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Wedding Forum - Torn between step father and father!!...

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  1.  
    • MrsH93
      CommentAuthorMrsH93
      Posted: Apr 3rd 2014
     
    Hi all!

    The decision I am dreading the most is who I should ask to walk me down the aisle. My father, or my step father!

    My step father has been in my life since I was 1. Him and my mother are now married themselves, and they gave me a sister when I was 4! I grew up calling him Dad, and his family are mine. I've always been treated as one of the family and vice versa.

    Now for my biological father. I saw a lot of him growing up, but for some reason that I'm still unaware of today, he stopped all contact about 2 years ago. He ignored calls, texts, Facebook messages, one night I appeared on his doorstep because I wanted a photo of my grandparents. I asked him what I had done, and he said nothing. He's always been a bit loopy. I'm his only child, yet he never contacts me, never. He's seen my two year old twice. He doesn't call to say merry Christmas, happy birthday, nothing. I've done everything in my power to make an effort, but it hasn't worked. My mum, fiancé and everyone else say I should give up and not bother, but there's a part of me that just can't, although he has made it perfectly clear he doesn't give two monkeys about me or my children!!

    So I'm stuck with this decision. Our engagement party was back in February, he didn't come to that as he was at football, yet my stepmother made an appearance god bless her. It's been said he could benefit from therapy and he's probably got schizophrenia or some kind of personality disorder!! It breaks my heart, he's my dad! But I can't make him care about me.

    So, who do I have?! My biological absent father who is deranged, or my loving stepfather, whom I adore?!

    All thoughts and suggestions welcome please!
  2.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 3rd 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Why don't you have the drive to the church/hotel etc with your father then get your stepfather to walk you up the aisle? Failing that, get them both to walk you in? Personally though I would get the stepfather to do both! He clearly cares and will be heartbroken if you shove him aside for the guy who can't even be bothered to come to your engagement party as he's watching football! Also, think how you'd feel if you Dad didn't turn up, you'd be upset that he couldn't bother on your most important day, the rest of the family would be so angry and your stepfather will be upset at being called on to be 'second-best'...... xx

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  3.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Apr 3rd 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It's hard and only you can decide.

    What feels right? In your heart?

    Can they share the FOTB duties? Have both walking you down the aisle and doing a speech? Have you asked your biological father how he feels and what part he'd like to play if any?

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  4.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 3rd 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I would say on a gut instinct stepfather ... As ur father could not even turn up for the wedding??! May sound a bit harsh,but it could be true x

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  5.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 3rd 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I would say step father, reading about your dad is a similar story to mine, who I have cut contact with due to him never bothering an me always having to contact him, when I got pregant and told him his responce was 'well i don't have to pay for it' i had enough seeming as he never paid anything for me. Dissapeared for 9 years then when he reapeared totally messed up my head and ruined everything , wish he had never come back at all, atleast then i could continevto have pretended an imagined, now im stuck knowing how little he cares about anyone but himself.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  6.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 3rd 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I'd say step dad. He's the one brought you up.

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    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  7.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 3rd 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Going by what you've said on your post I'd go with step father. Xx

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
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  8.  
    • LauraY27
      CommentAuthorLauraY27
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 4th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I would also say step father. He's raised you and made you the woman you are today. If your dad doesn't care about you then why should he get that privilege but ultimately only you can decide x
  9.  
    • MelanieH10
      CommentAuthorMelanieH10
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Having read your post it seems to me your step father had been more of a dad to you than your biological father. So, if I was in your shoes I'd choose your step dad x

    Getting married Sunday 1st May 2016 :)


  10.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    The way it reads there is no contest. Your step-father is your Dad, and should be there to fill that role. However it sounds like you have a pull still from your biological father. Maybe you need to find out first if he intends to come, as it sounds like he may not. Then work from there. I would certainly give your step-father the bigger role.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  11.  
    • CommentAuthorFranM76
      Posted: Apr 4th 2014
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    I would say Step Father, but ultimately it's your choice. It's easy for anyone who's not emotionally attached to say forget your Dad, but like you say, he's your Dad at the end of the day. Im sure it's a very difficult decision for you hun. Your Step Father certainly sounds like he's been more of a Dad to you throughout your life and like other people have said, what if your biological Father doesn't even turn up to the wedding? Do what your heart tells you xx
  12.  
    • CommentAuthorMattsBride
      Posted: Apr 4th 2014
      BadgeBadge
     
    I would also say step father, I had this conversation with one of my best friends as her dad has recently come back in to her life and she said even though he's making the effort now her step father will always be the one who raised her and that she would invite her dad to her wedding but her step father would give her away.
  13.  
    • *The NewMrsMalin*
      CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I would say Stepfather too; it's your choice but I think as he has been the one who is has been there for you and been a father to you; maybe he should have the privilege of walking you down the isle as it sounds like he has been more of a father to you then your real one. x

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
    When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
    Fight for what you believe in!
  14.  
    • almost a year wife!!
      CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 5th 2014
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    Step father xxx

    Members signature icon
    Ill marry my hero


  15.  
    • AH86
      CommentAuthorAH86
      Posted: Apr 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundTicker foreground
     
    I would say Step father because it sounds as though your father gave you away already :(

    It is completely up to you though, maybe use this to talk to your father to explain choice first and gage reaction, if he is upset then explain reasons and you never know, he may start making more effort.

    Good luck lovely x

    Members signature icon
    Friday 10th April 2015
    Marrying my best friend
    Not long now :D
  16.  
    • LeighS
      CommentAuthorLeighS
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 5th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I agree with all who say your step father should be the one to give you away. My step father gave me way when I was married the first time. Although I had a relationship with my dad, my step father bought us up. He was there everyday for us and when I asked him he became emotional and had a few tears.
    He would be the most proud father in the world if you ask him and I'm sure he will do you proud on the day too.

    Members signature icon



  17.  
    • bride2b90
      CommentAuthorbride2b90
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 12th 2014
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    I am completely understanding of your situation as it is similar to my "father' situation... but despite all I would say step-father he is (from what i can read from your first post) the one you are closest too, who knows you better and who you obviously adore.

    Members signature icon
    I met my soul mate in school, after chasing him for 18months
    We got together 15th September 06,
    We celebrated our son Jacob 29th October 10,
    He proposed 15th June 14, We marry 09th July 16
  18.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 12th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Might be worth sitting down with your biological father and asking him why contact stopped like it did. If you get it out of him then if they both can be civil how about having them both so neither feels left out. If he will not be open, tell him straight, you're having you step father

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


 
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