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Wedding Forum - Sacking the Maid of Honor...

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  1.  
    • NaomiT6
      CommentAuthorNaomiT6
      Posted: Aug 25th 2015
      edited
     
    Hi All i really need some help!

    I've been booking and planning my wedding for nearly the past 2 years and at the time i had one main best friend who i spent all of my time with and asked to be my one and only bridesmaid the only thing she has done is been to wedding dress fittings with me. From this point on i asked her to look at hen do options ect which she didnt do so i ended up doing it all myself and booking it all. i then asked her to plan things for the hen do and she did nothing! all of my other girls then had to go out of their way who arnt even bridesmaids to plan things for me!!!!
    on top of this on my hen do she never even spoke to me! went home early on both nights and made no effort with my at all. its safe to say we have drifted apart over the two years but she still calls me her best friend but never bothers with me? during this time she has also gained alot of weight and pleaded to me she was going to loose it! it got to 8 weeks before the wedding and i ended up having to change the dress to the largest size they have! im now at 5 and a half weeks before the wedding and she is still to try on her new dress with my now worry that she isnt even going to fit into this one!!

    i feel as though she isnt even appreciating having the honour of being someone's bridesmaid and she only cares about herself! a huge part of me wants to tell her i dont want her as my bridesmaid any more but the other part of me feels too bad!!!

    PLEASE HELP ME!!! :(
  2.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 25th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    We ended up 'loosing' our best man a day before the wedding after problems with the honeymoon, hen day drama and then all sorts of stuff going on a couple of days before the wedding but ultimately by not having him there, everyone was happier and more relaxed therefore the wedding was a complete success and we had the BEST day! You ultimately have to make the decision but make sure that there's no way of fixing whats happened before you ditch her because there's no going back afterways :) x

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  3.  
    • RachaelB76
      CommentAuthorRachaelB76
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 25th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Start by having a completely honest conversation with her about what has happened and how you are feeling, then if she's not doing any better you have at least tried before giving her the boot. Also there may E something going on that she isn't telling u xx




  4.  
    • NaomiT6
      CommentAuthorNaomiT6
      Posted: Aug 25th 2015
     
    Update everyone!
    She came round tonight crying (yet again) about boys didn't even apologise for ignoring me on my hen do. She tried her dress on and it doesn't fit by a mile. We can't exchange it, the colour matches the flower girls dresses and the cake and everything! It's too Small to be taken in enough for her! I feel awful asking her to stand down but I really don't know what else to do!!!
  5.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 25th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    If it is going to cause you unnecessary stress then you may have no choice. Your bridesmaid is supposed to make your life easier not harder. Maybe you can make the condition that if she can sort out her dress in time she is a bridesmaid, otherwise not. Even if she could find a different dress in the exact same colour. You're too close to the wedding to be running around after her, and it sounds like you would be happier if she was just a guest.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  6.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 26th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I agree with everything that Elinor has said.
    Giving her the option of sorting the dress herself then puts the ball in her court. if she can do it great and you don't have the worry but if not its her who has ultimately made the decision.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  7.  
    • NaomiT6
      CommentAuthorNaomiT6
      Posted: Aug 26th 2015
     
    Hi Ladies,

    i said if she cant sort it out she will have to stand down. she didn't take it well and apparently its all my fault and im just making up an excuse... (i don't know how i didn't cut a chunk out her dress!!)

    Ive got her coming round tonight as my grandma alters dresses to see if they can let it out enough. Failing that im lost!!! after the way shes spoken to me this morning i dont even want her to be part of my special day.

    Whats a girl to do these days! :(
  8.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 26th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I think you need a really frank and honest discussion with her to determine why she has been acting like this towards you. It certainly doesn't seem like she values your friendship or wants to be a part of your special day - she's supposed to be supporting you every step of the way, not making it all about her or just leaving you to worry about everything yourself! If I was someone's maid of honour I would be bending over backwards to help them and make everything easier for them, especially being so close to the wedding now.

    If you are unable to resolve things then I think you should then tell her to step down. It's not fair on you.

    Also a good personal experience from OATB to go by. They had a brilliant day still despite the little hiccup xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  9.  
    • Sam G 2b May 2016
      CommentAuthorSam G 2b May 2016
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 26th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    If you don't feel like having her there would make your wedding day a better experience then don't have her there, simple as that. Its hard to make that decision but I think from the way she is already acting towards you, you will be happier if she is just a guest or not there at all xx
  10.  
    • NaomiT6
      CommentAuthorNaomiT6
      Posted: Aug 26th 2015
     
    we will see what the outcome is from looking at the dress tonight but i dont think its going to go :(

    This isnt the stress i wanted i feel sick with worry!
  11.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Aug 26th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Instead of doing it by text/phone, I think you need to speak to her face to face tonight. I think if she is told by someone else they cannot do anything to the dress then it is hardly your fault she has put weight on and refused to budge it. You don't need this stress at this stage of wedding planning.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  12.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 26th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    I think the outcome needs to be decided on other factors, not just the dress. Like why she's not just been a rubbish maid of honour to you but also a rubbish friend.

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  13.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Aug 26th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Yep ^^

    Some people just cannot see past their nose!

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  14.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 26th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    No offence but it sounds like you are more worried about the dress and how much weight she's put on rather than all the other contributing factors. If I was her and you were talking about how much weight I'd put on, I'd probably react the same as no girl wants to hear how much weight she's put on and she may have felt the pressure to try harder as it was your wedding maybe?

    I'm not denying her actions whatsoever especially as I know our day went like a dream without our BM involved but what I'm saying is don't ruin a friendship if it can at all be saved because we've lost our very best friend over this which we won't get back now. Why don't you just meet up and chat/do whatever you used to do before the wedding - sometimes everything gets focused on the wedding without any thought to other people's lives/troubles - I'm sure a lot of us are guilty of doing that at times! x

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  15.  
    • NaomiT6
      CommentAuthorNaomiT6
      Posted: Aug 26th 2015
     
    oh i completely understand that but for me this is the last straw! i have given her every option and i have changed the dress once before. ive lost 5 stone i know how it feels to gain weight and be un happy about it and which is why i did everything i could before coming to this point. we are trying to take out the dress but if that doesn't happen i don't have any other choice?

    with everything that has annoyed me i have let it slide and to have this 5 weeks before my wedding its just one of those things like the straw that broke the camels back unfortunately. i have gone out of my way of looking at options for her but im at my last one
  16.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 26th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    In that case, you've answered your own dilemma really. If it's the last straw and have no more options left then it's time you worked out a way to remove her from your 'bridal inner circle' with the least damage and stress as possible.. It needs to because you don't need any undue stress this close to the wedding!

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  17.  
    • NaomiT6
      CommentAuthorNaomiT6
      Posted: Sep 1st 2015
     
    Hi All!
    Just a little update!
    After speaking to her face to face it turns out that she wanted t be bridesmaid more for the title than for being there on my day! her words of "if im not bridesmaid then im not coming to your wedding" said it all for me.
    Its an awful thing and up setting but you need people there for you on your day who want to be there for you and no one else! loosing a great friendship was not something i wanted so its unfortunate that it came to that!
    Thank you for all the advice!
    xxxx
  18.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Sep 1st 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
      edited
     
    Naomi I have no words. I don't understand how people can do that. I hope that you still have a wonderful day with those you love around you to help you and support you xx

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  19.  
    • FutureMrsW
      CommentAuthorFutureMrsW
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 1st 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Naomi you made the right choice not having her there, she's been such a nightmare up til now - just imagine how bad it would get in the lead up to and actual wedding day. You'd have probably had to spend the whole day trying to please her. Well done making a tough but good decision.




  20.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Sep 1st 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    What an awful friend. Good for you for standing up for yourself though. At least you'll have a wonderful day surrounded by loving, genuine people. x

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  21.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 2nd 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Well done for making a difficult decision. It sounds like you've done the right thing. You have to earn the right to walk down the aisle in the procession. Perhaps now there is another friend who can fill the gap.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  22.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Sep 2nd 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Sorry to hear you had to make a tough decision in the end but you need people who can support you not think it is their divine right to be your bm. Good luck with the rest of your planning x
  23.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Sep 3rd 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I'm sorry it's ended how it has, but at least you have reached a resolution. She sounds like a [email protected] friend and doesn't deserve to share your special day with you xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
 
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