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  1.  
    • LauraC1590
      CommentAuthorLauraC1590
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2017
     
    Any advice on staying calm most welcome. My fiancé has a 5 year old boy from a previous relationship. I have always got on well with the boys mother because I think it's important him. We're not best buds and I wouldn't choose to spend my free time with her but it has been friendly none the less. Since she found out we are engaged she has started a hate campaign against me, most recently telling my fiancé I told his son that I don't like his mother! This is absolutely not true! She has told us that we are confusing her son by getting married. We have been living together for 18 months, we have his son every weekend, and we have made sure he understands that to him this is just a big party and that nothing really changes between me and daddy other than we will have the same surname. He loves looking at suits with his dad and looking around the venues. Is anyone in a similar situation that could offer some words of support. She has tried sending catty messages to me which I have ignored as I don't want to get into a fight, but I'm starting to feel like I need to defend myself! I'm so worried she'll purposely book him a holiday on the same date of the wedding for spite. Last weekend we had to pick him up at 9am instead of 12 (because of her plans not ours). My other half stupidly let out that we were going to a wedding fayre that weekend, and so when we arrived to pick him up, no one was answering the door and they were all still in bed fast asleep! Made us late for taking the car to the garage which is no loss but so frustrating. Aaah! Rant over.
  2.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Sounds to me like she's suddenly got jealous that he's marrying you. Was he married to her? Could you possibly meet her for a coffee and talk with her about how she is feeling?

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  3.  
    • LauraC1590
      CommentAuthorLauraC1590
      Posted: Jan 23rd 2017
     
    Hi Glitterfairy. They were together 4 years and engaged. The relationship ended when their boy was one, sadly she met someone else while she was with my other half, had a baby with him shortly after. Apparently that wasn't confusing.
  4.  
    • Tiffany
      CommentAuthorTiffany
      Got married 31 months ago
      Posted: Jan 24th 2017
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I had a similar problem with my OH's 8yr old's mother. She would try saying I was poisoning her son against her. She would dump him on us when she wanted to take her other children out for the day (apparently there was not room for him!) and would always make sure he knew what they where doing that day. She then stopped his dad from seeing him and told him me and daddy didn't want him anymore.
    I ignored it for as long as I could for my OH's and the child's sake but in the end I just couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer.

    She messaged me one night asking me to tell my OH that he was not having his son AGAIN! (we have him 3 nights a week). I totally lost it with her about everything and there was WW3. It soon all came out tho.
    She felt we was rushing everything, I got pregnant 4 months into the relationship. I was told I was infertile and I was on the pill for other reasons, so baby was a huge shock. We then got engaged when baby was 3 months old but only after OH had sat and spoke to his eldest about how he would feel about it. She was worried her son was either going to be pushed to one side or I would try and take her place, which I would never do. I then offered to go for a coffee with her so we could talk face to face and I could reassure her. After a long chat and a lot of reassurance she calmed down and everything went back to normal.

    Months on and we are now friends.

    It may be worth trying to talk to her and asking her if she has any other worries . She may surprise you.
  5.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jan 24th 2017
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Sounds like a huge case of jealousy and that you are getting what she wanted. Wouldn't even surprise me if his son speaks highly of you in front of her and she does not like that either. Is she still with that person?

    I know it sounds hard, but maybe just get on with her stupid games, she will soon tire of them and stop playing them when she realises they are not bothering either of you.

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  6.  
    • LauraC1590
      CommentAuthorLauraC1590
      Posted: Jan 24th 2017
     
    Thanks for your support both.

    She has been on and off with the other guy since cheating on my OH. Since she found out we were engaged he has appeared on the scene again. The coffee thing sounds reasonable but she's so unreasonable I just don't know. I'm not the kind of person that gets involved in bitchiness and arguments so the whole thing makes me really uncomfortable, which is why I let my OH handle her now, but I feel really stuck in the middle. She just has no filter, the day before she found out we were engaged, she sat in my living room telling me when I have kids my OHs little boy still has to come first. I felt so mad as she was being so hypocritical. But I just smiled and nodded. I just feel like I'm being punished for falling in love with my OH. When I met him I didn't think I wanted kids and have never been good with them, now I spend my weekends with a 5 year old and I love it! I just hate this complicated part. I wish she could see all I want is what's best for the little boy.
 
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