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  1.  
    • Limoncellobride
      CommentAuthorLimoncellobride
      Posted: Jan 17th 2015
     
    Hi everybody,

    I'm recently engaged, and very excited for our wedding in Italy in June 2016! My fiancee and I are both quite shy/private people so have always discussed having a very intimate (family and bridal party only) ceremony, because we consider it to be a very personal thing to do, and would be very uncomfortable to have a large number of people watching. We are currently looking at a guest list of 26 for Italy (wedding and sit down dinner, very relaxed and low-key) and a big 120+ do in the UK when we get back, with an evening meal, disco, band etc for everybody.

    When creating the guestlist we agreed that because of the size of the wedding party for Italy we would invite the partners of those we both knew, all of whom are either married or live together, and have not invited those boyfriends/girlfriends that we have either not met/ or have only recently got together (last couple of months or so). So far, because of the distance and the cost and the size of the wedding everybody has been extremely understanding and fine with it, including bridesmaids and ushers. Today,we get a phone call from fiancee's Dad who tells us that his sister (groom's auntie) has called him and said she is not happy that her son's girlfriend (who we have never met properly, or ever had communication from) is not invited. Groom's auntie has 4 children, all of whom are invited, and one is married so we thought it was an obvious that her husband was invited as we know him, and he is officially 'part of the family'.

    In your opinion, have we done wrong? We certainly didn't mean to offend anyone, but we are very private people, and would both feel a little uncomfortable having somebody that we have never met share this important occasion with us, when we have friends and extended family and godparents that are only attending the UK reception.

    We really didn't mean to upset anybody- and I guess we assumed people could see the logic behind our actions, but now I feel bad :( we just really can't afford for plus ones for everybody and wouldn't feel comfortable with attendees we do not know well.
  2.  
    • CatherineR
      CommentAuthorCatherineR
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 17th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Your auntie's, son's girlfriend... Even typing it out sounds ridiculous! She needs to calm down and realize that it's a small wedding and she's not exactly your priority! If you are comfortable with it, say that the son's gf can come along to the UK reception? Providing they are still together obviously ;) at the end of the day, she won't be coming regardless because you can't afford it so let her throw her toys out of the pram all she likes, it won't change anything!

    Members signature icon
    Married my wife on 15.08.15
    Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)

  3.  
    • EmmaG
      CommentAuthorEmmaG
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 17th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    hey, don't feel bad, you cant invite everyone. personally you have done nothing wrong.. I would just explain that your not having anyone there that isn't close to you or not close family and that if you do it for one person then you have to do it for everyone and that you cant afford that and want it to be small and intimate , and say sorry and that don't mean to offend and that she will be welcome to the big party. good luck xx

    Members signature icon
    Soooooo excited to be marrying my Best Friend !!
    Life is Wild, Love it Live it !

  4.  
    • JennK
      CommentAuthorJennK
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 17th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Remember it is your day and people may get worked up for no reason, but you can do whatever you want to do :)

    Members signature icon
    Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3


  5.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 17th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I don't think you have done anything wrong, you are only inviting 26 people, why would you invite anyone who you didn't really know there :/ Does she understand how small a wedding you are having.

    Just explain that the reception at home is what everyone is invited too and that with 6 of them coming (Auntie, 4 children, one partner) they are actually already a fifth of your total guests at the wedding abroad




  6.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 17th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    No you have not done anything wrong.

    When my father was getting married shortly before we stopped talking he did the same thing. Partners would only be invited under the rule that he a) has met them and b) been together longer than 6 months. My sister was in a relationship prior for a couple of months and was unhappy with this but my father decided to be lenient with her and invite the BF though no one had met him. Then they seperated. A month before the wedding she met someone else and called my father to tell him which he put his foot down and said No he was not invited. Suffice to say she was not happy and decided not to come to the wedding at all even though she was also a Bridesmaid. They both stuck to their guns and didn't speak for six months.

    The fault in that situation was entirely my sisters and she tried to complain that it was unfair I got to take my OH. Instantly that was a bad choice in example considering my father knew my OH very well and he and I were living together for 4 years.

    We are also following the same rule.

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
    Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
    My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
  7.  
    • CharlotteE98
      CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 17th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    You haven't done anything wrong at all. If you don't know her why should you pay for her to fly out to Italy for your special day. My Sister only invited Cousin's other halves if they were married. There are occasions when you need to bend the rules a little (we've had to bend our no children rule slightly for my Cousin), but this isn't one of them. Stick to your guns and say she will be welcome at the UK party if they're still together. It's a given that you'll upset somebody making decisions that they don't like, but it's your day. Good luck!
  8.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 18th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    You have not done anything wrong. It's your wedding day and so you decide who you invite. x

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  9.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 18th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Echoing what everyone else has said.. You haven't done anything wrong! It seems there is always one who has to throw their toys out the pram and cause a drama when it comes to invites. You have nothing to feel guilty about.. You are having your day exactly how you want it (which sounds perfect, love an intimate wedding) and you shouldn't let anyone dictate what you should or should not do. Stick to your guns. She can come to the UK reception like everyone else x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  10.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jan 18th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I agree.

    Goodness it winds me up when others think they can dictate who is invited to someone's wedding. The bride and groom have made their decision for a number of legitimate reasons, some probably unknown to the guests.

    You have nothing to feel bad about or to doubt your decision.

    I think if as a bride or groom you don't have this issue come up in the planning of your wedding you're incredibly lucky (can tell I had some issues with this myself).

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  11.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 18th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I've had similar-ish issue's


    MIL keeps wanting to add people, she doesn't seem to understand that it's not as simple as just adding an extra one and that we have table plans ect. to sort out. She also seems to think that if someone can't make it-that means there's a space free for someone else, but it's like no-if they can't make it, that's sad as we wanted them there not a number.




  12.  
    • RachaelW54
      CommentAuthorRachaelW54
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 18th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Totally agree with everyone. Stick by your guns or you'll end up having a day you wont enjoy. Our rule is they have to be either 1) engaged or 2) living together and if people dont like it they simply dont attend. It wont make any difference to your day because your still going to marry your h2b & have an amazing day x
  13.  
    • MrsThomson2B
      CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 18th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    your auntie needs a slap in my opinion. You have made you decision and should stick to it. you don't know the girl so why should you extend an invite to her. let your auntie have her tantrum and tell her to liek it or lump it x
  14.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 18th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I don't even know what to say. You aunt is crazy lol You haven't done anything wrong.
  15.  
    • almost a year wife!!
      CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jan 18th 2015
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    Tell her to bugga off... your day, your way xxx

    Members signature icon
    Ill marry my hero


  16.  
    • DonnaH39
      CommentAuthorDonnaH39
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jan 19th 2015
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    People never fail to amaze me with their attitudes towards other peoples weddings. I wouldn't dream of assuming someone was invited to someone else's wedding.


    Now maybe if you'd invited some of her kids and left one out.... but even then it all depends on circumstances and people's history.

    No one should be forced to invite anyone to their wedding.




  17.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jan 19th 2015
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    You've done nothing wrong. Sometimes people think that just because someone is close to them they are also close to you and have a right to be on the guest list. My husband's uncle was adamant that we should invite some random cousin of MIL simply because she was a blood relative. My husband had never met her. It is entirely up to you who you invite, and you seem to have been extremely fair. I didn't even invite my cousins, as I barely know them.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

 
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