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Wedding Forum - Wedding format for an "unbalanced"...

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  1.  
    • Ping
      CommentAuthorPing
     
    Hi all,

    Hope this is the right place, it didn't really seem to fit into the "family problems" section.

    I just got engaged and though me and my partner have talked before about what we'd like our wedding to be like (we have some ideas set in stone: not in a church; ceremony, reception and accommodation in the same location) but ultimately we've realised that we don't know how we're actually going to do this.

    The main reason is that I don't really have anyone to invite. Most of my family are deceased or estranged... literally the only family I can think I'd invite would be my (estranged) father and his wife, but I hardly know him so it would certainly be awkward for him to walk me down the aisle. I could possibly find some distant cousins but if they came they'd be travelling from the far-flung reaches of the country so might not even make it.

    Opposite to me, the OH has a huge family - 3 sisters, all with husbands and children, very close extended family and friends-of-the-family... their Sunday dinners run to 30-odd people quite often!

    Our friend pool is mainly shared, and I don't have ANY close female friends, all my close friends are male.

    So, we're a bit stuck with what format we do. Any traditional ceremony and reception is going to feel really.... "lopsided"! I don't feel I know my father well enough to have him walk down the aisle. I don't know who I'd name as bridesmaids/maid of honour... I guess his sisters/sisters kids could do it but that just feels even more unbalanced. It's the same with the idea of a hen do! Can't I just go out with my (bloke) friends?... if I do, though, it's going to be mainly the same friends that go on his! And as for having girls to help me pick a dress and do my hair/makeup.... I'm stuck :-/

    Does anyone have any ideas for a format that might work here? We're honestly thinking of just running away to Thailand or somewhere and having a ceremony for the two of us on a beach, then having a free-for-all party when we get back.... but we'd really like to stay in the UK and not offend his family - I know they all want to be there for us.
  2.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Welcome Ping!

    You are not along, so ill basically give you a short version of what were doing...

    I am having my mum and her partner come from my family (dont speak to any of the others) and my partner is Italian so he has a HUGE family who are all coming. I moved to scotland for him so our friend pool is basically all his friends too. Ill only have a few friends from england coming from my side.

    So were having it all in one venue too. as people walk into the ceremony there will be a sign saying something along the lines of "pick a seat and not a side your loved by both the groom and bride" so his side wont be full and mine empty lol. Im walking myself down the isle as have no one else really to do so. Dinner seating plan will be just trying to mix his friends and family.

    You can have a sten, its a joint stag and hen that way you can all celebrate together!! I went dress shopping by myself as dont have close enough girl friends up here, and once id picked i took my mum and his mum tot he shop to buy it. I actually loved it as i picked what i wanted with no interference or distractions.

    We too were thinking of abroad for the same reason, but his gran is to elderly to fly so UK it was. It all sounds really lop sided but the way its planned itll all be fine on the day and people will all interact together, as long as i have h2b there then itll be ok lol.

    Sorry long post but i know exactly how you feel! xx

    Members signature icon
    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
  3.  
    • Ping
      CommentAuthorPing
     
    That's amazing, thank you so much for your reply

    That's such a lovely idea, the notice on the door about where to sit. I don't know if my father will be offended if I walk myself down the aisle, but he's not been in my life for 25-odd years so...

    I kinda like the idea of dress shopping on my own. I've never liked shopping for clothes with other people and I think I know myself well enough to be honest!

    Regarding the stag/hen, I'd love to go with them - if they'll let me! They're talking about all kinds of awesome stuff (mud wrestling, assault courses, machine guns, off-roading....) and it sucks if I have to stay here with some girls and go to a club lol!
  4.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
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    To be honest I think weddings are more memorable if they are not the same traditional format

    I'm going dress shopping myself- I hate shopping and the thought of having to go with other people makes me panic

    My sister wants to go with me but she's in Scotland so I'm going to a shop near me to find out what I like and what suits me and I will probably decide but to please her I will go to a shop with her or invite her down to view dresses- she is my onky BM, I think,OH thinks I should have 2 but I haven't really got anyone else

    It's your day, so there is no right or wrong answer - welcome to the site and happy planning xx

    Members signature icon



  5.  
    • clair
      CommentAuthorclair
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    So you could go dress shopping on your own (sometimes it best that way), or of one or two of you male fronted are good at shopping take them it really shouldn't be a problem you may just have to warn the shop first.

    For the wedding party it will be nice to have your oh's sisters and kids as bridesmaids etc as much as we all hate to admit it's his day too lol! You could have your very best mail friend as 'man of honer' lots of people do that.. Or have brids men?

    If you want to walk your self down the ils that's great too! But if you do want some one to give you away you could always ask your closest male friend?

    Hen do, yes do it with you bloke friends of that's whst you want go for it! Maby invite oh sisters too though.,..

    At the end of the day it's your day do what ever makes you really happy :). All the ladies on hear will be more then happy to help :).
    X

    Members signature icon
    Started going out with my Gorgeous man 7/11/2010
    Got engaged on the 21/9/2013
    became mrs Thornton on the 2/8/2015
    our wedding day was the best day ever :)!
  6.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
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    I knew one couple who had a shared 'sten' do, as the bride had a lot of close male friends, and the groom's close friends were mixed. After a shared meal they decided on the spot to go to different places, so the bride went with her, mostly male friends to a bar, and the groom and his friends did a pub crawl. My husband was best man, and although I knew bride and groom equally well, I knew more of the groom's friends than the bride's, so I joined the stag party, and wasn't the only lady to do so. You could definitely do something together.

    For the ceremony I do think it would be a nice touch to have the groom's sisters and nieces/nephews in the wedding party, it's quite popular to make the groom's sisters bridesmaids. I was bridesmaid for both of my SILs. You could have a bridesman in your party if you have close male friends, and that could also be someone who walks you in. You could of course walk in on your own.

    I did my dress shopping largely alone, as mum lives a long way away, and my MOH was snowed under with other things. I also looked up hair and make up people myself and choose the most reasonable quotes. With your hair and make up you could photograph styles and pop them here if you want opinions. Dresses are more difficult as a lot of stores won't allow you to take photos, but if you know the designer you can usually get an image on line to show people here. You could alternatively ask your future SILs for help, it would be a good way to get to know them better.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  7.  
    • MrsC2Be
      CommentAuthorMrsC2Be
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    Yea i like the sign so that everyone sits where they like so then the sides are even!!! Its completely up to you, if you dont feel right having your dad walk you down the isle then you dont have to have him just because its traditional. If you want to walk down the aisle or have someone else like a close friend then you can ask them

    Glad you like the idea of dress shopping by yourself. I went o quite a few bridal shops and the women who worked there said alot of brides come by them selves to start. Its so much less stressful!

    Haha i would definitly mention it to your h2b then about the idea of a sten, alot of people do it and itd be great if you could all share that day/weekend together :D hopefully your minds at rest abit now with everyones replies and advice! I always thought weddings were so traditional but since researching it and been on here you can make your wedding what you want! xx

    Members signature icon
    Met In Lanzarote April 2013
    Engaged In Rome February 2016
    Getting Married In Scotland May 2017
 

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