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Wedding Forum - RSVP Stress - sorry a RANT...

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  1.  
    • CJGroove
      CommentAuthorCJGroove
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 2nd 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi everyone,

    Sorry, this is just going to be a rant.
    I've been *fairly* unstressed and chilled about everything wedding but I'm really riled up at the moment

    It's 2 whole days AFTER the "please reply by" date for RSVP's and there are still a good number of people I've not heard from; these people aren't just friends or acquaintances that I don't mind not hearing from or were unsure they were coming, these are direct family members and old friends who I just can't imagine not being at my wedding.

    I'm incredibly upset that people just don't have the courtesy to fill out the little forms and send them back OR I've even provided an email address for that very purpose! How annoying is that? I'm actually a little hurt that they just haven't bothered.

    I actually can't start the seating plan or confirm the food until I've heard from them and it's less and 3 months away!

    I actually feel like crying, how sad is that?? Sorry for the rant, I needed to let off some steam before carrying on with my assignments xx
  2.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 2nd 2014
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    There's been a discussion on this quite recently. A lot of us are finding the same thing. People think it's so obvious that they're coming that they don't think there is any need to reply. It really annoys me, as we need them to tell us if they have any diet issues. I don't mind if they tell us another way, we've had a few email, tell us in person, or message us on FBook, which is fine, but some don't bother at all. The worse ones are those we've invited out of courtesy who we expect to say no, as we can't risk assuming it.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  3.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 2nd 2014
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    I've had exactly the same as you - you are not alone.
    I think it is just so plain rude that people can't be bothered to send a simple email, phonecall, text or (gasp!) a few pence on a stamp, when you've gone to all the bother to invite them to take part in your special day.
    My solution was to not make it my problem - I asked my mum to chase people on my side and the FMIL to chase on her side. My FMIL in particular was fab for this - called around people and didn't hang up until they had given her all their menu choices over the phone which she wrote down and gave to me. Let someone else have the stress and be 'demanding' for a change - you've got enough to do! x




  4.  
    • **MrsFarrelly2B**
      CommentAuthor**MrsFarrelly2B**
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 3rd 2014
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    Totally agree! Rsvps are really annoying. When I'm invited to a wedding I'm excited and want to send reply back asap - it does hurt slightly that my family don't see things same way! I know they've booked rooms so why not send back RSVP?
    May 31 is our deadline, then we're gonna send evening invites to printers tonight, so when they're back give til end June. I think evening guests will be 100% harder to chase!
    X

    Members signature icon
    Met as Bingo Managers in Kent
    Engaged 30th July 2013
    Will be married 31st Aug 2014
    Honeymooning in Las Vegas & Mexico come Oct 2014 :-)
  5.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 3rd 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    They probably didn't take much notice of when the RSVP date would be, I'm a bit like that tbh! We have our date set in 6 weeks time and I think we've only had about 10ppl RSVP so far x

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  6.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 3rd 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    We're all going through it. People are so bad mannered. I have always RSVP's in good time, and not waited until deadlines whenever I have been invited to anything. It's just good manners. People just don't think, and maybe they should
  7.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: May 3rd 2014
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    If they are very close family members they may think that you are assuming that they will be there. Maybe send a courteous reminder to those who have not replied yet

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  8.  
    • Showgirl
      CommentAuthorShowgirl
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 3rd 2014
      BadgeBadge
     
    Arghh!! Just found out that my Grandad who means the world to me has gone and invited 10 people I don't know to the wedding!! My Mum had said he was really excited and called some of his friends whilst she was on holiday and that he'd verbally invited them - we had been talking about the blessing ceremony at the time so although I was annoyed I managed to stay mostly calm thinking it was OK because it wouldn't affect the actual wedding. Today I find out that he had actually invited them to both dates and to top it off my Mum had gone with him to hand the invites over and instead of taking out the insert that mentioned the wedding, she gave them all invites with both inserts in. Its too late to univite them so we've had to relegate some of our closest friends (who we haven't given invites to yet) to just the evening. I'm deserately hoping that my Grandad's guests say they can't come to the wedding so we can have our friends back but so far none of them have sent an RSVP and they may not RSVP at all as its culturally not done - the invite is given and its assumed that people (even those not named on the invite) will turn up as and when they please since Indian weddings take hours and they don't seem to understand that 1) we're not having an Indian wedding and 2) space is limited so we need to know exactly who is and isn't coming. This was the case with my Mum's wedding... they had specifically asked for an RSVP from one of her uncles as it was also a hotel wedding, she made him aware of times and chased several times, but still didn't hear from him so on the day it was assumed he wouldn't come but then he wandered in half way through the meal with his wife, kids and grandchildren.
    I told OH what was happening and well, I said Arghh! but it sounded more like a roar so I then did another roar with a clawing motion... We're thinking of having a receiving line and OH is now making jokes that we can hug the people we actually wanted there and then we can roar at the others. It doesn't help the situation, but picturing it has definitely made me smile.
    If I haven't heard from Grandad's friends by the end of the month then I am just going to tell him to call them and give them a further week to RSVP directly to me otherwise we are assuming they're not coming and will be giving the spaces back to the people we actually want there.
  9.  
    • Showgirl
      CommentAuthorShowgirl
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 3rd 2014
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    Sorry everyone, I did not mean for that to become a rant... I just can't believe I'm planning a wedding and am actually hoping people decline the invitation!
  10.  
    • RachelE118
      CommentAuthorRachelE118
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 3rd 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Oh showgirl you made me laugh. You know you def have to play Katy Perry Roar sometime in the evening now just for you and him to have a giggle at!! Bless your grandad but I bet you could strangle him at the moment!!! Hope it all works out xx
  11.  
    • AmyK
      CommentAuthorAmyK
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2014
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    Oh my! That would be a nightmare for me, Showgirl!
    I don't know how you're staying so calm... Maybe set a rumour loose about your wedding being something that they'd find rather distasteful and not want to come..?




  12.  
    • Showgirl
      CommentAuthorShowgirl
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2014
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    RachelE118 - I'm not familiar with Katie Perry's Roar, but I'll have a listen now.
    AmyK - that would be a good idea except the only way that a rumour would reach these people is via my Grandad and I don't want him to start thinking he doesn't want to come either especially as he's the one giving me away. My Grandad is very liberal and easy going (although he strangely has some very conservative views on crime and punishment) and his friends are the same, so I literally can't think of anything that would make them stay away - even if I announced we were going to sacrifice a goat and then have a big orgy they would still watch the wedding ceremony, eat and then leave before the orgy got going.
  13.  
    • RachelE118
      CommentAuthorRachelE118
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Yes def have a listen showgirl. That last comment made me laugh. I'm 44 getting married for a 2nd time and my 16 yr old son is giving me away. When we went to get her outfit my mother told the lady in the shop it was an 'alternative' wedding. It's afternoon tea and Pimms lol!! So I think I should now be looking for a Virgin to sacrifice!!! Xx
  14.  
    • Showgirl
      CommentAuthorShowgirl
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 4th 2014
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    Virgins tend to be in short supply these days, you might be better off with a goat too!
  15.  
    • IdaY
      CommentAuthorIdaY
      Posted: May 10th 2014
     
    I invited an university friend of mine whom I consider to be a really good friend although in recent years not been in close contact due to work and geographical differences. I attended his wedding last year which was in some 5 stars resort in Cheshire golden triangle which costed quite a bit for the hotel stay along with a generous cash gift inside the card.I live in Northumberland so a good 3 hours drive along with my partner did not know anyone else at the wedding.
    No RSVP after the deadline and had to repeatedly asked if he and his wife can attend or not and eventually accepted the invitation. 4 weeks before the wedding, I received a text saying he has some 'unforeseen circumstances' and could not come to the wedding which I had the impression he simply couldn't bother to come! I replied saying I hope his 'circumstances' is not something terrible and I will gratefully accept his gift that he offered to send to have a bit of a dig.
    He did at least give us some time to invite someone else however mucked up our sitting plans a bit as the guests don't know each other. For someone who just had their wedding last year and obviously experienced the stress, I think it is totally inconsiderate to behave this way, I guess some friendships just can't endure the test of time.
  16.  
    • Chelseyfj
      CommentAuthorChelseyfj
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 10th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I feel your pain, our RSVP date was march 5th I just got an RSVP back yesterday! Doh
  17.  
    • Showgirl
      CommentAuthorShowgirl
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: May 31st 2014
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    Woohoo!!!! 2 of Grandads friends have just declined!!! Well, they've sort of declined - they're coming to the blessing ceremony in August but not to the actual wedding so I'm still counting it as a win. 2 down, 8 to go...
 
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