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  1.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
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      edited
     
    Argh I'm so mad!!!

    It all kicked off last week with my sister...she was supposed to be sorting my hen do out. I told her I wanted somewhere not too far away, somewhere my mum and sisters can come to and enjoy (mum doesn't like going out and sisters will only be 16 so can't drink) and I don't want loads of drinking as I don't really drink a lot.
    So she sent a text to everyone to say she had picked Manchester but if they didn't reply by jan 7th (this year-even though I wouldn't be having hen do until next year) she would take it as they weren't going. It got a few of my friends backs up as she gave them 3 days to decide and we wouldn't be booking anything until the end of this year :-/
    My OH sent her a text to explain the things I enjoy etc and she sent a really nasty one back saying it had nothing to do with him, she was sorting it so they are now not speaking.
    I told my sister it wax un called for and I'd be sorting my own hen out now as it was easier and less stressful.
    I've said I don't want a chief bridesmaid I want all 4 of them to be the same, to enjoy the day, help me get ready and just enjoy themselves. She has now just sent me a snotty text to say how would I feel if she was getting married and had said the same to me.
    I've said it's my wedding, I'm sick of the arguing and falling out she's still bridesmaid just not sorting the hen.

    Am I being a bit*h or am I right with what I'm saying?

    Please be honest x

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  2.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
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    She needs to understand that it's your wedding and not hers. you are not bein unreasonable at all.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  3.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
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    That's what I keep trying to tell GF that's it's my wedding but I think just likes to hear me keep repeating myself :-/

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    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  4.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
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    You are 100% right with what you are saying, it is your wedding not hers and she needs to understand that! At least you have told her she is still a bridesmaid, a lot of people would of sacked her for that and quite rightly, so you are good for trying to keep the peace and trying to sort it out. I'm sure she will come around eventually x

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  5.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
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    You are completely within your rights to say what you did. She had the pleasure of being able to sort your hen knowing what you wanted and didn't want; she didn't take those things into consideration so you have every right to take away that responsibility from her! She also shouldn't just expect to be chief bridesmaid or have a problem with being equal to the others x

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    xx
  6.  
    • EmmaH444
      CommentAuthorEmmaH444
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think it's right what you have done. It seems as though she wasn't taking notice of what you wanted for your hen and just wanted to please herself. Hopefully she will come round soon enough and realise she was being a diva! x

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    Met 29/3/2006
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    Married 26th August 2016
  7.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
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    Thanks ladies. You've made me feel better :-) I want to enjoy planning my wedding. I'm only doing it once and it just seems like she's trying to ruin it in every way she can think of :( x

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    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  8.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
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    As long as you don't let her get to you, you can carry on enjoying the planning :) x

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  9.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
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    She was moaning about things to my mum and dad at the weekend too so my dad phoned up ranting and raving at OH so they're not speaking now either. She just thinks it's all about her and it's not even her wedding. No wonder my mum and dad never mention it

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    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  10.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
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    Do you think that maybe she is telling them things and blowing them completely out of proportion so they think you are in the wrong somehow? Maybe that's why they aren't talking about it? Could you all not sit down and try to sort it out, talk about everything that is bothering all of you and make sure to tell them it is YOUR wedding x

    Members signature icon
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  11.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
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    When my dad phoned OH up I phoned him after and said what had happened etc and that it was her blowing everything out of proportion but she's always been the 'golden child' that could never do anything wrong. So if it was her wedding they were going too they'd be talking about it and probably pay for it whereas they haven't mentioned ours or said whether they're giving us anything towards it. They all forget it's not about them it's my day x

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    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  12.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
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    Why is your dad phoning your OH? Surely he should phone you if he has any problems? I am sure they will come around once it gets closer, they probably think it's not worth worrying about at the moment because they are not the ones planning it, a lot of my family aren't thinking about it yet. Just keep telling yourself it is your day and no matter what happens with your family you are going to be married to your OH at the end of it :) x

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  13.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
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    Because my sister is a sh*t stirrer that makes everything worse than it actually is. So OH wasn't impressed to say the least. I think sometimes it would of been better just for us and LO to go abroad somewhere on our own and get married :-( x

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    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  14.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
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    You just need to try and make them see that you are no the one in the wrong and that she is making everything seem worse. That is exactly what I wanted to do when I thought my family didn't care but OH made me realise that I'd regret it in a few years if my family weren't there. Thankfully now my parents have come around which is why I'm sure yours will, mine showed no interest whatsoever, but now they are quite excited. I hope you can get it all sorted out soon x

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    Got together on 14th March 2010
    Got engaged on 25th December 2013
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  15.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2015
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    Thank you me too x

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    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  16.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 24th 2015
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    I agree with the others, she needs to understand it's your wedding and not hers.

    Am I right in thinking you've had a thread about her before as well? Or was it someone with a very similar situation.

    Don't let her make you feel bad, when she says how would you feel if I said that to you-ask how she'd feel if it was here getting married and you were ignoring all her wishes for a hen and doing one that you thought would be good, sending her fiancé nasty messages and just thinking about yourself and not caring about what she thought was important




  17.  
    • Mrs Richardson 2B x
      CommentAuthorMrs Richardson 2B x
      Got married 28 months ago
      Posted: Jan 24th 2015
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    Your sister needs a real world hit and tbh if it was me, I'd sack her completely!! She's throwing hers toys out of the pram and I'd tell her if she doesn't stop sh** stirring she can sod off. For one day it's not about her, this is your day and your time to shine so she can either get on board and make things easier which, as not only your bm but your SISTER first, she should be doing, or be out of the wedding and sh** stir from afar. You are absolutely right and don't let some spoilt little brat whose clearly used to getting her own way take your joy....sorry if my words are harsh but i just hate things like this xx

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  18.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 24th 2015
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    No I completely agree Mrs Richardson. It really pees me off too. It was me Donna that has done a similar post and she's still wanting me to feel sorry for her x

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    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  19.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 1st 2015
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    Well nothing's changed since the last time I posted...

    She text me today to tell me she's cancelled the sweet cart she was getting for us as our wedding present as she doesn't feel wanted. I asked why she felt like this and she replied by saying she wishes I was in her shoes when I told her I don't want her to sort my hen do I want to sort it myself as I know what I want/when I want it, also I didn't want her as maid of honour I want all 4 of my bridesmaids the same. I told her it's MY wedding and I decide what I do/don't want. She text me back and said I was being a cow!!

    I'm sick of it all :-(

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    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  20.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 1st 2015
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    Oh wow, she's being really out of order and really petty cancelling your wedding gift. Just because she's your sister doesn't mean she has the divine right to be your maid of honour and arrange your hen party anyway!

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    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  21.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 1st 2015
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    Wow-that's shocking.

    Can you afford to get the candy cart yourself?

    I'd say it's possibly a blessing in disguise as at least she's told you now that she's cancelled it so you can sort it out if need be yourself. Tell her thank you for letting you know and that yes you can put yourself in her shoes and if you did you would understand that it wasn't your wedding. Ask her to put herself in your shoes and think about what it's like when your trying to enjoy planning your wedding but your sister is being completely unreasonable and calling you a cow for wanting to have what you want for your big day.




  22.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 1st 2015
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    That's exactly what I did text back that it was my day and I want her to put herself in my shoes but she didn't reply. Don't think we will bother with the sweet cart now to be honest. It was a nice idea for her to get it us but if she's being petty over it then that's up to her. I really don't know what her problem is. I can't wait until she gets married and she had to plan her day x

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  23.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 1st 2015
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    Yeah,

    that's okay then if it was just a nice extra she was getting. At least you don't need to worry, if she cancels it she cancels it.. or if she decides not to then it is a nice extra.




  24.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 1st 2015
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    Could she be jealous? X

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  25.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 1st 2015
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    I'm not sure flossie. She's been with her other half for 5 years and he said from day one that he doesn't want kids or to get married but she's already said she wants both those things.
    I have a little boy and getting married but if it was the other around I would be wanting her to enjoy the whole experience of helping to plan a wedding not try and spoil it every chance she possibly can x

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    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  26.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 2nd 2015
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    Sounds like maybe she could be a bit jealous of you then. Jealousy can do funny things to people! She needs to snap out of it and realise this is about you, not her x

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    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  27.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 4th 2015
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    I've just text my sister to say all this falling out needs to stop. Life's too short. Wipe the slate clean and she replied by saying I'm not being horrible or anything but you would have reacted exactly the same (not being MOH or sorting hen do). How you have been towards me I think you should send my dress back or find somebody else and I'll just come as a guest. You've really upset me. I don't think you realise how much you have hurt my feelings.

    Well what do I put back to that....?

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    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  28.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 4th 2015
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    Still not replied to her. Any ideas? X

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    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  29.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 4th 2015
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    Say fine, she's the one who will miss out and is throwing her toys out of the pram over nothing!! If she wants to be immature, let her! Bet she wants you to beg her to still be a bridesmaid and tell her how much you need her etc.x

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    18th June 2016
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  30.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 4th 2015
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    It's not going to happen. I'm not begging her for nothing. I think she's just trying ruin everything and I'm not going to let her x

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  31.  
    • MrsEmmaP
      CommentAuthorMrsEmmaP
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 4th 2015
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    Why don't you just not reply and ignore her? It might make her realise how stupid she is being, you have tried to build bridges but she's not being an adult about it x

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  32.  
    • RebeccaH304
      CommentAuthorRebeccaH304
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 4th 2015
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    I think Flossie's right and she's jealous of you but it still doesn't excuse the way she's acting. it sounds like a really awful situation for you and tbh I'm not sure what else you can do. Maybe leave it for a few days for things to calm down and then try again?




  33.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 4th 2015
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    I think you should just ignore her, don't rise to it. She clearly wants a reaction from you..

    You can't let her blackmail and bully you into getting her own way. You tried to make things right with your message and she threw it back in your face, what else can you do?




  34.  
    • bride2b90
      CommentAuthorbride2b90
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 4th 2015
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    Although my situation is different I completely understand where you are coming from. And I agree with you. You h2b was only being generous by telling her what things you would like to ensure you enjoy your hen do, she needs to pipe down and think of her actions... There is being organised and then being a cow... SLunes like she needs to just think about what she's done I'd leave her to think for a bit before approaching her xxx

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  35.  
    • Louiseyweesey
      CommentAuthorLouiseyweesey
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 5th 2015
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    Awww no sounds well stressful! You are not being a cow in any way though. It's your day, not hers!! xxxx
  36.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 5th 2015
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    Thanks all. I've not replied. I'm just not letting it get to me anymore. Sick of having sleepless nights about it all and getting upset as it's getting h2b annoyed too. It's her loss x

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  37.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Feb 8th 2015
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    omg i can totally sympathise, we had all this with h2bs family, i dont understand why weddings turn some people so crazy!!! i havent spoken to any of them since the wedding day and that was in september!!!

    sister sounds like she is being a spoiled little brat! i would respond and tell her i would respect her bleeding wishes because i am not a neurotic control freak who wants MY hen do HER way?!

    but then i am sure that would make it worse lol

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  38.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 8th 2015
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    This is why I haven't involved my sister in any part of my wedding party because she would be exactly like that. She would use her position within the wedding and if I had her daughter as a flower girl and something happened like this she would pull her in and out of it saying "You're not her auntie anymore!" so saved myself the stress and immediatly ruled her out.

    If she says she wants to just come as a guest then I say thats her choice and you'll have far less stress for it.

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  39.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 8th 2015
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    How old is your sister and is she your older/younger sister?

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    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
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  40.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 8th 2015
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    She's my twin sister. We're 27 this year x

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    Became Mrs Wade 06/08/2016


  41.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 9th 2015
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    Explains a lot if she is your twin sister! Major jealousy me thinks x

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  42.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Feb 9th 2015
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    Ah that makes perfect sense. She is prob jealous especially as her oh doesn't want kids or marriage.

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    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
    Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
  43.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 9th 2015
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    Me too Flossie but if it was the other way around all I'd want to do is help her and be happy for her :-/

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  44.  
    • Mrs D2B
      CommentAuthorMrs D2B
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Feb 9th 2015
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    Before you started planning your wedding were you and your sister close? I agree with everyone else it sounds like she's jealous. And from how you describe her she's used to getting her own way. I think your right to take the hen party duties of her as she obviously wasn't listening to anyone else and was just going to do what she wanted.
    But if you were close before, I'm wondering if it might be worth spending some sister time with her, No wedding talk, just some quality time together to help your relationship. You have 17 months until you get married and I know that's not long now but its enough time to get you and your sister back on track and sort out bridesmaids later.
    I don't envy you it does sound like your having a real up hill struggle atm, I really do hope you get this all sorted. Good luck!!

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  45.  
    • Mrs M Wade
      CommentAuthorMrs M Wade
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Feb 9th 2015
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    Thanks Mrs D. We've never been really close but we saw each other every week etc. I'm just going to leave her to it at the moment to let things settle x

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