I'm meeting the vicar of the church I like next week, but I have no idea what I'm going to say,
well you see I'm not a church goer, I am christened but I'm never been to a Sunday service, I will start going in a week or so to get on the good side (I've heard it helps)
But I'm terrified that he won't agree to it because we're not strong Christians
Help please? xoxo
Met May 2013
Engaged December 2015
Getting Married 22nd June 2018! <3
CommentAuthorSophieM401
I have put a post on earlier if that helps you we have our meeting next week and very nervous not entirely sure why lol!! As it's not an interview or to catch you out I have spoken a bit with our minister and he basically says he just wants to know we both know what we are doing once that bit is over I think I will start to relax a bit more!! Good luck let me know how you get on! Xxx
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
Most clergy are very welcoming, and will be delighted to do your wedding. The main thing is that you meet all of the legal requirements, as you would if you were looking at a civil ceremony. You'll need to have a qualifying connection to the church, usually that's by living in the right area but there are other ways. Regular attendance is one, a family link is another. If it's Catholic you or your fiancé would need to be Catholic, otherwise it doesn't really matter. You need to be ok with a religious ceremony, which includes prayers, hymns and at least one bible reading. The vicar will be able to suggest hymns and readings. Don't worry, clergy don't often refuse to marry people. An Anglican vicar can only refuse if the marriage isn't legal. They can as individuals refuse to marry divorcees, but then they have to get another vicar to do it. Very few refuse these days. Other clergy could refuse on the grounds that they think the marriage is ill advised, but that's very unusual. I've never heard of any clergy refusing simply because the couple don't attend church (other than Catholics), that goes against the principles of being an opening and welcoming community.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorEllie95
Thank you guys, definitely helping putting my mind at ease :) The church we're looking at is an Anglican church, I've only spoke with his administrator over emails so far The church is technically in another town but it's literally only 5 minutes from our house, they know our address and haven't said anything against it so I'm guessing they agree it's in the parish? xx
Met May 2013
Engaged December 2015
Getting Married 22nd June 2018! <3
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
They will know what their parish boundary is. It's not something they choose, parish boundaries are set at a higher level. If you live within the boundary then you qualify to marry there. If you don't, but have done for at least six months in the past (or one of you has), then you still qualify. Otherwise you will need to start attending services on a regular basis to qualify (unless a parent either married there or has lived within the boundaries in your lifetime). Regular attendance doesn't need to mean every Sunday, every other Sunday or once a month would be fine. It might even be that there is a midweek service that you attend instead.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
The service we were thinking of going to is called "all ages worship" and it's once a month
Met May 2013
Engaged December 2015
Getting Married 22nd June 2018! <3
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
That sounds like a good choice. All age worship is just that, it's accessible for all ages so there should be something for everyone, and as it's intended to be child friendly it's also a good bet for people who aren't used to church, as they don't assume you know what's happening the way they sometimes do with a normal communion service.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorEllie95
Thats good :) don't want to turn up and be completely out of place :P Is there still a formal dress code for church?
Met May 2013
Engaged December 2015
Getting Married 22nd June 2018! <3
CommentAuthorEmily17
I never get dressed up for Church, just throw something half decent on. Some people do though. It's entirely up to you
Met in 2009
He proposed Jan 2014
Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
CommentAuthorKirstyR386
There is a website to find out what your parish church is though this may just be CofE. I think I just g00gled something along the lines of "what is my parish church" and then you type in your postcode in their search and it tells you. We aren't regular churchgoers at all but the church we're marrying in has been really welcoming and when they read our banns, people came up afterwards to give their best wishes which was sweet. I tend to try to dress a little bit smarter (bit more going out for lunch style than relaxing at home if you get what I mean) and it may be best to do this on your first visit if you are unsure. Then at least you can judge on what everyone else is wearing to know if more casual is ok. X
CommentAuthorEllie95
It was through the CofE site where I found how to contact the church I like,
I will definitely dress smart, don't want to get a bad first impression :) xx
Met May 2013
Engaged December 2015
Getting Married 22nd June 2018! <3
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
I turn up in whatever comes to hand for church. When I was a child I had Sunday best, but now I think that's something that's seen more in the older generation. I'm usually in a hoodie and jeans.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorKirstieP2B
edited
Hi, we have booked to have our wedding in a CofE church and we haven't even met the Vicar. We won't be meeting her until 6 weeks before the wedding, everything was booked by someone else! When we went to book I was wearing a top that said 'saints and sinners' without even realising it :L I'm so glad my OH noticed before we actually went in so I could cover up! The woman we spoke to was lovely, she answered all our questions and gave us a leaflet with all the information in it too. The only thing I was disappointed about was not being able to meet the vicar to discuss things but I know she's lovely so I'm not too worried. CofE churches have an open door policy, they do have certain rules around marrying divorced couples or people who are not residents in the UK but other than that they are pretty open. My partner and I aren't regular church goers but they didn't even ask us, just made sure that we had a connection with the church! I read a lot about the CofE before I went and from what I read it seems that they believe that all marriages should take place in church which is why they are happy to marry non religious people. I'm sure you'll be fine!Good luck xx
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
Basically the only restrictions are the ones imposed on them by law. Even with divorce it's not out of the question, as they have a conscience clause. Individual priests can refuse to marry someone who has been divorced, but then the church will arrange for another priest to stand in. I think the issue about people from overseas is that the priest has to be satisfied that it isn't just a way for someone to get residency, as if it turns out to be a sham the priest could be in a lot of trouble. My husband's vicar had a suspicious one, with two African men marrying sisters from within the EU, with no language in common. She got their address to visit them at home, and when she went to the house they weren't known there. They did also have a genuine couple who attended the church, he was from Gaza and she was British. The priest knew it was genuine, but after the wedding the couple had to provide so much evidence to the Home Office to show that it wasn't a sham. The Methodist church (my church) is similar, although instead of living in the right parish you have to live in the right registration district. Otherwise it's pretty much the same, if you don't live in the right area you can qualify by attending.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorCamilaL
Well, I'm Brazilian, with no residence in the UK, and my husband is British. We met the vicar when we were thinking about having our wedding in the UK and he was lovely. The only point is that he needed someone in a higher position within the church to talk to us, to assure that the marriage would be for real, not for imigration purposes. But to do that, I would need to have permanent residence in the UK. So we decided to have the legal wedding here in Brazil, and have the blessings at the church in the UK. :) But he was really lovely.
