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Wedding Forum - Is it okay to have a child attend a hen...

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  1.  
    • CommentAuthorRachelM708
      Posted: Apr 3rd 2017
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    Evening everyone even though my hen party won't be for a long time yet.

    It's just that I would love my daughter who will be young around 11/12 years old to attend my hen party when I have one. But I don't want the other hens to be complaining that the other 3 young bridesmaids/flower girls won't be invited to attend.

    My h2b has agreed with my choice of inviting my little girl and he is willing to pick her up from the restaurant when we have finished our meal before we go onto a club. He's view is that my daughter has more rights to go than the other flower girls/ bridesmaid as she's my flesh and blood and that the mothers of the other girls will expect me to pay for their daughters to go as well and my h2b thinks I've paid for enough in regards to the flower girls/bridesmaids as we've got dresses and all accessories including shoes for them.


    What do other b2bs think. Am I being selfish in only wanting my daughter to attend and not the others.
  2.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Apr 3rd 2017
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    You're the bride so you decide who you want and who you're prepared to pay for.

    Why would you have to pay for the others? Would you be badly to have the others there if you didn't have to pay?

    If it's just about the money could you agree for the others to come if their mothers paid for them? I think it's rude for the mothers to expect you to pay for their daughters to come to the hen.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  3.  
    • CommentAuthorRachelM708
      Posted: Apr 4th 2017
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    Believe me the mothers would expect me to pay. I already pay for 1 of the girls to play football as the mother asked if I knew of any clubs and I said my sons club was looking for new players. Told the mother what the monthly amount was and that if she paid me said amount each month I would pay it into the club via my standing order with the club which I've been doing but she hasn't paid a penny towards it for the past year even though I keep reminding her that she needs to pay up and all I am told is She is broke at the moment she will pay it as soon as She can which I believe is not true she has no intention of paying me back.

    TBH my daughter has helped with planning the wedding and helping me with making table decorations etc that I feel she deserves to attend the hen party. My daughter is mature for her age and wouldn't want to run amoke in the restaurant (she has always behaved well when having meals out) where as the other 3 who will be 14,8 and 7 wouldn't think twice about about running around hiding under tables and generally be constantly asking to have a go on this and that (restaurant has a toy grabbing machine and fruit machines)
  4.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Apr 4th 2017
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    What I done was have a hen away from home with a few friends, then a week before the wedding, I had a party at home whilst hubby went out on a stag night as nobody had sorted anything out for him. Ihad a few friends round and the kids all attended that one.

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    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  5.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Apr 4th 2017
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    OMG how rude. You're still friends? Stop the payments for her kid immediately. I would've stopped talking to her 6 months ago. Talk about taking the p155. It is bang out or order for any so called friend to expect their mates to pay for them and their kids for anything. Just no no no no.


    You're well within your right to not invite their kids then.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
    Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!

  6.  
    • CommentAuthorRachelM708
      Posted: Apr 4th 2017
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    I probably haven't helped tbh as my make allowances for her circumstances and I'm the type of person that hates confrontations and saying no to people
  7.  
    • MichelleC961
      CommentAuthorMichelleC961
      Got married 33 months ago
      Posted: Apr 4th 2017
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    Omg stop paying- she is the sort of person who takes advantage and somehow makes you to be the bad guy- I would just say to her that of her son is still going to play then she needs to pay and that you are only going to pay for your own child's football

    Again if you want to open the he do up to the others say this is what you are doing and how much it will cost them and let it be their choice- seems up front direct and honest needs to be your only option!

    Poor you- confrontation is not nice but neither is being taken advantage of- STOP IT NOW xxx

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  8.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 4th 2017
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    I would tell her you can't afford the upkeep of HER child going to football, that you have no choice but to cancel the standing order with the club and that you need the money she owes as soon as she is able. She is most likely playing on the fact you don't like confrontation.

    It's your hen so have whoever you want. Sounds like your daughter deserves a special treat so why not!

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  9.  
    • Tiffany
      CommentAuthorTiffany
      Got married 31 months ago
      Posted: Apr 4th 2017
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    It's your hen do hun, you do as you like. If the others want their girls there and you don't mind then THEY pay for them.

    This 'friend' is taking advantage hun, she has no intention of paying you back at all or she would of done by now. You are not responsible for paying for HER child. I'm sorry to be blunt and I don't mean to offend you at all but she doesn't sound like a true friend at all! I'd be cutting all ties with her, especially with her taking advantage for so long.

    Really hope you get the hen the way you want it and please do not let anyone take advantage of your kind, caring nature.
  10.  
    • AmyD532
      CommentAuthorAmyD532
      Posted: Apr 5th 2017
     
    So, your daughter who is 11/12 years old has helped you with decorations, has a leading role at the wedding and is mature for her age has been invited (as the only child) to attend the hen night meal before the H2B picks her up so you can continue with the more adult things?
    There is absolutely no problem with that what so ever, if she was 18 she would probably be with you for the whole night.

    As for the other children, roles or not, they shouldn't have to come. It's a hen night not a kids birthday party!
    Also, I'm not a parent so forgive me if I over step the line on this one but surely the other hens are looking forward to a night off from the kids? Why would they even want a 7, 8 and 14 year old present? (especially if they're known for having poor behaviour).

    Don't get it, tell them to stuff off if they don't like it.
    My sister is 10 and she's coming to mine (so I believe) and I can't wait, she's very mature for her age and will get involved and probably be more fun than some adults!

    Don't stress about it.

    As for your friend who has taken a years worth of football membership from you, I'd suggest that you explain that you're quite aware of being "skint" as you're paying for a wedding. A wedding that could really benefit with a cash injection. Time to start paying back what she owes. xx
  11.  
    • CommentAuthorRachelM708
      Posted: Apr 5th 2017
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    Thank you all for your replies. At least i know im not being selfish in wanting my daughter to attend my hen party.

    In regards to my friends daughter and football i have spoken to the club and we have agreed the only payment they are going to recieve from now on is my sons and not for my friends daughter and the money that is owed to me by her is going to have to be classed as lesson learned as i have asked her again today for the payments that i have made need to be paid to back and still im getting 'i dont have the money and i will pay you but i dont know when.' So me and h2b had a talk and we have agreed to just write it off and never to help her out that way ever again.
  12.  
    • AmyD532
      CommentAuthorAmyD532
      Posted: Apr 6th 2017
     
    A child potentially losing out on their activity/club because their parent won't pay the fees is incredibly sad, however you have been too generous for too long. Well don you for taking action to stop this from continuing.

    Please let us know how your hen night goes xx
  13.  
    • LynseyH10
      CommentAuthorLynseyH10
      Got married 35 months ago
      Posted: Apr 6th 2017
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    My daughter will be 12 by the time I have my Hen In November. She is coming to Afternoon Tea and either h2b or my dad will collect her and my nan before we go to the bar.

    Well done on stopping the payments. The parent should be thoroughly ashamed of herself. Both of girls take dance lessons, and the older girl also has singing lessons. I make sure I can pay as I am their parent.
  14.  
    • Emily17
      CommentAuthorEmily17
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Apr 7th 2017
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    Rachel,
    Such a hard decision to stop the payments but well done!

    As for your daughter. They don't need to know, she can just turn up on the day. I wouldn't make an issue of it.

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    Met in 2009
    He proposed Jan 2014
    Will become Mrs P 7th October 2017
 
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