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  1.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2015
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Ok so since we started wedding planning me and oh have both said we'd like the dogs to be part of the day. We realise having them involved is now probably not that practical but we would love some photos with them in if we can.

    Trouble is my mum is dead set against the dogs going into kennels for the wedding day and this breaks mine and oh hearts because they're like our children! We've said to mum that we could just book one of the dog friendly rooms downstairs in the reception so we can give them a quick walk after church and hopefully get some quick pictures with them and then give them a longer walk between the day and night reception and I'd just quickly change out of my dress to do this but mums still being really arsey about it saying absolutely not!

    We can't bear the thought of why is meant to be our happiest day with our poor dogs having their worst ever day in kennels when they're part of the family too!

    Mum wants to pay half and half with ohs parents but I can and want to pay so it's not like its her money that is dictating the wedding.

    What's peoples thoughts .. I've tried having a conversation with her and got nowhere ... I don't want an argument but in order for the dogs to even just be in one of the bedrooms and me and oh just popping in to walk them is going to cause one .. I reallly don't know what to do!

    I can't see how we can get married but leave out our dogs completely! I feel it would spoil our day having them nowhere near us and in kennels for a full day because my mind would always be on them.

    Any ideas?

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  2.  
    • LadyC
      CommentAuthorLadyC
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Please don't think me rude Becci, that is absolutely NOT how this is meant to sound... is it your wedding or your Mum's? Obviously your Mum's opinion means a huge amount to you, as it absolutely should, but it sounds to me like she is dictating an awful lot about what you can and can't do for YOUR wedding. Saying you are doing things too early, saying you can't invite people this early, saying you can't have your beloved dogs there... I think at some point you are going to have to tell her as gently as possible that it is your wedding and you will do it your way.

    Members signature icon
    xx Lady Charlotte Chamberlain to be! xx
    xx Marrying my soul mate on 22nd July 2016 xx

  3.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2015
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    They're paying for YOUR wedding therefore it should be you and your oh's decision.

    Having said that, I am going through a similar thing with fmil, so I know how you feel that you want what you want without upsetting anyone. As you have had a conversation with her already, I think you have no choice really but to be firm with her. Maybe Ask her how she would feel if someone else had dictated to her how she should have had her wedding.

    Although I don't have any pets myself (I desperately want a dog!) , they are family too.

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  4.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2015
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    I think it's really difficult. I personally wouldn't want my cats around on the day and have been banished from the room whenever I get my dress out. Not sure how the day will play out but I don't want them to ruin anyone's outfits with hairs and claws. I love them to pieces and they mean the world to me but I don't think it would work them running around on the day.

    I know you say you are happy to walk them but do you want them jumping up your dress. Will you have time to get in and out if your dress a few times a day?

    I don't mean to say exactly what you don't want to. And it is only my opinion. But personally I agree with your mom. You could find a dog sitter though rather than kennels x

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  5.  
    • LadyC
      CommentAuthorLadyC
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    We are putting our 2 in kennels, though we would love to have them at our wedding. They are young Staffies and still very hectic. I dread to think what chaos they would cause if we had them there!

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    xx Lady Charlotte Chamberlain to be! xx
    xx Marrying my soul mate on 22nd July 2016 xx

  6.  
    • JoanneH4
      CommentAuthorJoanneH4
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2015
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    You need to tell your mom that how you feel. It's your wedding and that you and your OH will have it how you want it because otherwise she might take over with the wedding planning which I won't want for you because if someone else plan it and it's not what you and your OH want then you probably won't be able to enjoy it if you get what I'm trying to say
  7.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2015
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    We wouldn't have them out with any guests Emily as we thought of that.

    My dress is pretty quick to get in and out of to take them for walks and oh said he'd be happy to take them alone if I was busy or whatever as I don't want them to damage my dress.

    There's noone really able to dog sit as everyone that could is at the wedding and our dogs are both very human needy and get separation anxiety hence why we don't want to upset them by putting them in kennels.

    The dogs would literally just be in one of the bedrooms for most of the wedding as they would be at home if we were at work with walking breaks .. This way it's less traumatic from them being left with strangers for what I see to be unnecessary and for me I know that my mind would be on the dogs all day so I wouldnt be able to enjoy myself not being able to just pop in and see them every now and then.

    I want to pay mth2b so even if she plays the 'we're paying' card she can't use that as an excuse to be arsey about not wanting the dogs there

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  8.  
    • JulieB11
      CommentAuthorJulieB11
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    It's your day Becci and if you want them there and the venue allows it then I'd say go for it. I'm the same as you, if mine had to go into a kennel it would be on my mind all day that she was unhappy. You said you and OH can pay your half of the wedding so if you mum tries to use that then just thank her for her kind offer of financial help but say you would rather pay yourself so that you can have exactly what you want. Good luck x

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  9.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2015
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    I'm trying to pay for everything myself but both sets of parents are pressuring us to pay for things .. Which is very kind but it's our wedding and I don't want them to feel the need to pay.. It's not really tradition now that parents pay most brides and grooms pay for everything themselves now so whilst we're really lucky in that they want to pay we feel like we're obliged to do everything exactly how they want it. It feels wrong to accept money off my parents when I'm probably better off than them and my ohs parents. Not because I earn more just because I have less outgoings and responsibilities than them.. Plus the fact that I'm a tightar*e that hates spending money because I prefer it in my bank as savings therefore I can't sit back and let them pay when I have the savings to pay!

    Members signature icon
    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  10.  
    • Mrs Jones
      CommentAuthorMrs Jones
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2015
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    It's your day Becci and if having your dogs means it completes your day, do it. Better to do what you want than regret.

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    First Date 26 April 2014
    Proposed 27 June 2015
    Happily Married 18 June 2016
  11.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2015
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Becki, it is your day so if you want the dogs there and your venue allows it then do it. I don't know much about dogs but you mentioned they suffer seperation anxiety so just thought I'd pose the question of would they be more anxious in a room they don't know? You wouldn't want them getting extra upset being in an unfamiliar place.
    You could search for a dog sitter to come and look after them in the room and take them for walks so you can still spend time with them but not have to worry so much. Maybe the person could meet them a few times before the wedding to get to know them too.

    As for parents offering you money to help pay for things, maybe you could accept their kind gesture for something very specific that you have already picked, eg one pays for the flowers and the other pays for the cake. That way they feel involved and have contributed but its on something you know is sorted. X
  12.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 11th 2015
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    Surprisingly unfamiliar rooms don't phase them- not sure how it doesn't! As when we moved house the dogs weren't phased in the slightest so should be fine in the bedroom- don't see why mum is so against the idea of them being in one of the rooms - not like it affects her which is why it's so annoying that she's so against it

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  13.  
     
    It's your wedding day so do what you want. I have been married before and had an awful time with my mum trying to control the wedding and using the fact that my parents were paying 50% to get her own way. I had to fight for what I wanted on many occasions which I found exhausting, but it's the right thing to do. Stand your ground and point out what your wishes are and ask her to respect that, but make it clear that you are not asking for permission to plan your day how you want it to be.

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    Met: 2nd September 2012
    Engaged: 3rd January 2015
    Wedding day: 2nd September 2017
  14.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    If you can make it work then Becci then do it. you seem to have all of my concerns covered so don't see a reason why not :)

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    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  15.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    At the end of the day it's your day and you should have it exactly how you want it, without worrying what other people will think! If you want your dogs there and your venue allows it then unfortunately for you mum she can have no influence over that decision.

    I have to say though, I am sure the dogs wouldn't have the worst day ever if they were in kennels... if you research kennels enough and put them into a good one they will have an absolute ball!! The kennels we are putting Oscar and my auntie's dog into are very good and will do lots of extras for you if you want them, such as play time on a walk, grooming, etc... they will have a great time, it will be like a holiday for them! And like with Oscar and Foz, your dogs will be together so it's not like they will be on their own. Explain to the kennels they have separation anxiety and they should go above and beyond for them to make sure they are happy and comfortable.

    I would love for Oscar to be a part of our day but it's just not practical, and whilst we love him to pieces and he is our baby, it will also be nice just to have ONE day without having to worry about him.

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  16.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    I know that you said you've tried to be firm about it, but she's having none of it, but is there any way that you could sit down with your OH and discuss an exact plan of what moments you want the dogs at your day, and for what bits you want the dogs to be present for, and maybe get a quote from a local dog sitter, plan all of the logistics for the dogs for the day; so that next time you decide to bring it up with your mum you won't just have an idea of what you are thinking of, you will have a precise plan that you can tell her that you've decided on, and say that you and OH want that, so that is the way it will be.
    I don't know why people think they can have such a big say in other people's days. Good luck approaching it with her x
  17.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    We've already done that pretty much nikki and she's still arsey about IT. We said we'd get our dog trainer to take them out on his Saturday dog walk (he'll pick them up from home) then he takes them to play in a big field for 2 hours then we are going to pay him to drop them at the venue in the downstairs room then me and oh and his brother will walk them during the wedding breakfast and evening break - mum wouldn't even see them!

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  18.  
    • Sarah D
      CommentAuthorSarah D
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    Becci you need to do what you want its your wedding and your dogs, you don't want to put them under any stress and rightly so, if it was me and I thought my dog was stressed in a kennel id be worried all day! Our dog is going with his dog walker for our wedding, he will collect him from home then keep him overnight for us, I wouldn't have it any other way Leo loves his walker and gets spoilt rotten with him id never use a kennel personally xx

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    Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016


  19.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    Think you just need to tell them point blank that you have it covered.
    At the end of the day if you and OH are busy his brother is already there ready to go and sort them out so there's a back up plan if you are busy.

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    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
  20.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    I am a big animal lover and know how much pets mean to people but I find it odd that people want then as part of their wedding! I wouldn't mind them at the wedding as long as they didn't go near me- I have pet hair allergy so to me woukd be a nightmare and make me all blotchy and unfirtsble- do you know if any of your guests have pet allergies? Just a thought- similarly it is your day and if you want them part of the day and there are no people with allergies then do it- as you say they will only be there for certain parts of it and as long as the venue is happy having dogs in the rooms then there is no issue.

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  21.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    They won't be out with any of the wedding guests. They'll just be in a bedroom and we are going to go in and walk them

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  22.  
    • NikkiE58
      CommentAuthorNikkiE58
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    Well, as you've already spoken to her and told her your plan and she STILL wants to have a say in it, I personally think that you should do whatever makes you and your OH happy. There's always something that someone is going to get upset about, or say that they 'wouldn't have done that', but that shouldn't mean that they can actually dictate where you want YOUR pets to be on the day! Some people look at dogs as their babies, and would worry about them as much as they would if they were told what to do with their children all day. I don't know what your relationship is like with your mum, as I'm quite outspoken and so is my mum, so we would just have it out with each other and then that would be that, BUT, our parents aren't contributing financially, so I can imagine that you don't want to jeopardise that, so it's a tricky predicament you are in.
    I fully agree that you guys should pay for the room or dog sitter yourselves, so that can't be used against you. But you CAN'T let her get away with this, as she will keep pushing her luck with other things, it's just a thing some of us women can't help but do!

    It's a hard one, but maybe ask your OH if he wouldn't mind taking the blame for this one? Maybe say that OH has put his foot down that he wants the dogs to be there, and if she has anymore problems with it, then to bring it up with him, and he can gently, but forcefully say that he's personally spoken to the venue and all of the arrangements have already been put into place. So she'll just have to keep out of the doggie dorm for the one night! X
  23.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    I really don't get what her issue is then? It's your day, your paying, yes they are contributing but it's their decision to contribute and it's you and ohs special day and choice so I would just say we are doing it with or without your blessing, it's not interfering with her or the running of the day, just sounds odd as to why she has such a bee in her bonnet about it- but then that's family fir you!

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  24.  
    • Becci93
      CommentAuthorBecci93
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 12th 2015
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    That's what I don't get either Michelle - especially when she knows how much the dogs mean to me and my oh. We practically dedicate every weekend to them taking them on huge walks or to the beach or forest .. They're basically our cuddly kids!

    I think I might get oh to take over nikki - my mum just gets arsey with me - think you might be right that if oh just tells her straight then she might listen.

    She'd been arsey with me over my injuries after the car crash and the fact that 6 weeks after the crash the doctor signed me off because of the pain and the fact I had a trapped nerve in my back causing my limbs to go numb and she was awful to me basically telling me I'd be sacked etc etc! I tried to explain to her and she even saw for herself the fact that the tiniest bit too much would mean I couldn't walk and she still kept on pushing. Oh got sick of it in the end because he knows how badly it's affected me and he just told her she needed to stop because I was making myself Ill by trying to continue to work .. She backed off after that so it should hopefully work with the dogs too! I just don't want her to hold a grudge and be arsey on the day - can just see her rolling her eyes !

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    Met 23rd September 2009
    Engaged 10th March 2015
    Became Mrs Butler 24th September 2016
  25.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 13th 2015
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    I think you may need to start putting your foot down with her Becci which might deter her from acting in the same way about other wedding-y things. She needs to realise that whilst you appreciate her support with planning the wedding, ultimately it's not her decision about what you do on YOUR wedding day xx

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  26.  
    • KerryBolderson2be
      CommentAuthorKerryBolderson2be
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 13th 2015
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    this is one of the reasons why we have decided on a private wedding just me and my oh, no fuss from the relatives on the day making a big deal out of things because they want it that way.. we are going to have a party when we get back but have our wedding private and peaceful just the 2 of us :)

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    Mrs Bolderson2be
    Met 31st July 2012
    Engaged 31st July 2013
    Becoming Mrs Bolderson 14th February 2018
 
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