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  1.  
    • ChristinaB38
      CommentAuthorChristinaB38
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Hi does anyone find that the wedding is more about everybody else apart from your selves? I find i'm trying to please everyone else and getting all worried as it's not turning out how i would have hoped.

    For bridesmaids i have my 2 friends and my little girl as a flower girl (aged 2).

    Now my brother is expecting his daughter to be junior bridesmaid (aged 5), then yesterday my sister in law said that i couldn't have one of their daughters and not the other (aged 3), but apparently 'it's ok as they'll buy their dresses etc', however, my dad now says i can't have my daughter, and my brothers girls and not include my half sister's daughter (aged 3)! Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I really don't want to worry about 4 children under the age of 6 running all over the place/getting bored/etc etc as there will be no way i'd be able to relax, at least with just my daughter we can carry her.

    I've also had two people slating our first dance, and the style of cake (twice).

    I have now pretty much lost interest in the wedding now, ho hum




  2.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Just say no, you only want your daughter and that's all.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  3.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Just have your day how you want it to be and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! I think it's so rude when people get involved trying to tell you what to do - do whatever is going to make you happy on YOUR day!! xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  4.  
    • KatieH
      CommentAuthorKatieH
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    It's your wedding. It's up to you who you have. I'm having my niece and my cousins daughter as flower girls. My cousin's sister has a son but we haven't included him as there isn't a role for him and that's that. I've been waiting for something to be said but I don't care if it does get said as it's my wedding not theirs.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2007
    Started dating in 2009
    Got engaged in 2014
    Became Mrs Holme 11.06.16
  5.  
    • ChristinaB38
      CommentAuthorChristinaB38
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    i know i should be stronger, i have a ridiculously opinionated and strong minded people in more family, who are easily offended. i think as i'm the 'baby of the family' they are used to telling me what to do and me going along with it without question.

    Sadly my mum died (a few years ago) and it's now that i miss her more than anything, would have loved to hear her thoughts on ideas and have her here to discuss wedding-y bits with, but in her absence i think the rest of the family are trying to take her place. But i think it's now the case of too many cooks!




  6.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Sorry for your loss.. I can only imagine how much you miss her, especially now you are planning your wedding. She will be looking down on you guiding you the whole way though :)

    As for your family.. I think they should respect the fact its your day and whilst they are keen to help and offer advice, I don't think they should get involved unless asked. I would never give my opinion willy-nilly as I know it probably wouldn't be wanted!! Don't try to please everyone though because you just can't, it's impossible. Remember it''s your special day :) xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  7.  
    • ChristinaB38
      CommentAuthorChristinaB38
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    indeed, i think i just need to grow a back bone i think! ha ha




  8.  
    • KatieH
      CommentAuthorKatieH
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    So sorry for your loss Christina. I can imagine you would be missing her terribly at this time. I agree with MrsP2Bx, they should respect your decision and not get involved unless you go to them for an opinion. If you go along with what they want then you will regret it and it's supposed to be your special day not theirs xx

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2007
    Started dating in 2009
    Got engaged in 2014
    Became Mrs Holme 11.06.16
  9.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I think planning a wedding forces you to grow a back bone!! I need to grow one too but I'm getting a lot better :) xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  10.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I would stick to your 2 friends and your daughter, dont involve anyone else it can get messy, remember its your day, your money and they shouldn't be telling you what to do,
    I have lots of cousins that expected to be but ive kept it to my 2 daughters and my 2 nieces,thats it, its too much stress on you as they are small.
    Dont let people insult your song and cake choices, they are your choice, no one else's, its YOUR DAY remember this, you will find that you have to get tough, even if its not in your nature as too many people try and walk all over you, you will loose patients and crack if you dont tell them to back off and let you make decisions,if you haven't asked any of the others yet, they cant assume so just tell them straight, you are having who you want, its fine if you end up being happy about it but its your decision not theres xxxx
  11.  
    • ChristinaB38
      CommentAuthorChristinaB38
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thank you everyone, i know you are all right in what you say, just need to find the words!

    oh by the way just thought - my brother and his wife are guide parents for my daughter (naming day not christening), and their girls are both being christened in a couple of weeks and i've not been asked to be god parent, so if they have the courage then so can i!




  12.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    yes thats right :) good point xx do what you want to do x
  13.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Oh god, just put your foot down, i know how you feel, im so sick of people sticking their oars in, theyve all been told, theres been a fall out, but they can stuff off im at the end of my rope with it all.

    Dont bother bringing it up unless they do, and they tell them your decision is final and there is no more to be said about it, if sister in law says you cant have one without the other, then say fine, you wont have either of them then to save the bother. I know exactly what you mean about having too many kids everywhere, its not a kids party. Some people seem to think its all about the children and that does my head in.

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  14.  
    • Lea3PO
      CommentAuthorLea3PO
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I'm intrigued about what your cake will be like and your choice of first dance? I'm just nosey but because other people are complaining about them I bet that means they are unique and brilliant! I think those things are so personal, they need to be unique to each couple, we will likely have a song for our first dance that 99% of the people attending our wedding will never of heard but it's meaningful to us which is all that matters. So sorry for your loss, it must be very difficult for you especially when planning your wedding. With regards to the bridal party, that is your decision and your partners decision, it is not for anyone else to dictate to you, just say you have already decided. It's fair enough people saying it's ok because they will buy the dresses but that doesn't pay for transport in the wedding car or thank you gifts does it, I'd just turn round and say no means no, if you begin asking everyone because someone else has been asked it can quickly get ridiculous.
  15.  
    • ChristinaB38
      CommentAuthorChristinaB38
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    our first dance is elbow - day like this (throw those curtains wide) and cake is a top tier for cutting and cupcakes surrounding - apparently not traditional enough!




  16.  
    • SaraLiz
      CommentAuthorSaraLiz
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I would just say no. My sisters are bridesmaids and my daughters flower girls, but not having h2b's sisters as bridesmaids. I think you have to draw a line somewhere otherwise its never ending. At the end of the day, its your day and up to you. People shouldn't ask to be bridesmaids/flower girls anyway or just presume, they should wait to be asked. xx
  17.  
    • Lea3PO
      CommentAuthorLea3PO
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Cupcake towers look absolutely beautiful. Plus you can have different decorations on each or all the same, as few or as many flavours as you like. You still get to do the cutting of the cake which to me is the most traditional part about the cake. That song is an amazing choice too :)
  18.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    Just say no, stick to your guns and have your day hun. If people start giving you hassle about the flower girl situation or the cake or anything else just say, look that's what I want it's what I'm having and if you don't like it and can't say anything nice about it then I am not going to discuss the wedding with you.

    Hopefully they'll stop once they realise they can't boss you around and tell you what to do




  19.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    Have you said your niece's can be flower girls/junior bridesmaid?

    My two pence with is this I agree that you can't have one niece and not the other it may look like you 'favour'' the one as junior BM (not saying you do)

    The fact that you have your own daughter as FG would be enough for me. For us we aren't having a flower girl because OUR son who will be almost 6 is page boy and don't want anyone over shadowing him on what is his special day too.

    As for the cake and first dance song tell them it's your choice deal with it.

    I can't go people sticking their noses in they should mind their own business and support you in your decisions.

    Hope it all works out and there is no family fall outs on the back of it.

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
    Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
  20.  
    • TanyaS78
      CommentAuthorTanyaS78
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    You have your big day how YOU want it! I am such a wuss when it comes to making decisions like this. ive already questioned myself on 'whos wedding is this?!?". But i am now beginning to grow a pair and pretty much tell it how i want it. If you want that cake and that first dance then go for it! Its what it means to you and your other half! Not the others!
  21.  
    • RebeccaH100
      CommentAuthorRebeccaH100
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    My recommendation is to put it in writing. I don't know about you but whenever I try to put my foot down, I end up crying. That said, writing it down and putting it in a note/email helps me. You can be as honest as you want. Tell them they are making you feel unhappy, out of control, and just making you feel generally upset about the wedding. Be honest. I lost my dad last year, and Ry and I are doing a LOT of things in a non-traditional way... signing the papers in a registry so that our wedding ceremony on the big day can be run by a friend... my mom is walking me down the aisle...ryan is taking my last name to honour my dad. I'm sure people will say things... but you just have to ride it out. It is your wedding. It is your marriage.

    WIN A WEDDING WINNER 2014....Rebecca and Ryan
    'Hear my soul speak: The very instant that I saw you,
    did my heart fly to your service.'
    Met 03/2013: Engaged 12/2013: Married 06/2015
  22.  
    • Scottishbride2016
      CommentAuthorScottishbride2016
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
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    It's your day I would stick to your original plan . Your friends and your little girl x

    Members signature icon



  23.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Seriously Hun you need to put your foot down! I didn't and am now really regretting it (there was a whole thread on this a little while ago). Basically I always want to please others and realised two months before my wedding that I had nothing at my wedding that I actually wanted! I had tried so hard to please everyone else that my wedding now feels like a wedding I am getting married at! It's not a nice feeling and I wouldn't wish it on anyone so please please please just do what you want to do and don't listen to others xxxx

    Members signature icon
    Got together 14.02.2008
    Got engaged 31.12.2010
    Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
  24.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think you song is great and cup cakes with top cake is flabby too! Remember it's your day, you get to choose,how would the people making the comments re your choices feel if you dissed there choices ? Bet they wouldn't like it,it's not there wedding so it's nothing to do with them xxx
  25.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Oops! I meany FABBY stupid spell check haha!
  26.  
    • ChristinaB38
      CommentAuthorChristinaB38
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    thank you everyone, just what i needed to hear, right time to stop trying to please everyone and get some confidence to say no x




  27.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I can't stand others trying to force their unwanted and uninvited opinions and views about your wedding day on the happy couple. People should have some respect for what the bride and groom want and keep their opinions and demands to themselves.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  28.  
    • Laura.Lewis
      CommentAuthorLaura.Lewis
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    i live by the phrase 'you can't please everyone' - and i know i'm likely to ruffle some feathers, and it may be seen by others as a bit 'mean', but as long as you and your partner are happy with your choices, then that's all you need :)
    At the end of the day, family are family - sure they will get over it in no time! they should have some respect for you and your partner.
    and as for 'not traditional enough' - if a more modern twist is what you want, then go with it!
    hope you have a wonderful day.
  29.  
    • JennK
      CommentAuthorJennK
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
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    To be honest I have run out of polite ways to say "no" when someone suggests something I really don't like. The best one was MIL wanting me to have flowers in my hair.......which is completely the opposite of my style, the feel of the day, and would drive me mad!

    Members signature icon
    Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3


  30.  
    • WelshBrideBethan2015
      CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
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    It's so easy to let people start controlling stuff but when it gets to stage of it's upsetting you and you know you don't want what they do take a deep breathe and say no ! I am at the stage of realising this with some people.

    Just think when you look back on your wedding pics in 20 years would you rather think wow perfect day or I wish I had gone with my gut instinct with what I wanted ?

    Members signature icon
    Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
    Friends became soul mates :)
    Engaged 6th July 2013
    <3 <3 Married my best friend 11/7/2015 <3 <3
  31.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
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    The idea of cupcakes is actually becoming really popular now. It gives you a lot of flexibility with your decorations and colours. I went to one wedding where everyone decorated their own cupcake. It actually got quite competitive. As for the first dance, we're starting with an obvious one, Just the Way You Are, and then going into the Frog Chorus.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  32.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I love the idea of having cupcakes :) we are probably going for a 3 tier cake with a few rows of cupcakes underneath.. think they just look really pretty and can do some lovely designs to incorporate them with the whole theme xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  33.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    my first song is Amazed by lonestar, i believe its quite common so be pleased you have something that isnt and its yours and your husbands song for that moment xx
  34.  
    • MrsRMalone2b
      CommentAuthorMrsRMalone2b
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    We are having "lover of the light" by Mumford which isn't the easiest to dance to but it s our song. To heck with everyone else. You have who and what you want, the way you want it.

    Members signature icon



  35.  
    • CharlotteE98
      CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Weddings do bring out the worst in people :o/ We try not to say anything in front of FMIL, as she's already tried to interfere a few times. And my Mum doesn't really get involved unless she has to. She thinks that it's down to us to organise it as we've been together (and lived together) for a long time.

    I think your first dance song is great :o)
  36.  
    • AmandaK74
      CommentAuthorAmandaK74
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 6th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Dont let them pressure you. I know its nice to keep the family pleased but for one day, your day you are allowed to have it your way. It is easier said than done to grow a back bone when it comes to family but im sure they will understand

    met 11th December 2010
    engaged 2nd August 2013
    getting married to the love of my life 11th july 2015
  37.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 7th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Life is like politics- you can't please everyone! You will never (hopefully!) get to have another wedding day so do it your way. x

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  38.  
    • ChristinaB38
      CommentAuthorChristinaB38
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 7th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    i agree with you all, and i think it was summed up rather nicely when WelshBrideBethan said when you look back at your photos in 20 years essentially you do not want any regrets.

    You are all a wise bunch of ladies, i'm so pleased i'm on here x




  39.  
    • CommentAuthorJessica29792
      Posted: Aug 9th 2014
      BadgeBadge
     
    You just have to be blunt with people. It might feel to you like you are being harsh but if you let one person do what THEY want for YOUR wedding, then you will have a load of other people wanting to as well. It isn't fair on you or your h2b. Say no to everyone and have it the way that you want it. This is exactly why I have put my foot down with everything. We aren't getting married until 2017 but my mum wanted us to get married when I fell pregnant. I outright say no as I didn't want to look big on my wedding day and didn't want to have to compromise on the type of dress I want. She also wanted us to get married in a registry office, and has mentioned it countless times "me and your dad got married in the registry office, there is nothing wrong with it, it is loads cheaper...". Again, I said no... We will only be getting married the once and I do not want to look back on my wedding day with regret at not having done something that I wanted, or having done something that someone else wanted that wasn't my h2b and not liking it. My mum also said I should have my aunty as bridesmaid and my little cousin as flower girl along with my daughter. We only wanted my daughter as flower girl so she is going to be the only one. And as for the bridesmaids, we have the ones we wanted, my h2b's sister and sister-in-law. Like I said above, I felt that if I allow one person to change something about my day then we will be forever letting people change it and it will no longer be our day but our families with us in the middle. It will also show on the photo's if you are not happy about the day. Don't worry about upsetting family in the short run, after all it is supposed to be your day so they should appreciate your decisions x
  40.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 9th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    well said Jessica x
  41.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 9th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It's difficult but you've just got to say no and do what YOU want. Btw, I'm walking down the aisle to that song, great choice!

    Members signature icon
    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  42.  
    • VickiD69
      CommentAuthorVickiD69
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 10th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I have been doing that until now. I put a deposit down on the dress my mum loved, not the one I loved! But now I have gone out looking again and I am in love with a completely different dress altogether despite anything. And every time someone suggests something I just say yes that's a good idea but I have decided now! My MIL2B was very miffed about my hymn choices just because she doesn't know them! ( ALL my family either go to often or every Sunday, no one his side of the family I think have ever gone! )
  43.  
    • *The NewMrsMalin*
      CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 10th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I know how you feel; we initially wasn't going to have any kids at the main wedding and them only coming to the eveing doo then h2b's mother said we should include his brother and sister's kids...there's six of them ranging from 4 - 11 years old. Well I was a bit narked off as I only wanted my bridesmaid and my father walking down the aisle with me but I agree after h2b said he did want the kids (funny how we had agreed to have none there until his mother interjected). Well long story short; his sister's kids aren't coming down so that was three down so we were just left with his brothers; two girls and a boy. In the end; the older girl can't come then could come then couldn't and then not sure (His brother split with his previous wife so all a bit weird) so in the end due to being so fed up with being messed around; I've just said we will keep the boy and girl as page boy/flower girl and if the older girl can come in the end then she can come as a guest...

    So do what I should have stuck to and just say no; you're having your own daughter and that's that.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
    When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
    Fight for what you believe in!
  44.  
    • AndreaE20
      CommentAuthorAndreaE20
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 11th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    In a way Iam lucky that only 1 member of mums family has a child that will be old enough in my eyes to walk down the aisle with and its the only child i see the most so if i decide to then she will be involved but I still haven't made my mind up yet.
    Due to having close family that is disabled or has mobility issues Im having to concider my family alot when Im planning things but they will still be attending 2 services as we are a multi faith couple and want to share that with them ( so cant wait to see some of the expressions I get when they find out they will be involved in a handfastening hehe)
    personally I am concidering writing everything down that family and friends try to butt in on and not in the nice way and reminding them of it in years to come to watch their embarrassment but havent decided if i should yet

    Members signature icon
    Future Mrs Ryan
    First Date 4th July 2009
    Asked me to be his wife 6th Augest 2014
    Hoping to be his wife on 4th July 2017
 
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