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  1.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 3rd 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    But peed off, just found out from Facebook that OH's cousin got married today,
    we were not invited but that's not the issue. We found out of another cousins fb.
    The cousins who have got married are a but untraditional the only ones from that Christian side of the family to doo kiss before marriage an no one thought they would get married, doo its totally them to slope slope or have a quick small intimate wedding. But the fact that we found out from a off the cuff fb status, with a pic of her 2 sons all dressed up ready to go to it.

    It has really hurt my Oh, his sister and can't even imagine there mums feelings on it.
    When we got pregnant with our daughter we made sure we told all close family (aunties, uncles and cousins) knew before we made a public Anouncement on Fb.

    Its really annoyed me, aswell of the fact non bar one auntie and uncle bothered coming to our daughters naming day due to them having a birthday party even tho I gave the the invites 4 months ahead? Who plans kids party that far ahead. And excuse me if I sound bitchy in this next part, kids have birthdays every year, you only have a naming/christing once, and we made the effort to go up there for there childs christening but our daughter does not rank? This is the same reason my cousins got cut from the wedding list fire not bothering (not just that but ever) but then we have not seen them in over 2 years, which I know works both ways, but we know they are far better off than we are with good week earning jobs etc and I know money is not everything, but we can't afford to go anywhere.

    Its made me question whether to even invite them, like I said my cousins have been cut for same reasons, and could invite other friends who care more.

    Sorry for the rant.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  2.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 3rd 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Are we getting upset about nothing?

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  3.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 3rd 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I wouldn't let it get to you, I wouldn't be upset if my cousins got married in secret as it were but would be more upset about finding out on FB.

    Ask yourself this DO you or OH really want them at your wedding over friends? I would prob rathe rmy friends that cousins that act like this (Infact some of my cousins are coming all day so my friends can be there)

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
    Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
  4.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    Thalamus hun, glad it's not just us. Its not very nice for rest of family to find out like this.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  5.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I have to say I don't really get the issue with the cousin getting married - if you were invited then you would have known the date.. Why would they need to tell you again? Xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  6.  
    • GhilaL
      CommentAuthorGhilaL
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Bit harsh I think finding from Facebook they could of at least told you!! My oh had it when he turned up to his brothers girlfriends birthday party and they told everyone they were getting married!! No one knew total shock but it was what they wanted I guess
  7.  
    • CommentAuthorMrsRobson2Be
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      BadgeBadge
     
    I agree with mrsp2b I don't understand the issue, you say you were invited but were then surprised to find that got married that day!!
  8.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Sort typo, changed now, we were not invited.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  9.  
    • ElaineH41
      CommentAuthorElaineH41
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I come from a very large family, it would not have been possible for me to invite all my cousins to the wedding. Perhaps they wanted to have a small intimate wedding. I'm not sure why they got married in secret, but at the end of the day it was their decision to make. I understand why your husband may be a little hurt that he didnt know about the wedding having happened until he read it on facebook, but again it was their decision to make on how and who they told.
    I would make a decision on who you want at your wedding, not based on whether you were invited to their wedding, or whether they have attended other family occasions, but whether you would actually like them to be their on the day to celebrate with you both.
  10.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Ahhh, that makes more sense! Is your OH close to his cousin or are they a bit of a distant family? I'm not sure I would let all my cousins know in person or directly that we were getting married.. I think a lot of things are put on Facebook these days as a way to let people know what's happening xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  11.  
    • CommentAuthorMrsRobson2Be
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      BadgeBadge
     
    That makes more sense as to why you were upset, however I still don't think it's that big of a deal.
    Social media is a great way of communicating with masses of people, it would take me hours telling everyone individually. I do think it would have been better had it been an announcement from them (ie if they'd posted a nice pic & said surprise were married) rather than through another cousin.
    My mum secretly got married in Vegas I even unknowingly helped her pick her wedding dress, it didn't bother me at all that she chose to do this, I was just happy that she was happy.
  12.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    They have still not even told us, it was another cousins random comment that alerted us to it. Like I said we are not upset that we were not invited, we're upset that family were not even told. like i said before we told everyone on fb that we were expecting we made sure that all family knew first. so no one herd second hand. this half of OH's side of the family don't seem to be as close (his dads side) but always seem to be close in a "official" capacity if you know what I mean (they always attend Christnings, weddings and funerals)
    Even if they had private messaged all the cousins just to let us know, saying "hey guys , me and Oh just got married, very last minute , small ceremony, as did not want a big one, hope to see you all soon, love J &R the new Mr and Mrs X" rather than seeing on fb them tagged in a a status from another cousin saying "so pleased J & R finaly sealed the deal congrats to the new Mr and Mrs X" which we were all rather confused as it came out of nowhere.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  13.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    i get it now, at first i was confused about what it meant,now i see you weren't invited and dint know about it

    i bet it was a bit of a shock to see that on fb, did they invite other cousins or did they just choose to not invite anyone but immediate family, sometimes people prefer the small and secret type rather than the stressful big type, maybe they just didnt think about how others would feel, it does now reassure you that they wont expect an invite to yours, well surely not as they cant expect to do one thing and then expect you to do another.
  14.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I'm not inviting most of my cousins, and I think you could be reading too much into it if they didn't have the room to invite you?

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  15.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I have said 3 times now, were not worried or upset that we were not invited, but we would of like to have been told it was happening and not read about it on Fb 3rd hand.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  16.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I think it would have been better even if they had just sent a generic text. Hi guys just to let you know we are getting married this afternoon sorry we couldn't invite everyone as its a small intimate day, hope you understand and see you soon. rather than reading it on FB

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
    Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
  17.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It would have been nice for them to send a message.. but, not everyone thinks like that. I'm not being harsh, but if I hadn't invited someone to my wedding I doubt I would have let them know and they probably would have found out via word of mouth or on Facebook like has happened here. It might have been a shock but it is their lives... xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  18.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    But there someone who's not invited and there's family, and this family is all family protercall and etiquette rules. So not very good family politics.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  19.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Personally I don't see that they did anything wrong. I have cousins as does my h2b who are not invited to our wedding but I haven't got in touch with them and told them we are getting married. In fact I think that would be worse. I wouldn't like someone saying to me ' hi, just to let you know, I'm getting married on this date but sorry you guys aren't invited.' I think you have taken this way out of context, they wouldn't have not told you to intentionally hurt you, but it probably didn't even cross their minds to inform you if you weren't invited anyway xxx

    Members signature icon
    Got together 14.02.2008
    Got engaged 31.12.2010
    Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
  20.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    Suppose it just make us feel like crap, its like our old friends thing again, like about how there important to us, but we're not important to them, we have gone out of our way with our wedding, moving the date so its family friendly, paying for kids entertainment as there are alloy of kids mainly from this part of the family. We have already given then save the dates etc asto make sure that they can come as its important to us that our family is there. But now we just feel like we are not even important enough to them to even tell us, let alone invite us. Why do we rate them so highly?

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  21.  
    • Linzi-jo
      CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I understand completely where you are coming from, but sometimes the best thing to do with those people is cut them out completely. It is extremely hard to do but all they are doing is draining you and using you and they don't care that they are doing it. I am very much someone who holds friends and family members very dear and would do anything for any of them, but a relationship has to be give and take, and it has to be a give and take that isn't expected. If they do something for you and expect you to do something for them because of it then they aren't a real friend, a real friend does something for you because they want to or you need them to, not because they want something in return. It can be very hard to look at family members and friends in a true light and realise whether or not a relationship with them is good for you, but sometimes it is what needs to be done. To not have been invited to even part of their day would suggest that they don't hold you as highly as you do them, and if you couldn't count on them to be there when you needed them, then you don't need them. Focus your time on those who deserve it Hun :) xxx

    Members signature icon
    Got together 14.02.2008
    Got engaged 31.12.2010
    Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
  22.  
    • FutureMrsPendlebury
      CommentAuthorFutureMrsPendlebury
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Oh dear, how awful you must have felt having seen it on facebook! Of all places! Our family had something similar but different, my uncle got married and only invited his father (my grandad) and his step mother. My mum, his mother or myself weren't invited! We were really devastated but hey ho got through it.
    Don't let it get you down- If they are going to be like that and blatantly don't care or couldn't send out a letter saying they were getting married, I wouldn't invite them to yours! xx

    Members signature icon
    March 5th 2016


  23.  
    • WelshBrideBethan2015
      CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Sometimes people care too much and when there are others who aren't the same it can hurt . The joys of social media sadly highlights more than before as pics and status updates alerts those in the excluded circle what's happened . It's still most prob still a shock for you and you are still processing the news so many try and forget about it for a few days and then reassess how much you want them in your lives :) x

    Members signature icon
    Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
    Friends became soul mates :)
    Engaged 6th July 2013
    <3 <3 Married my best friend 11/7/2015 <3 <3
 
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