Hi there! Hope everyone is well and your wedding planning is going well. I am having a bit of a nightmare at the moment and could do with some advice please!
My partner and I are getting married this year and unfortunately my partners grandfather died last year which was a such a sad time for us all. Shortly after he died my partners family gave him his grandfathers wedding ring to use as his wedding. The gesture and sentiment is lovely, however it was all done without any involvement of myself and was just given to him when I wasn't even there. The problem is, 1. I had already had plans for our wedding rings, to go and make them for each other and then have his engraved for the wedding and 2. I just don't think it's appropriate to have someone else's wedding ring as your own. I wanted to have something that meant something to the two of us but because of the circumstances that the ring was given to my partner, I think it will just be a reminder of someone who is no longer with us, rather than a symbol of our marriage. The ring is very unique too, tbh it looks more like a women's engagement ring, so it's not like it's a standard band.
Do you think I'm being selfish for not wanting him to have the ring as his wedding ring (I would never stop him wearing it as a normal ring obviously) and how do I approach the subject with him? I haven't said anything yet as I didn't want to upset him just after his grandfather died and I wanted to give myself time to see if I felt any different, but it's really getting to me now. I have a feeling he will not want to upset his family by saying he's not using as his wedding ring, but it's upsetting me, his future wife. I just don't think I can stand in the church and "give him a ring as a symbol of our marriage" when it's not the ring I gave him, but it's the ring his family have given him. Please help! Thanks!

Hiya,

Thank you for your reply :) much appreciated!

I did think about this, but the ring has a big diamond in it so I'm not sure if it can be melted down :( x

Yes more metal will be needed as its too small as it is. Apparently its quite rare mental though but I am sure they will be able to do something to match it. I did think about the diamond would be good if it could be used another piece of jewellery, possibly something we could pass down to our children if we ever had any. I just hope this is something he considers if he doesn't totally see it from my point of view, but I worry he's more concerned not upsetting his mum and grandmother than upsetting me. Thanks for your advice!

I asked him if he was happy to have the ring as his wedding ring when it was first given to him and his answer was "I don't mind. It's a nice idea" and that was it. I didn't push it any further than that.

I do see the sentimental value of having his granddads wedding ring and I do agree it is a lovely idea, but I just worry that the ring will be a reminder of his granddad not being there any more. He would never have had the ring is hadn't passed away. If my partner is adamant he wants the ring as his wedding ring, I will of course respect his wishes.

I didn't mean the "I give you this ring" as in this is something I bought, but I had absolutely no say in what ring I will be giving him on our wedding day. There was no conversation that involved me at all. I was just told that was what was happening as if I have no say or input. :( I just wish it was given to him and it was left to him and us to decide if we wanted to use it as a wedding ring, not have it decided already.

I appreciate your advice :)

No it doesn't fit him. Only goes half way down his finger. Well apparently the gold is expensive and rare Welsh gold, so not sure how much it would be to alter it.

I think I'm just upset that I've had no input into the one physical thing to come out of our wedding day to be a daily reminder of our special day and be there for the rest of our lives :( but I don't want to seem selfish or harsh by saying that he can't have the ring.

When we picked our rings I was abit upset to start with as had this thing in mind where we would have identical wedding rings but when looking I realised my oh didn't like the plain band and wanted his own taste and I realised it wasn't about me wanting them to be the same it was about it being a ring and us Both loving them. And when I thought of it like that it didn't matter what it looked like as my oh face when he looked at it was all that matters. I think it's lovely that they have given it to him but can understand if your not a fan of it. But personally I would let your oh decide if he wants it or not as that's all that matters and I know a few people who have grandparents rings and it just means that little more to them. Find out what he wants and if he wants it melted see if that's an option. If he chooses he doesn't want to wear it and it can't be changed I've seen people have it attached to their buttonhole so it's with them on the day so that's always an option if you want to include it but not use it x

Personally I think you are over reacting a little. I had no choice on my finances ring and he had no choice in mine. I am having white gold he is having yellow gold. We chose rings that we liked and just asked for each other's opinions. Yes you had a lovely idea for rings bug his grandad passed away and his family thought he might like the ring. I would suck it up and let hi decide what to do and say you don't mind either way. At the end if the day he is the kind wearing it so he should be the one happy with the deduction not you