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  1.  
    • CarlyG85
      CommentAuthorCarlyG85
      Posted: Aug 24th 2014
      edited
     
    Hi, I was wondering if you could help me by answering what other brides have done about no-show guests? I got married on Friday and a few guests didn't turn up, and also didn't tell me that they weren't coming. I had double checked with everyone's attendance 2 weeks beforehand too. I don't think I would have minded if they had told me prior to the wedding or even sent me a message afterwards. I feel upset that I've made the effort to invite them and pay for their meal and drinks and provide entertainment but they couldn't give me the decency to even send me a quick text. How do I deal with these people when I see them? I'm not a very confrontational person so I'm not sure how to approach it. Thanks in advance.

    EDIT - THE OTHER TWO THREADS TOU HAD STARTED THAT WERE IDENTICAL TO THIS ONE HAVE BEEN DELETED - MODERATOR
  2.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 24th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    thank them for coming to the wedding and make it proper awkward for them lol

    on a serious note though, im not entirely sure how id deal with this if it happened to me either.. maybe just say we missed you at the wedding, what happened?

    Members signature icon

    Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
    *Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
  3.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 24th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    i wuld probably totally ignore them, be like if they can't be bothered to even message me to say, hope you had a nice day sorry we could nto make it due to ... (insert excuse)

    I was invited to a friends evening do rsvped i would be coming, and on the way there we broke down (turns our our battery was dieing) but we managed to get it charged and get there late, and if we had not woulf of still sent her the card/money to her in the post and apologise about not coming explain.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  4.  
    • leasa
      CommentAuthorleasa
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 24th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    It's awkward, I missed a friends wedding a few years ago and I was gutted, we got stuck on the m25 for 7 hours.
    By the time we started moving I was so tired and upset that I just went home.

    I had the decency to get a message to her apologising that I missed it.

    I'm sure every wedding has it's no shows, if it bothers you get in touch with them and ask outright, "what happened to you?"
    Maybe they have a genuine reason for not attending but feel guilty they let you down.

    Members signature icon
    Met 30th May 2005
    Proposed in Monte Carlo August 25th 2013
    Became Mrs K on 30th May 2015
    Married my Gorgeous Greek God
  5.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Aug 25th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    On the day of my friend's wedding, we got a call to say the keys were ready for our flat. we decided to collect the keys, but that would mean us missing their wedding. (A little bit of background info on this - we previously had a problem with Natwest where they refused the mortgage on the day of exchanging contracts, hence why we didn't delay in getting the keys!) we still sent a text to them to say we weren't coming to the day, but we were still going to see them in the evening. There's no excuse for them not turning up. I personally wouldn't even mind if they messaged me a day or two after and explained why.

    Saying that though, it is an awkward situation to be in. Like everyone else has said, if you were to ask, maybe put it in the context of 'we missed you at the wedding. hope everything is ok...' x

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  6.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Aug 25th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I'd find out what happened, if the reasons are serious and genuine and understandable then forgive and hope they make it up to you in the future, if unacceptable then forget them, you don't need people like that in your life.

    Luckily the few who ended up not making it to our wedding told us days before so everyone we were actually expecting on the day turned up but at my sister's wedding it was different and my parents basically stopped speaking to lifelong family friends.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  7.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 25th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think this happens at most weddings, my Nanna and grandad were no shows to my sisters,which she only found out on the day after paying,my grandad had an op that day but he had known for a while so could have let her know before, he's still I'll now so already know they're not coming to mine. Sometimes last min things come up that ppl don't realise the impact x

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  8.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Aug 25th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    We had some that told us a couple of hours before the wedding, too late then really to get someone else. Also had two that two weeks prior said they would be there, then never turned up. It's not until you organise and pay for a wedding you realise how much is lost from people who do not turn up, just wish they did as well

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  9.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 26th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    We had 6 no shows for the evening, 2 with a valid excuse, 4 without. I found it rude. I won't let it affect our relationship with them though. If they'd been day guests that would have been another matter; I'd have stopped talking to them unless they had a REALLY good reason. It was annoying enough with evening only as we had a really limited guest-list and so could have invited other people we wanted there; it also meant we went over on our buffet which at £22.50 a head wasn't dirt cheap.

    I agree with InDreamland: really good reason (and that for me would have to be something really serious eg serious car accident/sudden death/cancelled flight; anything else just would not cut it as they could have texted/called) = forgive and forget; flimsy excuse = forget about them hereafter.
  10.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Aug 26th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Even the three that gave us a few hours notice had a stupid excuse. Apparently they had been in court a lot that week with her ex over their kid, now my thinking would be, let's get away from it all for a weekend and enjoy ourselves, the other two just didn't even bother with an excuse. Don't think we've seen them since.

    If people are not going to attend, they should be honest. Our meal was £35 a head, plus the drinks we had ordered for them, so was around £200 we lost out on really, and could have invited other people instead. So annoying.

    I'd be tempted to send them a thank you card and ask if they have any photos of your special day could they forward them on, that could be interesting. :P

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  11.  
    • xbeckix88
      CommentAuthorxbeckix88
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Aug 29th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    We had 2 day guests not show up but they had a valid excuses they had norovirus then around 8 no shows in the evening.
    Non of them text to say sorry couldn't come before hand or even text to say sorry afterwards!

    haven't really spoken much to these guests since. Just really wound me up that we chose them to be a part of our big day and join the celebrations and they couldn't be bothered.
  12.  
    • sALLY
      CommentAuthorsALLY
      Posted: Aug 29th 2014
     
    makes you realise your true friends and family just such a shame it comes out our pockets. im dreading it as i know 3 lots of my family will have small children and have to travel a 3 hour journey i think they will just not bother but i really hope they give me plenty of notice and dont just decide that morning! im not going to be to bother about the evening to much will just mean more food for my h2b. all tho i have nightmares that no one turns up in the evening :(
  13.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 29th 2014
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    I'd be really p'd if they didn't at least txt stupid excuse or serious excuse we are £60 a head for the meal. If people don't want to go they should have the decency to let you know so that you could at least slot someone else in.

    This sort of thing really gets my goat as it's just rude if my friends/family done this to me they wouldn't be part of my life there after unless it was a very valid excuse.

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
    Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
  14.  
    • kjl87
      CommentAuthorkjl87
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Sep 1st 2014
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    There are some on both our sides that I know won't turn up, but think they'll say yes then cancel at the last minute. I would rather they were honest and say they can't come then that way I can invite other people (who I would rather came instead). It's only a small wedding as it is with about 60-65 people and I don't want it to be that we end up with lots of wasted meals and an even smaller wedding party.
    I'm hoping those ones fail to RSVP in time so i can change guest list ☺️
  15.  
    • Teresa
      CommentAuthorTeresa
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Sep 1st 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    carly have you heard from them yet? what did they say or havnt you seen them?
  16.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Sep 2nd 2014
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    Oh I'm starting to dread the time between RSVPs and the morning of now reading some of these lol!

    I do like the idea of sending a thank you card though ;)

    Members signature icon
    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  17.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Ahh, this is the part I'm dreading, as if I book my dream venue it would mean 3 hours of travelling on the day of, so think some people will just decide on the day that they won't bother..which I think is selfish, as I am well known for going well out of my way for other people!
    It wouldn't be the cost to me that would be upsetting, it would be the fact that the room capacity is 120, so we have had to really cut our list down, and even cut out some SO's that we don't know very well, so if they let us know in advance, at least we could 'upgrade' our other guests. Also, the empty spaces on the tables would p*** me off no end!
    I've got quite a few flaky friends, some who actually didn't turn up to my DD's Christening in our home town, after promising they would be there! That was very upsetting, as our DD means more to us than anything, so it's not like they just bailed on a party, but they bailed on our little girls Big Day..so I'm seriously reconsidering inviting them to our 'Big Day'..

    I've tried to forgive and forget that those people didn't come..until it comes to writing up our guest list for our next party/event..then they may not even get an invite, and if they ask why, I'll tell them that if they couldn't be bothered to come to my last event without at least explaining, then they don't warrant an invite to the next thing that we organise. X
  18.  
    • CommentAuthorJessica29792
      Posted: Oct 10th 2014
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    This may sound completely unrelated, and you may have resolved your issues by now, but when I had organised my daughters christening and sent out all of the invites, to about 60 people, on the day I would say only about half of the people turned up. I had no RSVP's or anything and it really aggravated me. In the end though my h2b just said, it is what happens when large families get together. Half of them don't turn up and don't tell you because they feel they don't have to. I got over it in the end but have said to h2b since that if it happens at the wedding I definitely would not be happy. That being said he also said weddings are something people make the effort to go to, not some random christening. If I were in your shoes though, the next time you see said person/people, I would just be polite and plead ignorance and just say Oh, I don't think we saw you at our wedding. I am sorry if we missed you! Were you able to make it, what happened? The more you talk, the more I would make them feel guilty. If the reason is for anything less than breaking down or being stuck on a motorway in non-moving traffic, or sickness then it would be the time for you to get upset. If it was simply because they forgot, you gave them plenty of time and plenty of reminders, even two weeks before. Only in that instance I would get a little confrontational about it x
 
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