Wedding Forum - Suddenly not sure...

I'm sorry but I just need to get this out

This evening I have been praying for the strength to not walk out on OH. We are meeting our photographer tomorrow but if I feel like this I'm not sure I should be planning our wedding.

Work is really busy at the moment. I'm covering someone full time and need to keep my work up to date so am working in the evenings to get it all done. I found out on Thursday. As soon as I found out I text OH saying please help me. Please give me your support at home so that I don't get home and have to start working again. It was only later on my way home when I called him saying did you get my text that he said "oh yeah. I will support you"
He is normally useless. We live with parents so there isn't masses to do around the house really but I have to give him tasks if there's something that needs doing and even then I'm lucky if it gets done properly if even at all. He is the living breathing proof of the p00h quote “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” but he said he would support me and I accepted that and trusted he would do it.

Well. Yesterday is day 1 of busy work. I had asked him to call the venue supplier (3 things to ask) in prep for our meeting tomorrow and go to a shop to get my sister a birthday card. He also had to go to a work medical fir an hour. I call n my way home from work and ask if goes had a good day has he been to the shop. No he's "just putting his shoes on to go". I don't believe him but he assures me he was. I think he remembered when I called and thought sh**. I get home he has now been to the shop and I ask about the call to the venue but nope. That one was missed

Today's tasks were to call the venue and start his uni work. He handed in his last piece of work 3 weeks ago and the plan was to start his 1 resit after a 2 week break bearing in mind that we go on holiday a week Friday. He failed the first time because he left it too late and was rushed. So again I call on my way home and he gas called the venue. But only asked about 1 of the 3 things. And that was the only 1 that had no bearing on our meeting tomorrow!! Instead of starting his work he decided it was more important to clean the car. For his last few pieces of wrk I have had to put together a plan to make sure it is finished on time. I don't gave the time to check on him to make sure he is on track. I barely have time to sit down myself and it is only day 2 of me covering.

I really don't deal with stress well. When I get stressed I can go into deep depressive states which then take months to get out of. I don't want that to happen this time but I don't know what to do. I asked him to support me and give me the space at home to relax and do what we need to do. But even though he said he would he isn't.

I feel like going home and being on my own for a while until work settles down and he has pulled his socks up and done his work. But that will cause so much tension and I am going on holiday with him and all his family (parents, grandparents, sister and her BF) in less than 2 weeks.
I don't know what to do. I definitely feel like I shouldn't be planning our wedding feeling like this. I love him. I really do love him. But I am so frightened about what will happen when he is working full time and we gave our own place. Will everything be left to me. Even yesterday we were lying in bed and I said to him that I can't wait to marry him. I do love him but need the support.

What would you do? How would you approach this with your OH? Is it too late to cancel the meeting tomorrow?

I think your over reacting questioning your wedding your stressed and thinking to much you have to much going on and putting Farr to much pressure on yourself. Chill out!!
First of all focus on this holiday a well earned break for you away from the pressures of wedding planning work and uni work. It's when you go away you probe realise all the good things you love about your other half instead of noticing the negative.
Men hate being nagged my other half always says if I ask him to do something more then once he won't do it. Also some men can be forgetful and unorganised my oh is. If I asked him to pick up a birthday card I think he'd freak out lol. I bet he doesn't know how stressed this is getting you talk about your feelings but not when your stressed when you are both together calmly don't nag just talk like I said he may not of relised.
Good luck :)
Xxx

I think at the moment you are worrying way too much. Yes he forgot to do things but I don't imagine he did it deliberately. Men will be men! You've obviously got a lot on at work at the moment and I'm going to use the age old saying people used on me, you don't get married for almost 2.5 years so try not to stress as you don't need to get everything done all at once! You have plenty of time to worry about photographers, venues etc. so pace yourself. If you want to cancel the tog meeting, do it if it causes you less stress then rearrange when you are both less worried and stressful months at work. Take time to sort everything at work, spend quality time with your OH and enjoy being with each other. Take a weekend out away from the families too - we live with my OH's in-laws and lovely though they are, we do get away for a weekend once in a while because it can get stressful, unhealthy and claustrophobic which is only natural! That may help you not going into one of your depressive states too :) Ultimately, try not to stress :) xx

With your wedding being so far away let go of the planning a little bit that will take some stress off you.
It seems that work is also playing a big part in how you feel so you need to speak to your boss.

You need to try and relax, look forward to your holiday and breath.... Sounds like you stress yourself up too much. X

Danielle

OH came home from football and I was still sitting in front of my computer crying. He came me kissed my head and held me. I think in that moment he realised that I really did need the support.

Catherine, we have agreed that we will stay at home longer saving and spend a weekend together every 2 months just us. Even if it's just in my aunts house when she's working away. I agree that it doesn't help living at home but I don't like spending money where it's not needed. I think it is needed. Thank you xx

Ps he has read and agreed that so I'm confident that means he will help me and I won't get pooley again.

Thank you all

Firstly can I say if this comes across a bit harshly it isn't meant the t way but this is what I would say to my daughter.

You have a lot on at work ...that is out of your control, if you are having to continue working when you get home you need to go to your manager / HR And say that to try and effectively do two jobs is just not working.

Does it really matter when OH has gone to the shop?
OH uni work is down to him he is grown up ,your are not his mother and having to make sure a 10yr old has done his homework .

If you are considering not getting married ,I think there is more to this and you need to look very hard.... Is it really just because you feel you are not getting a bit of support.

The holiday is a good time to sit back and re evaluate your feelings ,make sure you have time together away from the rest of the family and also time just for you .

Sounds like maybe he just felt as though you were nagging him so he was reluctant to do the things you'd asked, but after seeing you crying maybe it hit home that you DO really need his support. Fingers crossed he will make things easier for you and take the pressure off you a little now :)

I think we all have those "am I doing the right thing?" moments, but you love him and he loves you, so of course you are doing the right thing by getting married. It sounds like you're in quite a stressful/emotional place right now so I wouldn't make any rash decisions.

As the ladies have said above, you still have plenty of time for wedding planning and to sort everything out so whilst it obviously remains a high priority, maybe put it on the back burner for just a little while and give everything a chance to settle down - you don't need too much pressure on yourself and if you can relieve it a little in certain areas then definitely do so.

It's not fair that you're expected to do all this work either. You should do what you can during your working hours but it's really unfair if you need to work at night as well just to keep up with everything. I'd definitely have a chat with your boss about it. I know they need people to cover the work but there must be a better way than this!

Cheer up xx

Glad you've cleared the air :)

And work is fine if it's a short term thing but they can't expect you to keep going on like this. Fingers crossed you can have a nice relaxing time away and then come back to some normality x

EmilyV17 you're putting WAY too much pressure on getting things sorted out when you still have over 2 years to go. With that timeframe it should be LESS stressful not more.

Here is my advice. Back away from the wedding planning for a bit. Enjoy your holiday with your fiancé. One days you're feeling stressed go for a long walk either yourself or with your OH and don't mention a PEEP about the wedding or future stuff. Just chill and DO NOT take your phone (trust me) if you have a dog or your parents/neighbour have a dog offer to take it for a walk which will give you something focus on (a lot of de-stress goes into throwing a ball or playing tug)

Remember what decade you live in... this is the digital era. Pretty much ALL my contact with wedding related stuff is done via email and this has the added bonus that any promises spoken in person/phone you have in writing and can challenge if something changes. In regards to Birthdays. Pretty much all my cards are sent via Moonpig a week in advance. Sounds like a cop-out but being honest my nieces especially love seeing their own personalised cards with their unusual names on them.

Some men (and women) just don't necessarily have the get-up-and-go to tick things off of a box. I know I can be lazy and leave things to the last minute but I would never expect someone to prod me into action just as you should not have to prod your fiance to do whats necessary in his studies. Those are HIS responsibility and if he fails, he fails. I bet you're worried if he fails you will feel like you didn't prod him enough and therefore blame yourself? Nope, not true. I started our wedding planning allocating us both different tasks and in the end I decided his heart wasn't in the planning yet so I do a lot of it myself, run it by him and he whips out the payment details. So much less stress.

We now have 2 months to go exactly today and we have been planning since June 13th 2013 and you know what? Only thing that truly stressed myself out throughout this whole thing? Me... and people assuming they have a +1 when it doesn't state it. That will annoy you but not stress you.

Remember in the end you're marrying the man you love. The rest is just fluff.

Glad to hear you've spoken about it and now you're getting temps in at work to help. Hope things start to get easier for you.

In the meantime I'd suggest listing what is important in order of priority, for you! Then concentrate only on the top 3 things. Stop yourself from feeling under pressure. A great thing that people ask me at work is "what would happen and be the consequence if something isn't done?".
If the consequences aren't serious then put it aside.

glad to hear you have sorted it all out. im sure most upsets and arguments come from misunderstandings between couples x

OK, just to update people.

We have taken OATBs advise and will have a weekend away together every now and them. First one is maybe Sat 1st August as this will be our first weekend together with no holiday etc since before Christmas!!

My depression is only a little really and starting to feel in a rut but I am no longer constantly crying which is a bonus and I am sleeping again now that I'm not lying in bed dreading going to work.

So on the whole, we are getting there. Still a long way to go but it will come.

Thanks for your support and telling me to stop being a mare! :)

It's going to cost us a lot more as would need hotel/campsite and food etc but will be worth it for our relationship and my mental health. Once we have our own place then we don't need to worry about everyone else so can knock it on the head maybe. We'll see when that happens.

Good luck with it all Emily!!! xx

Good to hear this Emily, fantastic news.

Stant0n H0use is near where I live and right next to my work! xx

It was so good Flossie! Their afternoon tea was amazing - we had wrap the cake in napkins for later because there was so much.

Emily, there's probably a bunch of deals for lovely places to stay in the peak district and maybe with a free breakfast or evening meal too. Always worth having a look and what a great idea to stay at your venue. You can check all the bits when they're not showing you round. X

So glad you are feeling better sweet. That feeling of being stuck in a rut is horrible xx