Haven't been around much lately as I've been really busy - Babysitting 2 year old twin boys took up a lot of time!
Been having real problems with my parents... Although they say they are happy for me marrying a woman behind my back I have just found out from my grandmother that they think I am a failure, a disappointment, going to screw up again (in their eyes I screw up a lot), I have run to my fiancee because I feel more comforted with a woman after I had a crappy time with a guy last year, they aren't showing any excitement let alone even acknowledge our engagement not bother contributing a penny to our big day because they don't think we will last. They believe that it's a flop in the pan and that by not bothering to ask about the wedding, ask to see our rings etc that it will just fizzle out and I will move on to my next relationship..... I've just found this out from my grandma this evening over the phone as they told her this last Thursday, I knew that they were struggling but I am absolutely heartbroken to hear this :'( I thought that even though they are struggling that they would at least TRY to act pleased for me but there is nothing..... I came downstairs to tell my in-laws what happened and they couldn't be more different. They are comforting, loving and couldn't be more supportive to the pair of us and once we told them what happened, they have said that between us and their family they are going to help us raise the entire sum (which is around £6,000 at most as we have cut costs a lot) which was so lovely of them because as they said; we've been practical, done our research, looked into things and done things that will make it cheaper in the long run as we will be graduates. Plus, between the various family members.. The most anyone will have to fork out is about £1,000 at most which although to us is a lot, but to them is just their way of helping which is truly lovely. I also feel like I don't want my parents at the wedding now because I know that they won't be happy and will be thinking that I'm making a mistake but they are my parents and although I want them there, I don't want them to look sour faced all day.. I'd prefer my godfather to walk me down the aisle because I know that he is truly happy for us..... I feel like I'm in hell and I've only just stopped crying long enough to write this. I'm so upset with them :'( it's also the fact that they are doing this behind our backs because to our faces they are saying they are fine with us and as long as I'm happy then so are they, they clearly aren't. I've tried talking to them, writing to them but nothing works. I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do, I don't want another family feud and I hate arguments... :'( please help......
Married my wife on 15.08.15
Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)
CommentAuthorFernP61
Aw Hun I feel for you no matter what sex you marry their your parents they should support and guide you! Maybe their not taking you two seriously you have 35 months until the wedding to prove to them I can understand their hurt every parent has pride and maybe their worrying about what other people will think? This doesn't matter as the most important thing is your happy do they should be, maybe give them some space and let them come to you? The great thing is you have your in laws support so that's good they will come around xx
CommentAuthorCatherineR
Thank you, we've had this for months now though and they aren't coping or dealing with it any differently to when we told them. They are in denial but I'm at the end of my tether as to what to do. I've been in tears all evening and I've had enough now :'( thank god for my in-laws that's all I can say. I'm not a bad person and I have been dealt some horrible cards in my time but I've battled through and I've come out the other side with my wonderful fiancee yet they can't see how happy I am! xxx
Married my wife on 15.08.15
Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)
CommentAuthorMrsThomson2B
This sucks so much for you. I wish your parents could be more supportive. This may not be an ideal option but it may be one worth thinking about. Consider have your legal wedding a few days before and the make the wedding day you are planning a blessing style ceremony. This way you can be married if you like in front of the people you know are really happy for you without having your parents there and then have them at the blessing. It may upset them not being at you actual ceremony but this way you know that the people who are witnessing your commitment to eachother are genuinly happy for you. What ever you do thre is plenty of time to make the right decision for you both xx
CommentAuthorStephHsoon2bBodkin
Oh sweet, How awful :( the main thing is there are people who care and love you, Your parents should be more supportive, however it sounds like you have some cracking in-laws. Play it by ear. Don't talk to them about the wedding. carry on as if they haven't upset you. Keep smiling and don't let anyone get you down. As soon as they realise how in love you both are then they should come around.. I wish you both the best in your future together xxxx
Found the man of my dreams
Getting Married on the 13th June 2015
It sounds like your parents are in serious denial. The best thing you can do at this point is live your life and be happy. It's nice when parents can be supportive but it isn't always that way. Maybe in time things will improve, maybe not. It sounds like there are a lot of people in your lives that do support you, and that's the most important thing.
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
It's not a good situation to be in but to be totally honest it sounds like your parents are seriously struggling to handle your engagement/ relationship... The best thing you could do is leave them to come to terms with everything or even write them a letter explaining everything... They should be adult enough to tell you themselves how they feel but maybe they don't feel able...
You're happy and have support around you and people who love and respect you for your life choices... Love them back and treasure them
Xxx
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
edited
now i would ask a couple of things here ...
why did your grandmother tell you these things if she knew they would upset you?
have you confronted your parents with your grandmother there ( i know this is hard but how do you KNOW that this is what has been said.)
Aw hun. This is awful. I think maybe just try again to sit them down and talk about explain how they've made you feel xxx
29/09/2008 - The Day we met
12/11/2008 - When we decided to be more than friends
04/11/2012 - A proposal in Central Park NYC
08/11/2014 - The day we say I do!
CommentAuthorBeckyU98
thats awful im sorry to hear that. perhaps you should just leave them alone for a while and enjoy planning your wedding and im sure they will come to you once they have got over themselves. i do have to say tho the fact that they didnt say it to your face shows that they dont want to upset you. In my opinion it would be much worse to hear those things from them directly. sounds like you have plenty of time for them to come round. enjoy being engaged and getting ready for the wedding. im sure they will come round - you have nothing to prove to them so dont let it show that its bothered you. they would have to be pretty awful parents not to be at your wedding and i think in the long run you would regret not having them there on your special day. Sounds like you have some great in-laws tho and thats really good that you get on with them x
CommentAuthorMrsRusty2B
Oh sweetie, I just want to hug you now! That's horrible that they felt the need to say those kinds of things behind your back rather than being honest with you about how they feel. At least you have your in-law's support - I know it's not the same but it means you do have people who support you. If I were you, I'd avoid bringing up the wedding and so on and just get on with planning it anyway. *hugs* Much love to both of you and please don't let them ruin this for you!
