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Wedding Forum - Lost Mum, Dad's girlfriend, his role....

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    • Rebe690
      Getting married in 6 days
      Posted: Feb 18th 2020

    My Mum will have been gone 3 years at my wedding, and my Dad moved on very quickly, getting a new girlfriend within 3 months.

    This has caused a great deal of pain to our family, and our relationship has become nearly non existent. We only saw each other once in 2019, and that was basically an intervention by a family friend.

    Now I am getting married this summer I want to fix our relationship, but it is difficult as he is trying to force his new partner on me. When he came to my house yesterday he tried to bring her, despite me asking not to, as I want to fix our relationship. He got as far as driving to my in laws round the corner with his new partner, and getting MIL to ring me to ask if he could bring her.

    Our relationship is very poor now. I'm not sure I want him to walk me down the aisle, give speech etc. And I know he will want to bring his partner to the wedding. But I have not met her, and he just assumes all will be worked out in time. I am still grieving my mother a lot, and planning this wedding without her is awful, and my Dad doesn't seem to want input.

    Sorry, this was long and rambling. Does anyone have advice? I feel having her at the wedding will cause me huge amounts of anxiety and stress, as I am so uncomfortable with her. Talking to my Dad is hard enough right now, and cause me huge anxiety.
    • KerriR86
      Posted: Mar 2nd 2020
    Hi Rebe,

    First off I’m so sorry for your loss, and I understand your pain is intensified whilst planning your special day.

    People deal with loss in different ways, and grieve for different lengths of time.

    Maybe to help ease your dads loss he jumped into a relationship quickly, and 3 years on he has something special with this new lady.
    In no way will she ever replace your mum, And your dad shouldn’t expect that, but maybe she has helped to patch your dads heart back together even slightly specially if you guys aren’t really on speaking terms, she may be the only person who your dad has to speak to about his feelings.

    Family is very important and no one should lose that bond between your immediate family members.

    I would suggest sitting down with your dad and discussing your problems face to face, and explain to him exactly how you feel about him, his partner and your mum, and how him having moved on so quickly made you feel, and how, now more than usual you are grieving more.

    Your dads partner most likely isn’t a bad person, she is probably a really nice lady who has never had the chance to show you her personality and how she makes your dad feel.

    I would suggest (if you feel up to it after speaking to your dad) that you speak to your dads partner and tell her how you feel.
    You will then see what kind of person she is, and if after that you decide that you still do not want her at your wedding then both she and your dad should respect your wishes as they will both know exactly how you are feeling and shouldn’t rush you to accept things.

    I really hope you guys get everything sorted and you get your relationship with your dad back, life is too short for holding feelings in, let it all out :) xx
    • lala "mod" bunni
      CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
      Got married 9 years ago
      Posted: Apr 13th 2020
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
    You need to be open & honest with Dad, have you thought about writing to him ... explain that you love him very much and you want to get back your relationship, order to do this you want to spend quality time with just him to start with... maybe going for lunch or dinner.
    Be honest that in YOUR view it seemed that he moved on quickly but you understand that people's feeling before and after a loved on passes away are different from person to person.

    The beauty or writing is things aren't said in the heat of the moment, you can't be interrupted and letters/ emails tend to be reread

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