Top tips for the MOB
* Know that today's planning team isn't automatically the bride and her mom. You may be part of a team that includes the groom's parents, or the bride and groom will be doing the majority of the planning on their own. So don't go into this with huge expectations, or have your feelings hurt that you won't be in charge of the cake. Just look forward to meeting with the bride and groom to discuss how THEY'D like their team to work together.

* Make a promise to yourself, as a parent, that you'll keep the wishes of the bride and groom paramount. Since the wedding is such an important and emotional event, it's easy to fall into a heightened state and want more of your ideas included. Know the difference between making suggestions and forcing your opinion.

* Be ready with addresses and information when the bride and groom come to you about guest list or ideas to incorporate family traditions into their wedding. When you're asked to do anything, get back to them right away and be diligent. When you set a foundation at the start of being easy to work with, interested in their wishes, and responsible, you'll be asked to do more.

* Let them know what you'd like to be involved with. They're not mind-readers, so they may not know that it's a dream of yours to go to cake tastings with them. A simple "I'd love to join you" is far better than insisting, or pouting when you hear they went last weekend.

* Let them know what your talents are. Since weddings are so expensive, couples are looking for ways to save money. If you have a talent for art or a flair for calligraphy, Web design or favor-making, they need to know about that. Again, let them make the decision.

* Find ways to welcome the groom into the family. Get to know him better, if you haven't already, and show your approval by including him in family dinners where it's all about social time, not just wedding planning time.

* Be a stress-relief for the bride. Take her out for coffee or lunch, or to a day spa for manicures, and make it no-wedding-talk time to allow her to step away from wedding stress and nurture your relationship. Encourage her to gratitude journal during this time. My book The Bride's Gratitude Journal would be a great gift, but a better gift is helping her keep her perspective about the meaning of the day and focus on what's going well.

* Keep a journal of your own, or scrapbook, on the planning process and give it to the bride after the wedding.

* Get your look together. A personal shopper at a department store can help you find a terrific gown for the wedding, as well as dresses for the rehearsal dinner and other events, and you get the same royal treatment as the bride. Personal shopper services are free at Bloomingdales and Lord and Taylor, among others...they'll interview you for your style wishes and colors and sizes, and when you go in for your session, they have all of the outfits and accessories lined up for you.

* Give meaningful gifts as well as practical ones from the registry. A framed photo of the bride as a little girl, together with a wonderful handwritten letter from you, is a fabulous gift on the morning of the wedding.

* Write a toast. Whether it's for the rehearsal dinner or the reception, your words make a lasting memory. Or have the bride's favorite song played for her.

* Keep your fears in line. Don't be afraid of the change that's coming to your family, particularly if the bride plans to move after she's married. Have a plan to stay in touch via e-mail and visits, and welcome the good things these changes bring. I know, it's tough to face the huge emotional changes that happen with a wedding, and this is the #1 thing that makes mothers act badly and hurts their relationships with their daughters (which causes the distancing they fear!). Just be honest with the bride and come up with a plan for the future.

* Embrace the in-laws. Find ways to include them in family holidays and dinners -- the bride and groom will be sooo relieved if you make that a smooth transition and welcome their loved ones into your circle. You don't have to be best friends. Just let the bride and groom know they're welcome as family.

* Never inject your guest list wishes, song wishes, menu wishes, etc. with force. Some people just have dominant personalities. They love steamrolling their way into things, and they don't think of others' wishes. This is not the time for that, even if you're sure the etiquette rules are on your side. "You have to invite them, since you were a flowergirl at their wedding 30 years ago!" doesn't fly in today's wedding rules of the bride and groom choosing their guest list. They know the new etiquette rules, and unless it's a glaring omission, a must, be gentle with your guidance.

* Think about renewing your wedding vows months after their wedding if you feel you want to plan a big party of your own. All of your great ideas the bride and groom aren't open to...they might be better at YOUR party!

great tips - but my mother will follow none of them - infact she hasnt even taken any interest in the wedding, and my mom makes me more stressed lol :-) x

this is an interesting one :)

Is a vacuum cleaner a meaningful or practical gift?

Do these tips apply for the Step mother of the Bride too?

bump