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  1.  
    • LeanneH95
      CommentAuthorLeanneH95
      Posted: Jul 3rd 2015
     
    Please help!

    Last January I met my half sister for the first time. Let's just say we don't see eye to eye.
    I got engaged in June and started planning my wedding! I've got 6 bridesmaids one of which is my full sister and 1 sister in law and aunty and my 3 best friends.
    Now my dad keeps asking me to find a job/position for my half sister!!. So she doesn't feel left out (not to mention at the time I started planning my wedding I'd only known her let's say 5 months and met her on maybe 5-6 occasions ...she's been invited and has a plus one she's gonna be there for the service, sit down meal and reception. I don't have a job for her or any way to have her involved not that I can think of anyway!!! I have a strict theme and if I add to it it means changing loads of things!!
    And my dad is paying for most of the wedding and I have a feeling it's gonna kick off money wise if I don't include her in the wedding (somehow!!) Please can someone help.
  2.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 3rd 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    You shouldn't have to add someone to your bridal party just because they are related to you. Your relationship with her is still very new so I would use this angle to explain to your dad that you are uncomfortable having her as a bridesmaid rather than it messing up your theme as that may come across as a bit shallow to you dad (I know you don't intend it that way and the theme is very important to a bride). Even if he is paying, you have already invited her to the whole day and given her a plus one.

    Although I get on well with my brothers gf, she isn't part of my bridal party but I have asked her to give me the horseshoe on a ribbon that my mum had when she got married as we walk back down the aisle. Its a very small role but could be something to think about if your dad was insistent. X
  3.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 3rd 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Could you maybe ask her to be a witness, depending on how important that role is to you? i'm not overly bothered by it so if i was forced to give someone I didn't want to a role, I'd let them sign the thingybob xx
  4.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 3rd 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    The only role I could think which would be the most menial that shouldn't disrupt your theme too much (I hope) is maybe have her as a female usher?

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
  5.  
    • LeanneH95
      CommentAuthorLeanneH95
      Posted: Jul 3rd 2015
     
    I'm having a rainbow theme so everything is in sixes! If I add her in that be one extra everything and then ill have an odd number. I really can't think of anything for to be female usher wud be pretty pointless as I have the six bridesmaids and groomsmen everything is literally in sixes we've already chosen our witnesses. I really don't know what to do I've tried telling my dad but he always comes up with some excuse or other and every time I speak to him he's pushing me into giving her a position not only is there so many of us I have to include my 3 children too. I've had to not invite some family because of numbers and me having her at my wedding means I lose family n friends instead. ;-(
  6.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 3rd 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    just because someone is paying doesnt mean they should hold you to ransom over it, that isn't fair.

    does your dad constantly bring it up? tbh, id just end up saying nothing other than no. and keeping it at that, no explanations no nothing, as that obviously isn't working.

    unless you can get her to do a reading, if that will shut him up?

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    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
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  7.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 3rd 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    does she know all this by the way? if that were me (the sister) id be mortified, id be embarrassed knowing i was only involved in someones wedding because they were coerced into it!

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  8.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Then I would explain that to your dad as well, that you've already invited her and her plus one in place of other family and friends.

    I agree with Velcro, just say no, she is not close enough to me to want her involved directly in my wedding.

    Why did this half sister suddenly come on the scene? How old is she? Why had you never met her before? Does she even know this is all going on? x
  9.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Does she have a particular talent that you could utilise in some way? That way you would be using her for her ability not just because she is related to you. For example if she is musical she could perform some music for the guests before the service or during the signing of the register. If she is good at drama you could ask her to read or act something. If she is arty maybe she could help with decorations, centrepieces, stationery, or perhaps put together a display of photos of you and your H2B. If she is good with children and if there are going to be children maybe she could take charge of a crèche area. If she's a good photographer or videographer maybe she can do something to supplement the official photos and videos. If she knows about dance perhaps she could help you put a first dance together.

    I take it that she is your half-sister from your father's side? I think perhaps your Dad is being a bit harsh to put pressure on you, but at the same time I do see from his point of view that you are both his daughters and he doesn't want one daughter feeling left out. Has he been a big part of both of your lives? Did your half-sister know about you? It's a difficult balance; your Dad shouldn't expect you to involve someone that you haven't had a relationship with, but he obviously wants her to feel that she is a part of your family.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  10.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Explain all this to your Dad - that the colour scheme is sorted, everyone has been chosen/asked, you don't feel it's appropriate for her to be involved when you've barely met her. If he still keeps pushing, either stand firm or maybe ask her to read something at the ceremony? Failing that, go straight to the source and have a friendly but frank and honest chat about it! x

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  11.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Ask him if he plans to force your half-sister to have you as part of her wedding party when that comes about too. x
  12.  
    • LeanneH95
      CommentAuthorLeanneH95
      Posted: Jul 4th 2015
     
    I see it very unlikely shed ever get married and I wudnt want to be part of her day. I've known about her my whole life it was no secret we found her 8 years ago and me and my full sister tried to get in contact with her but she wasn't interested in till my she contacted my dad 18 months ago and now she's wanting to be part of our lives.
    As far as I'm aware she has no talents I could use i dont know her well e ough at all i cudnt rell u qhen her birthday is or anytjing i know she tuent 30 this year and she where she works but that is literally it.and without sounding harsh cos i know it's going to I really didn't wanna invite her at all. I wudnt trust her to look after my cat let alone children.
    I'm at such a loss cos I don't want to upset my dad but it us my wedding after all I shudnt have to do anything to please anyone else (except the hubby to b ;-)......)
  13.  
    • Myranny
      CommentAuthorMyranny
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jul 5th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Then as others have suggested, just say no. Tell him there aren't any roles left for her to fill and everyone else is happy just being a guest so why can't she? If he won't take that, ask your dad whether she knows he's doing this. It might be that she's mentioned how she'd loved to be involved as like a passing comment, or how she'd love to get to know you better, and he's trying to force the issue. x
  14.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 6th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Your wedding, you choose your nearest and dearest who you trust to have an important role on the day. If you don't really even get on with her then you definitely shouldn't trust anything to her on the day.

    Just explain to your dad that everything is already planned the way you and your OH want it, all the roles are spoken for and allocated and cannot be changed. Also explain that you only want those you're closest to involved in any important part of the day as they are all responsible special roles and that you just don't have that relationship with her.

    Your dad should not be putting any pressure on you to include her in any other way apart from how you want - as a regular guest. Just having an invite is an honour in itself and she should be grateful for that.

    Stand your ground.

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    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  15.  
    • AmyD532
      CommentAuthorAmyD532
      Posted: Jul 23rd 2015
     
    Have her dish out the button holes and assist with putting them on. Get her to take a few photos of the groom and bestman (Assuming the photographer is in the car with you en route) before you get married. boom - sorted! xx
 
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