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Wedding Forum - Meeting the Vicar, HELP?...

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  1.  
    • Ellie95
      CommentAuthorEllie95
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Mar 8th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hiii everyone,

    I'm meeting the vicar of the church I like next week, but I have no idea what I'm going to say,

    well you see I'm not a church goer, I am christened but I'm never been to a Sunday service, I will start going in a week or so to get on the good side (I've heard it helps)

    But I'm terrified that he won't agree to it because we're not strong Christians

    Help please? xoxo

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    Met May 2013
    Engaged December 2015
    Getting Married 22nd June 2018! <3
  2.  
    • SophieM401
      CommentAuthorSophieM401
      Posted: Mar 8th 2016
     
    I have put a post on earlier if that helps you we have our meeting next week and very nervous not entirely sure why lol!! As it's not an interview or to catch you out I have spoken a bit with our minister and he basically says he just wants to know we both know what we are doing once that bit is over I think I will start to relax a bit more!! Good luck let me know how you get on! Xxx
  3.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 9th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Most clergy are very welcoming, and will be delighted to do your wedding. The main thing is that you meet all of the legal requirements, as you would if you were looking at a civil ceremony. You'll need to have a qualifying connection to the church, usually that's by living in the right area but there are other ways. Regular attendance is one, a family link is another. If it's Catholic you or your fiancé would need to be Catholic, otherwise it doesn't really matter. You need to be ok with a religious ceremony, which includes prayers, hymns and at least one bible reading. The vicar will be able to suggest hymns and readings. Don't worry, clergy don't often refuse to marry people. An Anglican vicar can only refuse if the marriage isn't legal. They can as individuals refuse to marry divorcees, but then they have to get another vicar to do it. Very few refuse these days. Other clergy could refuse on the grounds that they think the marriage is ill advised, but that's very unusual. I've never heard of any clergy refusing simply because the couple don't attend church (other than Catholics), that goes against the principles of being an opening and welcoming community.

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    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  4.  
    • Ellie95
      CommentAuthorEllie95
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Mar 9th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thank you guys, definitely helping putting my mind at ease :)
    The church we're looking at is an Anglican church, I've only spoke with his administrator over emails so far
    The church is technically in another town but it's literally only 5 minutes from our house, they know our address and haven't said anything against it so I'm guessing they agree it's in the parish?
    xx

    Members signature icon
    Met May 2013
    Engaged December 2015
    Getting Married 22nd June 2018! <3
  5.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 9th 2016
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    They will know what their parish boundary is. It's not something they choose, parish boundaries are set at a higher level. If you live within the boundary then you qualify to marry there. If you don't, but have done for at least six months in the past (or one of you has), then you still qualify. Otherwise you will need to start attending services on a regular basis to qualify (unless a parent either married there or has lived within the boundaries in your lifetime). Regular attendance doesn't need to mean every Sunday, every other Sunday or once a month would be fine. It might even be that there is a midweek service that you attend instead.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  6.  
    • Ellie95
      CommentAuthorEllie95
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Mar 9th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    The service we were thinking of going to is called "all ages worship" and it's once a month

    Members signature icon
    Met May 2013
    Engaged December 2015
    Getting Married 22nd June 2018! <3
  7.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 9th 2016
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    That sounds like a good choice. All age worship is just that, it's accessible for all ages so there should be something for everyone, and as it's intended to be child friendly it's also a good bet for people who aren't used to church, as they don't assume you know what's happening the way they sometimes do with a normal communion service.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  8.  
    • Ellie95
      CommentAuthorEllie95
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Mar 10th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thats good :) don't want to turn up and be completely out of place :P
    Is there still a formal dress code for church?

    Members signature icon
    Met May 2013
    Engaged December 2015
    Getting Married 22nd June 2018! <3
  9.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Mar 10th 2016
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    I never get dressed up for Church, just throw something half decent on. Some people do though. It's entirely up to you

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    Met in 2009
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  10.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 10th 2016
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    There is a website to find out what your parish church is though this may just be CofE. I think I just g00gled something along the lines of "what is my parish church" and then you type in your postcode in their search and it tells you.
    We aren't regular churchgoers at all but the church we're marrying in has been really welcoming and when they read our banns, people came up afterwards to give their best wishes which was sweet.
    I tend to try to dress a little bit smarter (bit more going out for lunch style than relaxing at home if you get what I mean) and it may be best to do this on your first visit if you are unsure. Then at least you can judge on what everyone else is wearing to know if more casual is ok. X
  11.  
    • Ellie95
      CommentAuthorEllie95
      Got married 32 months ago
      Posted: Mar 10th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    It was through the CofE site where I found how to contact the church I like,

    I will definitely dress smart, don't want to get a bad first impression :) xx

    Members signature icon
    Met May 2013
    Engaged December 2015
    Getting Married 22nd June 2018! <3
  12.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 10th 2016
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    I turn up in whatever comes to hand for church. When I was a child I had Sunday best, but now I think that's something that's seen more in the older generation. I'm usually in a hoodie and jeans.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  13.  
    • KirstieP2B
      CommentAuthorKirstieP2B
      Posted: Mar 11th 2016
      edited
     
    Hi, we have booked to have our wedding in a CofE church and we haven't even met the Vicar. We won't be meeting her until 6 weeks before the wedding, everything was booked by someone else! When we went to book I was wearing a top that said 'saints and sinners' without even realising it :L I'm so glad my OH noticed before we actually went in so I could cover up! The woman we spoke to was lovely, she answered all our questions and gave us a leaflet with all the information in it too. The only thing I was disappointed about was not being able to meet the vicar to discuss things but I know she's lovely so I'm not too worried. CofE churches have an open door policy, they do have certain rules around marrying divorced couples or people who are not residents in the UK but other than that they are pretty open. My partner and I aren't regular church goers but they didn't even ask us, just made sure that we had a connection with the church! I read a lot about the CofE before I went and from what I read it seems that they believe that all marriages should take place in church which is why they are happy to marry non religious people. I'm sure you'll be fine!Good luck xx
  14.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 11th 2016
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    Basically the only restrictions are the ones imposed on them by law. Even with divorce it's not out of the question, as they have a conscience clause. Individual priests can refuse to marry someone who has been divorced, but then the church will arrange for another priest to stand in. I think the issue about people from overseas is that the priest has to be satisfied that it isn't just a way for someone to get residency, as if it turns out to be a sham the priest could be in a lot of trouble. My husband's vicar had a suspicious one, with two African men marrying sisters from within the EU, with no language in common. She got their address to visit them at home, and when she went to the house they weren't known there. They did also have a genuine couple who attended the church, he was from Gaza and she was British. The priest knew it was genuine, but after the wedding the couple had to provide so much evidence to the Home Office to show that it wasn't a sham. The Methodist church (my church) is similar, although instead of living in the right parish you have to live in the right registration district. Otherwise it's pretty much the same, if you don't live in the right area you can qualify by attending.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  15.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Mar 20th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Well, I'm Brazilian, with no residence in the UK, and my husband is British. We met the vicar when we were thinking about having our wedding in the UK and he was lovely. The only point is that he needed someone in a higher position within the church to talk to us, to assure that the marriage would be for real, not for imigration purposes. But to do that, I would need to have permanent residence in the UK. So we decided to have the legal wedding here in Brazil, and have the blessings at the church in the UK. :) But he was really lovely.
 
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