Wedding Forum - No kids- made to feel guilty...

we are on a very small budget so have decided other than my 2 and my niece we wont be having kids at the wedding as we get msrried 3.30 its going straight onto evening nighttime do. before kids i always thought kids n weddings dont rly mix as its alot of drunken adults etc as the night goes on and its a time for the parents to let their hair down n enjoy themselves. since having mine i still feel the same if we were invited i wouldnt take mine even if they were also included unless asked to be part of the wedding itself. (im a bit annoyed my mam is determined to keep my 2 there till 12 when we leave they will be 3 and 20mnths)

we were invited to his cousins and we said we would lesve kids at home(for a few reasons main 1 being his mam hasnt seen them more than once so she wouldnt be able to play doting grandmother infront of every1 and also as explained we want to enjoy ourselves without worrying where the kids r etc)

his cousin has gone right off on one that we rnt including their son and as every1 else in that house is invited its rly horrible how we have left him out - bare in mind when i first told his cousins fiance about it she said "everything mounts up doesnt it its fine"(their budget is 10k and includes about 50 kids ours is 2k so u see y we cant afford the extra chairs n food etc) "if you changed your mind we would definatly come but if you wont we wont be there we are not leaving him hes part of the family and rikkis family too".. maybe but our daughter is part of the family and not one of his family (even his mother) turned up for her christening so their bloody lucky they r invited to the wedding!! which now i know non will go lol..


the only exceptions weve made on this is babies (one of my friends is due like 2 mnth before the wedding) best man as his mam is going and his girlsfriends fsmily dont live up here they live a few hours away. h2bs cousin who is comig from america if they can and my friend from bournemouth. id never expect people travelling to leave little kiddies at home for that long!

id love my friends children there i love them all they are great and good friends for my kids but we cant say yes to them and no to his side

how do you ignore the guilt trips ppl try on you?? i can now see our wedding being pretty empty if all the replies we get r like that!my bridesmaids daughter is lovely id love hrr there but again its not really fair to say yes bring and she is fine with it just needs to make arrrangements.

or r we going to have to say yes bring the kids (which means my friend who has 2 troublesom nasty boys will bring them,n nasty as in will bully any others there and have her do nothing about it)

sorry if that was long n didnt make alot of sence lol this can be an awkward thing to bring up with people cant it?! but id never be upset if someone said to me sorry we arent allowing kids at the wedding(even tho im glued to them 24/7 lol)

As said above, it's your wedding and your choice! If people aren't happy or don't agree with your choices then that's their problem and if they don't come to the wedding then it says a lot more about them than you. I don't have kids so I can't really comment but I do understand why they are upset.. I think I would like to take our children to weddings when we have them as I'm very much a family orientated person and it would be a lovely thing to experience as a family. On the other hand though, I can appreciate that a lot of parents would appreciate the day/night off so they can let their hair down and just enjoy themselves!

If you have a change of heart and do decide to invite children, maybe you could think about having a little creche of sorts at the wedding so they can all be entertained and kept out of harms way? x

we have 2 and i wudnt take them unless they were older alot of the kids are under 3/4... theres no probs with sitters as its during factory shut down and school holidays and a friday night (these ppl complaining r the ones who go out leaving their kids every few weeks anyway lol) we r on a very small budget to be able to set anything up for the kids weve made exception for wedding party if needed and like i say out of the area guests i also know his cousin didnt take their son to his mams wedding so i dont know where their attitude comes from she has a huge family who babysit him evry few weeks

for the kids going we have acticity packs for them sweets etc and il be taking a box of toys aswell to keep them entertained ..

we are going to put it nicely in invite something like with the exception of the wedding party we request the evening to be adults only so please come and let your hair down and enjoy the day with us (better than that but thats the idea)

maybe they just dont want to come and r using him as an excuse it seems they can never be honest as i say chrstening wise the day of they dropped us in it every1 in the house had dif excuses for every1 else so was clear none were interested (even the god father was meant to be h2bs uncle)


but i can honestly say i didnt want to invite them anyway its just the way he kicked off at h2b at work of all places to make him feel guilty and then to say we r being horrible by nt including him..

its not to hurt or offend any1 its just to keep the budget down and with alot of children its alot of extras we just cant afford (we did try this wasnt first option) and i know kids dont cost alot but when u have to add extra seats and then it will end up extra tables extra food etc lol xx

I'm sure most people will understand and respect your decision. There will always be the odd few that have to be awkward and kick up a fuss - as they say, you can't please everyone so don't even bother trying to! x

flossie thats so true u cnt please every1 lol theres always some problem with big events like this :-)

and happybunny i find that all the time lol and yes means money can go on something else lol xx ive told h2b that they wont be receiving an invite now as they have said no so for me theres no point going thru it all again. hes hurt from the christening and now hurt again at this n his words "the people who care will be there, our friends and your family" its a shame his can be so awkward :'(

thx for replies i needed a bit of a vent haha xx

You learn a lot about people and who really cares for you when planning a wedding x

We had no children at our wedding, and it was great. (Wasn't budget, we just don't like them). It's your day and nothing to do with anyone else why, when or how you do things.

Im the same as you....no kids. They won't appreciate the day and its expensive to have them there. Also I think nice night for parents to let lose haha if they come...

I agree with a lot of people on this...its your day hun if you don't want kids there then that's you choice,if people don't come because they can't bring their children then that's money saved for you or you can put someone back in the mix that you had to 'bump' due to numbers.I've already said that my wedding will have no children,the youngest will be 18 when I get married.its your day and ultimately your paying for it. If they want to come (without children) then great if not then find valued friends who want to share in your special day and have a great time without them.

Thx for your replies we r sticking to our guns on this 1 the way his mam behaved has made me more determined not to let people ruin it and to not guilt trip us into doing anything!

We said no to her paying, one child wont cost us any extra but 1 child adds up to the rest. Its not a huge expense to have children there but i dont want it to feel like a kids party rather than a wedding... and to sound quite nasty the oyher msin reason is a friend of mine her 2 boys are out of control as are my h2bs nephews and to save any upset amost guests and children due to these 4 its easier to say no holdren other than wedding parties family. (And this was h2bs idea aswell he said i dont want them there) so it had to turn into all or non (wih exceptions)

Thankyou so much for your reply :-)

Like whovianbride i would always leave mine at home if invited to a wedding. Ive yet to go to a weddig with alot of children other than wedding party tbh lolxx

We're having a completely child/baby free wedding, everyone we know's kids will be between 1-3 and NONE of them behave, it would be a complete fiasco tbh. We've told everyone no children and it's on the invites as well. Anyone who doesn't want to attend is free not too, but so far we haven't had any complaints with regards to our decision.

I say do what makes you happy and forget what everyone else thinks, the people who matter will be there and will understand.

I would however, if it was me, just make sure that every child you have already decided can come to the wedding because they are immediate family and therefore important has a job to do, flower girl, page boy etc... then you can say 'Sorry, it's wedding party only, the only children present will be the one's involved' I find this seems to be the direction a lot of people go with.

We only had 3 under 18's at our wedding: my cousin, who was 13 and his parents were travelling from Bradford; OH's 11 year old cousin who was a bridesmaid; and OH's 16 year old cousin. Everyone else was 18+. We had no issues. Had anyone said anything our response would simply have been 'We can't accommodate children; we understand if you are unable to come' (and we did have guests who had small children ranging from 4 months to 3 years; it was not an issue). So, that would be how I would handle it: you cannot accommodate their children, but you understand if they can't make it. Simple. They have a choice, and if they don't want to attend, that is up to them.

Whatever you do though don't make/give excuses: if you say it's a space issue, you might get 'OK, well one of us won't come so we can bring x'; if you say it's a cost issue, they may offer to pay; etc. So simply say that you can't accommodate them, end of story; that way they can't try to 'find a solution' for you.

W didn't have any wording; we just spoke to everyone in advance in person/over the phone and let them know what the situation was, and then the invitations listed clearly those invited. It also helped that we had menu choices for the day so we had individual RSVP cards; you can do something similar by listing the names on the RSVP card so it's clear who is/isn't invited. We had no issues, and no confusion. Hope that helps :-)

We are only having evening/night so its alot less formal of course we will need ppl to say yes or no but we arent having rsvp cards(more exprnse we dont need) invite however will have rsvp on it of course.

I think most people if the kids names on the addresses envalope as most will be delivered by hand theyll know the kids arent included on the invite. If they dont i imagine they would ask. I have told a few and they understand. I was under the impressions his cousins w2b understood(maybe she did n its just him who knows)

anyway im done now its not a problem anymore as i will be strong about our wedding plans :-D

Our wedding afterall not theirs :-)

Thanks again ladies you have been great at sortin my head in the right track lol xx

We are having my 13 year old half sister and my 2 year old niece who will be bridesmaid and flower girl. My Sister is expecting baby number 2 at the end of December so we'll make an exception, but otherwise no children. I've been to weddings where kids have caused chaos running around during the speeches etc. My sister just had 2 flower girls who were 9 and 2 when she got married and they put a line on the invite to say that due to the nature of the venue no children apart from the flower girls, so you could go along the lines of 'health and safety'. We're going to put a polite note on our invites too. The lady that's doing our invites has emailed some suggestions for wording.

We've both got big families so if all our cousins brought their children it would be more like a children's party than a wedding!

I Really don't understand how people can be so upset about the no children issue?! If you were invited to a night out, you wouldn't say no because your children couldn't come! In fact, I went to an engagement party a couple of weeks ago, and we're told that they really, really wanted all of our children to come, as the couple were expecting so she wasn't drinking anyways, BUT, it meant driving ourselves due to having our car seat that's ISOFIX, which meant that in turn we both couldn't really relax and enjoy ourselves as we were running around after DD for about 2 hours, as she was running through people's legs and picking up food off the floor etc! We both only had one drink, and as she was flustering us so much in order for her not to hurt herself or the other little children, we left early to take her home to bed. I really don't think anyone's enjoyment at weddings is significantly reduced because their precious child cannot be there for a party which they absolutely will not remember in a few years time!
I think people forget that Weddings are not a family reunion, and that they cannot, and should not dictate who They want to be at YOUR wedding, family or not! Xx

We r stickin to our guns the only kids allowed r children of the wedding party. Ohs mam is not happy means his nephews cant come but its tough i realised after i overheard her on the phone she just wants it her way... she knows shes not coming to reception (may sound harsh but long story to it shes not welcome at all around my kids) and still says she shud b on top table knowing shes nt going and she was fine with it to look after her grandkids (lovely woman that she ia hs nout to do with my 2 but everything with the rest)

And h2b is being penalised and forced into this wedding.. hmm i think not!

His cousins fiance is still nice as pie with me and inviting me to days out with the kids.. baring un mind before all this she never once spoke to me lol!

Im done with them all if they come they come if they dont they dont tbh i doubt they will which means more food(and tsble wine lol) for others :-)

Steph i wud be same i wudbt speak to him either i cnt belive he called u all that and for nothing!

Exactly! If it's not a very child friendly venue as well, then there's more added stress about keeping an eye on them! We're only having Bridal party children, and I think their parents are already worrying about how they will dealing with them in the evening, so it may even be a hindrance to Them to have their own children there!
She probably thinks she can bully you into changing your mind, which is a very selfish trait to have! Defo stick by your guns, especially don't let FMIL get her own way, as she's doing it to be in control, and I'm pretty sure you would have a rough idea of whether or not your own FH, who made the very heavy decision to propose, isn't being pushed into having this wedding! At least after this you only have to see them at future family events if need be! X

I have been to several child free weddings... And it can be more convenient...

But at the end of the day, its your wedding and your budget and if they are not contributing then they have no say...

I think we r going to go along the lines of that too

But ours is ppl who r involved in the wedding can bring theit children.

Ohs cousins fiance is now pregnant again anyway due a mnth before my wedding she probs wudnt come at all now i had a feelin theyd just turn up with him anyway bt now they wont

his other cousins gf has for some reason deleted me off facebook so tbh i cant see any of them coming. Which is a shame no skin of my nose but oh will be upset

Brings the worst out in some ppl!

Thx for replies anyway gave me some backup and a push to stick to it haha :-)