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  1.  
    • KayleighS46
      CommentAuthorKayleighS46
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I dont really know where to start or what to say but am just asking for some advice as I think I'm just getting cold feet farrrrr too early!!

    Firstly this has been a very challenging year for us and our relationship - a lot of things have happened - personal issues and family drama - we've got through it as best we can but i'm now having doubts if this is the right thing for us to do - his mood swings are terrible at the moment :(( I know i love him, more then anything and I want to marry him - christ I'd marry him tomorrow if i could!! He deals with things very differently to me which in turn is making me feel like rubbish most of the time. I know he doesnt mean too and he apologises every time he snaps at me or anything - but its got me wondering, does he even want to marry me? Is this his way of getting out of the wedding by making me call it off!? I've asked him and we've had lots of long talks and everything hes saying is the 'right' thing to say. But his actions speak a whole different story.

    I'm not making excuses but this has been the most complete and utter rubbish year I've ever had so far and were both on a cliff's edge - I dont know if i can 100% say 'yes I KNOW he wants to marry me' and this worries me for our future.

    Sorry for the rant I just dont know who else to talk to at the moment and was curious to see if any of you had ever been through anything like this?! xx

    Met 2013
    Propsed 2014
    Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
    always & forever xxx
  2.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Personally I think that you need to go into marriage being pretty darn sure about both your feelings for them, and theirs for you. Like you, we had some issues in the run up to the wedding (like you, it was 'family drama'), so I can definitely relate. I also had the issue that his words didn't match his actions. But there was no way I was marrying him until that was ironed out: if that had meant cancelling (and we were only 9 months out at this point), I would have done. That might sound cold; but the way things were going our relationship would simply not have lasted long-term, and I wasn't prepared to enter into a marriage on that basis; while I'm not against divorce, I believe you should only get married if you're sure you have a good chance of staying together.

    I think you need to talk to him again, and this time, stress that it's all very well and good SAYING the right things, but if that isn't coupled with DOING the right things, it isn't enough; he needs to start SHOWING you that his heart is in this relationship and future marriage, and that only really comes through action. If there are specific issues, address them: explain what upsets you, and why (also, try to keep it about 'you' rather than 'him': eg don't say 'When you do x I don't like it', say 'I don't like x'; sounds silly but otherwise people tend to get defensive, which then leads to arguing ie it isn't very productive). Also, listen to him too: is there anything in the relationship that HE would like to change? I'm a firm believer in compromise and give and take, so make sure you're listening to him, too. It might be that there are certain things you will never agree on/be compatible in, and that's fine as long as you know and accept that, and can compromise.
  3.  
    • kittyh
      CommentAuthorkittyh
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Sorry to hear this... :(

    I think the best think to do is to stop thinking about the wedding for now and really concentrate on trying to get your relationship back on track which won't do any harm as it is still quite a way away. Sometimes intense situations can really affect your relationship even the most perfect couples. I would suggest spending some quality time together date nights and stuff and get things on an even keel. I agree with Barbie that sometimes the way you say things can really make a difference to how people react when you are confronting them about a problem. Perhaps you could write him a letter explaining how you feel and then that way there is no interruptions, no arguments etc.

    Don't worry too much, lots of relationships go through rough times and if yu make it through all this then you know its meant to be... :) xx
  4.  
    • KayleighS46
      CommentAuthorKayleighS46
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Hello Ladies,

    thank you for taking the time to read and reply - Barbie I'm glad (ina a way) that you can relate it really has been one hell of a year which hasnt helped the situation with us. I know he loves me and as a couple we've put so much time, effort and money into the the wedding as far - i just want him to be sure before it does get too late - as you i dont not believe in divorce but I've always said I'll marry once and once only so if there are doubts it needs to be dealt with now lol!

    I think I'm going to talk to him over the weekend - he works lates and i work days so i dont see him at all during the week - which again i dont think helps lol! I think we should call off the wedding ideas and planning thus far and just concentrate on us I wonder how he'll take it! I do however just want to clarify that it is just general issues and family drama going on so as a couple were fine he just seems to take things out on me and i think its wearing us both down. I will let you all know how it goes and once again thank you for replying, in a way its nice to know I'm not just going out of mind lol!! xx

    Met 2013
    Propsed 2014
    Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
    always & forever xxx
  5.  
    • kittyh
      CommentAuthorkittyh
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    ah no worries, sometimes its good to vent a little bit - sometimes writing it all down puts it into perspective. Just give yourself a little break from 'wedmin', don't make a big deal out of it just tell him you want to concentrate on the most important thing - which is you and him and getting back to being happy. Then once thats sorted you can go all systems go on planning again! good luck :)
  6.  
    • KayleighS46
      CommentAuthorKayleighS46
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Your right, after writing this all down and then reading it back - I feel so silly for letting it all get on top of me so much but hopefully after this weekend we can have a proper long talk and then concentrate of 'us' instead of the 'future us' - we need to make sure its exactly what both of us want - especially before more time, effort and money gets paid out. Just hope it goes ok i really dont want to lose him and i certainly dont want to row lol. xx

    Met 2013
    Propsed 2014
    Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
    always & forever xxx
  7.  
    • JennK
      CommentAuthorJennK
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    You do have some time until the wedding so things can settle down so don't be too quick to cancel :) you could agree to have a month with no planning or talking about it, just to clear the air a bit?

    Members signature icon
    Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3


  8.  
    • KayleighS46
      CommentAuthorKayleighS46
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Very true, i think thats what we'll do - i'll have a word with him over the weekend about it all :D xx

    Met 2013
    Propsed 2014
    Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
    always & forever xxx
  9.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    It sounds like a week away in the middle of nowhere where your family can't contact you might be a good idea, then it really is just about the two of you, with no distractions. I definitely agree with the others, put the wedding planning to one side and focus on the two of you. You mentioned mood swings, are those just caused by the stress this year or are they part of a mental health issue? It might be good to encourage him to talk about how he feels in himself, not just about his feelings about you and the future. There may be something underneath that isn't about the relationship, that he needs to get out so that it can be dealt with.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  10.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 3rd 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Sorry to hear this. When we were having a few difficulties last year with work etc getting on top of us, we decided to dedicate one night a week to just us - date night. It doesn't necessarily mean we go out every time that night for a meal or the cinema, sometimes its lovely just watching one of our favourite programmes at home together. Its really nice and now we both look forward to spending some good time together, rather than getting overloaded with whatever else is going on. It could be something to try to make you closer again. Good luck with the chat this weekend.
  11.  
    • Flossie
      CommentAuthorFlossie
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 4th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    I think we all go through difficult times at some point as a couple. My OH and I have had to move house 3 times in the last 2 and a half years and OH has been really unlucky with jobs and has had 4 different jobs in the same timeframe. This has put a lot of strain on us both emotionally and financially and at times things have not been good at all, but I know he loves me and I know he wants to marry me, that's something I'm very sure of!

    If I've learnt anything then it's that you need to focus on you as a couple now, not ignoring today and focusing and getting excited about the future you. You need to appreciate each other now, make time for each other now, tell each other you love each other now. This is your life together - it's already happening and it's not going to start or suddenly change as soon as you get married.

    Hope you manage to work through things and come out stronger on the other side :) x

    Members signature icon
    Happily married
    18th June 2016
    xx
  12.  
    • KayleighS46
      CommentAuthorKayleighS46
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Oct 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Good morning ladies,

    just a quick update - so i saw him last night, we had a long long talk (2:30am bedtime and then up at 7am for work lol) Hes decided he doesnt want to put the wedding itself on hold as such but we are going to focus on us as a couple and then back into wedding things in the new year. He understood where I was coming from and vice versa so all in all a few tears were shed, few words were said then lots of affection afterwards :) long and short of it he's made his feelings clear that he certainly wants to marry me no if's, but's or maybes! so thats good :D

    Elinor - i dont really want to put it on here but yes theres an awful lot of family issues going on his side and mine at the moment - in brief a young family member has passed - lots of issues with my sister and his sibling. Come to think about it we've been through what i imagine some people go through in a number of years not months! We are only just coming out the other side - the mood swings are caused by stress - apart from that were both absolutely fine with each other! :)

    Thank you for all your advice - its nice to read non-biased views that helps me also see things a lot clearer :) xx

    Met 2013
    Propsed 2014
    Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
    always & forever xxx
  13.  
    • kittyh
      CommentAuthorkittyh
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Oct 4th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    glad to hear you had a good chat and things are looking up :) xx
 
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