Hi all, i had wondered when I would have my first rant and here it is.
A few weeks ago I mentioned that my mum had phoned me up one night whilst I was cooking saying she had found out that I was going bridesmaid dress shopping on 12th July and that I had booked it for a day that she works. I had said to her that I don't realise she wanted to come to which she said I had asked her before and she gave me dates she couldn't do - well I have no recollection of this conversation and no dates and I have a great memory. I then pointed out that i needed to make sure the bridesmaids could come and this was the best date for them. she moaned she wouldn't see the dresses and I pointed out she had when I tried on mine and could come to the fitting. I tried to explain this to her but she insisted we had and that I had forgotten. I then said sorry to try and move things on as I was making dinner and she went off on one stating you forgetting me already to which I said mum I don't have time for that and that was the end of our conversation. To cut a long story short that was 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard from her since!
Since getting back from our holiday on Saturday I had a call from my dad asking how we were and he did not mention anything about my mum. When I asked where she was he said she had gone out to get dinner. I thought it was strange he phoned when she wasn't there and guessed she was still grumpy. Then Sunday night I get a text from my moh (who currently lives with my parents) asking if she could come separately so that she can bring my mum straight from work and be late for the appointment as my mum was still not happy and in a mood. She said she feels I don't want her involved, which is rubbish I have tried to involve them as much as possible.
I only text my moh back today as I was pretty annoyed and upset that my mum is still going on and not talking to me. I pointed out that my parents are ruining it for me with their digs, attitude and constant guilt trips. My brother got married last November in Florida and we all had to pay to go and be didn't get all of this from them so why do I?!
Then it turns out we have no-one to look after my niece (MOHs daughter) as my mum has told my dad to go down my brothers to do some work knowing full well that he was needed to have her - I was in tears at work about that today as it was obviously done on purpose!
It also turns out my mum told my dad to phone me whilst she was out the other day, very strange.
Sorry ladies I probably haven't put much background info on her to why this p***s me off so much (family dynamic) but I'm sneaking on at work to help calm me done but will explain more later when I can.
... And breath! Xxx
CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
Aw hun from what you have typed I can understand why your frustrated :( Just take a breather :) Are you able to arrange a catch up with just your mum so you can talk to her ? x
Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
Friends became soul mates :)
Engaged 6th July 2013
<3 <3 Married my best friend 11/7/2015 <3 <3
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
Can you take your niece with you? It might be best at this point to let your MOH come later with your mum, as long as that's ok with the shop. Are your Dad and your MOH on your side, her's or in the middle?
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorVelcro
id have a word with dad and tell him that was promised before work at the brothers, which im sure can be done anytime.
how very childish and selfish of the people that are supposed to be the grown ups!
I'd of blown up at that point.
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
I agree with Velcro, have a word with your Dad and see if he can move the day for doing stuff with your brother as this was all pre-arranged.
I know it's tempting to just give in to keep the peace but this is very childish when your Mum is suppose to be a mature adult and she seems to be throwing her toys out the pram and putting your Dad in the middle.
If it were me I would have told her to grow up and act like a Mum not an infant.
Met in Nov 2005
Engaged 13th June 2013
Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
I also agree with all the above - but i also think theres something a little bit more going on too for her to get like this over something which sounds so small (compared to everything else going on)
See if you can get some 1-on-1 time with your mum to talk things through xx
Met 2013
Propsed 2014
Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
always & forever xxx
CommentAuthorclairenina
Is your Mum paying for all of this? Is this why she is behaving like this? If she is, then I think it's fair she has some level of involvement, but if she isn't she should grow up, and not stress you out.
CommentAuthorErinV
Thanks for all the responses ladies, just got in from the gym and feeling a lot better.
Just to give some background info I am the youngest of three and the only girl. 2 yrs ago me and h2b bought our house in a town 45mins from my parents house and this has since been a bone of contention. My brothers both lived 5-10mins drown the road and apparently as I'm the only girl I should live the closest?! My mum is quite irrational and can jump to strange conclusions. When I told her where our house was she cried I'll never see my grandchildren! (This may be the time to say I have no children and none on the way). Then when we got engaged he kept telling me and h2b how he wanted us to get married out his local church (where they got married). We looked at the church but didn't like it and couldn't find a venue we liked local to them so we are getting married in our parish church with our venue 15mins from our house - that didn't go down well and my dad voiced his disappointment in front of everyone about how his dream wasn't going to come true. Then one day they said they were looking at wedding invitations and I said but we're making them, they then said but their suppose to come from us and we deal with the RSVPs its tradition - this I didn't know and explained the difference in generations to how weddings go these days which they accepted.
I wish I could talk to my mum rationally about how she has made me feel but it won't work, she'll turn things round on me and won't left me explain - she's not easy to talk to.
With regards to my dad I'm not sure he knows everything about what's going on - moh says he wasn't there the night she phoned to have a go and that she hasn't spoken about her problem to my dad only moh. I am thinking about sending him an email explaining how they've made me feel - I don't want to ring as my mum will be there and kick off. What do u think?
My niece is 3 so would be easier not to have her and my other bm is my other sil and she's leaving her daughter at home - don't want to offend her. Hopefully my dad will take her with him to my brothers. My brother (middle child) is very self centered and selfish and kicks off on a regular basis - unfortunately my patents always give in to him so getting him to refuse will be a no go area.
Clairenina - they have offered to pay 1/3, in laws 1/3 and us 1/3.
Apart of me thinks fine let her come and moh pick her up from work and arrive late but the other part of me thinks I shouldn't give in so easily otherwise it will keep happening and prob get worse.
Unfortunately I do tend to get pushed aside at times as brother is so attention seeking and I just feel like its about time people put me first for a change and care about my feelings. Me and h2b have been together 9 years and they know I've been waiting for this for the last few years - I feel its my turn. Hope that makes sense and doesn't sound too silly!
Gosh another long post - sorry ladies, well done if you made it x
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
It doesn't make sense, I couldn't put up with this childishness if it was my mum... Surely the bridesmaid dress shopping is about a bonding experience between you and your bridesmaids, not you, your bridesmaids and your mum... Ultimately it's your choice what they wear so she doesn't need to be there. My mum hadn't seen my bridesmaid dresses and won't do so until the wedding day, it's nice for ppl to have some surprises. I'm a bit p'd off for you as she's playing some games that are a bit spiteful and deceiving, really spit your dummy out type behaviour hoping you'll cave in and change the appointment I think .... Well I think DEFINITELY don't pander to it xx
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorVelcro
i couldnt put up with it either, i would have kicked off a long time ago and given the lot of a few home truths. they continue to walk all over you because you let them get away with it by the sounds of it. Sendignyour dad an email might be a good idea.
I agree with kelbel, she is just being spiteful, you need to put your foot down - you know why she is doing this, you need to TELL your dad that he agreed to have the kid first and that if he cant rearrange with your bro, then he takes her as its unfair on you. why should you be the one that always has to take the crap because its easier to just deal with it than take the grief.
Id be telling my brother to f**k off as well, if he started.
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
Really feel for you hon. Despicable that you're own parents should be treating you like this on what is meant to be the happiest time of your life and if anything they are making it more stressful. If you explain to your mum that in her coming to the bridesmaid dress fitting she will be making your MOH late and therefore likely to feel excluded from something that is suppose to be fun for her. Definitely send an email to your dad as well expressing how all this is making you feel. Hopefully it might shock them into realising what they're doing.
Met in Nov 2005
Engaged 13th June 2013
Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
CommentAuthorErinV
Well spoke to h2b about it and he said to ring my dad rather than email as it might not come across well so I've just been on the phone with him for the last hour. Turns out he knew nothing about my mums rant at me about the bridesmaid appt and that she hasn't been talking to me. He said normally is she's unhappy she complains to him and she hasn't so he was a bit shocked. I explained the whole situation to him and that I was very upset and was quite tearful. He said he would happily have my niece, he wasn't aware he was needed and if he is at my brothers he will take her with him so that's sorted. Told him this was ruining the experience for me and was taking the joy out of it. He explained with my brothers they couldn't get involved to much and that they wasn't to be involved in everything - we agreed to communicate everything and discuss anything as it came up. He was really apologetic that I was feeling the way I do and said that he wants me to be happy and enjoy everything. He really understood it all and said that in the next year my wedding will come first with them and they will help me as much as I can. Made me feel so much better and I was totally honest about my worries and feelings.
He is going to have a chat with mum later privately and explain how much she had upset me and how it made me feel so will see what happens next. He wasn't sure if he or my mum would get back to me tonight (due to live-in family and football - he missed the first 5 goals talking to me oops!)
Thanks for your support and replies, nice to know I'm not alone or overacting. Feel so much better now.
Oh Velcro I'm the only one in my family who tells my brother how it is so don't worry I tell him to f*** off on a regular basis when I see him. Lost my patience over a year ago with him and don't let him push me around anymore. Explains why he doesn't contact or see me much ☺
CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
I am so glad to hear that you're dad has really listened to you. I can understand where he is coming from that they want to be involved in everything because they couldn't be all that involved in your brothers. The fact he missed football for you does speak volumes (I have come to understand that football to some people is a huge deal and requires serious attention - me, nah, not my thing and never been something OH is interested in either)
Hopefully your mum will listen to your dad and be more understanding. *fingers and toes (ow) crossed*
Met in Nov 2005
Engaged 13th June 2013
Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
Glad you spoke to your dad as I agree it better than email as sometimes things read are taken a completely different way than intended . Hope something gets resolved after your dad talks to your mum x
Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
Friends became soul mates :)
Engaged 6th July 2013
<3 <3 Married my best friend 11/7/2015 <3 <3
CommentAuthorErinV
edited
Victoria - h2b came in as we were finishing and said it was 5-0 at 25mins so I told my dad (he had closed himself upstairs so we could talk privately) and he said see what I miss for you, lol!
Its all crossed to see how my mum reacts, my dad did say to me 'you know how she dawn be you know how she can be, sometimes I can't get sense out of her about things' but he knows what he's up against.
CommentAuthorVelcro
hahaha that last bit about your bro made me laugh, glad you keep him in check ;)
Im so pleased your chat with your dad went well and that he understood, hopefully his perspective will make your mum see sense, at least its just her and not both of them on your case, let us know how you get on!
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorKayleighS46
Aw glad you managed to get things sorted at least with your dad :) my mum tends to want to also be involved with everything which has led to some heated discussions between myself and H2B about attending wedding fayres, to telling me people that just 'have' to be at the wedding, all in all i feel your pain she was also not involved with any of sisters weddings - 1 sister 2 weddings! lol - let us know how it goes :) xxx
Met 2013
Propsed 2014
Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
always & forever xxx
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
I'm so glad your dad is supportive. Being the youngest can mean that you get pushed around a bit, and you're expected to do what your brothers did. It does sound that your parents had a particular idea in their head, particularly your mum, and they're finding it hard to get their heads around something different happening.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorWhovianbride
Seems like your patents are quite traditional in that fact of the brides patents help plan/part for the wedding and that's why your brothers did not have to deal with so much. Glad you're dad's being supportive, let us know how you/your dad gets on.
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorErinV
Lana - my parents are traditional when they choose to be and not always which doesn't help. My dad says with my brothers because it was an abroad package it was all done for them so they could only get involved in a few things, which I understand just don't want them over doing it on mine!
Update: got a text from my mum saying I love u on Wednesday night, I replied back but didn't hear anymore so I guessed that was I don't hate you text but I'm still annoyed. I thought I would wait another day or so and see what happened. My dad phoned yesterday saying I was right and that she was annoyed and upset over it thinking I didn't want her involved. He got it through to her that it wasn't done on purpose and that she had really upset me and was ruining it for me. She said she doesn't want to ruin my wedding and that she wants me to be happy. She still was a bit irrational saying that she was more upset, but that's my mum. After a while I then spoke with her on the phone and she was fine, no apology but I didn't either - just normal chit chat. I then decided to let her come so that she can be involved in the dress shopping and that they could come straight from work with moh. She was then well its OK, I can always just meet you for lunch and the afternoon. I then told her it was fine and that dad was having my niece, which she said thank you and that if there were any problems she would stay at home.
I've said to my dad that we all need to communicate more and that if this happens again I will not be the one giving in and that it will be equal (she got her way so I get mine), but hopefully we won't get into this situation again.
Thanks for all your advice - its nice to know people think like I do and for all your support. I know where to come if any other problems arise! Xx
CommentAuthorErinV
So yesterday went really well. Both my BMs loved the same dress at their morning appointment so we ordered them - extra bonus as I bought my wedding dress there I got 10% discount off them! We all then went into town and some lunch before looking around a load of shops. My mum then found a dress for her for the day. She had seen it before in JL and when she went back she couldn't find ity, but we found it in the sale and there was only 1 left and in her size! Then whilst we were in debenh@ms we found a matching bag for BMS and mum, bridesmaid shoes so must of their outfits are complete. I found the cutest flower girl dresses in both their ages and bought those - again it was 20% off so saved some more money on them.
Had a really good productive day yesterday was out shopping from 10-4 couldn't believe how much we got done!
CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
Glad it all got sorted out for you and you had a wonderful time. It is great when all the BMs agree on the same dress. I was lucky as well with this so makes my job easier :D
Met in Nov 2005
Engaged 13th June 2013
Becomes Mrs Stewart on 10th Aug 2015 Honeymoon in Florida!
My Diary Thread: My Alice in Wonderland Wedding Diary
CommentAuthorVelcro
ooh sounds like all is well again, for the most part, glad you had a good shopping day too :)
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
Glad everything's on good terms again, not great being stressed when it's family xx
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
CommentAuthorErinV
Thanks, I'm just glad we got the bm dresses sorted and then some. It has been a very productive weekend for wedding things.
