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  1.  
    • DeniseA23
      CommentAuthorDeniseA23
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 20th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Hi Everyone, sorry for the long rant but I need some impartial guidance.

    Well I have a younger sister were very close in age but have never really been close. Growing up she was always close with my mum and I was always close with my dad and when my parents separated when I was 10 we never became close so I've always felt on the outside of their team. My sister is younger and has always been the 'baby' and as such my parents do mollycoddle her and make excuses for her an awful lot.

    When I got engaged it didn't even occur to me to ask my sister to be involved as we don't have that kind of relationship and never have but at a family dinner one of my younger cousins mentioned that she would love to be a bridesmaid as it would probably be her last chance (lots of guilt, big eyes the works :) ) and my sister chimed in that she would want to as well. I was really surprised but though OK. So me and my H2B are having 2 ceremonies, one on a cruise and a big blessing and reception in London afterwards. I wanted to choose Bridesmaid dresses that would work in both climates and also something that was lovely enough that the B maids would wear them again. I have a few hideous B maid dresses that I would never wear again and cost a fortune. I wanted something quite glam looking and defo sparkly but my sister keeps shooting everything down to the point that she's just being difficult.

    I said the dresses didn't have to be identical just the same colour and fabric, I have a friend who is an amazing seamstress and my sister just isn't happy. She picked out some interchangeable dresses which are nice and its the only thing she will consider but its not what I want. To make things worse I found some pics of real bridesmaids wearing the dresses and they did look lovely so I sent them to her and her response was she no longer liked the ones on the real women and only liked the ones on the models (its the same dress just on different body types) so now i don't know what to do because my sister, like most women isn't a size 0 model so wont look like the model and I think I will have just wasted money as me and my H2B are paying for all the dresses.

    As if that wasn't stressful enough I asked her if my niece would be flower girl and my nephew pageboy and my goddaughter would also be flower girl. there's 2 1/2 years between them and I wanted a dress that would look great on them both as my niece will be 4 and my goddaughter will be 7 so I wanted something that wasn't too babyish that my goddaughter didn't want to wear it so a pretty dress with some nice detailing. I've seen a few with some nice cut out hearts on the back and my sister again just keeps shooting them down and has expressed that my niece should wear all white although I keep telling her NO it will probably be white with a colour, the same colour as the B maid dresses but if its not all White my sister wont approve it.

    She was also difficult at my first experience dress shopping and basically insulted my in every dress except the ones that clearly were not flattering. I mean even the saleswoman was saying it wasn't for me and it would be the only dress she would like. Her constructive criticism came in the form of 'it makes your forehead look big', 'it makes your hair look weird' etc. My mum is pushing for her to be MoH and TBH I'm thinking about Axing her altogether.

    Am i being crazy? should I un-ask her to be a B maid? and how do you un-ask someone?

    I was hoping the experience would bring us closer together but I'm just feeling so stressed and I really don't think there's any need for it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.




  2.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 9 years ago
      Posted: Mar 20th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    yep be straight with her .....

    she has NO SAY over colours
    if she doesnt like it ... take a hike

  3.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Mar 20th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Sounds like you were forced into having her in the first place and still don't want her which is understandable given everything you've mentioned. She is a total bridesmaid-zilla and one you don't need. Sounds like she has been mollycoddled to the point that she will through a tantrum, be rude, insult etc. because she knows she will get way with it. She obviously doesn't care that it's your day and is going all out to be a total bridesmaid-zilla. I'm guessing no one has told her what a twit she's being? It's your day, your way. I had more BMs but got rid and am down to 3 but it was the BEST decision I made. Given my time again, I wouldn't bother at all with them! Maybe use the 'venue limitations' or 'cost'. Failing that, have a frank conversation with her saying you've had enough and want her to step down. Offer a poem reading as a compensation if she causes a fuss? If she's anything like my sister, she won't go quietly!

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  4.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 9 years ago
      Posted: Mar 20th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    did you say you were getting married on a cruise liner ? how have you managed that

  5.  
    • DeniseA23
      CommentAuthorDeniseA23
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 20th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thanks lala, my H2B has said a similar thing I'm just scared it will cause more resentment and make my mum less involved. My mum keeps pushing for me to make her MoH and won't really get involved unless my sister is more involved. I'm just so tired of it all.




  6.  
    • DeniseA23
      CommentAuthorDeniseA23
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 20th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thanks owlandthebutterfly, great advice and it's something I might defo consider. A reading could be a good way to appease her. Pretty much no one says no to her and when they do it always ends in a fight, she storms out and then my mum will force me or whoever to appoligise saying 'you know how she is'. My besty and sister in law are awesome and say whatever I want I just feel like she's holdibg my neice and nephews involvement in a hostage situation so if I don't agree I can't have them involved. We still have time so my H2B has suggested giving it a few months to see if she's calmed and if not just in-ask her.




  7.  
    • DeniseA23
      CommentAuthorDeniseA23
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 20th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    With the cruise ship you can marry at a selection of ports and we're going on a U.S. ship leaving from the U.S. and saving a fortune. We can do the whole wedding, 6-9 day Caribbean cruise, all inclusive with an additional week in Disneyland (private honeymoon for me and the H2B) because we're working in U.S. Dollars we can do it all for around £5,000.00 but may end up spending more on excursions etc. we can do a private cocktail for all our guests for around £200.00 it's a great option.




  8.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 21st 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    id just tell her if she is so unhappy with your dress choices then she is MORE than welcome ot weart anything she wants. As a regular guest

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  9.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Mar 21st 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    If your paying and wants to be bridesmaid, she either needs to suck it up and wear what you want or politely let you know she's changed her mind. My girls are passing for their own dresses (very kindly of them) so was trying to let them have I say, but they were like we will wear what you want us to.
    Also you can't unask her when you never asked her in the first place.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  10.  
    • DeniseA23
      CommentAuthorDeniseA23
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 21st 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thanks Velcro and Wolvianbride2b, I'm seeing her today for an unrelated thing. Gonna get nails done and broach the subject with her. I think you're all right and it's my way or not at all. I think I just needed a bit of support. I'll keep you posted to how it goes.




  11.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Mar 21st 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    She doesn't sound very nice, personally I would axe her but try reading her the riot act first and then if she doesn't change then sack her. Your wedding your way and if she can't say anything nice she needs to keep her trap shut.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  12.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Mar 22nd 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Good luck broaching it with her today. The others are right. Bms are supposed to be supportive (although also not be slaves) and she is not being helpful. People can be funny about you wanting to dress their kids but theres only one person who should wear a full white dress on a wedding and thats you. I think the hint of colour in a sash or something would really make the flowergirl fit in with the rest of your bms. X
  13.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Mar 22nd 2015
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    Sounds like she needs a swift boot up the backside, you need to explain to your mum why you dont want her as MOH (I know you really shouldn't need to but it might stop you mum giving you grief).

    As for your sister she needs to suck it up and get on with it, or step aside and deal with it, and she needs to go with your wishes on the dresses.

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
    Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
  14.  
    • *The NewMrsMalin*
      CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 22nd 2015
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    She sounds horrible; very bridesmaid-zilla. I'd just tell her straight that it is your wedding; not hers. You will have whatever colour you want and she'll have to go with it. I think it is unfair for your mum to side with her...

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
    When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
    Fight for what you believe in!
  15.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 22nd 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    hope it went well, some people can be a nightmare!
  16.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Mar 22nd 2015
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    How did you get on with your sister?

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
    Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
  17.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 22nd 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    yeah i want to know!
  18.  
    • DeniseA23
      CommentAuthorDeniseA23
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 23rd 2015
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    Hi Guy's thank you for all the support. Sometimes when you're really invested in something like your own wedding you can loose perspective so it's good to know that I'm not being as unreasonable as I'm being portrayed to be at home.

    So it went as horribly as I expeced it to be. It started out as a nice evening with her and my niece and nephew, so I broached the subject with her and pointed out that as long as we narrow down an overall style, colour and length the rest is the choice of the B Maids. Started out OK she did say she would prefer them to be long and I said I wanted something that was not nesacarilly wedding styles more glamour or evening. She literally just chose the most inapropriate dresses, she was looking at a very old fasioned tea length cocktail dress in a very busy peacock print which I shot down and finally was on the page long, sheath or mermad style not A line and she basically kept expressing that they were nice but not appropriate for a wedding.

    I was very frank and said everyone else was happy with th first choice dresses and if she is really against all the choices then she doesnt have to be a B Maid. She then tried to turn the table and kept making comments of "when I get married the bridesmaids will all get to choose 2 dresses and I'l pick from one of them' I then pointed out all the B Maids loved the first dress she hated so using that logic thats the dress i'll choose'.

    The rest of the evening was "when I get married" comments from her which would make sense if she was engaged. So I said when you get married you can do whatever you like and choose whatever you like but as me and my H2B are paying I need to narrow down a syle so I can talk to the seamstress and budget it.

    It then turned into a massive fight about life and families and being proud of your heritage and none of my options being approprate for church and ended in a race debate about her needed to raise my niece and nephew in the right way so they can be proud of their heritage and with me having a white fiance not ovbiously understanding her. I was devestated and asked her to leave.

    When I told my H2B he was equally upset and his usually supportive self. He knows I relly want my niece and nephew to be involved and so does he, he loves them but he pointed out the cost I have to pay for that.

    Then my mum called yesterday to try to smooth things over and point out that I never take my sisters side or the side of the family... adding doubt in a way only mums can. She also pointed out that my sister is a little jealous that she isnt married and invisioned a different life for herself so this is hard for her. It made me more miserable.

    My H2B suggested us going for tea on neatural ground to see if things can be resolved but not to be too heart broken if they cant meaning my sister and niece and nephew wont be involved. I then ate my body weight in cake s felt very sick but will give it one more go to talk to her but I do expect an appology and we'll see where it goes.




  19.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 23rd 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Oh Denise, I'm so sorry it went like that :( It's all very well saying she obviously envisioned a different life for herself, that doesn't mean that she gets to be awful to you because she's jealous!!

    The best way is always to think is that reaction reasonable, and it's natural to be a bit jealous when your sister's getting married and you're not, I'm sure. But she should still be happy for you, and respectful of what YOU want. Sadly I think you and everyone might be better off if she stepped back and was just a guest if she can't behave like a reasonable adult.

    I hope your second talk goes better and that she realises she was being out of order and you get an apology, though you've still got 16 months to go and if she's behaving like this already, I'd be a bit wary that these sorts of issues could crop up again.

    xx
  20.  
    • KealyT
      CommentAuthorKealyT
      Posted: Mar 23rd 2015
     
    Wow! It sounds to me like she's full of jealousy. I'd be worried if she's like this now what will she be like at your wedding. If I was you I'd try one last time and if she's still behaving like that cut her out of your wedding. It might be painful for you as you want your niece and nephew involved but it's your wedding day and should be the best day of your life and not tainted with memories of her behaviour.
    It will be her own fault that she's not involved not yours xx
  21.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 23rd 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    please please please dont ever doubt yourself, it sounds like her behavior no matter how bad, is always covered up or had excuses made for it by your mum, i think its about time you stopped letting them both walk all over you,
    its YOUR wedding and your husband 2 b's its up to YOU BOTH what you do, you should not be judged on your lifestyle as its the lifestyle you choose for yourselves,
    she does sound jealous but its no excuse,
    please hunny, put your foot down and stand up for yourself, you have done nothing wrong and dont deserve all this foul treatment, im sending you a massive hug and hope that you remember to hold your head up high as you have not been unreasonable in any of this, believe in yourself and go tell them hun xxxx
  22.  
    • EmmaG
      CommentAuthorEmmaG
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Mar 23rd 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    sorry to hear the dilemma your in.. its such a shame that people and family can be like this, especially when such a happy occasion.. think just need to sit down and really nicely say how you feel, say you don't have to be bridesmaid if you don't want to be and when she says but i do... say well it doesn't feel like it.. you don't want to wear anything that i like and your now insulting my wedding and how Im doing things..e.t.c. sometimes people cant see past themselves to see how they are being and need to be told.. if that's doesn't get her to soften and see things from your view then say you will have no choice but not to have her as bm as you only want people who happy to do the role and want the best for you. good luck, hope you ok , your not being unreasonable at all they are x

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    Life is Wild, Love it Live it !

  23.  
    • DeniseA23
      CommentAuthorDeniseA23
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 24th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thank you all for your support.

    I’m going to take all of your advice on board. The saddest this is not that she’s being a Bridesmaid-zilla which I agree she is. But her recent comments have made me and my H2B question her involvement in the rest of our lives not just our wedding.

    I am going to try and have a civilised meeting with her on neutral ground and hopefully be able to clear the air and move things forward. Emma G I think I’m going to do exactly as you said and just see what happens. I think we both might just need some time so cool down first so I don’t have a time planned to see her again. Myranny like you said we have a long time ahead of us and there is no way I can put up with that nonsense for another 16 months so if she’s not prepared to be the supportive (or at least not argumentative) person I need her to be then I need to limit her involvement.

    The main thing is, I’m going to stick to my guns and anyone who doesn’t like it can go suck an egg!!  It’s great to know I have people to talk to it was all becoming a bit too much. Thanks again everybody!




  24.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 9 years ago
      Posted: Mar 24th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    we`ll all be your bridesmaids

  25.  
    • DeniseA23
      CommentAuthorDeniseA23
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 24th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Ahhhhh thanks, don't be surprised if you get a message asking the all important question ;)




  26.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 25th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thats right hunny,
    you stay strong and stick to your guns, massive hugs and stay positive if you can, dont let it drag you down xx
  27.  
    • CommentAuthorMattsBride
      Posted: Mar 25th 2015
      BadgeBadge
     
    At the end of the day, she should be happy for you, it's your wedding day! She will have her time.

    I have a younger sister also who is close in age and we've never really gotten along.
    I bought our bridesmaid dresses based on what she wanted after a lot of fuss about not liking any of the styles I'd picked...
    and then she got pregnant and is due a week or two after our wedding so won't be wearing her bridesmaid dress anyway!

    If I'd have known then what I do now I'd have just picked the dresses and told them they can either like it or lump it!

    I hope it all works out for you x
  28.  
    • DeniseA23
      CommentAuthorDeniseA23
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 25th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thanks Teresa and MattsBride, I have a bunch of options all similar in style and I it gives all the maids options and I love them all. If in the next few weeks I even still want my sister to be a bridesmaid she'll have to choose from them and if she can't... Oh well!

    You can't please everyone but I'm sure as hell gonna please myself. Thanks everyone for the support, I really feel supported :)




  29.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 27th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Can you point out to your mum how you feel about everything? Yes I know your sister might wish it was her, but that's no excuse. If you feel that your mum is showing favouritism and always taking your sister's side over yours then you need to let her know that you feel that way.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  30.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Mar 27th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Oh my goodness Denise, I'm so sorry to read all this.

    She just sounds so unreasonable and mean. Plus I think she is jealous of you. It's sad that your mum is also not helping to make the situation better. I really hope you can sort this out or at least be brave and cut her out just so the stress is removed.
    I agree with others that you need to try and speak to your mum and explain with examples how you're being made to feel.
    Hugs!



    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  31.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 29th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    sorry this isn't improving, some people just can not see past their own selfishness and think the whole world should revolve around them all the time! good luck with the next attempt ):

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  32.  
    • ErinV
      CommentAuthorErinV
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 29th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    People really forget that the wedding is about the couple getting married and what they want and NOT about what every tom, dick & harry want. So sorry your having a hard time Denise, just think about what you want and go with that.
  33.  
    • DeniseA23
      CommentAuthorDeniseA23
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 13th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thanks everyone, it's been really great to have some additional support. As an update my mum is more on side and spoke to my sister about the reasons she wants to be a bridesmaid, because if she cant be supportive then she really doesnt need to be involved and my sister acknowledged that she's been quite negative and has promised to be more of a team player. Were having a bridesmaid dinner on 30th May so hopefully she will live u to what she has promised otherwise I'm going to ask her to step down from being a bridesmaid.

    Thank you all for your help and fingers crossed it will all work out.




  34.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Apr 14th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Glad things have got better, fingers crossed everything calms down for you now x

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  35.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 14th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    Really feel for you hun. Hopefully you'll get it sorted. She should realise that the clue is in the name - brides MAID! Meaning she should do as she is told! x

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  36.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Apr 14th 2015
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    Hopefully she will step up to her duties then.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  37.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 14th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    My advice is your sister needs to understand it is a privilege, not a right, to be asked to be a bridesmaid in your wedding. You are buying the dresses and though she has input, she will wear whatever you tell her to and smile for the camera. If she doesn't like it well she doesn't have to be a bridesmaid. The same goes for flower girls, your sister has no say how they are dressed.

    From what you have said this has all been forced on you and personally I feel you should finally say what YOU want. Do you genuinely want her as a bridesmaid? if not, then say so. You need a supportive structure around you, not pettiness.

    Hope it all gets sorted out for you sweetheart xxx

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
  38.  
    • DeniseA23
      CommentAuthorDeniseA23
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 14th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thanks Victoria, I completely agree with you and my Moh and future sister in law are really looking forward to the Bridesmaid dinner as there hoping we can all sit down and talk about our roles in the wedding and if she's going to be difficult then that gives me an indication of how she's gonna be for the rest of the proceedings and I will ask her to step down. I personally think she wants the title so she doesn't have to explain to other family members why she isn't a Bridesmaid in the first place.

    Fingers crossed it all works out well otherwise I will be down one bridesmaid.




  39.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 14th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I can understand your situation since I faced the same with my sister. I knew from the beginning I was absolutely not going to have her as a bridesmaid. Some people tried to make me feel guilty about that choice but I stood my ground because my sister is very much a "you give her an inch and she will take a mile" and it would be more stress that it would be worth. Low and behold even just as a guest she was causing grief to the point she started texting me abuse about being a selfish ***** and she wont be coming to the wedding. The whole point of this tantrum? My opinion on Fifty Shades... yup, thats it. Because myself and a few others dislike the book/movie she took it as a personal attack against her and blew it out into nuclear proportions. And you know what? I felt relief when she decided she wasn't coming, sounds bad I know but this same sister also never went to my fathers wedding to my (now ex) stepmother because my father told her no she could not bring her new boyfriend who he'd never met to their wedding (this was her 3rd BF in 2 months) and she was also a bridesmaid. So in her immediate family this is wedding no2 she wont be coming to and our only brother is getting married next year... so lets see if she manages to come to that one.

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
  40.  
    • MariaS116
      CommentAuthorMariaS116
      Posted: Apr 15th 2015
     
    I can also understand your situation and know the amount of stress and upset you are going through, my sister sounds exactly like yours. I haven't even got my wedding dress yet and she is looking for her bridesmaid dress for my day. I have been to one dress try on appointment the other day and she got all prepared the night before and was bringing a strapless bra thinking she was trying on bridesmaid dresses. Her dress choice also changes when I see a brides dress I like she instantly goes online and finds a bridesmaid dress similar to the design of the brides dress I like, it's like she is trying to upstage me it's a real nightmare. I would advise you to stand your ground it's your day make sure you make the decisions, do not let her use your niece and nephew as weapons, they love you no matter what and if she won't let them be involved in your day because she is being unreasonable then that's her fault not yours they will understand that. You will probably find when you do stand up to her she will back down, she is used to having her own way this time it's different it's yours and your H2B's day don't let anybody spoil it. I would just ignore her for a while let her think about things, you keep making the effort to smooth it over it's you doing all the work when it's her being unreasonable. Just focus on planning your big day with your H2B and enjoy ever second, your wedding day is suppose to be the happiest day of your life you can lose sight of this when people get jealous and try to spoil it for you. Don't let them.
  41.  
    • Irishbride2be
      CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Apr 15th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    it sounds like she might be a bit jealous tbh but she shouldn't be making you feel like this, i would give her an ultimatum and say you either chill out and do what i want or I'm sorry but i cant have as a bridesmaid!
    xx

    Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
    Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
    Getting married 12 september 2015
    Marrying my forever best friend :-)
  42.  
    • DeniseA23
      CommentAuthorDeniseA23
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 16th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Thank you everybody.

    VictoriaL46 I completely understand what you're saying because there is a big part of me that is waiting for the big blow up over absolutely nothing so I can dismiss her as a Bridesmaid or she can dismiss herself and it would just take away so much stress. It's sad on one hand, it's your sister someone who you should be close with but the reality is that all it brings is a ton of drama that I could really do without.

    MariaS116 thank you, I think I just needed the reassurance and like you said if she does want to use my niece and nephew as weapons then really the only people she's hurting are them. I know they love me and if they cant be a part of the big day then I will know hand on my heart that the decision has nothing to do with me. My sister missed both trips t wedding dress shops but I had my MoH & Sister in Law to be there for me and I'm closer to both of them. I'm going to give her some time and see what happens from the 30th May. If she gets on board then great but if she doesn't I'm not going to loose any more sleep over it.

    You guy's have all been uber amazing so thank you all again.




 
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