As some of you may remember I came to blows with my mother over the Hindu blessing ceremony she was organising. The ceremony took place on Sunday and I'm still trying to get my head around it all.
So condensing the back story: my mum went completely against all of our requests for a small intimate blessing ceremony. We insisted we didn't want an Indian wedding which she agreed to hence it was a blessing ceremony instead but she did push the guest list up from our 20 people to having 80 guests.
There was a lot of running around getting everything sorted in the days leading up to the ceremony but the big day arrived and OH and I woke up and made our way downstairs to help finish setting up only to find my Mum had contacted my uncles late the previous night and brought the time forward by an hour but no one seemed too fussed we arrived almost 40 minutes after them. Shortly after the hair and make up lady arrived and we went into a room the hotel had designated as our dressing room. Whilst we were in there my family occassionally came in and out to check on progress because they had decided to bring the ceremony forward but hadn't told me. So the poor lady rushed to finish me off and did an amazing job (I had a couple of conversations with people and they didn't recognise me at all).
Made it to the ceremony room and was grabbed by an 'aunt' who whispered in my ear that she fully understands how I feel and that she didn't want to go through with it either but we have to do these things to make our mothers happy... I was almost in tears by the time she was finished, it felt so good to know there was someone there who actually understood what I was gooing through.
The first part of the ceremony was performed by the priest with me, my mum and step-dad. To begin with it all went fine, I did what I was told and when, then I had to repeat some words in Sanskrit (I only speak English) and got all but a couple of words. I fumbled a little and instead of repeating the words slower and more clearly, the priest just moved on and said to just say the words in my head as he does the next bit. Then infront of EVERYONE he starts having a go at me about the date we've picked for our wedding, saying how unlucky it was based on our birth dates. He was going on about it for a while and then said that its fine to do the paperwork that day but you can't invite God in on such an unlucky day... to which I said that was absolutely fine since we were only having the civil ceremony that day, not an Indian wedding. The priest didn't hear me properly and instead of allowing me to repeat myself my mum chipped in and told him I was being stubborn. In the end he told me to just consider moving the date and I said 'OK, I'll think about it'... well, I've thought about it and the answer is still NO!
My Mum then said that in an attempt to dispel some of the bad luck the priest is going to go off-script and do an extra ritual. Before I could say or do anything, he had already started, so I went along with it and again did what I was told to and when. The next part of the ceremony involved my extended family lining up and pesenting me and my immediate family with our wedding clothes (which were meant to be paid for by my uncles) and some gifts. As soon as that bit was over I rushed upstairs with my mum and we got changed.
Once dressed, I waited in the lobby whilst my Mum escorted OH in for his part of the ceremony. My Uncles then came and escorted me in (I'm meant to be escorted by my older brothers but as I'm an only child we had my closest male relatives take me in). I went in and sat down and yet again did as I was told. The priest then said that when Hindus get married they make 7 oaths to each other. He then went through what the bride's oaths would be and at the end of each he asked if I agreed to them, which I did. He then went through the oaths that the groom would make and after each he asked OH if he agreed with them. I thought this was really nice, having a part of the blessing ceremony that we actually understood, could relate to and was related to the wedding vows we'll be making in October.
However, that nice feeling disappeared as soon as the priest then turned around and said that in the eyes of God we were now husband and wife! After we specifically stated several times we didn't want an Indian wedding, we were in shock... my Mum knew we weren't going to be happy and deliberately avoided us for the rest of the day. At least it wasn't a legally recognised ceremony and we still get to be officially married on our chosen date.
Immediately after we had all our guests lining up to give us envelopes stuffed with cash... which was a surprise. For a blessing ceremony I wouldn't have expected anyone to prepare any money envelopes, so I'm now wondering if my Mum had told everyone before hand that it was actually going to be a wedding.
The rest of the day was a bit of a blur, partly because of the shock and partly because we were constantly being pulled in all directions for photos so hardly got to eat anything.
2 days later and OH is still fuming at the lack of respect for our wishes. I've realised that being upset isn't going to change anything and we should just concentrate on the actual wedding. On the plus side it did bring my extended family a lot closer and I can't remember the last time I saw my Grandad that happy.
So far I've only seen 3 pics, which are in my album if anyone wants to have a look.

Wow. It's such a shame that some people can't respect the bride and groom's wishes. I can see that your mother's faith and traditions are important to her but you seemed to have a fair compromise. At least it's done now and you can focus on your day.

I don't really know what to say but wanted to say something just to let you know I'd read your post! So sorry that your wishes weren't followed, but like you say, at least you can concentrate on your day now and be excited for that xx

when will people realise that the day is about the bride and groon, so sorry you got railroaded into something you didnt want to do. At least it is over now and you can concentrate on your REAL wedding day and you know it isn't legally recognised, and you can put people straight if anyone has anything to say!

Its such a shame that they wouldnt stick to your wishes. Like you say, just focus on the big day and make sure its the day you have dreamed of :)

I hope you don't mind me saying though, you do look gorgeous! Beautiful outfit.

Thanks ladies. OH is still really angry about it and although my Mum thinks avoiding us for a while will help cool off the situation I know it won't be the case. OH just wants my Mum to understand just how disrespected we feel and wants her to apologise. I don't think it'll happen but am so sick of pandering to my Mum (see previous posts) that I'm happy for this to just play out and see what happens. Thankfully we're on holiday for a week from tomorrow with OH's family who can be counted on to always show us love and respect so hopefully that will cheer OH up a bit before he finally gets to talk to my Mum.

Showgirl enjoy your hol x

Oh dear. I hope she does eventually appologise. Im so sorry things happened like that for you. Enjoy your time away.

Well done for keeping calm. I really don't know what else to say tbh :( I'm just sorry that you had to go through it all. Like you say, at least it's not a legally recognised ceremony. Hope you both have a lovely time away to unwind x