Wedding Forum - Pre-nup.....

Hi everyone. I've been with my fiancé for almost 10 years, since we were 18. We got engaged last year and everything was blissful, until he asked for a pre-nup. I'm not totally against it, if we make it a marriage 'contract' that protects us both. I've suggested a lower percentage for me in the event of divorce, and he's still not happy.

He has a good career and is well paid, and he is the sole proprietor of the house.

However, we have a child and I stay at home to raise him. I'm concerned that I'll be left high and dry if there's a divorce, as I won't have a career, savings, anything... he doesn't see this, and says it's my choice to stay at home. Of course I would rather stay at home raising my child than slave away at work out of fear of being left with nothing!

I don't know what to do. I love him but I really feel humiliated and offended that he'd even ask.

Defo chat with him about it, It sounds like someone has put the idea into his head. You shouln't need to have a pre nup done, you've been together a long time and he should trust you.

If you are in the UK, they arent worth the paper they are written on. They aren't contractually binding like they are in the USA, they are simply only used as guidance in a matrimonial court case.

I have asked my OH for a pre-nup. He thinks it's a good idea although we have a different situation.

He owns his own farm, his parents are divorced and although his dad looked after the kids on the farm she took most of the money including the farms money which is my OH inheritance and future. My mum is on her 3rd marriage so we know the downfalls of marriage, but I'm not letting it get in the way of our happiness.

I have asked for a pre-nup so I get nothing to do with the farm in the event of divorce, I want our kids to have a better and more secure future than my OH did.

Defo talk to him again and explain how you feel and ask him why he asked for one as he might have concerns he hasn't shared before, once you have both been honest you can work together to decide next step x

if my OH had a lot of money or property etc before we were together i would understand a prenup but since he didnt have two pennies to rub together and I'm the one thats followed him around the world putting my life on hold for him and our family i'd slap him if he asked one, but like clairenina says they're not legally binding in the UK anyway if you're that worried about it seek advice xx

Sorry if this post sounds a bit harsh, but I am just going to be honest! Plus I'm realllllllly tired so my sugar coating skills aren't on top form this evening!

A family-friend of my OH suggested he get a pre-nup. My partner didn't even mention anything to me as neither of us agree with them, but when I found out from elsewhere I was absolutely seething! At the moment I am earning the bigger wage, and that is likely to be the case going forward, but my OH's mother is well off and he is an only child so everything of hers will be passed on to him. If my OH even suggested getting one I would refuse to marry him and just continue as we are, looking after ourselves! I have worked hard for what I have, and have never asked for anything off of anybody so I'll be damned if I am going to let anybody treat me like a golddigger (I mean, come on, it's not like his mother is Madonna or somebody!). I would only ever take what was rightfully mine (ie. half of any property I had contributed to, my own belongings and half our joint savings, as we have kept our own separate accounts as well).

If somebody does not trust their partner 100% then they should not be marrying, it's as simple as that. Plus, I find it quite concerning that your OH is worrying about getting a pre-nup to keep all his money and property yet thinks nothing of the fact that you would be left with nothing?! You are the mother of his child, for God's sake, and are staying at home to raise your little one who you BOTH decided to have! Besides, have you been working to make "his" house a home? Have you been doing his shopping, his cooking, his cleaning, his ironing? Even if you have not contributed financially, that does not mean that you have not paid your share tenfold in all you (I am presuming) have been doing for him. A marriage is a partnership not point scoring of who has done what for who, and who OWES what to who!

It would be interesting to hear a man's point of view on this.

I personally wouldn't ask my oh for a prenuptial but then again, if my oh asked me to sign one, I would. If i have to sign one to marry the man i love, then so be it.

The best thing to do in your case beth is to have a chat with your oh as to why he wants one. He might be feeling insecure, or someone else might be wanting him to have one (e.g in laws?) . Until you speak to him about it, it is all just presumptions and maybe's

I have to be honest, I don't like the idea of pre-nups. Marriage should be for life, and if a pre-nup is necessary there is a question over whether a couple are ready for marriage. Having said that there are always unforeseen circumstances, and some people like to be cautious. It's possible for someone's personality to change dramatically following a head injury so that they are effectively not the person that entered into the marriage (for example). In your current circumstances, it is your OH that would stand to lose out in any divorce, as you would both be entitled to 50% of everything. However it would really come down to whether you were both willing to be reasonable. If you trust each other to do the right thing and take what is fair, there should be no need for a prior agreement.

Are they legal in the UK?
Prenuptial agreements are increasingly popular in the US, and have been held as legally binding documents in most US states for some time. However, until recently they were not legally enforceable in England and Wales.

Following a landmark ruling by the Supreme Court's in the Radmacher V Granatino case in October 2010, prenuptial agreements are now legally binding unless considered to be unfair by the court.

This means that if you were to have a prenuptial agreement drawn up and referred to this in divorce proceedings, it would have to be adhered to unless proven as unfair.

The onus is now on the person seeking a better settlement to prove that any prenuptial agreement they agreed to before the marriage is unfair in order to get it overturned.

The decision of the Supreme Court means that prenuptial agreements now carry more weight and provide legally binding guidelines for the couple to turn to for assistance through the inevitable disputes and heartache that will follow a marriage breakdown.

I don't believe in them. I feel that a pre-nup is preparing for divorce before the marriage has even started and so you are expecting your marriage to fail. I do see the point if you enter into a marriage where one person has a huge amount of assests such as a business, maybe hundreds of thousands of pounds in shares or alot of property etc and it was all built before the relationship started but when you have both worked together to build what you have regardless of whose names everything is in then no. I am comfortable with the fact that my name is not on the mortgae but I now that when we buy or next place my name will be on that one. At the same time we will probably have a contract drawn up to say that the moeny he initially put in as a depositit for this property will be his in the event that we need to divide the property.