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Wedding Forum - Plus One advice...

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    • RebeccaG49
      Posted: Jan 2nd 2017
    Got engaged over christmas and planning for the wedding this year so head is already in over drive!!

    Some advice on plus ones please... is it acceptable to offer it to some and not others? We kind of know some partners and not others, and unfortunately there are a couple of partners we don't want at the wedding. It seems controversial to allow some and not others, especially when it will be obvious on the day.

    What do people think?
    • Jules37
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 2nd 2017
    I've invited some plus ones and not others (for similar reasons to you). We're tight on space so I just said that to people and they were fine with it. Make sure you are specific on the invitation so people don't assume they have a +1!
    • LauraH813
      Posted: Jan 2nd 2017
    We have vetoed plus ones if neither of us have ever met them. If you know them but simply don't like them and would rather they aren't there it does get trickier. Either you will have to go with it for the sake of avoiding bad feeling or simply use the excuse that you've had to keep to a certain number. Invite the plus one to reception only maybe.
    • StaceyH989
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
    We are doing the same too, we will be inviting two plus ones to the whole day and the rest will be in the evening. Well the select few will be in the evening, my mum tried to put her foot down about my little brother having a plus one for the whole day, he is only 17 and doesn't know what long term relationship means. Both me and my Oh have the same opinion if they have been together a while fair enough but if my brother has only just started seeing someone by the time we do get married its a no, I'm really not keen on his currently girlfriend anyway but that's just my opinion
    • NicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
    we are doing that as well, only really inviting the partners we know or the ones who have been together a long time x

    Members signature icon
    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
    • Emily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
    We are inviting some plus ones, but only if they have been together a considerable length of time and we have met them.

    You need to be diplomatic in the way you do it and be prepared for questions.

    I have invited one friends OH but they have been together for years. Are at every party and we see them almost as much as we see the friend.
    Another friend (same group) we aren't inviting her OH. The have been together 12 months but we have never met him. He has never been to any of the parties so we don't feel the need to invite him.

    We are strict on numbers so if we are asked to add anyone in then we are physically unable to.

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
    • Wizbit89
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
    We have done the exact same, no plus ones unless we know them, and if I don't know their name they aren't coming lol!
    I think we have 1 plus 1 for the entire thing and no one has mentioned it being an issue.
    • Mrs Jones
      CommentAuthorMrs Jones
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
    Our best man (OH's brother) started dating somebody a few weeks before our wedding. We didn't extend the invitation to her as we hadn't met her and it was really early days. We invited established couples only.

    Members signature icon
    First Date 26 April 2014
    Proposed 27 June 2015
    Happily Married 18 June 2016
    • FayeH
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
    Congratulations on your engagement!

    I think the rule of thumb is that you should invite couples who are either married, engaged, living together as a couple, or have been together for more than a year at the time you send the save the dates. Partners of your respective parents should be invited if your parents are separated.
    If your numbers are really tight, then you could drop the latter two, however I think nowadays its considered a faux pas not to invite a person's spouse/fiance so i'd try to keep married couples and engaged couples in if possible.

    On the issue of how to deal with people who are offended - you mentioned it might be 'obvious' that some people got a +1 and some didn't - I think it's the height of rudeness to put a bride in a position of having to defend the invitation decisions. If anyone mentions it to you, you could just let them know politely but firmly that you didn't have a lot of space on the guest list. When an additional guest could cost anywhere between £40 and £120, you really don't need to justify your choices.
    • InDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jan 3rd 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

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