Wedding Forum - Well thanks for letting us know. oh wait...

But peed off, just found out from Facebook that OH's cousin got married today,
we were not invited but that's not the issue. We found out of another cousins fb.
The cousins who have got married are a but untraditional the only ones from that Christian side of the family to doo kiss before marriage an no one thought they would get married, doo its totally them to slope slope or have a quick small intimate wedding. But the fact that we found out from a off the cuff fb status, with a pic of her 2 sons all dressed up ready to go to it.

It has really hurt my Oh, his sister and can't even imagine there mums feelings on it.
When we got pregnant with our daughter we made sure we told all close family (aunties, uncles and cousins) knew before we made a public Anouncement on Fb.

Its really annoyed me, aswell of the fact non bar one auntie and uncle bothered coming to our daughters naming day due to them having a birthday party even tho I gave the the invites 4 months ahead? Who plans kids party that far ahead. And excuse me if I sound bitchy in this next part, kids have birthdays every year, you only have a naming/christing once, and we made the effort to go up there for there childs christening but our daughter does not rank? This is the same reason my cousins got cut from the wedding list fire not bothering (not just that but ever) but then we have not seen them in over 2 years, which I know works both ways, but we know they are far better off than we are with good week earning jobs etc and I know money is not everything, but we can't afford to go anywhere.

Its made me question whether to even invite them, like I said my cousins have been cut for same reasons, and could invite other friends who care more.

Sorry for the rant.

I wouldn't let it get to you, I wouldn't be upset if my cousins got married in secret as it were but would be more upset about finding out on FB.

Ask yourself this DO you or OH really want them at your wedding over friends? I would prob rathe rmy friends that cousins that act like this (Infact some of my cousins are coming all day so my friends can be there)

I have to say I don't really get the issue with the cousin getting married - if you were invited then you would have known the date.. Why would they need to tell you again? Xx

I agree with mrsp2b I don't understand the issue, you say you were invited but were then surprised to find that got married that day!!

I come from a very large family, it would not have been possible for me to invite all my cousins to the wedding. Perhaps they wanted to have a small intimate wedding. I'm not sure why they got married in secret, but at the end of the day it was their decision to make. I understand why your husband may be a little hurt that he didnt know about the wedding having happened until he read it on facebook, but again it was their decision to make on how and who they told.
I would make a decision on who you want at your wedding, not based on whether you were invited to their wedding, or whether they have attended other family occasions, but whether you would actually like them to be their on the day to celebrate with you both.

That makes more sense as to why you were upset, however I still don't think it's that big of a deal.
Social media is a great way of communicating with masses of people, it would take me hours telling everyone individually. I do think it would have been better had it been an announcement from them (ie if they'd posted a nice pic & said surprise were married) rather than through another cousin.
My mum secretly got married in Vegas I even unknowingly helped her pick her wedding dress, it didn't bother me at all that she chose to do this, I was just happy that she was happy.

i get it now, at first i was confused about what it meant,now i see you weren't invited and dint know about it

i bet it was a bit of a shock to see that on fb, did they invite other cousins or did they just choose to not invite anyone but immediate family, sometimes people prefer the small and secret type rather than the stressful big type, maybe they just didnt think about how others would feel, it does now reassure you that they wont expect an invite to yours, well surely not as they cant expect to do one thing and then expect you to do another.

I have said 3 times now, were not worried or upset that we were not invited, but we would of like to have been told it was happening and not read about it on Fb 3rd hand.

It would have been nice for them to send a message.. but, not everyone thinks like that. I'm not being harsh, but if I hadn't invited someone to my wedding I doubt I would have let them know and they probably would have found out via word of mouth or on Facebook like has happened here. It might have been a shock but it is their lives... xx

Personally I don't see that they did anything wrong. I have cousins as does my h2b who are not invited to our wedding but I haven't got in touch with them and told them we are getting married. In fact I think that would be worse. I wouldn't like someone saying to me ' hi, just to let you know, I'm getting married on this date but sorry you guys aren't invited.' I think you have taken this way out of context, they wouldn't have not told you to intentionally hurt you, but it probably didn't even cross their minds to inform you if you weren't invited anyway xxx

I understand completely where you are coming from, but sometimes the best thing to do with those people is cut them out completely. It is extremely hard to do but all they are doing is draining you and using you and they don't care that they are doing it. I am very much someone who holds friends and family members very dear and would do anything for any of them, but a relationship has to be give and take, and it has to be a give and take that isn't expected. If they do something for you and expect you to do something for them because of it then they aren't a real friend, a real friend does something for you because they want to or you need them to, not because they want something in return. It can be very hard to look at family members and friends in a true light and realise whether or not a relationship with them is good for you, but sometimes it is what needs to be done. To not have been invited to even part of their day would suggest that they don't hold you as highly as you do them, and if you couldn't count on them to be there when you needed them, then you don't need them. Focus your time on those who deserve it Hun :) xxx

Sometimes people care too much and when there are others who aren't the same it can hurt . The joys of social media sadly highlights more than before as pics and status updates alerts those in the excluded circle what's happened . It's still most prob still a shock for you and you are still processing the news so many try and forget about it for a few days and then reassess how much you want them in your lives :) x