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  1.  
    • Blushmia
      CommentAuthorBlushmia
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hey everyone,
    I am getting married in three weeks and Cheshire East just emailed us (when we asked to know what the registrar will say at our ceremony) and they said that they don't allow personal vows OR for us to know what they will say until DURING the ceremony!
    Is this even legal?
    In the online booklet they sent us it says we can have 'promise words' but no one is now actually allowing this. I know there are only two sentences we must say legally so I find it very distressing not know what on earth this lady is going to talk about.

    I mean this is OUR wedding, OUR day, it should never be up to the registrar what we are going to say!

    I am so stressed out and I won't get married if their rules are like that. Any help??
  2.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    There are set vows that are included in every ceremony, church or civil. They are the legally required ones. You should be allowed to add to them though if you want to. It does seem bizarre that they won't tell you what you are going to say. I would query that further, and if necessary go higher up to find out. There is absolutely no reason for them to refuse to tell you what the vows are. There isn't really any good reason for them not to allow you to say your own things either, as long as you say all the legally required bits as well, although there are possibly some things that you can't say and any personal vows would perhaps need to be checked. The only thing I can think of is that they don't want the ceremony to run over time by having extra vows, and they don't want to give themselves extra work by having to approve extra vows.

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  3.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2014
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    With a Registrar I believe it is completely legal for them to say this as they do tend to have more than one wedding booked a day and personal vows can sometimes be lengthy. All they deal with is the legal side of the wedding and that's it.

    Have you thought about maybe doing your personal vows either before or after registrars and having a close friend/family member preside? Because this is not a legal thing they don't need any legal stuff as that would be dealt with by registrar and you could do it on the grounds of your chosen venue?

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  4.  
    • WelshBrideBethan2015
      CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2014
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    Victoria has said what I was going to say lol Is there anyone else that you know that has been married in similar circumstances to know what they did about the vows ?

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  5.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2014
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    Great minds think alike Welsh ;)

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  6.  
    • WelshBrideBethan2015
      CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2014
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    Ha defo :)

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  7.  
    • Showgirl
      CommentAuthorShowgirl
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2014
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    It may be that you're now not allowed to make changes to what you have already selected with the wedding being so close. After we had given notice we were given a booklet which contains all options of declatory words and promises for us to choose from. Our choices (and song selections) need to be sent back to the registrar about a month before the wedding, although I know some registrars are insisting on having everything back 8 weeks prior.
    As for what the registrar says in between I think its discretionary as to whether they tell you before han or not.
    I think it's probably best to give them a ring on Monday to make sure everyone is on the same page.
  8.  
    • Blushmia
      CommentAuthorBlushmia
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi all, we haven't selected anything to say. I am completely out of the loop. And to be honest, if we pay hundreds of pounds for a service then of course it should be about us, it is our ceremony. There were no options or anything in our booklet. It only said; "no need for your own words, just repeat on the day!" and they think that is a selling point? That is my worst nightmare. Of course I need to know what will be said.

    We were supposed to have a handfasting in the evening but after a recent fall out with my family that won't happen so the ceremony is very important to me now. The piece of paper means nothing to me, that is not something that I want out of it. It is supposed to be romantic and about us, not just something the state wants in the quickest, easiest and most expensive way. Feels fraudulent to me.
  9.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2014
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      edited
     
    TBH I believe registrars differ across the country depending on your local authority. Some may allow it and others wont.

    Please don't take offense to what I say as I just noticed you mentioned this in your comment. You said in their booklet that it states "no need for your own words, just repeat on the day!" This was likely them passively stating "We don't allow personal vows" which they should have also made clear on the day you discussed it with them. And no letting you see the vows in advance is not on.

    Have you thought about a Humanist Wedding? I know in England you would still have to have a registrar ceremony again for the legal stuff but you can hire a humanist to come and do handfasting ceremony for you?

    I myself am having a Humanist Wedding but in Scotland because it's legally considered a belief system (strange I know) it's legal within itself and therefore nagates a visit to registrars and we can have it as personal as we like and almost anywhere we want.

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  10.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2014
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    I cannot believe they will not even tell you what the wording is. I mean most brides are ocd about there wedding, and alloy of brides and groom's have performance anxiety, doo would be nice to be able to get your head around the words but what about people who have actual ocd/ asphergers etc who would need to know to be able to deal with it. I been looking up civil ceremony vows on YouTube, as I want an idea of how it goes as never been to one.

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  11.  
    • TanyaS78
      CommentAuthorTanyaS78
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I dont understand why they wouldnt tell you what the vows are. When i booked our registrar they said we will receive some information through the post which should have details about vows in it. Im hoping it tells me what the vows are. I would hate not knowing what im saying on the day. That kind of thing makes me paranoid.
  12.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    We received a booklet of lots of different versions of vows and we had to pick one.... Should be the same everywhere x

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  13.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 4th 2014
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    We are the same as Kelbel we will be able to pick from a selection of vows however we will be able to add to these or change them as long as we have the 'legal' wording.

    If we weren't able to choose and it was standard vows I would need to know what these were so I could say them over and over so I don't get them wrong on the big day

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