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  1.  
    • BethK85
      CommentAuthorBethK85
      Posted: Mar 5th 2015
     
    Hi everyone. I've been with my fiancé for almost 10 years, since we were 18. We got engaged last year and everything was blissful, until he asked for a pre-nup. I'm not totally against it, if we make it a marriage 'contract' that protects us both. I've suggested a lower percentage for me in the event of divorce, and he's still not happy.

    He has a good career and is well paid, and he is the sole proprietor of the house.

    However, we have a child and I stay at home to raise him. I'm concerned that I'll be left high and dry if there's a divorce, as I won't have a career, savings, anything... he doesn't see this, and says it's my choice to stay at home. Of course I would rather stay at home raising my child than slave away at work out of fear of being left with nothing!

    I don't know what to do. I love him but I really feel humiliated and offended that he'd even ask.
  2.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Mar 5th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think you both need to talk honestly. In this case, you don't work to take care of your kid and I think he should consider this. Don't do anything is you're not happy with it.
    I have in my mind that I would sign a pre-nup without problems. However, I'm thinking about working all the time and having my own career, what is a different situation...
  3.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Mar 5th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Defo chat with him about it, It sounds like someone has put the idea into his head. You shouln't need to have a pre nup done, you've been together a long time and he should trust you.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  4.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 5th 2015
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      edited
     
    You shouldn't have to have a pre-nup, but really, it is a sensible thing to do. I'm sure he does trust you 100% BUT you never really do know what's going to happen.. I know it's made you feel a bit rubbish but I really do think he's just being sensible. Have a proper chat with him about it. Is there a way you can get it written into your mortgage that in the event of a divorce he would be entitled to however much of the house, then there is no need for a pre-nup? Hope you manage to sort it out x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  5.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 5th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    If you are in the UK, they arent worth the paper they are written on. They aren't contractually binding like they are in the USA, they are simply only used as guidance in a matrimonial court case.
  6.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Mar 5th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Id be really upset if my oh suggested a prenup, I didnt think they even happened here in the UK. if its something yous agree on though he needs to remember you have given up your job/career for the sake of bringing up your child.

    Staying at home is not your choice you both must have agreed to it, I only work part time and my oh is a pain at times before ds started school I said fine ill go back to work full time if you pay the ridiculous childcare fees and are happy for ds to be brought up with someone elses values (No disrespect to full time working mums as I take my hat of to you), but that seems to do the trick and shut him up a bit.

    Tell him you feel hurt and humiliated at the thought, even if the worst were to happen he still needs to provide for the child, and its not like your going to leave him high and dry.

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
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  7.  
    • VickiD69
      CommentAuthorVickiD69
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Mar 5th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I have asked my OH for a pre-nup. He thinks it's a good idea although we have a different situation.

    He owns his own farm, his parents are divorced and although his dad looked after the kids on the farm she took most of the money including the farms money which is my OH inheritance and future. My mum is on her 3rd marriage so we know the downfalls of marriage, but I'm not letting it get in the way of our happiness.

    I have asked for a pre-nup so I get nothing to do with the farm in the event of divorce, I want our kids to have a better and more secure future than my OH did.
  8.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 5th 2015
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      edited
     
    If you have built your home together and you have a child together, then you are entitled to half that house regardless, just because you don't earn your own money, doesn't mean you are worth less than he is. I would be furious if I had been with someone that long and everything we had we built up together, because the way it comes across is him viewing you as a lodger and that he 'keeps' you, which fair enough, yes, you rely on his money, but you keep his house and are raising his child in a way you BOTH presumably agreed to.

    If it was VickiD's situation as she has pointed out, that would be different, that is something of his he has brought before her, and I would totally agree and do the same. If me and h2b ended in divorce, i wouldn't want anything other than my own possessions as he had this house before I moved in, had we got this house together and been in it for years, I would want what I was entitled too, in case of a divorce.

    I think he is being a little bit unfair xx

    Surely you have contributed monetary wise in the last 10 years anyway?

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  9.  
    • WelshBrideBethan2015
      CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Mar 5th 2015
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    Defo talk to him again and explain how you feel and ask him why he asked for one as he might have concerns he hasn't shared before, once you have both been honest you can work together to decide next step x

    Members signature icon
    Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
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  10.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Mar 5th 2015
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    You need to talk to him about what his request means and how it's made you feel.

    Don't think they're legally binding anyway here. Think it's different in the states.

    I'd be really uncomfortable if my hubby had suggested one as I'd be thinking he was planning for divorce which is no way to start a marriage but that's just my personal opinion.

    Everyone is different. I could understand if I was maybe marrying a multi millionaire and I had hardly anything material to bring but I'd still feel like he's thinking the marriage wouldn't last.

    Find out from him what has prompted it and what he's worried about.

    X

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  11.  
    • princesspixie
      CommentAuthorprincesspixie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 6th 2015
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    if my OH had a lot of money or property etc before we were together i would understand a prenup but since he didnt have two pennies to rub together and I'm the one thats followed him around the world putting my life on hold for him and our family i'd slap him if he asked one, but like clairenina says they're not legally binding in the UK anyway if you're that worried about it seek advice xx

    Members signature icon
    Officially married my best friend 2/5/2015 (secretly)
    Big wedding 18/06/2016

  12.  
    • MrsC2bee
      CommentAuthorMrsC2bee
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 6th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Agree with ladies you need to sit down and have an honest chat, he might be earning the money but you are the one who looks after the home and child so he can work. If my oh asked me to do a pre-nup think I'd screw it up and throw a drink at him haha, your marrying the person not their money and if your supporting the home and he wants to marry you not quite sure why he needs a pre-nup if he is intending on spending rest of his life with you? And as long as you have lived in home longer than 3 years even if not married and u split you would be entitled to half due to living their and contributing plus the fact you both have a child. So think you need to see why he wants one and talk about it.
    Good luck Hun x
  13.  
    • GemmaB596
      CommentAuthorGemmaB596
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Mar 6th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Sorry if this post sounds a bit harsh, but I am just going to be honest! Plus I'm realllllllly tired so my sugar coating skills aren't on top form this evening!

    A family-friend of my OH suggested he get a pre-nup. My partner didn't even mention anything to me as neither of us agree with them, but when I found out from elsewhere I was absolutely seething! At the moment I am earning the bigger wage, and that is likely to be the case going forward, but my OH's mother is well off and he is an only child so everything of hers will be passed on to him. If my OH even suggested getting one I would refuse to marry him and just continue as we are, looking after ourselves! I have worked hard for what I have, and have never asked for anything off of anybody so I'll be damned if I am going to let anybody treat me like a golddigger (I mean, come on, it's not like his mother is Madonna or somebody!). I would only ever take what was rightfully mine (ie. half of any property I had contributed to, my own belongings and half our joint savings, as we have kept our own separate accounts as well).

    If somebody does not trust their partner 100% then they should not be marrying, it's as simple as that. Plus, I find it quite concerning that your OH is worrying about getting a pre-nup to keep all his money and property yet thinks nothing of the fact that you would be left with nothing?! You are the mother of his child, for God's sake, and are staying at home to raise your little one who you BOTH decided to have! Besides, have you been working to make "his" house a home? Have you been doing his shopping, his cooking, his cleaning, his ironing? Even if you have not contributed financially, that does not mean that you have not paid your share tenfold in all you (I am presuming) have been doing for him. A marriage is a partnership not point scoring of who has done what for who, and who OWES what to who!
  14.  
    • CharlieBe-Cool
      CommentAuthorCharlieBe-Cool
      Posted: Mar 6th 2015
      Ticker backgroundTicker foreground
      edited
     
    I've been with OH 13 years, he has been the stay at home parent for the last 6 years, we both agreed that's how it would be long before we conceived, and even when he does go back to work I will always likely earn more than him. Despite all that, I would never ask him for a pre-nup, and I imagine he would be offended and upset of I did! So he hasn't worked for the last 6 years to contribute financially, but he has contributed by working damn hard every day to take care of our kids, the house etc, meaning I can work full time. It's a partnership. A pre-nup to me indicates that one partner thinks they have power or more control over the other. Unless it was mutually agreed between us as necessary, I don't think I could make any valid argument to OH that would convince him we needed one, even if I was a millionaire! Sounds like your OH is more concerned about keeping hold of his money than providing for his child should you divorce. Nice.

    Sorry for the rant, but I'm angry for you!

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    Finally tying the knot - July 2015
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  15.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Mar 6th 2015
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    It would be interesting to hear a man's point of view on this.

    I personally wouldn't ask my oh for a prenuptial but then again, if my oh asked me to sign one, I would. If i have to sign one to marry the man i love, then so be it.

    The best thing to do in your case beth is to have a chat with your oh as to why he wants one. He might be feeling insecure, or someone else might be wanting him to have one (e.g in laws?) . Until you speak to him about it, it is all just presumptions and maybe's

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    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  16.  
    • michgib
      CommentAuthormichgib
      Got married 18 months ago
      Posted: Mar 6th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I feel for you what a dilemma. You need to have a good talk together hope you work it out
  17.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 7th 2015
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    I have to be honest, I don't like the idea of pre-nups. Marriage should be for life, and if a pre-nup is necessary there is a question over whether a couple are ready for marriage. Having said that there are always unforeseen circumstances, and some people like to be cautious. It's possible for someone's personality to change dramatically following a head injury so that they are effectively not the person that entered into the marriage (for example). In your current circumstances, it is your OH that would stand to lose out in any divorce, as you would both be entitled to 50% of everything. However it would really come down to whether you were both willing to be reasonable. If you trust each other to do the right thing and take what is fair, there should be no need for a prior agreement.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
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  18.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Mar 7th 2015
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    Of you worked think how much it would cost in childcare.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  19.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Mar 7th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Are they legal in the UK?
    Prenuptial agreements are increasingly popular in the US, and have been held as legally binding documents in most US states for some time. However, until recently they were not legally enforceable in England and Wales.

    Following a landmark ruling by the Supreme Court's in the Radmacher V Granatino case in October 2010, prenuptial agreements are now legally binding unless considered to be unfair by the court.

    This means that if you were to have a prenuptial agreement drawn up and referred to this in divorce proceedings, it would have to be adhered to unless proven as unfair.

    The onus is now on the person seeking a better settlement to prove that any prenuptial agreement they agreed to before the marriage is unfair in order to get it overturned.

    The decision of the Supreme Court means that prenuptial agreements now carry more weight and provide legally binding guidelines for the couple to turn to for assistance through the inevitable disputes and heartache that will follow a marriage breakdown.

  20.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 9th 2015
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    People are saying you should trust your partner 100% etc otherwise shouldn't be marrying at all. But I'd say the vast majority of people get married fully trusting and loving their partner, but sometimes that's not enough and it can still go t**** up. No one gets married actually thinking they will get divorced and actually NEED a pre-nup. I think it's just being sensible x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  21.  
    • MrsThomson2B
      CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 9th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I don't believe in them. I feel that a pre-nup is preparing for divorce before the marriage has even started and so you are expecting your marriage to fail. I do see the point if you enter into a marriage where one person has a huge amount of assests such as a business, maybe hundreds of thousands of pounds in shares or alot of property etc and it was all built before the relationship started but when you have both worked together to build what you have regardless of whose names everything is in then no. I am comfortable with the fact that my name is not on the mortgae but I now that when we buy or next place my name will be on that one. At the same time we will probably have a contract drawn up to say that the moeny he initially put in as a depositit for this property will be his in the event that we need to divide the property.
 
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