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  1.  
    • LauraP8075
      CommentAuthorLauraP8075
      Posted: Sep 22nd 2014
     
    Hi, so my fiancé and I got engaged recently. We have been together 7 years, have had our ups & downs but are very happy & excited. Now we are beginning to start planning our wedding but I can't help but feel a bit miffed at my parents.
    My sister got engaged to her now husband after 2 years together, they married a year later. My parents paid £800 towards rthe reception and they held the evening do at my parents home and my parents paid for all the drink etc for it. They put it around £2000 in total.
    Now they also brought my sister a house as a wedding present! Yes a house! Nice hey?! This all happened 6 years ago so a fairly long time.
    Since then both my sister & I have had a child each, my parents paid for my sisters son's christening, the whole lot was around £1500 but nothing for my daughters. I could go on with lists of things they have paid for for her but I'm sure you get the picture.
    So since my sister got married my parents divorced my mum getting around a million in the divorce and my dad kept his 2 companies and 4 properties.
    I have worked all my life, paid for my daughter to attend nursery instead of asking my parents to have her like my sister did with her son. I am not highly paid at all, in fact I am on minimum wage but never the less I have worked since I was 14 with only maternity leave as time off. My sister on the other hand has just done cleaning work for cash and her hubby works full time.
    So anyway now I'm not upset with my sister at all, none of this is her fault but my parents are offering nothing towards my wedding, I'm in a council flat and recently went into emergency accommodation in a b&b for 3 months and my parents did nothing to help me. I'm now on the way to getting permeant social housing so I know my dad isn't planning on giving me a house to live in or he wouldn't of put me through all of this.
    So me and my fiancé can't afford a wedding of any value, most probably it will be a civil ceremony & down the pub or something similar.
    Can't help but feel it's so unfair.... Yes I know life isn't fair & I shoukd 't expect anything but this is really upsetting me. Plus my mum is currently undergoing chemotherapy and heaven forbid anything happened I want to get married sooner rather than later.....
    Am I being irrational? Maybe I'm just being a brat I don't know.... Advise please x
  2.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 22nd 2014
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    I don't think you are being a brat at all. By the sounds of it you have had a fairly had time of it while your sister seems to have had it much easier, topped off with financial help from your parents. It does seem odd that they have helped her so much and you so little. I would never normally advise someone to ask outright about money, but I think you should broach the subject with them because it is majorly unfair. You'd think they would adopt the same principles for both daughters.

    Sorry to hear about your mum. Sending best wishes for the chemo to be a success and a speedy recovery. I don't mean to upset you by saying this, but with your mum being ill as well I would have thought she'd be happy to lend/give you some money to give you the wedding you want so that she could be there to witness you getting married.

    It's a really tough situation but I think you deserve an explanation as to why your sister has had all this help and you've had nothing x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  3.  
    • LauraP8075
      CommentAuthorLauraP8075
      Posted: Sep 22nd 2014
     
    Thank you flossie. I find it hazard to approach the subject of money and I have always thought one day it will even out.....but I don't think it will. I will most probably keep my pride and just have a little wedding but know always in my mind that I did the best I could we what I had :/ xx
  4.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Sep 22nd 2014
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    I can only agree with everything Flossie has said. I can partially relate as I feel my sister has always has more support from mymum, and me and either my sister or mam arson speakingtermsatm and so punt be tmywedding. My mam has never been 'well off' so it's it so much financial support my sister has been given, just bits of everything in general.

    I know it's awkward and I don't know how you could bring it up but I do believe you are owed an explanation or at least an apology. There should at least be some mention of how you and your sister have been treat differently. I'm sorry I can't really help.

    Even if it does come to it if you do have a small wedding, you know you'll have done it all on your own and should be proud of what you can achieve on your own, although, I do hope something plays out in your favour with your parents x

    Members signature icon
    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  5.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 22nd 2014
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    Taking the financial factor out of it completely, you still deserve an explanation like April said above as to why you have been treated less favourably than your sister! It is an awkward situation though and can be hard to bring up, but I would want an explanation if it was me.

    You will still have a perfect wedding without any financial help and would get a great sense of satisfaction knowing you have worked hard to pay for your wedding yourself. It's nice to have a bit of help but it's certainly not the be all and end all x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  6.  
    • sALLY
      CommentAuthorsALLY
      Posted: Sep 22nd 2014
     
    try crying on your dads shoulder and have a chat i know you say talking about it is hard and you have your pride you could just ask for a little help after everything youve been through
  7.  
    • LindseyW58
      CommentAuthorLindseyW58
      Posted: Sep 23rd 2014
     
    Maybe it's because they're divorced? One might be waiting for the other one to offer to help out, I'd talk to both and see what response you get.
  8.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Sep 23rd 2014
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      edited
     
    Obviously I don't know, but maybe they helped your sister coz she asked for help? And they have not helped you because you have not asked.

    My mum is very helpful and helps me any way she can, but ohs parents are more tight fisted and the only way you get anything out of them is of to ask straight out and give a good reason.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  9.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 23rd 2014
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    ^^ good point!!

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  10.  
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Sep 23rd 2014
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    have you tried talking to parents individually ? or if you find that difficult write them a letter

  11.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Sep 23rd 2014
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    Talk to them, maybe you need to ask?

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  12.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 23rd 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I was thinking the same as whovian ... That perhaps your sister has asked, and your parents haven't realised how bad your situation is because you haven't asked? Sometimes ppl can be blind to situations even when it's right in front of their faces x

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  13.  
    • Sonya
      CommentAuthorSonya
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 24th 2014
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    Agree with the other ladies about asking, they're probably so used to you just getting on with things without them they may feel they'd be stepping on your toes

    Members signature icon
    Became Mrs Mulholland on September 12th 2014!!!


 
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