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  1.  
    • SarahC2352
      CommentAuthorSarahC2352
      Posted: Apr 22nd 2016
     
    Hi I'm really in need of help!!

    My parter and I have just booked our wedding for July 2017. Our venue never suggested booking a registrar until after paying our deposit and so when I tried I was told that the only time slots for the date we needed was 11am or 5pm at our venue. I had hoped that a family friend - a Pastor - would be able to perform our ceremony but I have today been notified by The Registry Office that this is not deemed legal and that all he can perform at a non religious venue is a blessing. I have also enquired as to whether a Registrar could be present to make the wedding legal but they are not available at the times we would require unless we go for 11am or 5pm!!! I really need help as to what people have done in my situation....one option is to get married at the registry office in the morning with just two witnesses then go back to our venue and have a blessing or should we try and find a church to get married at first as my concern is the blessing will not be enough like a wedding in front of all our guests! Not to mention the added cost involved! We simply cannot get married at our venue at a suitable time and my heart breaks at having to send invitations our for a blessing instead of a wedding. Any suggestions would be so helpful as I just feel the day is doomed from the start! My partner and I have saved for so long we simply cannot afford to lose our venue deposit not do we want to have to find another venue!
  2.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 22nd 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Can you not change the date? Surely the venue would let you move the deposit over.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  3.  
    • Shellbell
      CommentAuthorShellbell
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 22nd 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I was thinking the same as Emily. Can you not speak to the venue and ask them about changing the date. You say they didn't tell you about booking the registrar until after booking the venue so surely they would want to do something to help as there has been a break in communication somewhere xx

    Met 2004 lost contact after a few years
    Met again 2013
    Engaged July 6th 2016
    Married July 14th 2018
  4.  
    • LeanneF96
      CommentAuthorLeanneF96
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 22nd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Id also ask the venue to change the date... We put our deposit down for our venue with our original date but we had to change they didnt have a problem with it. Xx




  5.  
    • MrsBU2B
      CommentAuthorMrsBU2B
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 22nd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Not all venues do allow you to change the date. When I asked at my venue if this was an option if the registrar was unavailable, I was told a flat no. I didn't think to ask this until after I had paid the deposit. Fortunately this wasn't a problem for me.

    All I can suggest is that you either choose one of those times or ask about changing the date with the venue after settling on a time/date with the registrar.

    Hope you manage to get it sorted.
  6.  
    • LauraH813
      CommentAuthorLauraH813
      Posted: Apr 22nd 2016
     
    That is very naughty of your venue not to advise you to book the registrar before taking your money. It's in their best interest that you do just that. What would have happened had there been no registrar available at all on that day??! Our venue certainly made sure we had someone to marry us sorted before we confirmed with a deposit. I genuinely would never had thought to do that had they not told me despite it seemingly being quite obvious. On that basis I would do exactly as the other ladies have suggested and speak to the venue and ask if a) you can move to another date or b) can they return your deposit as they failed to inform you of the correct procedure. I would also ask if they could contact the registry office for you and maybe have a word. The lovely chap at our venue said if we had any difficulties to let him know and he would try to sort it as apparently they can be a bit awkward sometimes. Just a thought. Really hope you find a resolution x
  7.  
    • StephH96
      CommentAuthorStephH96
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 23rd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi Sarah, that's some bad news for you.

    If you can't move your date with the venue and you don't want the 11am or 5pm slots then you can have your legal ceremony n the morning at 11am and then have the blessing at the time of your choosing. You'd be surprised at how much as blessing can be like a wedding, it can have pretty much the same parts as a wedding there's just some phrases you can't say I think.
  8.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 23rd 2016
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    If you have the legal ceremony at 11:00 then the blessing can take whatever form you like. You wouldn't be able to have a religious ceremony in a non-religious building regardless of the presence of a registrar, as religious language is not allowed at a wedding unless it takes place in a church. Is a religious ceremony important to you or are you just concerned that it won't feel like a wedding otherwise. If you are religious, you have two options. Either have a church ceremony before going to your venue, you might find that it doesn't cost as much as you think. Otherwise you can have a small legal ceremony, followed by your pastor friend doing a religious celebration. I went to a wedding like that, they had a small legal ceremony with just family to satisfy the legal requirements, and then did a full religious wedding but in a non-religious venue. They repeated their vows, exchanged rings, had hymns, readings, sermon and prayers, and kissed at the appropriate moment. All that was missing was the signing of the register and the line "I now pronounce you husband and wife". It felt just like a wedding. If you're not worried about the religious aspect for faith reasons, then I would plan the day around an 11:00 am ceremony, and arrange for your pastor friend to participate. He should be able to supervise the exchange of rings, which is not a legal requirement, but he cannot use religious language. He could also read or give a short address, but again with no religious language.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  9.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 25th 2016
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    Elinor just wanted to ask, we are having a religious ceremony but at our venue, our minister informs us he has done many at our venue. Is there a reason some can have it and some can't? xx

    Members signature icon
    The Richardson's 31/12/16


  10.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 25th 2016
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    Leanne you are in Ireland aren't you? Not 100% sure but maybe it's something different over there.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  11.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 25th 2016
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    I live in Manchester but getting married in NI. I have just rang the council to confirm that is allowed lol as I had a moment of doubt that I had made a mistake lol xx

    Members signature icon
    The Richardson's 31/12/16


  12.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 25th 2016
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    Haha. At least you are sure!

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  13.  
    • SusanM34
      CommentAuthorSusanM34
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 25th 2016
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    I agree with the other ladies. Definitely speak to your venue (maybe after asking which date the registrar is available!). Once you have spoken to them you will be able to make a more informed decision on what to do. Hope you get it sorted. x

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Maunders on 22nd October 2016!


  14.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 25th 2016
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    It must be different in Ireland in that case. I've sung at quite a few weddings, and if it isn't in a church it really limits the songs we can do, as we can't sing anything that has religious language. I once heard of a wedding in a civil venue where the lady was becoming Mrs. Robinson, and they couldn't have the song Mrs Robinson because of some of the words in it.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  15.  
    • FayeH
      CommentAuthorFayeH
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 28th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Sarah if I were you I'd have the official wedding at the registry office in the morning and have a dummy wedding instead of a blessing at your venue. There are plenty of people who officiate weddings like that, or you could get a friend to do it.
    It's perfectly legal, - it's what they do on Don't Tell The Bride - usually the wedding is one day and the next day they go to a registry office to make it official.
    The important thing to remember is that being legally married isn't the be all and end all of the day - you're there to celebrate your relationship. The fact that the ceremony isn't where the legally binding documents are signed doesn't invalidate it. Your ceremony is a declaration of love and a commitment to be together forever, which IMO means a lot more than just the legal forms being signed. As for invitations I don't think it's necessary for your guests to even know about it!

    Also, I know it must seem awful now but it might be a lot nicer than you think - this way you get to have an intimate ceremony with just the people you're closest to AND a bigger ceremony with everyone you want there.
    If you wanted to make it a bit special maybe you could get a different dress for the morning reception so that when your H2B sees you coming down the isle at your proper ceremony at the venue it's still the first time he sees you in the dress.
  16.  
    • CommentAuthorSamanthaW362
      Posted: Apr 29th 2016
      BadgeBadge
     
    ya, maybe you can change the data, you haven't make the invitation yet
  17.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 29th 2016
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    to make it easier on yourself on the wedding day why not have a blessing (As close to a wedding as the pastor is allowed) but get legally married you your oh and witnesses at the registry office on another day during the week.

    A lady I work with was getting married on IOW however they didn't know they had to 'live' there for 6 weeks pre ceremony so they have a registry office marriage but had their ceremony in IOW and no one really knew they were already legally married.

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
    Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
 
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