Wedding Forum - Sister/bridesmaid stress...

Argh I'm so mad!!!

It all kicked off last week with my sister...she was supposed to be sorting my hen do out. I told her I wanted somewhere not too far away, somewhere my mum and sisters can come to and enjoy (mum doesn't like going out and sisters will only be 16 so can't drink) and I don't want loads of drinking as I don't really drink a lot.
So she sent a text to everyone to say she had picked Manchester but if they didn't reply by jan 7th (this year-even though I wouldn't be having hen do until next year) she would take it as they weren't going. It got a few of my friends backs up as she gave them 3 days to decide and we wouldn't be booking anything until the end of this year :-/
My OH sent her a text to explain the things I enjoy etc and she sent a really nasty one back saying it had nothing to do with him, she was sorting it so they are now not speaking.
I told my sister it wax un called for and I'd be sorting my own hen out now as it was easier and less stressful.
I've said I don't want a chief bridesmaid I want all 4 of them to be the same, to enjoy the day, help me get ready and just enjoy themselves. She has now just sent me a snotty text to say how would I feel if she was getting married and had said the same to me.
I've said it's my wedding, I'm sick of the arguing and falling out she's still bridesmaid just not sorting the hen.

Am I being a bit*h or am I right with what I'm saying?

Please be honest x

That's what I keep trying to tell GF that's it's my wedding but I think just likes to hear me keep repeating myself :-/

You are completely within your rights to say what you did. She had the pleasure of being able to sort your hen knowing what you wanted and didn't want; she didn't take those things into consideration so you have every right to take away that responsibility from her! She also shouldn't just expect to be chief bridesmaid or have a problem with being equal to the others x

Thanks ladies. You've made me feel better :-) I want to enjoy planning my wedding. I'm only doing it once and it just seems like she's trying to ruin it in every way she can think of :( x

She was moaning about things to my mum and dad at the weekend too so my dad phoned up ranting and raving at OH so they're not speaking now either. She just thinks it's all about her and it's not even her wedding. No wonder my mum and dad never mention it

When my dad phoned OH up I phoned him after and said what had happened etc and that it was her blowing everything out of proportion but she's always been the 'golden child' that could never do anything wrong. So if it was her wedding they were going too they'd be talking about it and probably pay for it whereas they haven't mentioned ours or said whether they're giving us anything towards it. They all forget it's not about them it's my day x

Because my sister is a sh*t stirrer that makes everything worse than it actually is. So OH wasn't impressed to say the least. I think sometimes it would of been better just for us and LO to go abroad somewhere on our own and get married :-( x

Thank you me too x

Your sister needs a real world hit and tbh if it was me, I'd sack her completely!! She's throwing hers toys out of the pram and I'd tell her if she doesn't stop sh** stirring she can sod off. For one day it's not about her, this is your day and your time to shine so she can either get on board and make things easier which, as not only your bm but your SISTER first, she should be doing, or be out of the wedding and sh** stir from afar. You are absolutely right and don't let some spoilt little brat whose clearly used to getting her own way take your joy....sorry if my words are harsh but i just hate things like this xx

Well nothing's changed since the last time I posted...

She text me today to tell me she's cancelled the sweet cart she was getting for us as our wedding present as she doesn't feel wanted. I asked why she felt like this and she replied by saying she wishes I was in her shoes when I told her I don't want her to sort my hen do I want to sort it myself as I know what I want/when I want it, also I didn't want her as maid of honour I want all 4 of my bridesmaids the same. I told her it's MY wedding and I decide what I do/don't want. She text me back and said I was being a cow!!

I'm sick of it all :-(

Wow-that's shocking.

Can you afford to get the candy cart yourself?

I'd say it's possibly a blessing in disguise as at least she's told you now that she's cancelled it so you can sort it out if need be yourself. Tell her thank you for letting you know and that yes you can put yourself in her shoes and if you did you would understand that it wasn't your wedding. Ask her to put herself in your shoes and think about what it's like when your trying to enjoy planning your wedding but your sister is being completely unreasonable and calling you a cow for wanting to have what you want for your big day.

Yeah,

that's okay then if it was just a nice extra she was getting. At least you don't need to worry, if she cancels it she cancels it.. or if she decides not to then it is a nice extra.

I'm not sure flossie. She's been with her other half for 5 years and he said from day one that he doesn't want kids or to get married but she's already said she wants both those things.
I have a little boy and getting married but if it was the other around I would be wanting her to enjoy the whole experience of helping to plan a wedding not try and spoil it every chance she possibly can x

I've just text my sister to say all this falling out needs to stop. Life's too short. Wipe the slate clean and she replied by saying I'm not being horrible or anything but you would have reacted exactly the same (not being MOH or sorting hen do). How you have been towards me I think you should send my dress back or find somebody else and I'll just come as a guest. You've really upset me. I don't think you realise how much you have hurt my feelings.

Well what do I put back to that....?

Say fine, she's the one who will miss out and is throwing her toys out of the pram over nothing!! If she wants to be immature, let her! Bet she wants you to beg her to still be a bridesmaid and tell her how much you need her etc.x

Why don't you just not reply and ignore her? It might make her realise how stupid she is being, you have tried to build bridges but she's not being an adult about it x

I think you should just ignore her, don't rise to it. She clearly wants a reaction from you..

You can't let her blackmail and bully you into getting her own way. You tried to make things right with your message and she threw it back in your face, what else can you do?

Awww no sounds well stressful! You are not being a cow in any way though. It's your day, not hers!! xxxx

omg i can totally sympathise, we had all this with h2bs family, i dont understand why weddings turn some people so crazy!!! i havent spoken to any of them since the wedding day and that was in september!!!

sister sounds like she is being a spoiled little brat! i would respond and tell her i would respect her bleeding wishes because i am not a neurotic control freak who wants MY hen do HER way?!

but then i am sure that would make it worse lol

How old is your sister and is she your older/younger sister?

Explains a lot if she is your twin sister! Major jealousy me thinks x

Me too Flossie but if it was the other way around all I'd want to do is help her and be happy for her :-/

Thanks Mrs D. We've never been really close but we saw each other every week etc. I'm just going to leave her to it at the moment to let things settle x