Sorry for the long rant but I can't talk to anyone else...
We are having a little party for my LO for his 2nd birthday and have invited a few friends with children to the local miniature railway so they can have a go on the trains and have a little tea party there aswell.
I text my sister and told her what we were doing and that I thought it was best she didn't come and my OH and her aren't speaking (in another post). I asked if we could come and see her the day before at work so she got to give LO his present and she got to see him. She just text back 'ok' so I left it at that. I know she is probably a bit peed off that she's not invited but I really don't want the atmosphere and don't want them kicking off at each other at LO party. I told my mum that I'd text my sister and told her why my sis wasn't invited and she said OH should apologise so she can come. My sis was the one that kicked off ranting and raving on the first place so didn't see why he should.
I've just text my sis now asking if she could ask her boss if she could in the hairdressers in our local town the day before LO birthday as I'm going to get him some balloons and then she could see him and I'm not having to drive miles away for her to see him. (She's not based in 1 salon) her reply was No I'm not asking. If I'm not invited to the party then why should I ask. I said sort things out with Ant then you'd be more than welcome.
I can't win :( everything is being ruined. Any family get togethers, the wedding. I can't plan anything as OH doesn't want her as bridesmaid, both of them don't want anything to do with each other yet I'm stuck in the middle.
Sorry for the long post just so fed up
Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016
CommentAuthorSarah D
Sorry to hear this Mrs Wade, family life is never easy, I used to have the same issue with my sisters partner, he was a controlling man and a bully and I made my feelings quiet clear on him, we couldn't be in company on any capacity, my sister one day came to me and asked of I could please put this to the side and get on for her sake she had also discussed this with him, she was so unhappy having to tip toe around and we only got to see each other when he was away at work. For her sake I made the effort to be in his company, we only ended up speaking once or twice but I did it for my sister. I think they both need to respect that your the one in the middle and for your sake they need to get along, don't have to be best mates but to make things easy for you they should be adult enough to get on. You know what happened and you will know who's in the wrong, but they both need to apologise and act grownup here its your son who will miss out in this situation and they both love you so hopefully that's enough to have them be civil for the small amount of time they need to be in the same company xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
It's not like they even need to speak to each other on both occasions. I'm tired of it all :(
Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016
CommentAuthorFlossie
I echo everything Sarah said! It's horrible for you to be in this situation when you've not even done anything wrong, you can't just play piggy in the middle forever. They both need to put their feelings aside regardless of who started it and who's done what, and act like adults for your sake. As Sarah said, it's your son who is missing out in this situation and that is definitely not fair! I hope they can make things easier for you xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorFlossie
Do they both know how you feel? I think you may have to be cruel to kind and clearly spell it out for the two of them. If they don't make an effort to at least be civil to each other and be in the same room as each other then it's not going to benefit anyone xx
OH is adamant he doesn't want her there or as bridesmaid. He said she can come as a guest but that's it. They both need their heads banging together. Just want one of them to be the bigger person and say let's gone on for shell and James sake but can't see it happening :(
Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016
CommentAuthorFlossie
If he is happy for her to come as a guest I don't understand why he's not happy for her to be a bridesmaid? She'll still be there in whatever capacity she is attending! It's not about who your OH wants as bridesmaid, it's YOUR choice! She will have nothing to do with the groom on the day! xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorSarah D
I was just going to say the same as Flossie regarding the wedding, its your choice not his on who's BRIDESmaid, they need to sort it out asap and just play nice for the small durations they will be together even if it means admitting there wrong they need to be adults here and think of your feelings and the children xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
I'm going to talk to in laws I think and see if they can speak to him as he's not listening to me. Just fed up of being stuck in between them all the time
Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016
CommentAuthorFlossie
I'm not surprised, I'd be pulling my hair out by now! Totally not fair on you. It might be a good idea for an 'outsider' to have a word xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
i've just sat n read through this an d a few things come to mind if you Oh and sister aren't speaking then they dont have to speak at you little ones party ... they are adults .
as to the apology .... this does sound a little playground .... "she started it so im not saying sorry" it takes two to have an argument.
I have to agree that if id just been told i wasn't wanted at my nephews party i would be very unlikely to put MYSELF out to bring his present .
your OH is being ridiculous, what difference does it makes to him if you sister is at the wedding standing beside you if he is happy for her to be sat a few chairs behind you ... if YOU want her as a bridesmaid then YOU flaming well have her.
You want an outsider to talk to him ...I WILL ....
I know exactly what you're going through as my oh and my sister don't talk. Despite me telling them both that they're adults and that my oh or my sister should be there at family gatherings etc goes unnoticed. The fact that one is going to be there is enough for the other to say "I'm not going if s/he is going". I have given up now as neither is going to back down as they are both as stubborn as each other.
On the other hand, I have not spoken to my mother now for over 10 years but I do not let that stop me from going to family gatherings. Why should she have the satisfaction of going and not me???
Your sister and your oh need to put their petty issues aside for your LO and for you. They need to realise that there is more to life.
I personally think you should invite your sister to your LO party. In the past, my sister didn't invite me to my niece's birthday party because of my mum and I was devastated.
Pretty much what Lala has said basically!!!!
Met 18/09/03
Engaged 06/09/08
Getting married 05/09/17
CommentAuthorDanielleS0709
That's awful mrsmw sounds like they need their heads banging together. Hope they can put their differences aside for the sake of you and your LO
21st May 2016 xxx
CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
Thank you all for your comments. Need to talk to OH but it's getting the right moment
Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016
CommentAuthorDanielleS0709
I'd be sitting him down ASAP and getting it sorted whether he wanted to hear it or not. Same with your sis. They don't have to be best of friends but they could at least be pleasant to each other.
21st May 2016 xxx
CommentAuthorclairenina
I don't know what an LO party is, but hope things get better for you. There's nothing worse than people falling out and making like difficult xx
CommentAuthorEmmilou82
Clairenina, LO is 'Little One' her son...... X
Marrying 'The One' on 30th July 2016
I am now Mrs Emma Stokoe xx
CommentAuthorEmmilou82
edited
Sorry to hear all this Michelle.... Tell OH to get a grip and you will chose who you want as bridesmaid cos I bet of you didn't like best man he'd have him regardless!!
I can understand what your sister is saying but even still, it does take 2 to have an argument so she needs to rein it in too....
I hope you get it sorted hun ***big hugs*** x
Marrying 'The One' on 30th July 2016
I am now Mrs Emma Stokoe xx
CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
Thanks Emma. Going to talk to mil tomorrow then talk to OH
Families are a nightmare :( x
Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Sorry to hear you're having to go through this. They both need their heads banging together, it's not fair they expect you to be stuck in the middle or take any sides or be the one compromising because of their silly pathetic situation.
I'd get them both in a room together then you can give them both what for at the same time and hear what you have to say. Tell them to sort it out and thst you're sick of being stuck in the middle and that it's not fair. Say you love them both and want both in your life equally so you expect them to be grown up, act like adults and be polite and civil. They dont have to be best friends but you expect them to both be in the same room without tearing strips out of each other.
Your sister should accept you love your OH and will be marrying him and he has to accept she will be your bridesmaid because you want her to be end of.
It's not fair that it is you who is suffering for their behaviour.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
Thank you IDL. They're both so alike. They definitely need their heads banging together. It's like being back at school
Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
so treat them like they are at school ..... put them both in detention ... get them in a room and lock the door ... dont let them out till they are acting their age not shoe size
I spoke to the in laws fil said he's not getting involved and mil said OH is that pigheaded he will prob kick off and still say no. Sick of being stuck in the middle
Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016
CommentAuthorVelcro
i completely agree with what lala has said, especially on the bm comment, its not his place. would he allow you to dictate who he could/could not have as an usher? and especially on her not wanting to rearrange her day if she has been told she is not allowed to her nephews party. i cant stand my mother and sister in law but if we had a kid there is no way i would tell him his family couldnt come to the party if it was what he wanted. it's notjust his decision to make. he is YOUR son as well.
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
Well my sister came round earlier. Her and OH didn't even speak. They couldn't even look at each other. Told OH I want her to come to LO party and he's just gone ballistic. So p!ssed off. Sick to death of being stuck in the middle but they don't seem to understand that
