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Wedding Forum - Just got engaged and I'm completely lost!...

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  1.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Sep 28th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hiii!
    Got engaged last week, on our first anniversary. I'm still completely amused, and as crazy about wedding as I am, I started looking for venues and everything else.
    But let me explain the situation. I am Brazilian and he is English. We started dating while I was studying abroad and now I'm back to Brazil. We are probably getting married on Sep17, in England.
    I know almost nothing about the wedding traditions there. I've seen some venues talking about breakfast wedding and 3 courses meal on the evening. What time do weddings usually happen there? Like, what time does it begin and what times it ends?
    I can't wait to start planning the wedding properly, but I think I'll have to wait until at least 18 months before it :/
    X
  2.  
    • kittyh
      CommentAuthorkittyh
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Sep 28th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hi and congratulations! A wedding breakfast is actually the same as the 3 course meal - i don't know why they call it a 'breakfast' its not at breakfast time it is after your ceremony! Ceremonies are usually at around 1/2pm in the afternoon although some people have them earlier or later. Usually ends around 11pm/midnight.

    Your day is about you as a couple so the best thing to do is work out your budget and then work out what you would like to do - you can use traditions from both England and Brazil I think that will make a really unique and beautiful wedding. :)

    There are lots of topics pinned to the top of the forum one is a checklist for brides that includes all the things that are often included...an this forum is good for getting lots of questions answered. :) Its never too early to start planning - lots of brides on here plan 3/4 years ahead...xx
  3.  
    • KatieH
      CommentAuthorKatieH
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Sep 28th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Congratulations on your engagement!

    Definitely work out a budget. Then you can start looking at venues. You need to decide whether you want a church wedding or a civil ceremony. The most important thing is the 2 of you becoming husband and wife.
    The wedding breakfast is the 3 course meal after the ceremony. Not everyone has a sit down meal, some have a buffet. We are having the sit down meal and then a buffet later in the evening at the disco.
    Buy some bridal magazines too as they will have some great ideas, hints and tips for you.

    Good Luck!

    Members signature icon
    Met in 2007
    Started dating in 2009
    Got engaged in 2014
    Became Mrs Holme 11.06.16
  4.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Sep 28th 2014
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    Congratulations and to

    I'd suggest checking out the brides checklist at the top of the forum.

    Our wedding was in a church in the early afternoon then on to the reception venue for approximately 3.30pm for welcome drinks and canapés, , , followedby the 3 course wedding breakfast meal at approximately 5pm (after photos etc.), speeches traditionally after the wedding breakfast around 7.30pm and then cake cutting, followed by first dance at approximately 8.30pm then the party. All the weddings I've been to here have been roughly in that format.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  5.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 28th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    A traditional English wedding goes something like this:

    Ceremony. I'd say average time for the ceremony is between 12pm and 2nd, and the length can be anything from 20 minutes for a civil ceremony to 1 hour plus for a church wedding.

    Photos at ceremony venue.

    Transfer to reception venue if at a different venue.

    Drinks/canapés reception during which the guests have a couple of light drinks and canapés and the couple mingle. The couple and bridal party also usually have posed/group shots taken during this. Typical length is about 1.5 hours.

    Wedding breakfast. It's called the wedding breakfast as it's the first meal that the bride and groom eat as a married couple. Traditionally it will be a 3 course plated meal though some couples do a buffet instead, and others skip it altogether (having a later ceremony and going straight into the evening). The bride, groom, their parents, and the best man and maid of honour usually sit at a long 'top table' facing their guests (we had a round table). During the wedding breakfast you also have speeches from the father of the bride, followed by the groom, followed by the best man, during which toasts are proposed to the couple, and to the hosts.

    Evening reception. Often additional guests eg less close friends, colleagues etc are invited to this and it's almost a separate event. This is where you have the first dance, and then any dancing and music eg band/disco. You also provide a buffet. I'd say the typical end time is anything from 12am onwards (most guests left ours at about 1.30am; a few of us were up until 5/6am).

    Hope that helps, and welcome to UK bride! :-)
  6.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Sep 28th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     


    ^^ That's pretty much everything you need to know. Definitely read the checklist at the top of the forum as previously mentioned and buy a few bridal magazines and they should really help. Anything you're not sure on, can you ask your fiancé or his family to help with the English traditions or even suppliers? I also think it would be lovely to have some your Brazilian traditions too.

    Members signature icon
    Mr & Mrs Swan 04/04/15


  7.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Sep 29th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks a looot!
    Now everything makes sense. I would use Brazilian traditions, however we don't have considerable wedding traditions. It's just a religious ceremony with the civil one, and after that, a dinner party. It usually starts about 19h and finishes about 2am.
    I wanna ask them to help me, but first I want to find exactly what I want and then adapt it with their suggestions.
    This is an amazing forum! :D
  8.  
    • CommentAuthorJessica29792
      Posted: Sep 29th 2014
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    Hi Camila, first of all congratulations. I am also getting married in 2017, but in April. What I would do first is set a budget between you and your h2b so you know how much you can afford. The next thing to do is to find THE venue and book your date, then things will be set in stone. And like you said wait until next year to start booking things. There is no harm in preparing some things for your wedding now, like me, if you are wanting to make your own decorations it may be a good idea to start now. Other things like dresses etc. can wait until later but there is no harm in window shopping :) One thing you should do though is follow your heart. No wedding is the same and there is nothing which says you can't have your wedding how you want it. Talk with your h2b about how you would like certain things and then you will be able to talk to your venue about your ideas x
  9.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Sep 29th 2014
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    Hello and welcome to the UKBride family. There are a few people on here who have combined traditions from different countries. I would agree with Jessica, budget and venue come first, and then you can start bit by bit to get the other things that you need. It's not a bad idea to find things like photographer, car and entertainment for the evening party early, as they can get booked up.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  10.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 1st 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hey guys, I have another question!
    Ok, here in Brazil, during the wedding, there are free food and drinks, like open bar. Is it like that there? What do people drink during the evening disco? =/
  11.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 1st 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
      edited
     
    Usually drinks are provided during the wedding breakfast/meal: typically this will be something like 1/2 bottle/full bottle of wine, as well as a glass of champagne for the toast. You also provide 1 or 2 drinks pp during the drinks reception. Most venues offer drinks packages, or else include them with the meal (our venue charged £50 pp for the meal, then a drinks package consisting of 1/2 of wine (or 3 pints of lager), a glass of champagne and a welcome drink was £30 pp (we added on an extra welcome drink for £7pp).

    In the evening, it's really up to you. Cash bars are common in most areas/in most social circles and so people won't be offended (I'd speak to your fiancé and see what's common among his friends/relatives though as this isn't a blanket rule). Some couples do have a fully open bar; others have a bar tab where they 'put money behind the bar' up to a certain limit, and might restrict what this is spent on. The majority though have a cash bar where guests buy all their own drinks.

    We did the latter: we put £2500 behind the bar (with a view to extending it to £3k if necessary) and this could be spent on certain wines by the glass, certain spirits and mixers, and beer/lager; basically, drinks over about £7 each were exlcuded). Our bill ended up coming to £2160 for about 75 guests, 65 or so of whom were drinking alcohol, over 7.5 hours, which we really didn't think was too bad (to put it in perspective, our drinks for the day cost about the same and that was for fewer people over a shorter period of time).

    Basically, do what you are comfortable with and can afford. Generally as I said cash bars are the norm, but open bars/bar tabs are certainly appreciated by guests!
  12.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 1st 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think his family/friends wouldn't mind about the cash bar thing... but my mum will complain all the time, because she will think it's not right lol

    But I'm happy to hear that's normal and acceptable. =D Thanks
  13.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 1st 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    If you're having a lot of relatives attend a compromise would maybe be a good idea eg put x amount of money behind the bar (and you can also limit it more than we did eg just beer, wine and soft drinks) as that way your relatives will still get some free drinks and your mum can't complain as much.

    Also, how do open bars work in Brazil? It's just I'm on an American wedding forum and venues all seem to offer open bar 'packages' where you pay x amount and get a fully open bar for x hours (eg $50 pp for 5 hours). Just wondering if that's the case in Brazil as those sorts of packages don't exist here; drinks are strictly on consumption only at most venues so if you go the fully open route, basically people have whatever they want and then you foot the bill at the end. With the amount Brits drink, and with how much drinks cost over here, that could quickly spiral out of control. I was glad we limited ours, as some people ordered cocktails at £14 each, someone ordered a large whiskey at £15, someone else bought a bottle of champagne at £55, etc..

    But basically, there are compromises. As well as having a limited tab, you could also look at venues where you pay corkage (a fee to bring in your own alcohol which may or may not work out cheaper depending on what they charge), or venues like village halls where you can bring your own drink which works out a LOT cheaper. I'd just try to be mindful of both cultures so if you do go the fully cash-bar route, at least let any guests know who might not be expecting it :-)
  14.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 1st 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I think only my parents and brother, and a couple of friends, would be going to the wedding. I'm not planning to have more than 60 people at the wedding. Here, we pay for the food+drinks, but it doesn't include any alcohol. But you can take the alcohol yourself and they will serve it without any costs.

    My parents are paying for the wedding, so I don't wanna spend loads of money, because they are gonna have other costs like flights and stuff. I think the best idea is to put some money behind the bar. But how does it work? Who tell your guests the rules of the bar? lol
  15.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 1st 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    As your parents are paying, I'd probably leave it up to them to decide. Explain how it works, what the norm is, and the sort of cost they'll be looking at, and then really it's down to them; your mum can't get annoyed at not having an open bar if it's her making the decision ;-)

    As far as how a tab works goes, because open bars are seriously uncommon, most people will arrive expecting to pay for drinks. So, they order a drink, and when they go to pay the bar tender will simply say that there's a tab. If you're restricting drinks, you have a couple of options. In our case, we left it to the bar staff to let guests know eg let's say you're including wine and beer and not spirits, and on their first round someone orders wine, then on the next they order a gin and tonic; the bar tender might just let them know that that specific drink isn't included on the tab. Another way of doing it is having a little sign eg 'We have set up a limited tab which includes beers, wines and soft drinks'. We considered doing this but because the venue we had had such an extensive range of spirits all within budget, we opted not to as we thought it would get confusing.

    I think also that most people use their common sense eg if I went to an event with a bar tab, and got a glass of wine 'free', I wouldn't then assume everything is free, so if I ordered something else, I'd expect to pay. Does that make sense?
  16.  
    • CamilaL
      CommentAuthorCamilaL
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Oct 1st 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    It does! Thank you very much for making it all so clear for me lol I've lived there for just a year and haven't attended to any weddings lol I think his brother's wedding will be before ours, they got engaged last June but they already live together, so I think it will be quicker. I'll probably learn loads lol
  17.  
    • JennK
      CommentAuthorJennK
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2014
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    We went to a wedding at the weekend where there was an open bar all night which we really weren't expecting. The girl behind the bar only told us when we went to reach for some cash to pay once the drinks had been poured. It actually meant we held back a bit as it was the bride and grooms parents who were picking up the bill.

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    Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3


  18.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 2nd 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    MrsK2b: I always find that people are a bit more reticent at open bar events; I know I am, because I don't want to look 'greedy' (sometimes I deliberately order stuff that isn't on the tab to make myself feel better lol). That said, we got the print out from ours and the amount of shots on there at £3 a pop... But that was mainly my brother and his friends (who we love) and my bridesmaids lol.
 
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