So I've had a problem with one bridesmaid for as long as I can remember last year I was going to ask her to step down and my moh said don't be harsh and stick with it for now, ! It's been the only thing I have had stress over when planning my wedding! So she's not interested at all, I never hear from her, there has been lots going on and I think friends she had who aren't my friends are influencing her actions, so to cut a long story short I'm a childminder and in January met the childminder she used, she was in the process of changing childcare provider but I didn't see that me talking to her daughter and the childminder she was with an issue, so anyways Lyn explained to my bm that she met me and offered to give me some books on sign language for kids, my bm then said oh better watch her she's needy!
i am sorry for taking a while to get to the point there, but how rude and would you really say that about a friend of yours to a complete stranger? I have since got to know Lyn and we see each other weekly and today we were discussing my wedding and how things were going, I explained to her I had an issue with bm and chatted with her last year about lack of interest etc, so I told her it was worse than before and she told me to do what makes me happy and if that means not having her then to do what I felt was best, but she then told me about this comment that bm made back in January and she didn't want me to make a mistake esp when my supposed friend was talking about me like this before. Now she knows me better she decided it was best to say as I am very stressed with her actions. It's only thing I am stressing about with wedding planning!
So now that big question how do I word this to bm as I have decided that she no longer deserves to be bm and I will be asking her to step down, I now wish I had done this past year xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorMichelleC961
What you have to consider is if you say to this so called friend bm, that she is no longer bm, will that be the end of your friendship? Sounds to be ,I've she is very two faced and if she's the one causing you stress, just be open with her and say at first you wanted her to be bm, but as the year has gone on you do not feel like she has been much of a friend or bm and think that it's probably better hat she is no longer bm- hope,you sort it- not long really until your big day so want as less stress as possible
CommentAuthorSarah D
I feel like there is no friendship left as I never hear from her, I message her and get no reply you don't do that to your friends!
I think I've had enough time to grieve the loss of our friendship as I've had so much thrown in my face xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorLauraH813
edited
If she was a good friend to you then there would be no way on earth she would say that about you. It sounds like she considers you to be more of a burden than a friend if she has branded you "needy". If you are ready to see the back of what's left of your friendship then I would text her and simply say that due to her apparent lack of interest that she can't possibly be your MOH. Tell her you are disappointed to have to come this decision but it's something you feel you have to do. From the sounds of it she probably won't even acknowledge you. I wouldn't bother telling her you know what she said about you. Might cause her to start a slanging match and you don't need that. Besides I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of thinking you care.
CommentAuthorSarah D
Laura she was going to bm not moh, but I have drafted a text I am going to send and I've not mentioned what I have heard! I just feel so upset that she can do this I'm always there for her no matter what but she's just given up on me xx
Explain how you have tried to include her in the wedding planning process but her lack of interest and contact has led you to the decision that she cannot be your BM
Hope you are ok x
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorFlossie
Did you send the text Sarah - how did it go? To be honest it sounds like she shouldn't be surprised by it, she must realise that she doesn't deserve to be your bridesmaid and that she has been a cr@p friend xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorNicolaB7220
Sorry to hear you've had such a rubbish time with her Sarah - sounds like she does not deserve to be your bridesmaid as it should be seen as an honour and a privilege - I think you're doing the right thing. Did you send the message/get a response?
CommentAuthorSarah D
So I sent a message this morning and the reply I got confirms I made the right choice! Will add the text on xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorSarah D
My text -
Hey I have something l need to get off my chest and I really can't think of an easy way to say this, I feel as our friendship has fizzled out and over the last year we have majorly grown apart. I really hoped this would change but it just isn't and I just need to say this, I don't want you to think I'm being nasty or falling out with you I'm too old for playground drama and arguing, i just need to say it, I think for our wedding you should attend as a guest only as I feel like you really don't want to be a bridesmaid, you haven't shown interest in anything wedding recently and the hen do deposit is still outstanding, I need to make this less stressful for me as I'm always worrying you don't want to be involved and I don't need that stress, but I also don't want you stressing over doing something you really don't want too do and to be honest I've been loosing sleep over this worry, I must say this is the only part of planning our wedding that I'm not enjoying and I don't want to feel like this anymore xxx
Her reply - I understand. I've had a hellish few months and I've not wanted to say anything as you should be enjoying the build up not burdened with my stuff. As for the deposit it's just slipped my mind. Good luck with everything xxxx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorSarah D
Now I find that a total cop out as I'm there for my friends no matter what my situation and her last words basically say have a nice life and end of friendship! I was really shocked by her response xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorNicolaB7220
Well, looks like you definitely did the right thing and it's one less thing for your to worry about now and you can enjoy the wedding planning process the way you should. Hopefully you will still have a friendship together, just might be slightly different now x x
CommentAuthorSarah D
Yeah couldn't agree more defo a weight off and i know I've made the right choice xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorFlossie
It says it all that your text was so long and hers so short - is that seriously all she had to say on the matter after you'd just spilled your heart to her?! An apology would have been nice too... xx
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorSarah D
I said the same to my sis flossie, if I knew I made someone feel like that I'd be apologising and explaining myself defo feels like an excuse and an easy way out for her xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorEmily17
Gosh, her reply is shocking. You definitely made the right decision. Do you feel better now for it xx
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorSarah D
Emily I can't tell you how much better I feel xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorSarah D
My reply to that and then another shocking response from her
Th
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Xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorEmily17
Gosh! Sounds like she is using it as an excuse to get away from it. As if she has been looking for a get out clause already!
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorSarah D
That's what I feel too Emily xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorEmily17
Good riddance !
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorFlossie
It seems very bizarre. It's like she's saying all the right things to make it about you for example saying your day will be fantastic and wishing you luck etc but then it also feels like she's just turning it back on herself trying to get attention and play the "woe is me" card....
Happily married
18th June 2016
xx
CommentAuthorLauraH813
I think she is definitely playing the martyr. She really actually wants your attention despite saying she doesn't. Playing mind games and basically it's you that will end up feeling guilty and like a crap friend if you're not careful because you have a conscience. She's trying to turn the tables to avoid apologising for being a rubbish friend to you. I'd leave it. Bet she will be in touch when she realises you're not going to bite.
CommentAuthorSarah D
Yeah I'm really shocked I haven't replied and I don't plan too I don't know what to say! Xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorEmily17
Do you think she will come as a guest even?
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorSarah D
I feel like she's totally just blanked that too as I would of had her as a guest but now I don't think I'll bother xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorEmily17
That was the impression I had if I'm honest which is why I asked. It is such a shame for an old friendship to end like this but you did try to hold on to it but she just threw it back :(
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorSarah D
Yeah it's sad but I tried xx
Became Mrs Duthie 7th October 2016
CommentAuthorLouiseyweesey
edited
You've definitely done the right thing. I had a similar situation. The 'woe is me' stuff and she said can she do my guest book, I said yes, she said can she still come round in the morning, well to that I said no and she hasn't said a single word to me since. It felt like she wanted the title and importance of being a bridesmaid/ being in all the photos etc but didn't want to get involved in anything else, always sent me massive long essays about how bad her life is and all her problems and why she couldn't come to various appointments. For the hen do she'd sent my MOH a MASSIVE 'woe is me' message saying why she couldn't come to all of it and how she couldn't stay in the same hotel as everyone else because of all these problems she has etc. My hen do is a month away and even know I don't know what we're doing, I know she's meant to be coming to one day of it. I don't expect that she'll come at all tbh. Upsetting as it might be you have to think of your day and your sanity in the run up to the wedding! xxxx
CommentAuthorSarah D
Louise that sounds very similar! I just didn't want dress fitting apps missed or problems on the hen do either and after those replies she no longer has an invite as that answer to me is telling me she's just not bothered! And had never been so she doesn't deserve to be in any part of my day xx
