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  1.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Sep 19th 2014
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    we are on a very small budget so have decided other than my 2 and my niece we wont be having kids at the wedding as we get msrried 3.30 its going straight onto evening nighttime do. before kids i always thought kids n weddings dont rly mix as its alot of drunken adults etc as the night goes on and its a time for the parents to let their hair down n enjoy themselves. since having mine i still feel the same if we were invited i wouldnt take mine even if they were also included unless asked to be part of the wedding itself. (im a bit annoyed my mam is determined to keep my 2 there till 12 when we leave they will be 3 and 20mnths)

    we were invited to his cousins and we said we would lesve kids at home(for a few reasons main 1 being his mam hasnt seen them more than once so she wouldnt be able to play doting grandmother infront of every1 and also as explained we want to enjoy ourselves without worrying where the kids r etc)

    his cousin has gone right off on one that we rnt including their son and as every1 else in that house is invited its rly horrible how we have left him out - bare in mind when i first told his cousins fiance about it she said "everything mounts up doesnt it its fine"(their budget is 10k and includes about 50 kids ours is 2k so u see y we cant afford the extra chairs n food etc) "if you changed your mind we would definatly come but if you wont we wont be there we are not leaving him hes part of the family and rikkis family too".. maybe but our daughter is part of the family and not one of his family (even his mother) turned up for her christening so their bloody lucky they r invited to the wedding!! which now i know non will go lol..


    the only exceptions weve made on this is babies (one of my friends is due like 2 mnth before the wedding) best man as his mam is going and his girlsfriends fsmily dont live up here they live a few hours away. h2bs cousin who is comig from america if they can and my friend from bournemouth. id never expect people travelling to leave little kiddies at home for that long!

    id love my friends children there i love them all they are great and good friends for my kids but we cant say yes to them and no to his side

    how do you ignore the guilt trips ppl try on you?? i can now see our wedding being pretty empty if all the replies we get r like that!my bridesmaids daughter is lovely id love hrr there but again its not really fair to say yes bring and she is fine with it just needs to make arrrangements.

    or r we going to have to say yes bring the kids (which means my friend who has 2 troublesom nasty boys will bring them,n nasty as in will bully any others there and have her do nothing about it)

    sorry if that was long n didnt make alot of sence lol this can be an awkward thing to bring up with people cant it?! but id never be upset if someone said to me sorry we arent allowing kids at the wedding(even tho im glued to them 24/7 lol)
  2.  
    • HappyBunny
      CommentAuthorHappyBunny
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 19th 2014
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    It's your wedding hun and your choice. I can understand them being upset. I have two young children myself but if I was invited to a wedding with no children I would try and find a sitter and enjoy a very rare child free night :) would they struggle for a sitter? Xx




  3.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Sep 19th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    As said above, it's your wedding and your choice! If people aren't happy or don't agree with your choices then that's their problem and if they don't come to the wedding then it says a lot more about them than you. I don't have kids so I can't really comment but I do understand why they are upset.. I think I would like to take our children to weddings when we have them as I'm very much a family orientated person and it would be a lovely thing to experience as a family. On the other hand though, I can appreciate that a lot of parents would appreciate the day/night off so they can let their hair down and just enjoy themselves!

    If you have a change of heart and do decide to invite children, maybe you could think about having a little creche of sorts at the wedding so they can all be entertained and kept out of harms way? x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  4.  
    • CommentAuthorMrsRobson2Be
      Posted: Sep 19th 2014
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    We probably wont be inviting children either other than our kids & nephews/nieces, were at 100 guests & if we add these extra children on we'll be at 120. We have also had to cut out a few +1's as we simply dont have the seating. H2B thinks that we should invite them all as were having a buffet with no seating plan, he thinks people will manage to find room, like sit on the window seats (there are 10 big ones) or by sitting on the garden seating which is just off the main hall. I think there's going to be lots of arguments over the guest list lol.
  5.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Sep 19th 2014
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    we have 2 and i wudnt take them unless they were older alot of the kids are under 3/4... theres no probs with sitters as its during factory shut down and school holidays and a friday night (these ppl complaining r the ones who go out leaving their kids every few weeks anyway lol) we r on a very small budget to be able to set anything up for the kids weve made exception for wedding party if needed and like i say out of the area guests i also know his cousin didnt take their son to his mams wedding so i dont know where their attitude comes from she has a huge family who babysit him evry few weeks

    for the kids going we have acticity packs for them sweets etc and il be taking a box of toys aswell to keep them entertained ..

    we are going to put it nicely in invite something like with the exception of the wedding party we request the evening to be adults only so please come and let your hair down and enjoy the day with us (better than that but thats the idea)

    maybe they just dont want to come and r using him as an excuse it seems they can never be honest as i say chrstening wise the day of they dropped us in it every1 in the house had dif excuses for every1 else so was clear none were interested (even the god father was meant to be h2bs uncle)


    but i can honestly say i didnt want to invite them anyway its just the way he kicked off at h2b at work of all places to make him feel guilty and then to say we r being horrible by nt including him..

    its not to hurt or offend any1 its just to keep the budget down and with alot of children its alot of extras we just cant afford (we did try this wasnt first option) and i know kids dont cost alot but when u have to add extra seats and then it will end up extra tables extra food etc lol xx
  6.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Sep 19th 2014
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    mrsrobson our list is also at 100(including us) so yes u add the kids and it all adds up!
    a 2k budget doesnt stretch far at all.
    we arent doing a seating plan but for the "formal" side of things we are having a table plan of say his frends at this end of the room and my grandparents at the other lol (this is my mams idea i said free for all is best for buffet evening but nm)

    ill have to toughen up and just deal with it i think lol! i imagine most will understand bt who knows!
  7.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Sep 19th 2014
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    I'm sure most people will understand and respect your decision. There will always be the odd few that have to be awkward and kick up a fuss - as they say, you can't please everyone so don't even bother trying to! x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  8.  
    • HappyBunny
      CommentAuthorHappyBunny
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 19th 2014
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    It usually the parents that leave their children often that complain about things like this. Their son is probably just their excuse not to come. Which if they don't come is good for you, it will help keep your budget down




  9.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Sep 19th 2014
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    flossie thats so true u cnt please every1 lol theres always some problem with big events like this :-)

    and happybunny i find that all the time lol and yes means money can go on something else lol xx ive told h2b that they wont be receiving an invite now as they have said no so for me theres no point going thru it all again. hes hurt from the christening and now hurt again at this n his words "the people who care will be there, our friends and your family" its a shame his can be so awkward :'(

    thx for replies i needed a bit of a vent haha xx
  10.  
    • HappyBunny
      CommentAuthorHappyBunny
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 19th 2014
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    Its true the people who care will be there :) xx




  11.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Sep 19th 2014
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    You learn a lot about people and who really cares for you when planning a wedding x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  12.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 19th 2014
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    Just think, they are saving you money! :D

    Members signature icon
    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  13.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Sep 20th 2014
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    We had no children at our wedding, and it was great. (Wasn't budget, we just don't like them). It's your day and nothing to do with anyone else why, when or how you do things.
  14.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Sep 20th 2014
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    Lol!

    Well i got the "if we pay can we bring him" so if we say yes we wud then have to agree to others. Theres a select few kids which belong to the ppl involved in the weddin ie bridesmaids best man. N ppl travelling for hours which wud only b 2.

    His mam started last night (we dnt tlk or see each other) and said im penalising h2b over the wedding.. nt sure how as if it was up to me we wud be out the country to get married so in honesty this wedding isnt how i want it its how he wants it. Its his choice about family stuff as i have nothing to do with his family so his choice of his mam not goi g to reception is not dwn to me etc but aparently im at fault

    Its all 1 big headache i wanted to avoid (abroad would have done this nicely lol!)

    X
  15.  
    • HazelM69
      CommentAuthorHazelM69
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Sep 20th 2014
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    Im the same as you....no kids. They won't appreciate the day and its expensive to have them there. Also I think nice night for parents to let lose haha if they come...
  16.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 20th 2014
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    to me kids make a wedding, and we are incredibly lucky with our venue, under 5's are free and under 12s are 1/2 price. and will have about 20+ kids so makes a big difference.
    but we have our daughter and i feel that our wedding is not just for us but for her too, so we have a entertainer, goodie bags , bouncy castle etc for them all.

    I know however that is not for everyone, personally, going to other peoples wedding i would prefer to leave our little lady at home unless requested her be in the wedding party or attend. as can let me hair down not be on edge.

    Members signature icon
    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  17.  
    • SammieB
      CommentAuthorSammieB
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 20th 2014
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    I agree with a lot of people on this...its your day hun if you don't want kids there then that's you choice,if people don't come because they can't bring their children then that's money saved for you or you can put someone back in the mix that you had to 'bump' due to numbers.I've already said that my wedding will have no children,the youngest will be 18 when I get married.its your day and ultimately your paying for it. If they want to come (without children) then great if not then find valued friends who want to share in your special day and have a great time without them.
  18.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 21st 2014
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    A lot of people appreciate the night without the kids. We invited children of full day guests, and the best man chose to leave the baby with family. My second MOH also opted to leave the kids with family, as her husband in the navy was sent abroad and she didn't feel she could do her duties and watch them. We didn't include children of evening guests as we figured most would be in bed anyway by then. However I mentioned to one couple that if childcare was a problem we wouldn't mind the boys coming, and got a very emphatic "they aren't coming". The parents were so excited to have a night out without them.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  19.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Sep 21st 2014
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    Thx for your replies we r sticking to our guns on this 1 the way his mam behaved has made me more determined not to let people ruin it and to not guilt trip us into doing anything!

    We said no to her paying, one child wont cost us any extra but 1 child adds up to the rest. Its not a huge expense to have children there but i dont want it to feel like a kids party rather than a wedding... and to sound quite nasty the oyher msin reason is a friend of mine her 2 boys are out of control as are my h2bs nephews and to save any upset amost guests and children due to these 4 its easier to say no holdren other than wedding parties family. (And this was h2bs idea aswell he said i dont want them there) so it had to turn into all or non (wih exceptions)

    Thankyou so much for your reply :-)

    Like whovianbride i would always leave mine at home if invited to a wedding. Ive yet to go to a weddig with alot of children other than wedding party tbh lolxx
  20.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Sep 21st 2014
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    Your wedding, your choice. People need to respect your decision.

    We had a no children policy apart from immediate family and everyone respected it, in fact, everyone with kids were happy to have a day and night off from their kids and could let their hair down and enjoy a few drinks.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  21.  
    • LindseyW58
      CommentAuthorLindseyW58
      Posted: Sep 21st 2014
     
    We're having a completely child/baby free wedding, everyone we know's kids will be between 1-3 and NONE of them behave, it would be a complete fiasco tbh. We've told everyone no children and it's on the invites as well. Anyone who doesn't want to attend is free not too, but so far we haven't had any complaints with regards to our decision.

    I say do what makes you happy and forget what everyone else thinks, the people who matter will be there and will understand.

    I would however, if it was me, just make sure that every child you have already decided can come to the wedding because they are immediate family and therefore important has a job to do, flower girl, page boy etc... then you can say 'Sorry, it's wedding party only, the only children present will be the one's involved' I find this seems to be the direction a lot of people go with.
  22.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Sep 21st 2014
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    Thanks everyone :-) xx
  23.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Sep 21st 2014
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    We only had 3 under 18's at our wedding: my cousin, who was 13 and his parents were travelling from Bradford; OH's 11 year old cousin who was a bridesmaid; and OH's 16 year old cousin. Everyone else was 18+. We had no issues. Had anyone said anything our response would simply have been 'We can't accommodate children; we understand if you are unable to come' (and we did have guests who had small children ranging from 4 months to 3 years; it was not an issue). So, that would be how I would handle it: you cannot accommodate their children, but you understand if they can't make it. Simple. They have a choice, and if they don't want to attend, that is up to them.

    Whatever you do though don't make/give excuses: if you say it's a space issue, you might get 'OK, well one of us won't come so we can bring x'; if you say it's a cost issue, they may offer to pay; etc. So simply say that you can't accommodate them, end of story; that way they can't try to 'find a solution' for you.
  24.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Sep 21st 2014
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    Thx barbie :-)

    what was your wording for the invite for this?

    I understand fully if people cant go due to children its more of her guilt trip and u cnt pay so we will sort of thing (knowin we have about 8k less budget than them we r on tight budget as in to the penny) to be told its horrible how we didnt include their son. Just not something i would ever do specially to family! Id simply say sorry we cant get a sitter or i dont want to leave them for that long if its no children we will have to miss and big appologies etc. Never make the couple feel guilty about their choice.

    Anyway thanks alot your words have all helped. Noone will ruin our day :-) xx
  25.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Sep 21st 2014
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    W didn't have any wording; we just spoke to everyone in advance in person/over the phone and let them know what the situation was, and then the invitations listed clearly those invited. It also helped that we had menu choices for the day so we had individual RSVP cards; you can do something similar by listing the names on the RSVP card so it's clear who is/isn't invited. We had no issues, and no confusion. Hope that helps :-)
  26.  
    • CommentAuthorPunkpixi3
      Posted: Sep 21st 2014
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    It's your wedding and your choice you can do what ever you want don't make choices to suit everyone else they sure as hell don't think about you when they plan their wedding, people are so quick to tell you youre doing wrong! I only plan on getting married once so I won't do what others want me to do :D I hope you get what you want :) xx
  27.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Sep 22nd 2014
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    We are only having evening/night so its alot less formal of course we will need ppl to say yes or no but we arent having rsvp cards(more exprnse we dont need) invite however will have rsvp on it of course.

    I think most people if the kids names on the addresses envalope as most will be delivered by hand theyll know the kids arent included on the invite. If they dont i imagine they would ask. I have told a few and they understand. I was under the impressions his cousins w2b understood(maybe she did n its just him who knows)

    anyway im done now its not a problem anymore as i will be strong about our wedding plans :-D

    Our wedding afterall not theirs :-)

    Thanks again ladies you have been great at sortin my head in the right track lol xx
  28.  
    • sALLY
      CommentAuthorsALLY
      Posted: Sep 22nd 2014
     
    just make sure you word it properly so your cousin doesnt think they are party of the bridal party and bring the kids anyway. i dont see why they are complaining as most people leave kids at home for the evenings. i am having kids as my family is full of littl kids even my brothers are still young so dont really want to exclude anyone and they will keep my kids entertained :) it is your wedding and you should stick to your decision and not feel guilt tripped.
  29.  
    • CharlotteE98
      CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 23rd 2014
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      edited
     
    We are having my 13 year old half sister and my 2 year old niece who will be bridesmaid and flower girl. My Sister is expecting baby number 2 at the end of December so we'll make an exception, but otherwise no children. I've been to weddings where kids have caused chaos running around during the speeches etc. My sister just had 2 flower girls who were 9 and 2 when she got married and they put a line on the invite to say that due to the nature of the venue no children apart from the flower girls, so you could go along the lines of 'health and safety'. We're going to put a polite note on our invites too. The lady that's doing our invites has emailed some suggestions for wording.

    We've both got big families so if all our cousins brought their children it would be more like a children's party than a wedding!
  30.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Sep 24th 2014
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    Charlotte send me some of the ideas over please? And i feel exactly the same :-) x
  31.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2014
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    I Really don't understand how people can be so upset about the no children issue?! If you were invited to a night out, you wouldn't say no because your children couldn't come! In fact, I went to an engagement party a couple of weeks ago, and we're told that they really, really wanted all of our children to come, as the couple were expecting so she wasn't drinking anyways, BUT, it meant driving ourselves due to having our car seat that's ISOFIX, which meant that in turn we both couldn't really relax and enjoy ourselves as we were running around after DD for about 2 hours, as she was running through people's legs and picking up food off the floor etc! We both only had one drink, and as she was flustering us so much in order for her not to hurt herself or the other little children, we left early to take her home to bed. I really don't think anyone's enjoyment at weddings is significantly reduced because their precious child cannot be there for a party which they absolutely will not remember in a few years time!
    I think people forget that Weddings are not a family reunion, and that they cannot, and should not dictate who They want to be at YOUR wedding, family or not! Xx
  32.  
    • StephHsoon2bBodkin
      CommentAuthorStephHsoon2bBodkin
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2014
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    I know how you feel hun, We don't have the space so we said no children.. This is the best part get ready ' My OH dad called me ' Selfish, pig headed, Rude and Nasty as i have caused a rift between him and his sister ( OH aunty)... All because we are not inviting children... myself and My OH have said ' Our day our way'
    I hate when people dictate who can and cant come the wedding.. I put my foot down and still get stick. This was just over 2 weeks ago and i haven't spoken to that nasty man since....

    We have spoken to his sister who said they are happy to come without children ( would be their grandchildren) and when we asked if a big rift had been caused we were told ' No dont be silly its your big day' So all along FIL was lying! OH doesn't want to speak to him either! xxx

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    Getting Married on the 13th June 2015

  33.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Oct 11th 2014
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    We r stickin to our guns the only kids allowed r children of the wedding party. Ohs mam is not happy means his nephews cant come but its tough i realised after i overheard her on the phone she just wants it her way... she knows shes not coming to reception (may sound harsh but long story to it shes not welcome at all around my kids) and still says she shud b on top table knowing shes nt going and she was fine with it to look after her grandkids (lovely woman that she ia hs nout to do with my 2 but everything with the rest)

    And h2b is being penalised and forced into this wedding.. hmm i think not!

    His cousins fiance is still nice as pie with me and inviting me to days out with the kids.. baring un mind before all this she never once spoke to me lol!

    Im done with them all if they come they come if they dont they dont tbh i doubt they will which means more food(and tsble wine lol) for others :-)

    Steph i wud be same i wudbt speak to him either i cnt belive he called u all that and for nothing!
  34.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Oct 11th 2014
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    And nikki im with u who wud tske their kids to a party which will be known to have plenty adults drinking!
    Im a bit annoyed my bridesmaid has decided to bring her daughter i did say its fine ill stick by that but before i asked her to b bm she was sayin she wud have a babysitter over the road from my venue( her friend lived there) so she wud b close anyway and how she was looking forward to a night off with a good drink.. soon as i asked her to b bm one of the nxt few convos was oh lottie will be fine as my sister and sil will b there(we r all friends) plebty ppl to watch her... but nm i stand by my word :-)
  35.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2014
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    Exactly! If it's not a very child friendly venue as well, then there's more added stress about keeping an eye on them! We're only having Bridal party children, and I think their parents are already worrying about how they will dealing with them in the evening, so it may even be a hindrance to Them to have their own children there!
    She probably thinks she can bully you into changing your mind, which is a very selfish trait to have! Defo stick by your guns, especially don't let FMIL get her own way, as she's doing it to be in control, and I'm pretty sure you would have a rough idea of whether or not your own FH, who made the very heavy decision to propose, isn't being pushed into having this wedding! At least after this you only have to see them at future family events if need be! X
  36.  
    • CharlotteE98
      CommentAuthorCharlotteE98
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 25th 2014
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    Midgetgem we're going for:

    Due to the nature and small size of our wedding venue, I'm afraid we can only accommodate the children of immediate family. We hope you enjoy the day off!

    The lady whose doing our invites sent us a list of suggestions. The lady whose looking after us at our venue said today that they've had issues with people not keeping an eye on their children at some of the weddings they've had there. She was pleasantly surprised that we've only got 3 children there (a 13 year old, a 2 year old and a 4 month old baby). My Niece was there today and she was really good so fingers crossed she'll be ok at the wedding :o)
  37.  
    • NaomiC8
      CommentAuthorNaomiC8
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 26th 2014
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    I have been to several child free weddings... And it can be more convenient...

    But at the end of the day, its your wedding and your budget and if they are not contributing then they have no say...
  38.  
    • Irishbride2be
      CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 26th 2014
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    I'm having a child free wedding- and everyone has been very supportive of our decision except for my future sister in law she is the only one who has caused an issue and still is!!
    xx

    Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
    Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
    Getting married 12 september 2015
    Marrying my forever best friend :-)
  39.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Oct 26th 2014
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    I think we r going to go along the lines of that too

    But ours is ppl who r involved in the wedding can bring theit children.

    Ohs cousins fiance is now pregnant again anyway due a mnth before my wedding she probs wudnt come at all now i had a feelin theyd just turn up with him anyway bt now they wont

    his other cousins gf has for some reason deleted me off facebook so tbh i cant see any of them coming. Which is a shame no skin of my nose but oh will be upset
  40.  
    • Irishbride2be
      CommentAuthorIrishbride2be
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 26th 2014
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    some people can be so selfish especially when they seem to forget its not their wedding day!
    xx

    Met my dream man on Halloween 2012
    Proposed to me in Spain 22nd July 2014
    Getting married 12 september 2015
    Marrying my forever best friend :-)
  41.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Oct 26th 2014
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    Brings the worst out in some ppl!

    Thx for replies anyway gave me some backup and a push to stick to it haha :-)
  42.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 26th 2014
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    I'm have 5 kids max at our wedding.

    Our son his best friend (my best friends girl) and our 3 nephews unless sil decides not to take them (in that case my sons other friend will go if his parents want him to go.

    I was made to feel guilty because some cousins aren't invited all day (caused a big hullabaloo) I don't think it matters what you do with wedding invites people will always moan.

    At the end of the day it's your wedding day and if you don't want kids there then that's your choice, if we didn't have our ds chances are no kids would be at ours either

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
    Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
 
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