Wedding Forum - Torn between step father and father!!...

Hi all!

The decision I am dreading the most is who I should ask to walk me down the aisle. My father, or my step father!

My step father has been in my life since I was 1. Him and my mother are now married themselves, and they gave me a sister when I was 4! I grew up calling him Dad, and his family are mine. I've always been treated as one of the family and vice versa.

Now for my biological father. I saw a lot of him growing up, but for some reason that I'm still unaware of today, he stopped all contact about 2 years ago. He ignored calls, texts, Facebook messages, one night I appeared on his doorstep because I wanted a photo of my grandparents. I asked him what I had done, and he said nothing. He's always been a bit loopy. I'm his only child, yet he never contacts me, never. He's seen my two year old twice. He doesn't call to say merry Christmas, happy birthday, nothing. I've done everything in my power to make an effort, but it hasn't worked. My mum, fiancé and everyone else say I should give up and not bother, but there's a part of me that just can't, although he has made it perfectly clear he doesn't give two monkeys about me or my children!!

So I'm stuck with this decision. Our engagement party was back in February, he didn't come to that as he was at football, yet my stepmother made an appearance god bless her. It's been said he could benefit from therapy and he's probably got schizophrenia or some kind of personality disorder!! It breaks my heart, he's my dad! But I can't make him care about me.

So, who do I have?! My biological absent father who is deranged, or my loving stepfather, whom I adore?!

All thoughts and suggestions welcome please!

It's hard and only you can decide.

What feels right? In your heart?

Can they share the FOTB duties? Have both walking you down the aisle and doing a speech? Have you asked your biological father how he feels and what part he'd like to play if any?

I would say step father, reading about your dad is a similar story to mine, who I have cut contact with due to him never bothering an me always having to contact him, when I got pregant and told him his responce was 'well i don't have to pay for it' i had enough seeming as he never paid anything for me. Dissapeared for 9 years then when he reapeared totally messed up my head and ruined everything , wish he had never come back at all, atleast then i could continevto have pretended an imagined, now im stuck knowing how little he cares about anyone but himself.

Going by what you've said on your post I'd go with step father. Xx

Having read your post it seems to me your step father had been more of a dad to you than your biological father. So, if I was in your shoes I'd choose your step dad x

I would say Step Father, but ultimately it's your choice. It's easy for anyone who's not emotionally attached to say forget your Dad, but like you say, he's your Dad at the end of the day. Im sure it's a very difficult decision for you hun. Your Step Father certainly sounds like he's been more of a Dad to you throughout your life and like other people have said, what if your biological Father doesn't even turn up to the wedding? Do what your heart tells you xx

I would say Stepfather too; it's your choice but I think as he has been the one who is has been there for you and been a father to you; maybe he should have the privilege of walking you down the isle as it sounds like he has been more of a father to you then your real one. x

I would say Step father because it sounds as though your father gave you away already :(

It is completely up to you though, maybe use this to talk to your father to explain choice first and gage reaction, if he is upset then explain reasons and you never know, he may start making more effort.

Good luck lovely x

I am completely understanding of your situation as it is similar to my "father' situation... but despite all I would say step-father he is (from what i can read from your first post) the one you are closest too, who knows you better and who you obviously adore.