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    • NicolleR45
      Posted: Jan 11th 2016
    Me and my fiancé are both regular Catholic churchgoers, and planning our wedding for Sep 2017. At the moment, we have decided to have our wedding at my fiance's church, then come back to my town for the reception (about 30min drive). My mum and dad are disappointed that the ceremony isn't going to be in or family church that we go to weekly. They are also bringing up issues such as "you'll have a long way to drive to and from the church", "you will have less time in the morning to get ready because you'll have to drive" and plus the biggest reason of the ceremony just not being in the brides church. Has anyone else had this issue, if so, how have you dealt with it with family? My fiancé is also being very stubborn now and not wanting to change it to be at my church. Help needed!!! Thanks!
    • FayeJ67
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 11th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
    What is his reasoning for demanding it be in his church?

    Which church do YOU prefer? which would make for the better photos?

    I'm not having a church wedding but my mother had a catholic church wedding at my fathers church (in Belgium) because mum was church of England (not practising) however she loved the church in Belgium and the local bishop gave permission!

    I would say that there is quite a valid point about having less time to get ready but it really does depend on what time your ceremony is, how many people are having hair and make-up done and what time you would have to get up in the morning. You really don't want to have to get up for 6am if your reception is running until midnight as you will flag at around 8pm!

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    • InDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jan 11th 2016
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    We had a Catholic church wedding, I'm Catholic, hubby is Methodist (not practising).

    We actually got married at the church my parents got married in, where my sister and I were baptised and where I had my first confession and first communion. We haven't lived in the diocese let alone parish for well over 10 years so basically got married in a church approx 50 minutes drive away from home (that's a large chunk of the journey on a motorway). It was my local parish priest who was not happy at all.

    The timing issues it sounds to me are just excuses your family are using, in fact I loved having a longer journey to the church, it gave me more time with my dad in the car on the way there (I'm a daddy's girl) and actually it's more exciting having more time in the wedding car before the ceremony.

    I'm not sure about whether it should be at the brides church but I know my parents would have been very unhappy if it wssnt a catholic church we got married in, luckily hubby decided that is what we'd do so no issues there for me.

    My sister however had an issue because her hubby's family are JW, so any church wedding let alone an RC one was totally off limits. Cue massive argument with my parents. They had a lovely civil ceremony but it didn't go down well when they booked it. To cut a long story short my sister and BIL had to do what was right for them regardless of what parents thought. Neither set of parents got the ceremony at their place of worship as the two religions just wouldn't allow it.

    Maybe you need to tell your parents be happy for you and pleased you are having an RC ceremony. It's your day not theirs.

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

    • Emily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 11th 2016
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    It doesn't have to be the brides church. I have never heard that before. We are having it at my church because I am a practicing Christian (CoE) where OHs family aren't practicing. No other reason than it means more to me and as long as it's a church he doesn't mind at all.

    You have obviously chosen to have it at his church for a reason and that is your decision so they should respect that. By saying but it wont be at your church, if you moved it OH could say its not at his church so as a couple you loose either way. This was something you considered when you booked it by splitting the day between the 2 areas.

    As for timing, when you booked it you knew how far it was and accepted that at that point. Agree with IDL it will be nice father daughter time on the way there. Our church is a 20min (minimum) drive as its our family church and not our parish. I don't like our parish church so don't go there but go to the family one. This doesn't worry me. in fact it make the whole paying for a car worth it as we will get more usage out of it.

    I think your parents are probably a little upset because they always imagined it being at that one church. Where you have it will still be a religious ceremony just in a different place to what they presumed.

    I would tell them to stuff it if I'm honest.The church you get married in is important to you as a couple so why shouldn't it be his church?

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    Met in 2009
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    • Mrs Jones
      CommentAuthorMrs Jones
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 11th 2016
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    Traditionally it's the brides church rather than the grooms, but at the end of the day its what you and your OH want and nobody else.

    We're getting married in MY local Catholic church rather than OH's family church. I'm not a Catholic, but OH is and it was important to him that we got married in church. Having said that, his family church is also over 350 miles away.

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    First Date 26 April 2014
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    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jan 11th 2016
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    I go to a Methodist church and my husband goes to an Anglican one. They're round the corner from each other so distance wasn't an issue. We weighed up the benefits of each church and settled on my husband's. The main benefit of using mine would have been that my father could have married us (he's a Methodist minister), but I was concerned about accessibility. The church itself is upstairs, and we have a lift, but I had known it to break down, and SIL is in a wheelchair, as were one other full day guest, one evening guest and one person who just came for the service. The Anglican church was all on the level and much prettier for the photos as well. We were able to have my father and the minister at my church participate, and I made sure that my father was at the front at the right time to say "you may kiss the bride", by having him supervise the exchange of rings. He also did the blessing of the marriage which I thought would be a nice touch. Having those two bits to do meant he was able to be father of the bride as well (I'm the only daughter). Basically we looked at what meant most to us and picked the church that fitted best.

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    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
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    • CommentAuthorSamanthaW362
      Posted: Jan 15th 2016
    hm... thats interesting story, i think wherever is no problem. As long as the concept is same, thats ok
    • GemmaB596
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 12th 2016
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    You are never going to please everybody at a wedding, so you need to concentrate on what is important for yourself and your OH. Which of you feel more strongly about having the ceremony at their church?
    I was brought up in a CofE family, my husband in a Hindu/Sikh family. While my husband's mother is religious, he is not. I am not particularly religious but definitely have more interest in religion that what he is. Also, since I was little I wanted a traditional wedding and it being in a church was a very big part of that, which my partner understood. Since a traditional church wedding meant more to me than a traditional Indian wedding meant to him, we decided to get married in our local parish church. My husband's mother wasn't very happy, and kicked up a fuss about us getting married in a church "for my family" and not doing anything for my husband, so we compromised by having an Indian blessing the following week, but there was no way we were going to change our minds on our actual ceremony. At the end of the day, while a wedding is a day to bring families together, it is down to the bride and groom to decide how, where and when they marry, nobody else. This is the start of your marriage together so it is important you celebrate it in a way that is true to who you both are as people, and as a couple.
    I know it's exciting for families as well, but I do find it incredibly frustrating (and cheeky) when relatives try to dictate what should happen!
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