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Wedding Forum - I just need to rant where it can't be seen...

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  1.  
    • VikkiH53
      CommentAuthorVikkiH53
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 30th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I never thought I would need to vent a rant through words but over this weekend I now feel the need!

    I am by far a bridezilla, and with bridesmaids throughout the UK I have been very understanding that I cannot see my girls together and in fact even in person. We have done bridesmaid dress trying on through post and pictures and have been discussing shoes, hair etc through the joys of social media. Bank Holiday Monday my MIL bought me to tears (and that takes a lot!) by saying that because I hadn't taken the new bridesmaid dress round to my SIL's it felt that we didn't want her to be bridesmaid (oo sorry for having too much on my mind and just simply forgetting when we went round Easter Sunday, the two previous weekends myself and H2B were poorly). She said "wouldn't it have been nice to get all the bridesmaids together to try on the dress". I'm like don't you think that's what I would love! But it's physically not possible and I there is a possibility I won't even get them all together for my hen do because of people's distance and work commitments.

    This really upset me as I have been struggling with having no one (apart from SIL but it's harder to bounce ideas off her) nearby to have girlie shopping days and just bore them with wedding stuff. MIL also said the same to H2B about getting the men to go together to Debs and get measured. she doesn't seem to understand that it's only for sizing and that the trying on comes a week before the wedding, that all bar one will be there for.

    And then, on top of this, SIL gets really annoyed that we've invited her father in law (our brother in laws dad and partner). Now we new they weren't on best terms as he doesn't spend time with his grandchildren but more time with his new partner and her grandchildren but it has come to light that it's actually more than that and the new partner has been quite horrible to SIL. Now I've told her that we'll see what we can do, if we knew things were that bad (the family is useless at communication and this has caused problems at least over the 9 years I've been on the seen) we wouldn't have invited him. However if we do un-invite him the repercussions will be on SIL and that's probably worse than them having to see them for the evening do. It's all mind games and I can't cope.

    If my family weren't spending thousands of pounds to come over from USA for the day even I would consider going to Cornwall and getting it done in secret but I don't want to know have the day of my dreams because of the H2B family.

    SIL has this horrible "hold" on my H2B that whenever she texts his mood drops and it's becoming harder to pick him up. His comment when this all happened was that he can't think of many happy times we've had that haven't been tarnished by his family. This upset me as I thought you got married to continue the good, happy times. Being married won't stop them ruining it, and I just don't want it to affect the day. I said to H2B we wouldn't set a date until he had sorted things with his family. Things have been ok now for just about a year, with the special date set as 10 years to the day we met, I don't want these last three months to tarnish my wedding planning that I'm already stressing over.

    Anyway, sorry to rant, I just needed to get it off my chest, somewhere where they wouldn't read it.
  2.  
    • Glitterfairy
      CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Mar 30th 2016
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Sorry to hear you are having to have a rant.

    As you say, sil never mentioned the fact that she does not get on switch her fil and partner. Maybe at the start she should have mentioned it to you.

    Going back to what your oh said about they always mess good times up, I honestly think that you both need to get them together, and tell them straight, there is nobody going to ruin your day at all and you'd prefer it if they ensured this happened, and if they cannot then don't come. Simples. My bils daughters do not speak to him, they came to the wedding, they were informed not to start any trouble at all. They never did thankfully,

    Members signature icon
    Our wedding day - 6 October 2012


  3.  
    • LeanneR0186
      CommentAuthorLeanneR0186
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 30th 2016
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    Aw I am sorry you are having a rubbish time. Isn't it terrible that such a happy time came raise so many family issues. Our wedding hasn't been without a few either.

    Take a big deep breath and let the dust settle, things always seem worse at first. I personally wouldn't say anything to the family I would leave that to OH, could he maybe talk to his dad and explain how you both feel? The last thing you want is to make the situation worse, however it's your day and you should do what you want. xx

    Members signature icon
    The Richardson's 31/12/16


  4.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Mar 30th 2016
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    Sorry you're having such a tough time. You could still get the dress round to your SIL in person to try to smooth things over. Maybe try taking her for a coffee or something as well as a gesture of friendship. You shouldn't have to, but if it calms things down then it might be worth it. As for the FIL, ultimately it is your choice. You can certainly explain that you didn't know how bad things were, and say that you will try to set things up so that they can stay away from each other. Un-inviting him is of course an option, but will have all sorts of consequences. I hope things cool down.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  5.  
    • KirstyR386
      CommentAuthorKirstyR386
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Mar 30th 2016
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Sorry to hear you're having a tough time with OHs family. I think speaking with your OH and them together so you can explain how you feel and that no one will ruin your day. They need to understand what they say upsets you and thats not fair. X
  6.  
    • Mrs T Hurley!
      CommentAuthorMrs T Hurley!
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Mar 30th 2016
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    I can't offer any advice that hasn't already been said. Just wanted to say that I hope things get better for you. x

    Members signature icon
    Met 18/09/03
    Engaged 06/09/08
    Getting married 05/09/17
  7.  
    • VikkiH53
      CommentAuthorVikkiH53
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 1st 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks all, much appreciated.

    My oh contacted his sister re an idea for our nephews birthday and all seems OK.

    I contacted his mum about going with me and my mum to look for outfits tomorrow and she has said yes and contacted my oh. Fingers crossed its come out in the wash for the time being anyway!
  8.  
    • VikkiH53
      CommentAuthorVikkiH53
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 11th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Only me again! Took sister in laws bridesmaid dress to her on Saturday before we went to see Footloose in the local town with mother in law. Had a great night.

    Then got a text the next morning saying dress = :( *thumbs down*

    I asked her whether it was too big or too small. She said poor fit and that if she saw it in the shop she wouldn't buy it.

    I went over and saw her in it and I can see what she means but I think she just needs a bigger size (already bought her a bigger size than initially got her). She basically said she rather not be bridesmaid if she had to wear the dress. I told her not to be silly as we wanted her to be bridesmaid for a reason.

    I've offered to pay for any alterations on the dress to make her feel comfortable and I'm letting all bridesmaids choose their own shoes and how to have their hair and make up - I'm far from brideszilla.

    I just can't believe she's being like this, well actually yes I can - she always causes havoc when myself and her brother (my h2b) are centre of attention.

    I think I'm just going to hope she's got pmt and calms down, my worry is that her mum will take her side and push back on getting something else, but with 5 other bridesmaids all throughout the uk it's not possible. Plus these dresses were a bargain and saving us tonnes of money and I like them.

    Trying not to let it bother me, if she decides to not be bridesmaid she'll look silly as most people know she's bridesmaid.

    Grrrrrr....so glad my h2b is very different to the rest of his family!
  9.  
    • StephH96
      CommentAuthorStephH96
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 11th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Maybe you should just call her bluff if she's being that awkward. At the end of the day it's your wedding and she will only show herself up if she chooses not to be bridesmaid.
  10.  
    • Elinor Claire
      CommentAuthorElinor Claire
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Apr 12th 2016
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    I would agree, I think offering to pay for alterations is a fair compromise. If that isn't enough for her then call her bluff, as if all the other bridesmaids are happy with the dress, it's unreasonable to have to try to change everything. If she isn't bothered enough about being a bridesmaid that she won't wear it even after it's altered then that's her decision.

    Members signature icon
    30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
    It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.

  11.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 14th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I agree with Elinor and Steph, call her bluff. She seems to be being unreasonable and selfish about everything and doesnt seem to care about being a bridesmaid. Either wear it or don't be a bridesmaid, you dont need the hassle hun.
    Also sometimes it feels good to vent, that's what we're here for, to listen and to offer advice!! :-)

    Weddings really do bring the worst out in some people, xx

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  12.  
    • VikkiH53
      CommentAuthorVikkiH53
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Apr 15th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    :) thanks everyone, really appreciate it :)

    I'm definitely intending to call her bluff, so we shall see. But know that I definitely can't cope with the stress...my countdown clock says there is 70 days left and my to do list is HUGE. Had this week off and only done one wedding related thing to try and ease my stress levels.

    Yeah I thought I was doing well without anything causing a rift but I spoke too soon!
 
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