at the top, but the day that we went was the day that he was supposed to receive the ring back from being sized and it didn't arrive in time, so couldn't do it then, then tried Christmas Eve to go down the seafront and do it, but it was torrential rain and I had too much wrapping to do so I said that I couldn't go out. So I started feeling bad, but not as bad as remembering my proposal!
    I looked into changing my ring (told him I was asking about it), and they said that it wouldn't be worth the £2.5K he paid for it if I sold it on, and it would cost me a small fortune if I wanted to put the diamonds into a nicer setting. So told me to just hang on to it, and maybe pass it down to my daughter and save up for another one.

    You Brides are the only ones who understand just how many times you get asked questions about your proposals, and asking to see your ring, and if you cried etc. Well, imagine having to keep telling the same thing over again, but trying to keep it short and sweet so that they understand that you don't want to go into detail?! I just say, 'Ahh, he did it on our first Christmas in the new house with the new baby'.
    And TWO years on I still feel so cheated. I look at my ring every day and it's just not my style; beautiful ring, just not 'MY' ring, amd it reminds me. And now we're starting to look at Wedding bands, and everything I like just doesn't suit my ring one bit, as the entire look is either too boring, or mismatched.

    Please help me to get over this. I don't want to feel like this forever. I love him SO much, and I know that he loves me, and wants me to be happy, but he's just so goddamn unromantic, and now I'm laying here just thinking over and over about how ungrateful I sound!

    Sorry for the loooonnngggg story! I felt like it needed a background story for you to get where I'm coming from!
    X
  2.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Erm I'm not sure what to say really...

    Could you not get an engagement ring and wedding band set within budget and wear your original engagement ring on your other hand so your OH can see you still wear it?

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  3.  
    • Emmilou82
      CommentAuthorEmmilou82
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Ok, so I personally find this very hard to comment on without sounding rude and blunt so the only advice I could perhaps give is to try and stop looking at things in a materialistic kind of way and think about the fact you are going to marry the love of your life.
    The fact he went and spent £2.5k on a ring, ok it's not to your taste, to me it means he didn't just look in the 4rgos book and randomly pick one. Not that there is anything wrong with that either.....but he went out and put his mind to it. A Christmas Day proposal incorporating your daughter to me sounds beautiful..... Ok, that's the last thing you wanted but to be fair, I think it's romantic and I'd be honoured if it were me.
    Maybe In the future you can change your ring and pass the original one to your daughter but remember you have 20 months yet until your wedding so the fact you want it to match your wedding band can be achieved.....

    If it were my friend telling me this, honestly, I'd say to her 'give yourself a shake, you have been very lucky in what you have'.
    I appreciate everyone has expectations and dreams and ok, this isn't how you expected it but give him a break, he didn't even consider getting married until you 'kicked off'

    Sorry it sounds blunt but in my mind I'm saying this as I'm writing, not shouting or being awful lol....... It's hard to interpret text.

    Members signature icon
    Marrying 'The One' on 30th July 2016
    I am now Mrs Emma Stokoe xx

  4.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    No, I know exactly what you mean, and it's what my friends have been saying to me too, but it's hard to put into words how disappointed I am without sounding like the biggest spoilt brat, especially as I know how lucky with literally every other aspect of my life involving him. It's just when you have to look at something every single day, and it's just not to your taste at all, it kinda winds me up all over again.
    Yer, I was thinking about wearing the other one on my right hand, and getting a really nice eternity ring to match a wedding band, but it isn't within our budget ATM, so we would have to wait until maybe our First Anniversary or something I guess?

    I know this is a controversial subject, I was just hoping that maybe there were other brides who went through the same emotions as me and got over it, so they could tell me how to get over it, as I literally HATE feeling like this, as it's put a dampener on the whole beginning part, which should be the most exciting (besides the actually wedding day and rest of my life spent married!). X
  5.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    I read this earlier and had to go away and think about it before posting.

    You said you wanted him to propose Xmas day, he did, yet you are still ungrateful that he done that. You cannot then blame him because you were running late as you phoned around everyone, you could have told everyone when they came to your house, giving you plenty of time to get ready, as for photos, you can have engagement shoots done, these are never done on the day of being engaged.

    So the ring is not to your taste, he picked that for you, he spent A LOT of money on it, he has picked it because he liked it.

    This may sound absolutely harsh, but I personally think that whatever he does is never going to be good enough for you unless you plan it 100% yourself, when I got proposed to, if hubby got down on one knee he'd never have get back up again. It was randomly in the back garden whilst I was chatting with my daughters.

    Please be grateful for what he has done, take a moment to think about how he feels with you 'moaning' about the way he has done it and what he has provided for you. My initial ring he proposed with just to put a ring on my finger cost £16.99, then the real one cost a little over £100, but I love it, I don't want a fortune spent on me.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  6.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    I'm sorry if I sound horrid in that post.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  7.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  8.  
    • JulieB11
      CommentAuthorJulieB11
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    GF, she said the one thing she didn't want was a Christmas Day proposal.
    I can feel sympathy for that part as I've always said I would say no if he had done it on Christmas Day as I hate the idea of it (that's just for me, im not knocking anyone else)
    As for the ring. You may of been mad when you said just yellow gold and classic but if he asks what you want, you give him an answer and he goes and picks it I don't think you have much room to complain about the ring. It's a tough one because there's no way to repropose. Is it possible you could learn to love the ring. Probably not after two years I know, but maybe at least make your peace with it. X

    Members signature icon



  9.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    I'm sorry I have to agree with the other ladies. £2.5k is a LOT of money to spend on an engagement ring. Me and my partner have been living together 2 years no kids or anything to take into account and be paid about £500 for my ring but you know what I really like it!

    Mine broke 3 months after I started wearing it and the shop wouldn't send it for repair because he was never given the certificate for the diamond so my oh said he'd just buy me a new ring as he wanted to spend more anyway. I told him absolutely not because I loved the ring it just needed mending so paid to get it repaired myself... Do I think I could have got a nicer ring? Yea maybe but it wouldn't have been what he picked so I wouldn't want another ring which is what I told him.

    His proposal wasn't fantastic. We were on holiday in Egypt for my birthday and the night before my birthday he insisted on sitting on these secluded hammocks out the back of some accommodation then had Bruno Mars playing and started fiddling round in his pocket. It was awkward but at the same time it was still a proposal and he had put a lot of thought into it ... I think it was excitement to just get the ring on my finger that made him do it there and then.

    I honestly think you're very lucky and if you feel that strongly about it then maybe he isn't the person you should be marrying - it sounds harsh but you need to think about how you want to feel the rest of your life and if your oh constantly feels you're putting him down it will affect him too

    Members signature icon
    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  10.  
    • Baker2Be
      CommentAuthorBaker2Be
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    It took me awhile to think on how to respond to this. Yes it's bratty and obviously he never wanted to get married but he took the time to find a ring and spend that amount of money and then proposed xmas day in your new home new baby which to me sound lovely.

    On the other hand I do agree with the slightly disappointing proposal I like most girls dreamed of that romantic proposal where he would get down on one knee with his little speech prepaired and ask me to marry him (ideally at harry potter studio tours in london in the great hall when everyone moved on to the next room so people wernt watching haha or where we had our first date) instead it was in the centre of birmingham after a meal stood outside in the freezing cold outside the church. Not romantic at all but at the end of the day I love him and were getting married and buying a house so even though my proposal was not what I expected I couldnt care less because I am marrying an amazing man and in a few years it will just be a funny story I complain to the kids about. Not once would I ever think of telling him I didnt like his proposal because it just would be ungratful.

    As to the ring you just have to learn to love it. Wear it every day, take it off just to shower. To be honest I am so used to wearing mine I forget it's there. I love my ring it's just the band is two wide so at first it was really irrating to wear but now I don't notice x

    Members signature icon
    3rd January 2015 I said yes to being your wife
    10th September 2016 we will make it official

  11.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Ahhh I am sorry, I misread that part. My mistake.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  12.  
    • JulieB11
      CommentAuthorJulieB11
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I agree about the ring Becci. Mine was £2.500. Would a £5000 one be bigger and with a more flawless diamond? Yes. If he went and bought it today for me Would it be the one he asked me to marry him with? No. I'm lucky because he knew the one I wanted and bought it. But if it had been a cheaper ring in a totally different style I don't think it would make a difference to me. It's the ring he put on my finger when he proposed and that makes it perfect and priceless to me.

    Members signature icon



  13.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    I do agree though that an Xmas day proposal is not brilliant, something I would not have wanted, or a valentine proposal, or on a birthday. You want that day to be a normal day which you can associate with your proposal and not associate it with another event.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  14.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    I don't mean to sound harsh but can you hear yourself?

    He spent a lot of time and money on getting you a beautiful ring. Yes it might not be what you planned for but it was his choice and he loved it for you. Be grateful that he spent the time to do it.

    He only proposed to you because he knew how much it meant to you. Doesn't that tell you a hell of a lot? That he is prepared to step back and let you have what you want.

    Does it matter where and how he proposed. Isn't the marriage thing about your life together and not about material things. A wedding is one day. Yes it might not be perfect but it is one day. You then have the rest of your life to be together and have perfect days. a proposal is even smaller than that!

    Honestly what are you going to do about planning your wedding. Say no to everything that he wants because the day wont be perfectly how YOU imagined it? it is his wedding day and his proposal too. Might be worth remembering that. Think how he must be feeling right now....

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  15.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Exactly. I literally had to get mine repaired that day in fear he was going to go out and buy a more expensive one for no reason that had no value to it.

    Yes it's only £500 he paid on it but it was from. W4rr3n j4m3s so will have been one of their most expensive rings. And it's lovely. He keeps saying he didn't realise the stone wasn't the full block and that its just a small stone set in a higher mount to make the stone look bigger and keeps saying he's going to get a bigger diamond put in it and I keep having to tell him off for it! It's then got lots of little diamonds inset around the edge which is what I wanted. For me I like how it looks and it's the ring he proposed with and he picked out for me so I'd never change it .. Might just spend a little bit more on my wedding band if I see one that really stands out!

    Members signature icon
    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  16.  
    • DanielleS0709
      CommentAuthorDanielleS0709
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
      edited
     
    Ok I didn't know whether to post or not but I must say they has angered me a little.

    My proposal was far from romantic. At home in the middle of an argument. Not now OH planned it at all but he felt he had to do it then given the circumstance. I felt awful and still do that he didn't get to do it his way but I feel that for his sake not mines as at the end of the day we are still getting married

    You are focusing on the materialistic things not the important ones. Does it really matter? The outcome is still the same regardless. Do what I do and make a joke of it. You really need to get over this and move on. If this is a prominent problem in your life then you have a lot of thinking to do. Your OH actually put thought into it. Isn't that enough?

    Members signature icon
    21st May 2016 xxx


  17.  
    • Mrs D2B
      CommentAuthorMrs D2B
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Ok I can relate a little, not fully but a little. The ring my h2b got me is not one I would have chosen, it's a very simple diamond white gold ring I would have probably chosen something a bit more individual (if you get what I mean) it's not a ring you look at and go "wow that's beautiful" it's just "nice". however I love it because of what it symbolises. It is the promise that he wants to spend his life with me, that we will get married and we will be a family, how the ring looks is not important compared to what it means. And because he chose this ring to make those commitments it is special to me. These are the things to focus on not just on how it looks. In years to come you will have plenty of opportunities to buy another ring, your wedding day, the birth of a child, anniversaries, but your engagement ring is the one that will forever mark the start of that journey so even if you replace it and one day stop wearing it please don't let the look of it out shine the importance of it.
    Again when my h2b proposed it wasn't mind blowingly romantic (in fact it was rather cheesey) we had a meal out on xmas eve, I wasn't impressed by this as I was hosting xmas day for 12 of my family the next day, and he put the ring in my glass of wine, waited for me to find it and then asked. But again this means the world to me as I know h2b was out of his comfort zone he put him self in a position where he was vulnerable in public which is something he normally does his best to avoid, and he did that to show me that he loves me.
    I can tell your upset about how things happened but your h2b tried, he wanted to do things differently but it didn't work out that way yet he still tried to make it special by involving your LO and doing it at a time when your family would be with you to share and celebrate this special time. it may not have been perfect but it doesn't make it any less special.
    I know it's easier said than done but please try to get past your disappointment because things didn't happen as you imagined they would (in life very little often does go the way we want it to) and concentrate on the meaning of it all. Your h2b loves you he is going to marry you (despite his previous views on marriage) and he wants to spend his life with you and your LO. Make your wedding the day you dreamed and don't let the little things get you down.

    Members signature icon
    31/12/2017 A New Year, A New Life, A New Husband and Wife


  18.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    I can understand that you may have been upset at the time and shortly afterwards, but to hang on to this feeling for 2 years is way over the top... it wasn't your perfect engagement, it's not your perfect engagement ring, BUT the man you love asked you to marry him which is the most important thing in all of this. I think you are extremely lucky to have been proposed to on such a special occasion as your child's first Christmas, how lovely to share the experience as a family and include your daughter in it.

    My engagement wasn't the engagement I had always dreamed of, but when it actually happened it didn't matter because the man I love had just asked me to marry him, with the ring he had personally chosen for me. It was the type of ring I'd told him I wanted, and he got it spot on, so no quarrels there. As time has gone on I do wish more and more that I had a different taste back then, as I see other people's engagement rings now and think they're so lovely, but at the end of the day it's MY ring, the ring he proposed to me with, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

    And for your OH to spend £2.5k on a ring.... jut wow. Have you thought about getting a wedding band personally made for you so it fits your engagement ring perfectly?

    I think after all this time you really need to learn to just let it ago and enjoy the experience of being engaged and planning your wedding.

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  19.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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      edited
     
    I'm not really sure what to say...

    Your proposal is pretty much exactly the same as mine, OH proposed on our first Christmas living together after he had given me all of my presents he told me he had one more but I had to close my eyes, when I opened them he was down on one knee in front of me asking me to marry him. I couldn't have imagined a better proposal and Christmas, it was such a simple proposal but perfect for us and it makes every Christmas special now.

    As for my ring, it's simple white gold with a small diamond. It is the style I would have chosen but I might have chosen a slightly bigger one or something with a few more diamonds. However, as soon as I saw this one, all of the thoughts I'd had about what engagement ring I wanted went out of my head because he chose this one and it means the world to me that he went out looking for it and chose something. I love it and wouldn't change it, it wasn't pricey but I don't care, the fact that he proposed, chose the ring and what it symbolises means so much more than how much it cost.

    You seem to be focusing so much more on the actual proposal and the ring rather than what it means. You are marrying the man you love, wedding planning is one of the best experiences in the world, don't let something so insignificant ruin this time. Enjoy it, forget about everything else!

    Members signature icon
    Got together on 14th March 2010
    Got engaged on 25th December 2013
    Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
  20.  
    • Sarah D
      CommentAuthorSarah D
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    I've had to also go away and have a think on replying to this and I don't mean to come across as rude but listen to yourself, I think maybe your expectations were too high of your fiancé and it seems like your focusing on the material element of being engaged and not the being engaged to the man you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. Your engagement story to me sounds lovely and I think you need to remember that the total randomness of the proposal was what was so special and for your OH to include your new baby daughter on her first xmas is so special in itself.

    It feels like your comparing yourself to what others have had in their own engagements and it has to be how you wanted it to impress people, that's not what being engaged is about. Its not a show or a reason to impress people, even if he proposed with a jelly sweet ring it should feel special to you regardless as end of the day its the meaning of the proposal xx

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016


  21.  
    • Mrs Jones
      CommentAuthorMrs Jones
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Dreams never match reality!!

    I hate to say this and will probably get shot down in flames, but I think you are focussing on the materialistic side to all of this rather than the loving thoughtful side. So what it wasn't quite the proposal or the ring you would have chosen, but men think differently to us, and at the end of the day he went out and searched for what he thought was the perfect ring for you and obvously put a lot of time and effort into finding something that he thought you would love. I don't understand why the price of the ring - unless I have misread your post - is even important. It's what the ring symbolises!!

    I don't think any of us had the proposal we had quite dreamed of, but how would we have done it if the shoe had been on the other foot - the guys would probably think, it wasn't quite the way I had always dreamed of. My OH proposed in a chateau in France, again not quite what I had in my head as the ideal proposal, but he had put so much thought and effort into it, that it's special as he hid the ring in a map of France and had been planning it for ages, just like your OH and I think he's proposal sounds lovely and yes I do think you sound bratty!

    I actually feel for your OH as he must be so hurt by your reaction.

    Sorry it's not what you want to hear, but like others, I needed to go away and think before I posted. xx

    Members signature icon
    First Date 26 April 2014
    Proposed 27 June 2015
    Happily Married 18 June 2016
  22.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think social media doesn't seem to help these days. You only need to look on your FB timeline and someone is gushing/boasting about something, but people don't brag about boring things, and it can set expectations to live up to this. But that's life. Not everyone gets proposed to romantically. My husband said he would never get down on one knee, and he didn't (and I waited 10 years too). I have a modest, but nice engagement ring, despite loving bigger diamonds. But I know how long it took for him to save up for it, and that fact alone means so much more to me than a ring that cost a few grand. You have a new home, baby and are getting married. Life could be so much worse, don't you think?
  23.  
    • Mrs Jones
      CommentAuthorMrs Jones
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    That's true I call book face, boast book!!

    Members signature icon
    First Date 26 April 2014
    Proposed 27 June 2015
    Happily Married 18 June 2016
  24.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Very true .. People only ever boast about fantastic ones not about mediocre ones making the whole proposal a bit of a taboo for most men! Tube of you doesn't help either!

    Members signature icon
    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  25.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    I don't think films help either! As a young girl I used to watch a LOT of romantic girly films and it gives you a false expectation of love and life in general. Life is not a fairy tale and things won't always be perfect!

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  26.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Life would be very boring if it was perfect!

    Members signature icon
    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  27.  
    • Mrs D2B
      CommentAuthorMrs D2B
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    I boasted on fb even tho it wasn't the most romantic proposal because I was so proud and honored that he asked me. These over the top romantic engagements always make me think of Ross and Rachel's "engagement" in friends when she's telling everyone there completely fantasized proposal story lol

    Members signature icon
    31/12/2017 A New Year, A New Life, A New Husband and Wife


  28.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    I can't say I've ever watched that lol

    I didn't post anything on the book at all but I aren't really a poster more of an observer

    Members signature icon
    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  29.  
    • Mrs Jones
      CommentAuthorMrs Jones
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    We waited 3 weeks before putting anything on book face as wanted to make sure all close friends and family knew first!

    Members signature icon
    First Date 26 April 2014
    Proposed 27 June 2015
    Happily Married 18 June 2016
  30.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    We posted on FB the same night haha, but we did tell our parents first.

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  31.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
      edited
     
    Hi girls, I think a few things have come across wrong in my original post.
    It has NOTHING to do with the price of the ring. It's that it wasn't my style, and the one that I showed him that I loved was actually £300 CHEAPER than the ring that I got, but the one I liked was more unique, and more my style.
    I DO care about his feelings, which is why I Ummed and Ahhhd about asking about changing the ring or the setting so I could keep the diamond for Ageees before I went out and actually enquired.

    TBH, I can rightly understand why some of you are annoyed at this post, as it makes me seem ungrateful, and you're probably showing your OH's like 'OMG aren't you glad I wasn't like her?!' But I love my OH very, very much, and although this is in the 'wedding nerves' section, I have no second thoughts about Marrying him, at all. I know he isn't as romantic as I would have liked, and it's extremely annoying as I know he used to be with his exes, but they both cheated on him and treated him terribly, so he doesn't like being embarrassingly romantic anymore because of how hurt he was in the past. (God, now I seem even worse).
    And I did say that I know how Lucky I am in every other aspect with my life with him, but I'm honestly not trying to focus on the negative. I have tried to make light of it to people who know how disappointed I was, and I thought that one day I would see it as a funny story to tell, but two years is a lot longer than I thought I would still feel annoyed about this when I think about it.
    Maybe i just am holding a grudge about this? I don't know? I don't usually hang on to the past, but for some reason this has really upset me.

    Before I got proposed to I literally used to sit there on YouTube and watch loads ofProposal videos and cry. I'm THAT much of a Wedding nut! I don't want to show off to my friends about my proposal, but I really wanted a personal one, that was special to me, and I think that as I got the exact thing I always said I didn't want, I don't think I'm being unreasonable in thinking that he could have waited a few more days and done it a different way.
    The Winter Wonderland idea would have been wonderful! As I love Christmas, I just didn't want it to be at home or on Chritmas day.

    I know some Brides have expressed that they don't want to sound rude, but saying that I don't care about what OH wants in the Wedding and nothing being good enough isn't true. I rarely express how upset I am at the Proposal or the ring, I've said it that time straight after, and then once or twice since I've been trying to find a Wedding band, and when I do, I feel Awful for saying it as I see his little face look sad, and it makes me feel like an idiot all over again.

    Well, I got a few of you riled up first thing in the morning, sorry about that! Haha! X
  32.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    There is your problem - watching all the y0utub3 videos of proposal videos. People aren't going to put their proposal videos on that site if it was a [email protected] proposal - all the videos you have probably watched are rare proposals that generally don't happen in the "real" world and in every day life. I think you're expectations were set too high.

    It's time to let go of the grudge and just concentrate on the fact that you are engaged to the man you love, he did spend a lot of time, money and thought choosing your ring, and you are going to marry him and spend the rest of your life with him. x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  33.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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      edited
     
    My ring was £2k what my OH got me. I could of died when I found out he'd spent that much but I wouldn't change it for the world as he chose it. My proposal was far from romantic but I wouldn't change that either. I was cooking tea, turned around and OH was down one knee in the kitchen.
    I didn't even know he was looking at rings or even considering proposing.

    Just think yourself lucky some ladies never get asked to marry their partner or get that amount of money spent on them.

    Just remember it's the thought that counts!

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  34.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Stop dreaming about other people fake days. the chances are that the videos on tube are staged and that most proposals are completely normal. Mine was so special because he hadn't planned it. We had had a standard evening. dinner and TV and he thought in that moment that he wanted to ask me because it was so perfect and normal and how he wants our lives to be forever.
    Yes my hair was greasy and I was in my pjs but none of that matters. It was the most perfect and special moment of my life.

    TV and Videos and online story never show the norm. they always show the extremes. Be it extremely bad or extremely good. they will never show the standard

    I think you just need to move on from it and plan a lovely wedding day. At the end of the day, you cannot change the past so there is no point lingering all hope on it changing.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  35.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    I Agree with Flossie. Forget about the proposal you've geared it up to be something it's not in 99% of cases.

    You've said yourself you can't change it and that your oh looks upset when it's mentioned so you need to let go and forget about it for both your sakes.

    Concentrate on planning the wedding. Once the wedding planning starts the proposal will be a thing of the past. You don't celebratr engagement anniversaries so it's one Christmas it's not going to be around forever. You're upsettjng yourself over the sake of 1 day out of many millions of your life

    Members signature icon
    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  36.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I actually haven't watched a single one since I got proposed to, it was just something I used to do as I loved the Romance! I didn't want a flash mob or something ridiculous like that haha!
    Yes, I am concentrating on planning the Wedding now, which is why this got brought up actually, because people keep asking me about the ring and proposal as I've been trying on dresses, although I've luckily finished my search now, so shouldn't happen too much anymore!
    I knoooowww that the only people I'm upsetting are myself and OH, and that's why I need to get over myself, which is why I originally asked for help of trying to get over it, as its an awful feeling to have.
    After all of this, I decided that I would speak to OH about it, so this morning I showed him a picture of a ring that I wanted, but I wanted a smaller version, as it's a bit garish, and get it as an 'Eternity ring' maybe on our First anniversary, and get a band to match that, and then move my original ring to the right hand, as he said he still wants me to wear it, which is fine. He said that he wouldn't pay for all of it, just the amount that he would have spent on an Eternity ring for me anyways, amd said that I would have to save up the rest of the money myself if I want it, which will be fine as I'm in the middle of applying for a new job, so hopefully I will be able to work loads after the wedding to afford it.
    I think it's a suitable compromise, so I'm still getting a ring that I like, but I'm paying most towards it, but he will still be paying a small amount so it will still be 'from him' in that sense?
    BTW, for those of you interested, I have put a picture of my Original ring in my photo albums, so you can see what I mean about it being a bit more boring than I wanted, as I like things that are unique, and I have seen about 3 more like this just on my facebook since I've been Engaged. As I said before, still a beautiful ring, just not 'my style'.

    Thank you again for your comments, and please don't hold this post against me,as I was genuinely looking for advice on how to get over this feeling! Xx
  37.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    I have to admit Nikki I think that ring is lovely ... Mines very similar just cheaper.. Maybes the diamond band is a tiny bit too much as there's not much metal to it mainly diamond but it's still a beautiful ring ... Do you think you've just become negative against it because of the down fall on the proposal? Lots of women would kill for a ring like that

    Members signature icon
    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  38.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    If you come to a mutual agreement that you're both happy with then win win :)

    Just looked at your ring - it's beautiful!!!! I'd be over the moon to receive a ring like that and genuinely believe it is much more than a 'standard' engagement ring xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  39.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  40.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Do think the ring is lovely to be honest, kinda along the same lines as mine, but mine is squarer if that makes sense and the shouldering not so stand out, it's beautiful. Maybe he saw this one being more expensive and thought you were worth it more than a cheaper ring.

    I know you say you've not watched any videos since the proposal, thing is, you have already watched them. I think that's what you expected a proposal should be like, and not how it truly is. Have you had an engagement shoot? Maybe at would help things along if you have not,

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  41.  
    • Mrs Jones
      CommentAuthorMrs Jones
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Hi Nikki

    Just had a peek at your ring and it's absolutely stunning! I personally think it's beautiful and can't for the life of me think why you would want to change it! Goodness if you think that's boring, mine is positively plain in comparison!!! Mine is a very simple princess cut solitaire on a platinum band and isn't the hugest rock either, but my OH chose it and maybe I would have chosen something different, but I love the fact that he went out and picked it all by himself!

    I've just seen too that you are 10 minutes from me - I'm in Seaford. Have you found a venue yet?

    You don't need to apologise for posting - that's what a forum is all about and if you can't let off steam here, where can you. xx

    Members signature icon
    First Date 26 April 2014
    Proposed 27 June 2015
    Happily Married 18 June 2016
  42.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    I think that ring is so beautiful can see why he picked it!

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  43.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    When my oh proposed, I thought my ring looked awful. I hid the feeling as I hadn't seen it on and I put it on and I loved it! Although it's not exactly the same feeling, I can sort of relate. Normally time would be a great healer, but you've had 2 years and you still feel the same. As he has tried to propose to you again bit other stuff has got in the way, maybe you could propose to him? Not necessarily with a ring or anything. Just something special for you both to remember.

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  44.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Your ring is gorgeous!!! I would be so happy to get something like that!

    Members signature icon
    Got together on 14th March 2010
    Got engaged on 25th December 2013
    Became Mrs P on 14th May 2016 - best day ever!
  45.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Becci, I do actually think that is one of the contributing factors! I said to my mum, that I could have settled for the ring if the proposal was along the right line, or vice versa, but I think as the whole thing was a bit of a let down, the only thing that I CAN do something about is the ring, so maybe that's why I've fixated on changing it for something more along what I would choose.
    GF, I suggested a Wedding photo shoot, and he refused as he's quite shy! I wasn't allowed to put any photos online from our daughter's newborn shoot where he was in them, as he hates having his photo taken, so I've had to restrict them to being upstairs in the house, but I wanted them for US, not for the world to see, so I'm not too bothered about not being able to put them online, I just wanted some nice photos where we both looked alright so when our daughter is older I could show her them. Also, when we're old and grey, I think he would regret his shyness.
    Flossie, my friends have said pretty much exactly what you've said, about the ring being beautiful, BUT, they've all one time or another shown me their style of rings they would like, and they're all completely different to the one I got, and more like the style that I like, so I know that they're only saying all these things because they agree it's a beautiful ring, but I know it's not what they would want either! One of my friends recently got Married and her ring is exquisite! I love it! It's all vintage and clustered, and so unique, but cost her Husband about £1000. So I'm really not all about the money, I promise!
    I even looked into adding a Halo to make it a little bit more special, but that's quite expensive too! X
  46.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Lindsey, we have decided on a wedding in France now as I couldn't find anything suitable within our budget in our surrounding area, BUT, my top choice was actually Upwaltham Barns if you've heard of it? It's about 1 hour away from us, but you might be less as you're a tiny bit closer! I looked everywhere within 2 hours distance, our second choice was Bury Court in Hampshire! Xx
  47.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Just seen the weather...apparently snow is forecast in under 2 weeks

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  48.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
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    Wrong thread Mrs Wade? Lol xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  49.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Oh please say you're joking :( that will be an extremely early winter! And it's usually the earlier ones that are a killer! The dogs will be happy though .. They love a good snowball fight lol

    Members signature icon
    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  50.  
    • Mrs Jones
      CommentAuthorMrs Jones
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 9th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Yes have heard of Upwaltham Barns - didn't go and look, but we did a good search of the local area too. Birling Manor, English wine Centre, but settled on Deans Place because it's just 10 minutes away from our church and as OH has family coming all the way down from Durham we needed somewhere that had accommodation too. France is beautiful - we did a road trip there this summer.

    Members signature icon
    First Date 26 April 2014
    Proposed 27 June 2015
    Happily Married 18 June 2016
 
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