Wedding Forum - Who's wedding? clearly not mine?...

Hi does anyone find that the wedding is more about everybody else apart from your selves? I find i'm trying to please everyone else and getting all worried as it's not turning out how i would have hoped.

For bridesmaids i have my 2 friends and my little girl as a flower girl (aged 2).

Now my brother is expecting his daughter to be junior bridesmaid (aged 5), then yesterday my sister in law said that i couldn't have one of their daughters and not the other (aged 3), but apparently 'it's ok as they'll buy their dresses etc', however, my dad now says i can't have my daughter, and my brothers girls and not include my half sister's daughter (aged 3)! Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really don't want to worry about 4 children under the age of 6 running all over the place/getting bored/etc etc as there will be no way i'd be able to relax, at least with just my daughter we can carry her.

I've also had two people slating our first dance, and the style of cake (twice).

I have now pretty much lost interest in the wedding now, ho hum

Just have your day how you want it to be and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! I think it's so rude when people get involved trying to tell you what to do - do whatever is going to make you happy on YOUR day!! xx

i know i should be stronger, i have a ridiculously opinionated and strong minded people in more family, who are easily offended. i think as i'm the 'baby of the family' they are used to telling me what to do and me going along with it without question.

Sadly my mum died (a few years ago) and it's now that i miss her more than anything, would have loved to hear her thoughts on ideas and have her here to discuss wedding-y bits with, but in her absence i think the rest of the family are trying to take her place. But i think it's now the case of too many cooks!

indeed, i think i just need to grow a back bone i think! ha ha

I think planning a wedding forces you to grow a back bone!! I need to grow one too but I'm getting a lot better :) xx

Thank you everyone, i know you are all right in what you say, just need to find the words!

oh by the way just thought - my brother and his wife are guide parents for my daughter (naming day not christening), and their girls are both being christened in a couple of weeks and i've not been asked to be god parent, so if they have the courage then so can i!

Oh god, just put your foot down, i know how you feel, im so sick of people sticking their oars in, theyve all been told, theres been a fall out, but they can stuff off im at the end of my rope with it all.

Dont bother bringing it up unless they do, and they tell them your decision is final and there is no more to be said about it, if sister in law says you cant have one without the other, then say fine, you wont have either of them then to save the bother. I know exactly what you mean about having too many kids everywhere, its not a kids party. Some people seem to think its all about the children and that does my head in.

our first dance is elbow - day like this (throw those curtains wide) and cake is a top tier for cutting and cupcakes surrounding - apparently not traditional enough!

Cupcake towers look absolutely beautiful. Plus you can have different decorations on each or all the same, as few or as many flavours as you like. You still get to do the cutting of the cake which to me is the most traditional part about the cake. That song is an amazing choice too :)

Have you said your niece's can be flower girls/junior bridesmaid?

My two pence with is this I agree that you can't have one niece and not the other it may look like you 'favour'' the one as junior BM (not saying you do)

The fact that you have your own daughter as FG would be enough for me. For us we aren't having a flower girl because OUR son who will be almost 6 is page boy and don't want anyone over shadowing him on what is his special day too.

As for the cake and first dance song tell them it's your choice deal with it.

I can't go people sticking their noses in they should mind their own business and support you in your decisions.

Hope it all works out and there is no family fall outs on the back of it.

My recommendation is to put it in writing. I don't know about you but whenever I try to put my foot down, I end up crying. That said, writing it down and putting it in a note/email helps me. You can be as honest as you want. Tell them they are making you feel unhappy, out of control, and just making you feel generally upset about the wedding. Be honest. I lost my dad last year, and Ry and I are doing a LOT of things in a non-traditional way... signing the papers in a registry so that our wedding ceremony on the big day can be run by a friend... my mom is walking me down the aisle...ryan is taking my last name to honour my dad. I'm sure people will say things... but you just have to ride it out. It is your wedding. It is your marriage.

Seriously Hun you need to put your foot down! I didn't and am now really regretting it (there was a whole thread on this a little while ago). Basically I always want to please others and realised two months before my wedding that I had nothing at my wedding that I actually wanted! I had tried so hard to please everyone else that my wedding now feels like a wedding I am getting married at! It's not a nice feeling and I wouldn't wish it on anyone so please please please just do what you want to do and don't listen to others xxxx

Oops! I meany FABBY stupid spell check haha!

I can't stand others trying to force their unwanted and uninvited opinions and views about your wedding day on the happy couple. People should have some respect for what the bride and groom want and keep their opinions and demands to themselves.

To be honest I have run out of polite ways to say "no" when someone suggests something I really don't like. The best one was MIL wanting me to have flowers in my hair.......which is completely the opposite of my style, the feel of the day, and would drive me mad!

The idea of cupcakes is actually becoming really popular now. It gives you a lot of flexibility with your decorations and colours. I went to one wedding where everyone decorated their own cupcake. It actually got quite competitive. As for the first dance, we're starting with an obvious one, Just the Way You Are, and then going into the Frog Chorus.

my first song is Amazed by lonestar, i believe its quite common so be pleased you have something that isnt and its yours and your husbands song for that moment xx

Weddings do bring out the worst in people :o/ We try not to say anything in front of FMIL, as she's already tried to interfere a few times. And my Mum doesn't really get involved unless she has to. She thinks that it's down to us to organise it as we've been together (and lived together) for a long time.

I think your first dance song is great :o)

Life is like politics- you can't please everyone! You will never (hopefully!) get to have another wedding day so do it your way. x

You just have to be blunt with people. It might feel to you like you are being harsh but if you let one person do what THEY want for YOUR wedding, then you will have a load of other people wanting to as well. It isn't fair on you or your h2b. Say no to everyone and have it the way that you want it. This is exactly why I have put my foot down with everything. We aren't getting married until 2017 but my mum wanted us to get married when I fell pregnant. I outright say no as I didn't want to look big on my wedding day and didn't want to have to compromise on the type of dress I want. She also wanted us to get married in a registry office, and has mentioned it countless times "me and your dad got married in the registry office, there is nothing wrong with it, it is loads cheaper...". Again, I said no... We will only be getting married the once and I do not want to look back on my wedding day with regret at not having done something that I wanted, or having done something that someone else wanted that wasn't my h2b and not liking it. My mum also said I should have my aunty as bridesmaid and my little cousin as flower girl along with my daughter. We only wanted my daughter as flower girl so she is going to be the only one. And as for the bridesmaids, we have the ones we wanted, my h2b's sister and sister-in-law. Like I said above, I felt that if I allow one person to change something about my day then we will be forever letting people change it and it will no longer be our day but our families with us in the middle. It will also show on the photo's if you are not happy about the day. Don't worry about upsetting family in the short run, after all it is supposed to be your day so they should appreciate your decisions x

It's difficult but you've just got to say no and do what YOU want. Btw, I'm walking down the aisle to that song, great choice!

I know how you feel; we initially wasn't going to have any kids at the main wedding and them only coming to the eveing doo then h2b's mother said we should include his brother and sister's kids...there's six of them ranging from 4 - 11 years old. Well I was a bit narked off as I only wanted my bridesmaid and my father walking down the aisle with me but I agree after h2b said he did want the kids (funny how we had agreed to have none there until his mother interjected). Well long story short; his sister's kids aren't coming down so that was three down so we were just left with his brothers; two girls and a boy. In the end; the older girl can't come then could come then couldn't and then not sure (His brother split with his previous wife so all a bit weird) so in the end due to being so fed up with being messed around; I've just said we will keep the boy and girl as page boy/flower girl and if the older girl can come in the end then she can come as a guest...

So do what I should have stuck to and just say no; you're having your own daughter and that's that.