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Wedding Forum - I dont know how to feel...

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  1.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 24th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    My OH has never given me cause for concern when it comes to being faithful but in the last few months hes become quite neglectful of us, if anybody read my last post you will realise how sad im feeling at the moment.
    When at the start of year we started to discuss Stag do and Hen nights etc, we had a really good conversation. At the time I didnt want a hen but OH wanted me to because he really wanted a stag and didnt want to feel guilt about it. So we compromised on a night out and a possible over night stay.
    I planned my hen with two weeks as per our agreement.
    Hes been dragging out his stag for months, he wanted to go cliff scrambling and have a night over somewhere in Wales, which was a happy compromise for us both. I am not the type to get fussy about strippers either as men are like children when they get together so I knew itd be kind of harmless fun.
    His "mates" which is a term i really want to use loosely at the min have badgered him and badgered him about a stag do abroad for months, which he knew I wasnt happy with. With the wedding budget being so low and the fact when he has a drink he drinks to the point where he cannot stand straight and the thought of him abroad completely plastered made me feel sick with nerves.
    Two nights ago, after months of talking to his mates until midnight he turns around to me and tells me he wants me to talk to his friend to see what theyre planning because theyve just opted not to wait for him to decide and book something and take it upon themselves to sort it out.
    So I talk to his friend and tell them what OH wanted for his stag, with the belief that this was something he really wanted where his friend then starts to make me out as a liar because apparently OH has been agreeing to going abroad during their nightly talks.
    So I get emotional, sadness already there this just tipped me over the edge, not only has my OH lied to me and completely gone against anything we talked about but hes put me in an awkward position with his mates who now think of me as the controlling woman in his life who wont let him do anything,
    Then only last night he informs me he's going to Greece- Corfu i believe and hes having three nights and two full days there, on the phone to me not to my face and in front of his mates. I was pressured to agree with it.
    I foolishly google where hes going and lo and behold its like some party boy location with booze cruises and drinking games.

    His "best man" term again used loosely is a horrible horrible man. Since I met OH 12 years ago he has continued to ruin our relationship, telling OH stuff like im a cheat and trying to flirt with me online in order to get some sort of rise out of me.... not to mention calling me a fat (C WORD) only 5 years ago.
    I already cannot stand this man but I let OH have him as a best man as some sort of gift, if you will, for my OH because it seemed like it meant something to him.

    So now im left with my OH going to some tacky party location for three drunken nights with a best man who cannot be trusted to keep my OH devoted to me. Maybe devoted is the wrong word. OH is easily pressured into stuff from fear of being called a few choice words and under the thumb etc. Im scared he'll be pushed into something when hes drunk, again strippers are not an issue. But Ive seen these shos when men are drinking alcohol from between a womans breasts and pretending to hump them for a shot.

    When i aired my views with OH about how upset im feeling hes just dropped this on me, he acts like i should just get over it. He never puts my mind at ease, I feel really annoyed and hurt.
    Am I over reacting? I dont know what to think.

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  2.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 24th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I am totally sorry for the length of this post.

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  3.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 24th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    wow, i would so not be happy about this and i am totally with you. guys take their stags way too far these days, what happened to a night out in town?. If this was my H2B i would not be ok with it and i actually like his friends so i cannot imagine how you are feeling. Even mates aside i think it's pretty selfish to spend that amount of money on a hen/stag (unless both are ok with it) i would much rather it go towards honeymoon or something for the two of you entering married life. from the sounds of it talking to him really wouldn't help, honestly i feel so sorry for you and the position he has put you in

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    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  4.  
    • CommentAuthorNicolaB7220
      Posted: Jun 24th 2016
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    Oh Stephanie, I am so sorry he's done this and made you feel this way. I can see why you're upset about it and I think it's quite right too. I think you need to have a serious chat with him and explain how it's made you feel and that it's not the best start to married life.

    I really hope he realises what he's doing. It sounds like he needs to 'man up' where his friends are concerned and tell them that you come first, no matter what they say about that xx
  5.  
    • JordanG99
      CommentAuthorJordanG99
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 24th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Oh Hun I really feel for you and completely understand why you're feeling so down - I would be too! One thing that struck me when reading this is that I know you're unhappy because he lied about where he's going, but is there also more to it? You say that he gives in to peer pressure; are you worrying about what he might do whilst he's away? I guess what I'm trying to say is do you trust him? It's also naughty of his friends too! He has agreed to marry you and they should respect that rather than getting him to potentially do stupid things for 'banter'.

    I agree with Nicola, I think you need to have a good chat with him about everything. If he is man enough to ask you to spend the rest of your life with him then he also should be man enough to tell his friends that too. Good luck lovely, I hope you get it sorted xx
  6.  
    • AnikaM60
      CommentAuthorAnikaM60
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 24th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I agree with jordan and nicola. You need a good long chat. I dont think your overreacting at all. Especially since this has prompted him to lie and the money would be coming out the wedding budget. I would be feeling down too. I swear men really dont know why things are a big deal to us unless you say things so simply and usually more than once before they get it. You know he loves you and i hope you can come to the right decision for you both. Good luck huni
  7.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 25th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I trust him 99.9%.
    On his 30th this January I planned a surprise party for him, loads of people showed up etc and got him absolutely wasted. I had spent so much time organising everything by myself I wound up with flu because id been so worked up with it all, I hung around to the end of the night because he was a mess.
    Yelling at everyone at how much he loved them and wanted to give them an individual speech each, it was awkward but I let him roll with it.
    By midnight everyone had gone and his "best mates" where left, my OH was being dragged into a taxi to arry on his drinking session in town. By that time he could hardly stand up but they kept saying theyd make him throw up and carry on.
    I was fuming that theyd try to do that to him, so they abandoned me and my drunk OH and I was left to literally carry him home by myself. I got him home- I cant even remember how I did it and he threw up spectacularly all over the bathroom, bath toilet floor and walls before literally crawling to bed because he couldnt get up.

    Times that by three nights in a foreign country not to mention his "best man" is involved this time. The man who has continually tried to break us up for 12years.
    I went out last night, I didnt tell him where I was going I just went out with the girls and left him with the children. It felt good to look back and see him have a slight sense of panic. Today hes out with his friend on his bike so maybe when he gets in I will try and talk to him again, but yesterday he could tell I was peed off and told me to "go home and think about what your saying to me" like I was a child.

    I'm venting, my apologies. This whole situation has really riled me up.

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  8.  
    • Emmilou82
      CommentAuthorEmmilou82
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 25th 2016
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    Don't apologise for venting.... That's what we are here for.

    I don't really know what advice to give you that will make you feel any better. I would too be p1ssed off especially with the best mate being a d1ck!!

    What I am going to say and please, it's only my views, not everyone will agree and I respect that but, I whittled myself over OHs stag over the potential what ifs and I made myself really poorly and became a person I didn't recognise.... It was awful but you know what? He went out, got drunk and came home..... Nothing bad happened, him and loads of mates had a great laugh, got blind drunk and just had fun......

    Try and relax a little bit, definitely talk to your OH, your OH loves you or else you wouldn't be getting married, I'm sure your OH wouldn't jeopardise your marriage on his stag but I know these things go round in your head, they did me!

    Talk to him, calmly xx good luck xx

    Members signature icon
    Marrying 'The One' on 30th July 2016
    I am now Mrs Emma Stokoe xx

  9.  
    • KimberleyR93
      CommentAuthorKimberleyR93
      Posted: Jun 26th 2016
     
    So sorry your feeling like this he really should understand how this makes you feel and respect your wishes.

    I personally am okay with my other half going abroad for his stag do. I think you need to trust him n trust that he loves you. I mean his getting married to you.

    I do think that the way he has gone about it is all wrong and hurtful. There was no need to lie. Your concerns are valid by the sounds of his best mate. I would not be happy if my partners so called best mate was sagging me off and trying to cause us problems. I think you need to try and talk to him and get him to understand where u are coming from. He may suprise you. Maybe even come up with an alternate idea that he would be happy with??

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    We met.
    We fell in love.
    25/11/2017 we become man and wife <3
  10.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 27th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I do trust him, I don't trust his "best man".

    I foolishly watched those horrible bbc three shows where the parents follow their kids on those horrible holidays and it made me feel worse.

    Its been a whole week now and he wont even talk to me to make me feel better, I feel like im constantly the one who has to make efforts and make him happy and not get anything in return.

    I cant change his plans as its booked, nor would I want too, I just feel all he has to do is apologise to me and I could look beyond him leaving me and his children behind to go to some singles location with the boys.
    Im really hurting, I dont know wether its the stress of the wedding or something else.

    Thanks for your advice ladies, after a week of constant bickering Ive asked him to come home late so I can get the kids to bed. Just going to sit down and talk and get to the bottom of this.

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  11.  
    • NicoleW665
      CommentAuthorNicoleW665
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 27th 2016
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    glad he's going to sit down and talk it out with you, hope it goes well x

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    When we met: August 2009
    When we announced engagement: December 2015
    When we will get married: September 2017
  12.  
    • CommentAuthorSamanthaW362
      Posted: Jun 28th 2016
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    agree with Nicole, i am with you
  13.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2016
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    So yesterday I went in with a cool head on, we sat down and went over everything.
    Unfortunately for me I am the one who always backs down so I plastered on my smile and im trying desperately not to google all the antics that goes on at these places.

    I just have to not think about it and I know I'll get through it, Id hate him going away with me feeling sour about the whole thing.
    We made up. Twice.
    So now it's just a countdown until this weekend, I just have to think- In three weeks it'll all be over with.
    (Despite all of a sudden an extra night being added on to this stag which he failed to mention I just have to grin and bear it I guess)

    Good grief im just glad I have you ladies! xxxx

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  14.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2016
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    aww honey so sorry you were down, to be honest i would of felt the same and i'm not ashamed to admit i would of thrown the mother of all temper tantrums at this so you handled it all better than what i would of done. I know what you mean about trusting your h2b but not his friends i have the same issue. My fella is heading out in august on a lads only holiday to ibiza! i felt like i had to let him go so reluctantly agreed but im am dreading it as i know what all the 'friends' are like, also im slightly peed off as i've never been aloud to go for a lady's holiday (not that i have really wanted to but he has been vocal whenever he has heard my female friends say about holidays stating i can't go, if i go he will split up with me etc i dont think he would i reckon he says it to try sway my decision to one he wants haha) Everyone knows of the ibiza stories so i'm just trying to not think of it.

    glad you managed to make up x

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    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

  15.  
    • StephanieM158
      CommentAuthorStephanieM158
      Got married 4 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2016
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    Me either Danielle, ive already started planning my girls holiday though. He said "fine" through gritted teeth.

    Members signature icon
    Met 2004
    Engaged 2014
    Getting Married 2016
  16.  
    • DanielleG93
      CommentAuthorDanielleG93
      Got married 3 years ago
      Posted: Jun 28th 2016
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    what a fab idea! i might have to plan one too x

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    Mrs Barlow to-be
    2nd September 2017

 
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