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    • FayeJ67
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 3rd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
    How do I tell her no!

    My future mother in law is lovely, I realy get on well with her but she has gotten a little bit over excited at the prospect of a wedding (her own daughter is definitely not going to get married ever) and keeps buying and makeing things for the wedding (decor, flower arrrangements, quizzes etc) some things are lovely but the majority are not to my taste or not in keeping with the event I want.

    So far i've manage to head her off a bit, the Quizzes and word searches she designed as a mini competition (for adults) in the evening do (no way on earth I want this) have been added to the childrens activity packs (excuse given is that there would not be time), the wine glasses she bought (Mr & Mrs ones) are lovely so will be going on the top table. Today she text me to say she has bought tons of silk flowers, made a load of flower arrangements and a silk flower arch for the wedding, I'm realy not all too keen on the idea of a flower arch at all and had a fairly set idea of the flowers I wanted. She is also going a bit mad on the amounts of stuff, I'm starting to get anxious that it will just end up looking like an explosion in a flower shop.

    I really don't want to offend or upset her and she is not being pushy but I just don't know how to say that I dont like them/they are not what I wanted or that it is all just too much.


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    • StephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 3rd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
    I would just thank her politely for the offer but just tell her the truth. If you put it nicely she shouldnt get upset.

    Or you could just "forget" to drop things off at the reception. Lol.

    Id just tell her the truth personallt and i know its hard but its your weddibg at the end of the day. Xxx

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    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
    • Emily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 3rd 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
    I think you need to talk to her and say thank you for all the ehlp but that you are really looking forward to planning and making the things yourself.
    You can maybe include her in the making sessions but make sure it is you doing the buying and telling her how you want them but that way she is still involved xx

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    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
    • CommentAuthorLoz K
      Posted: Jun 3rd 2016
    Can OH have a word with her and say that you've both made arrangements for flowers etc, although you appreciate her help? I'd just keep it simple and say that you've had an idea on flowers etc for some time and so you'd like to go with that.
    • StephH96
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jun 3rd 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
    Why is she making a flower arch without consulting you at all? I would be so annoyed especially if I didn't want one.
    I think you need to be straight with her, maybe let her know you have already spoken with someone for quotes (not sure where you are up to with this), or you could get your OH to have a word. Hopefully that will soften any blow and she won't kick off, as I'm sure you don't need any more stress x
    • Glitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jun 4th 2016
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    If she's doing this without consulting you, then she will be out of pocket. have you seen the flowers? You might like them or y might be able to incorporate them somewhere else like you've done with other stuff. If not just kindly tell her they are not what you had in mind for your wedding, but you are grateful for her kind thoughts, and to ask her to talk to you first before going ahead with things as you don't want her to waste her time with something you might not use,

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    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012

    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 4th 2016
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    I think the best way to approach this is to maybe get her to do something that you do like, rather than telling her to not do anything. That way she still feels involved and you get to have someone to share the workload with.

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    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
    • LauraH813
      Posted: Jun 4th 2016
    Why on earth do people, despite the best intentions, think it's ok to push their ideas onto someone else's wedding? This is essentially what she's doing by not consulting you. Strange! I would just say "oh wow thank you but I really didn't want a flower arch ect. I wish you'd asked me first before you spent your money and went to all this effort." Basically make her feel that you appreciate her efforts while making it dammed clear it's not got a place at your wedding. Then as someone else mentioned give her something to do that you do want while making it clear she must run everything by you in future.
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