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Wedding Forum - Hurting BM's Feelings :(...

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  1.  
    • KayleighS46
      CommentAuthorKayleighS46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 11th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Long story short - one of my BM has done a make up course (and passed) and has now assumed she's doing my make up for the wedding. Now i'm very fair skinned and fair hair and I never wear make up on a day to day basis - only when going out. She however wears its all day every day which is fine, just not something I'd do.

    Shes done my make up on a few occasions and I've always ended up with a different colour face, you can see every single dent/wrinkle and i end up taking it off and doing it myself - discreetly as not to hurt her feelings. I've tried to tell her I want more natural make up but the she thinks what shes doing is natural - it might be to someone with darker skin but not me?!

    I saw her a few days ago and of course she started talking about the wedding and different ideas shes got for my big day. In the nicest way possible I told her that i didnt want her to do my make up and made up a story that the hair dresser i'm using gives us a discount if we use them both - her face - oh my god I've never felt like such a cow in my whole life. She used the words 'disappointment' and a lot of sighing - in order to avoid a full on row and to keep her happy i asked if she could do the rest of my BM's make up instead. It seemed very bitter sweet when she accepted but now I've thought about it more - i dont want my BM's full of slap looking orange and having different coloured heads to their bodies....

    How do i keep her sweet and on board as she is a good friend of mine but she can get over sensitive sometimes regarding things like this and theres too much going on for me to worry about her too... any ideas? xx

    Met 2013
    Propsed 2014
    Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
    always & forever xxx
  2.  
    • AprilS61
      CommentAuthorAprilS61
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 11th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Could you try something along the lines of you'd like you and all your BMs to have it done professionally (as in a salon) as a last bit of a pamper/treat to start your big day? And her not having to worry about rushing and you can all enjoy the run up to day together with your champagne and strawbs? X

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  3.  
    • VictoriaL46
      CommentAuthorVictoriaL46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 11th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    Say to her that you're not wanting a BM rushing around trying to get everyone sorted when you want them all to relax and be pampered for the day.

    We had turn one of our friends down who was keen to be the photographer but we insisted that we want them IN the photo's not taking them.

    Members signature icon
    Met in Nov 2005
    Engaged 13th June 2013
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  4.  
    • KayleighS46
      CommentAuthorKayleighS46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 11th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks for your replies!

    Sadly i did say to her that I didnt want her to have to rush to do my make-up, and then her own etc etc - she didnt give me chance to finish she just cut me up by saying 'mine will already be done and i want to do yours' its not guna be easy :( xx

    Met 2013
    Propsed 2014
    Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
    always & forever xxx
  5.  
    • CommentAuthorMrsRobson2Be
      Posted: Jul 11th 2014
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    You have 22 months to go, there is no point worrying about this now, you'll just get yourself worked up!!
  6.  
    • JennK
      CommentAuthorJennK
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 11th 2014
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    Yes as above, plenty of time to sort these details out :)

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    Our perfect day - 08.08.15 <3


  7.  
    • Whovianbride
      CommentAuthorWhovianbride
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 11th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    When she did your make up before was it before or after she did her course. One of my BMS are doing my make up but we're going shopping together to pick out the make up so it is the right shade for my skin.

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    Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
    together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
    August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
    Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
  8.  
    • clairenina
      CommentAuthorclairenina
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Jul 11th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I would have to tactfully just say I'd rather do my own. I am fair blonde with white eyebrows, and don't like anyone doing mine. I just have to be firm, yet polite and tell people I enjoy doing my own, and prefer the outcome (even if other people do a very good job)
  9.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 11th 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    If she's done the course recently, surely they've trained her properly so she should be better at it now? Could u not get her to do a trial run and if ya don't like the look of it on your bridesmaids, just explain something like it's not gonna go with the theme of the wedding x

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  10.  
    • ElizabethF49
      CommentAuthorElizabethF49
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 11th 2014
      Ticker backgroundIs poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadgeTicker foreground
     
    You could tell a white lie if it made you feel better and say someone else has booked the make up artist for you and your bms as a gift (that would only work though if you were paying for your bms makeup) I don't it with my friend who was desperate to make our cake but she had never make a wedding cake before and as much as I love her cakes it would stress me out big time and if it wasn't right I felt I couldn't say anything, so I said my sister booked my cake as a wedding gift (hangs head in shame)

    Members signature icon
    After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
    Our son is 5 years old and our world
    Getting married 15.08.15.
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  11.  
    • KayleighS46
      CommentAuthorKayleighS46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 12th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thats very true guys i know i have a while to go yet I'll try and not let it get to me lol!! and she did my make up 2 weeks ago as a 'trail' and i looked like an umpa lumpa! H2b said 'please dont say shes doing your make up'!!! lol i just dont want to hurt her feelings and i know as soon as i say i dont want her too she'll throw a paddy - more then likely stop talking to me - i know it would be 1 less BM to pay for but i want her there, been friends for near on 10 years now!! but thank you for all your comments :) means a lot xx

    Met 2013
    Propsed 2014
    Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
    always & forever xxx
  12.  
    • InDreamland
      CommentAuthorInDreamland
      Got married 8 years ago
      Posted: Jul 12th 2014
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    She needs to understand, your wedding, you decide what you want. Others really need to learn to respect the bride and groom's decisions about their wedding day.

    Just tell her you've decided it's better for everyone and your nerves on the day that you pay someone who is not part of the wedding to get all hair and makeup done but if she wants to do her own that's fine.

    Members signature icon
    Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
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  13.  
    • WelshBrideBethan2015
      CommentAuthorWelshBrideBethan2015
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 12th 2014
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    You do have a while yet but can understand the awkward issue is raising it's head now :) If she does bring it up again explain as she is part of the wedding you want her to be relaxed and pampered too by having a day off from work . :)

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    Somehow always connected , finally became friends .
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    Engaged 6th July 2013
    <3 <3 Married my best friend 11/7/2015 <3 <3
  14.  
    • *KelBel*
      CommentAuthor*KelBel*
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Jul 12th 2014
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    Yeah u do have a while so tbh she could get lots better at what she does and she must realise with this course what suits ppl and what doesn't ... Otherwise it wasn't a very good course was it x

    Members signature icon
    Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
    Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
    Became Mrs Macdonald 13th September 2014
    Mummy to 4 girlies and baby blue boy Due 10/05/2016
  15.  
    • KayleighS46
      CommentAuthorKayleighS46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Jul 14th 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    thanks guys i'm just avoiding all conversations about it at the moment lol!!! KelBel - shes already completed the course back last year so shes already been fully trained and the course has ended lol! hopefully she can find another friend to practise on to get better lol!! xx

    Met 2013
    Propsed 2014
    Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
    always & forever xxx
  16.  
    • CommentAuthorWelshbride
      Posted: Jul 14th 2014
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    Sorry but is acting like a bit of a child. It's your day, not hers.

    I would just avoid all talk of it, book what you want then say you just thought it'd be easier/nice for you all to be pampered etc and finish with it's booked and paid for and leave it at that. If she throws a tantrum / guilt trip she's not much of a friend.

    The last thing you want to be doing on your big day is trying to fix it up yourself without hurting her feelings because she guilt tripped you into letting her do it.
  17.  
    • CommentAuthorPunkpixi3
      Posted: Aug 19th 2014
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    This exact thing has happened to me, the way I have got round it is I have told her my mum has paid for us all to go to a makeup artist as a treat and its all booked and paid for. My friend was fine with it when I said it was all paid for :) x
  18.  
    • barbie86
      CommentAuthorbarbie86
      Got married 7 years ago
      Posted: Aug 21st 2014
      Is poweruserJust marriedBadgeBadge
     
    I agree with InDreamland; it's your day, so, tough. Simply tell her that you don't want to be stressed on the day and that it will be stressful to you having a member of your BP doing the make-up, and so you've booked and paid for someone else to do it, though obv she's welcome to do her own.

    Honestly, the time flew when we were getting ready and it was getting having professionals in (they just did mine and my mum's, BMs did their own). Everything took longer than anticipated and I would have been SO on edge if one of them had been doing mine/anyone else's. I just wanted to relax as much as possible.

    I also agree though that you have lots of time still to go, so only discuss it if she brings it up, and just be firm. If need be, tell a white lie and say it's already booked.
  19.  
    • CommentAuthorMidgetGem89
      Posted: Aug 21st 2014
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    ask her to do a trial run first maybe and suggest supplying a few of your own ie foundation etc. that way you pick the shade and colours u want and u have thr makeup to keep after

    a family friend is doing mine but she is doing trial first and kindly said if its not what i want we start from scratch or she would just be happy to give me tips on how to do it better and to make it last.. she suggested i supply some things as skin tones are all different and if i chose to do it myself id have some decent makeup for that and after so we r all going shopping about feb time to get me some makeup. she will be using some of hers too as she had a salon and does bridal makeup quite alot but its not a business anymore for her just a hobby.. i prefer my own stuff. shes recomended stuff to me which i got and im glad she did.
  20.  
    • KayleighS46
      CommentAuthorKayleighS46
      Got married 5 years ago
      Posted: Aug 23rd 2014
      Just marriedBadgeBadge
     
    Thanks for all your comments guys it really does mean a lot. Well its weird since I said about her not doing my make up she rarely even bothers with me now. Infact as it stands at the moment I havent spoken to her in weeks and havent seen her in over a month. At this rate she wont even be a bridesmaid!! lol!!

    I've realised I've just got to stop being soft - end of the day your all right - its my day not anyone elses and as long as me and H2b are happy thats all that matters! :D

    xx

    Met 2013
    Propsed 2014
    Will Be Mrs Brookes 2016
    always & forever xxx
  21.  
    • Velcro
      CommentAuthorVelcro
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 24th 2014
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    if she has fallen out with you over that then i think id be questioning having her as a bridesmaid as well. that is not the way friends act just because she isnt getting her own way

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  22.  
    • AmandaK74
      CommentAuthorAmandaK74
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 25th 2014
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    I agree with Velcro

    met 11th December 2010
    engaged 2nd August 2013
    getting married to the love of my life 11th july 2015
  23.  
    • MrsBull2B
      CommentAuthorMrsBull2B
      Got married 6 years ago
      Posted: Aug 25th 2014
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    I would definately have a few trial runs, by the time the wedding omes, she will have had alot more experience x

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    Met 5th Sept 2005
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