Its 69 days until the wedding, and I have a heavy chest and a lump in my throat. I am close to tears most of the time and I cant seem to talk to the mister about it only because I don't want the tears to come out.
why....
My dad won't be there. He died when I was 5. I have lived my whole life with out him. I have had 3 kids that I wish he could meet, but he cant. I am walking down the aisle alone because he cant come. I want him to tell me I look beautiful in my dress, but he won't.
I have a step dad, but I don't want him to do it. I do love him but its not the same.
What am I going to do? Its ridiculous he is dead, its not like he has a choice.
excited alternative bride trying to do things our way!
CommentAuthormillz090
Aw honey, i feel for you. My H2B lost his mum when he was 6 so grew up without her and he feels silly sometimes talking about her as lived his life without her and doesn't have the memories. You need to talk to your H2B and if you cry then there is nothing wrong with that... bottling your feelings wont help as they will burst out at some point so talk to your H2B or your mum and tell them how you feel. xx
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
Oh hun :( lots of hugs coming your way! I cant imagine how you are feeling right now, but I know that my mum was the same as she lost her dad when she was in her 20's so he also wasn't there when she got married. You are going to miss him being there, it is human nature, we want all of our loved ones around us on our wedding day and is it heart braking knowing that there is no way they can be there, especially when it is a parent. But as long as he is in your heart, he will always be there with you. I know that this isn't much help, and nothing will stop you feeling the way you are, but you are not on your own, many brides have to go through these same feelings. But on the day you are marrying the man you love, and you need to concentrate on your life with him. I hope you feel a little better about it soon hun xxxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorOWB
I'm sorry you're upset by this, I can't imagine how hard it is.
Could you maybe incorporate him in some way, perhaps a locket with his picture in your bouquet so that you can see him as you walk down the aisle?
Aww hun firstly I'm sending BIG virtual hugs your way. I know it is upsetting but you need to tell you h2b it doesnt matter about the tears he loves you, I think it would be better to get your feelings out now than leaving them to explode on your wedding day!
However like OWB said can you try and incroprate it into the day somehow? I know it isnt the same but I am for my grandparents. I am having their photos and adams grandparents photos on the cake table. I am also taking my flowers to them as soon as the service has finished. I am placing them on their graves. Also we are getting balloon realsed with a note on for them.
Hope you feel better soon hun, but I think you are right not hving your step dad do it if you dont feel you want that xx
Married my soul mate 22-6-2012
Conceived baby 3 on our wedding day!
Due 15-3-2013 baby will join our two other beauties!
So glad I'm finally a Morgan!
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
Sorry to hear you are feeling very down about this even with it being a long time ago. Totally understandable.
Have you thought about your Mum giving you away? I know it's not the same as it being your Dad, or even one of the children???
Feel better soon, remember he will be watching you!
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorAurora
Thanks every one
I have a silver sixpence in the year of his birth so I can take it down the aisle with me.
I cant really talk to mum she doesn't speak about him and I don't want to upset her. He was the love of her life.
excited alternative bride trying to do things our way!
CommentAuthormillz090
We have the same situation with my H2B's dad - he wont talk about Paul's mum as he is re-married now and it upsets him. So its very hard for my H2B to remember his mum as no-one talks about her to him and we only have 2 pictures. The sixpence is a a lovely idea and he will be watching you anyway xxx
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
CommentAuthormrscookiecrew
oh hunni, i feel for u. i dont know if u believe in god or that he's in heaven but if you do he'll be there and telling you that your beautiful. you'll make him proud hunni x
also wold have been nan and grandads anniversary
CommentAuthorMrs Cerutti2b
I know how you feel, I lost my dad when I was 4, and i'm devastated he wont be able to be there, or meet his grandchildren etc. But I know he's looking over me, I often go and talk to him, if i'm feeling down or lonely. I don't know if its possible for you, but I go and sit by his graveside and tell him whats happening in my life, and like to keep him updated. So I feel like i'm keeping him apart of my life. I'm also planning on taking my bouquet and placing it on his grave after the day. Maybe see if your H2B will mention him in his speech? to make sure people know he's still an important part of your day. Think the six pence with his birth year on is a lovely touch. Have you spoken to you H2B about it, i'm sure he'll be understand, and maybe if you have a cry about it, it will make you feel better. Sometimes there is nothing better than having a good weep. xx
CommentAuthorLeighS
I had a step dad who was there for as long as can remember. He gave me away when I got married the first time as my Mum and Dad don't talk so my Dad felt he shouldn't come. My step dad had a few tears when I asked him to give me away and was more nervous than I have ever seen him. Sadly we lost him in 2003 and now I am getting married again it feels wrong he won't be there. My real Dad is giving me away but doesn't want to sit at the top table or make a speech. I still wish my step dad were here and be able to take his place with the rest of the family. A huge gap that will never be filled. Do you not want to ask your mum to give you away? It is not always the father's that do it. My heart is with you, I know how I feel that I can't have all the loved ones that have passed away but in my heart they will always stay.
CommentAuthorAurora
Thanks.
My mum giving me away isn't an option. We are not that close. My boys and daughter are walking with the brides maids.
I don't believe in god or heaven, and I don't go to the grave site because he isn't there. Its just earth and bones to me. I am just going to walk by myself with my head high. He will be there in all our thoughts.
excited alternative bride trying to do things our way!
CommentAuthorLiz3yy
edited
I know exactly how you feel hun, my Dad died 3 years ago and we lost Mum in January this year..... I feel fine about it at the moment but I just know that closer to our wedding next year it'll start getting to me. H2B will mention both my parents in his speech on the day which I am sure will set me off too, but I am prepared for that.
I did decide that I would walk down the aisle alone but then my Dads brother offered to give me away which I have accepted. It makes sense as he is the closest person I have left to Dad and he looks the spitting image of him!
You're not being ridiculous at all, all girls dream of the day they walk down the aisle with their Dad looking after them. It will be hard on the day for you be chin up, Dad will be looking after you in some way wherever he is
Can't wait until the day I become Mrs. Johnson :)
CommentAuthorLeighS
I wish you all the best on your day and i'm sure you walking up the isle on your own would make your Father proud. Hold your head up high and enjoy your day as much as you can. He will be there with you hun as you are part of him.
CommentAuthormtwi
Oh yes - lots of hugs. My cousin's dad passed away many years ago when she was little and for her wedding she had a candle made with a photo of the two of them on it and lit it to show they were all there together (pix in my album cause he meant so much to me too). She keeps the candle on her mantle piece still to this day and her children get to know him through stories. If you are not close to your mum or she doesn't want to speak about it maybe speaking about it to your step dad (not sure how close you are or how long he has been in your lives) but perhaps he could see where both you and your mum are coming from and at least he will be there for you and could be your dad's fill in - if you talk about it that way. But you will never go down the isle on your own even if you decide to as you will be flanked by the people you care about the most surrounding you the whole way! Huge wishes for your wedding day.
Engaged after 11 years on a surprise trip to Bruges 12Oct11
And not waiting a year longer! Getting married 11Oct12
CommentAuthorAurora
edited
Thanks for all the advice ladies. I really wont feel comfortable with my mum taking me up the aisle. She wasn't there for me when my ex was abusing me. She wasn't there when I was so low that I spent all my days in bed and stopped eating. She wasn't there for me at any point in my life.I am going to walk up by myself. Just like I have walked myself through life. I am going to walk head held high towards my wonderful husband and my new wonderful life full of support and love and warmth!!
excited alternative bride trying to do things our way!
CommentAuthorAurora
oh and my hubby gave me some super lovely cuddles :)
excited alternative bride trying to do things our way!
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Glad your H2B has given you cuddles hun. Reading this thread has brought a tear to my eye (I'm rather emotional at the moment anyway). Sending you a big hug, your dad will be there with you in your heart and you can take comfort knowing that he will be so proud of you xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorShirleygirly
I don't have any suggestions I just wanted to say how awful I feel for you. Most of us take it for granted that our Dads will be there we forget there are those of us who aren't lucky enough to have both or even any parents there on the big day. My thoughts and hugs go out to you all. x
I can't wait until 29/06/2013
The day I marry the man of my dreams!
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
hun i an a grief and bereavement counsellor so if i can help in any way please just shout ....what you are feeling now is so normal , you are grieving babe and that fact that you were so young when your dad passed away means that all those feelings that were around then have surfaced ow at a important moment in your life ... if you get on with your minister please go and chat with them and LET THE TEARS OUT they are natures safety valve. Do mm a favour and write a letter to your dad telling him everything to want to say ... if you are cross that he isn't there for you put that and dont feel guilty about it you have a right to be cross
if you ever want to chat just drop me A line and i will help you any way i can
I am not religious so don't have a minister to talk to. But my OH is there for me, I know its wouldn't be a problem talking to him, we don't keep anything from each other and have a very open caring sharing relationship. very
I got really upset with his sister( dad is very much alive and kicking but lives and hour from her) and she was moaning on the phone to me that I don't understand what its like to not have my dad close when I need him. When I pointed out he was dead she said it wasn't the same!! So needless to say I had to end the conversation.
Thanks xxx
excited alternative bride trying to do things our way!
